Saturday, February 10, 2018

on becoming my mother

I officially realized today that I am my mother's child trying to do all things and I'm not capable.  Sure, I can keep the traditions alive and pass on the memorabilia but it's been two years and I'm tired.  She doesn't speak to me very often but Daddy is there everyday in the song of a bird or a sunrise or a new flower.  Currently I have one crocus and some pitiful buttercups.  On the south bank, of course.

This is not my house.  I've been a renter for 30 years, most of which was under my Daddy's direction.  The last five years of that is too complicated to explain but if you know me...you know the story.  It was like being on call 24/7 shared among three caregivers who had day jobs.  The whole thing unraveled when Daddy had a wreck on the bypass with his newly purchased Toyota truck.  That was when the license and keys went away and we started being the delivery service.  

I felt my age, and my mother's frustration, as I toddled into yet another doctor's office yesterday.  My girls showed up about six for a short visit bearing mexican food and that little dumpling of a babygirl.  She needed a bath so we did that in the kitchen sink after a dinner of fruit which she gobbled up.  We ate in shifts, me first....and then settled in for our favorite thing which is baby snuggle.  While Lauren was doing her taxes me and Baby Reaves crawled under the covers for our thing.  She was tired enough to pass out after a bottle so it was quiet and sacred.  Lauren came and joined us for the other half of the baby sammich.   It didn't last long but it was glorious.  Everything I had  as far as baby gear is gone to their house so I'm gonna' have to shop for another seat so she can sit up like a big girl when she's here.  

I don't really understand how Trump can block the release of a rebuttal memo to the big hoorah investigation but I guess his executive powers allow him to.  He's going to do anything he can to ignore the dems so there you go.  My mother used to LIVE for the Olympics and she's enjoying the winter games in a heavenly place.  Me, not so much.  Especially after hearing about all the abuse that gymnasts and others endured.

It's gloomy and dreary.  Good day to hibernate ^j^


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