Monday, December 1, 2014

all i want for christmas is you

It is done and Memaw is snug in her recliner down the road probably listening to holiday tunes if she has her way. I met with the care plan team today and they pulled it together right quick like so I had time to eat a sandwich during my lunch break. I got a teary call last night when she realized that she's a "drug addict" and it took all the cajones I had not to LOL. Serious stuff for a good Southern lady, dontcha' know. I remember once when my youngest brother and I got into a convo with her about ganja and you would have thought we were running away to join the circus or something otherwise shocking. One of their big disappointments in me was my rage against the Vietnam war. God bless 'murka and all that.

It's cold again but we're saving on electricity by not running the air in December. Win, win as long as there are oil heaters. My financial reckoning is coming along as I reach out to those I owe and honor the contracts that I have made. That list now also includes my therapist and the florist PLUS propane guy. They won't sue me but it's a matter of honor and we all know that's what I try to be about. Well, that and being a slouch. I can't tell you the last time I wore makeup, much less jewelry. When you get this worn down, it just doesn't matter if you look cute. I'm happily listening to Christmas music myself and basking in the idea of a totally non-commercial Advent season. Jesus would like do that, I think.

I've been in love so many times it ain't even funny and even married one that didn't work out after the child raising was done. He was a hard working man and excellent father and still stands tall in her eyes and mine. Six years sober is something to be proud of. I talked to one ethereal friend at length yesterday about mamas and daughters and letting go and have an appointment with yet another for a sorely needed shoulder treatment. And then there's a Jackson run on Thursday and back to the sawmill for five more. At least I don't have to work 12 hours.

Most of the other guys I've loved have been the ones I've met at work. I won't begin to name names here but they ranged in (my age) from 26 to 59. One of the middle and more spiritual ones made a point of telling me that if you become a part of someone's life in a way that family is involved it's forever. Otherwise? Not so much. There was this one guy who drove miles to see me and we spent time doing what we loved out in the country yet he's got a wife and claims to be a "sex addict." Give me a break dude. The one I feel sorriest for is Farmer Guy because he just smooth didn't ask for any of it and I went apeshit crazy over him. He did well not to report me as a stalker....just saying. In a way, he was work related too because that's how I met his family. Probably my strangest crush was the first one who was gay and I didn't have a clue. That was waaaayyy back in the day when he was busy messing with my friend Mickey's mind. I was maybe 25ish? Oh lord, ya'll. Don't tell Mama all this until she gets her nerve pills.

BG has been on a grocery run and it's cold up in here so there you go. No matter where? There you are~ME

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