transparency

As luck would have it, my stubborn insistence on finding the inner poopie ended up hurting me in the end. That little girl was pretty sheltered and didn't really see the other side of the spectrum because hey..she lived in the country as the eldest daughter in a Norman Rockwellesque farm family with two younger brothers and a whole lot of co-dependent meddling going on. The big secret was that there was some sort of mental illness which required hospitalization at one time or another for several family members including my grandfather and uncle. Gartley Ramsey in Memphis was one of the scariest looking places in the world during those days and they were both residents at one time or another. There were drugs and guns, but they were hidden too. My uncle Bill actually gave me tokens from the Baird Brewer hospital where I was born when he was on his road to the grave. Thirty six years old and died of liver failure. One year I got stats at Christmas, the next a velvet lined slide box. Another time there was a pair of surgical scissors. I don't know..it was creepy.

More sales of items plus a Christmas/birthday present current with our Nashvegas friend on the vinyl which is always good. I sold the windows right out from under her so there you go. We first met hub (from Alabama, no less) when we went on the Memaw sponsored graduation trip to Sandestin. He is also a veteran of the Iraq war which I respect more than most anything lately. Syria. REALLY??????????????? Doesn't Damascus sound familiar? Anybody got a Bible? I have learned one other thing which is pretty important in the whole scheme of things. People who really love you, I mean like..in the God way,will do whatever it takes to show the love right at the perfect time.

Other than that, I'm silent j^

and starting over

The one singularly beautiful thing about being at the bottom of the heap is that there's nowhere to go but up. Performance improvement in most any area of life is a must and I choose at this point to save my own sanity. There have been no great announcements of intent except to myself, just a subtle letting go of all that has been my life on on this farm. When my baby brother lived down the road we used to drink beer on his porch and talk about the "beginning of the end". What was at one time intended to be a state of the art golf course clubhouse has remained a tiny little 1300 acre parcel of nature surrounded by the river. Awesome is not the word, and Big Ernie is proud except for the spraying and, well. You know how that goes.

Hopefully the trusty old Camry will have a new window before the day's over. We couldn't afford the regulator so it's gonna' be installed without if possible. It won't go up or down, but it will beat the heck out of plastic flapping in the wind. All the folks at church just look at us and smile when I pull up in that loudass redneck looking car. Bless her heart, I bet is what they're thinking. I used to judge people like that and it hurts my own heart to think of the pain that I put on others by refusing to just let them be.

It's the hottest muggiest day yet and the dogs are running in and out of the house, not able to tolerate the heat for long because they're spoiled to AC. I can relate to that. So far I haven't seen a mushroom cloud so I'm assuming that our President is standing back from a few things and it's about damn time is all I can say. Listen up ya'll...there is NO dress rehearsal for life. Only knowledge gained and experiences lived. High five to the POTUS and Holder for backing off the states on pot laws. We need the money revenue and I do believe that we have bigger fish to fry at this point in time. Only in America can it be legal to gamble and not to smoke ganja.

Jobs! Lots of minimum wage jobs. My daughter has one at 7.25/hr and works her ass off. Those people working at Burger King are about 2.50 ahead of her but she's not trying to raise a family on it. For us, it's survival for two women who have learned the hard way that kindness and empathy can cross any barrier. Our friend Tara spent her birthday in the hospital sick as a dog but her babygirl's coming home for good so she's tickled to have the family back together. Booger came to visit while I was at the sawmill yesterday and he's sick too. *wah*

Even though I don't have tv, I'm really pumped about Jon Stewart's comeback because I credit he and Colbert with turning the eyes of this nation around by being polar opposites who play perfectly together. My rule of thumb is it's better to laugh than cry which is why I love comedy so much.

Peace ^j^

on giving up

Early today I noticed that a friend had posted "i give up" and my immediate reaction was "Oh my God I know that feeling well." If it were anywhere close to being one of those kind of days, I have to say I'm thankful to have had it because I'm humble again. Not that I remember being proud or anything but...you know. I have had in the past year an abundance of kindness from people including my work family and doing a later shift today gave me the opportunity to spend time with folks that I usually just pass on the way in or out. My pain was so intense that Sister Rose felt it almost immediately and she cried too! Before I left we gave it BACK to BigE one more time. We are definitely spiritual sisters.

The devil side of me is plotting whom I can de-friend which is something I've never ever done because why do it unless they're spamming you or something. I have been summarily dismissed by too many people as the compliant little nice girl who will kiss your southern ass. Right? I will move on from this pain, and in many ways am the wiser for it. I have learned that men cannot be trusted with your emotions when their money is involved, that babies are the cutest at about 6 months of age. I know that my bad habits doom me to a bit less healthy lifestyle than most but really? This whole environmental meltdown thing stinks. As I type this gorgeous orange sun is setting across the land surrounded by patches of green. You can't buy that kind of blessing.

Open letter to Congress from Poopie:

Hey ya'll. Get off your asses and remember from whence you came. Oh..and have a nice day ^j^

lean and mean

Back in the 90s every corporate system in the country started learning how to "be lean" through thousands of company sponsored training programs aiming at getting the front line worker to buy into the idea that if you bust your ass for work you will be compensated when the money gets saved. It's a no brainer right? Happy employees with a common mission will do you proud every time. But what happens when you use up their creativity and loyalty to where they just don't give a rat's ass anymore. One can only attend so many pep rallies while the slashing is going on. My ex-husband's employer used him in that way because he knew the mechanics of his line and all of his co-workers liked him. I watched as these corporate types trotted him up there to do a public speaking gig for some out of towners and commence to forget the entire humiliating experience with multiple shots of Crown. His boss brought him and the truck home. Now THAT is a bossfriend.

My experience has been this...and of course it's never in a nutshell with me, the creator of multiple run along sentences. I followed in my mother's footsteps by being a peacemaker long term co-dependent on many levels including work. My boss at the time was a man whom everyone loved but who pretty much just let us run the place because he was the only guy. We all adored him and wanted his approval but never quite got it because he believed that if you are on time, dependable and work hard you are average. Yep, a solid 3 out out of 5 with of course the latter being "walks on water." So needless to say I haven't seen many of those. It can be discouraging when you try your best to give an honest effort and get told that it's nothing special. Everybody's got something, mind you. There are just some who will push themselves to keep things from falling to pieces because they are so wonderful! stuck on themselves as being the hero that they go out and LOOK for opportunities to work and fix!

Anyway, since there wasn't anything even resembling a pat on the back for a job well done, I got used to it and soldiered on because I was younger and could deal with stress better (except with PMS which is a whole'notha story). Fueled by caffeine, nicotine, Miller ponies and a desire to save the world I was a poster child for the company that bought our county place because I was one of their own as were my parents and grandmother. One would think that being all churchified and such they would think twice about launching a mission that was too big to fail like buying seven hospitals at once. In an ironic dejavu kind of moment, the highest bidder won the prize that was the best years of my life. And I'm just average.

Enough about me though. Nobody comes here to listen to me whine so I try to keep it brief, meaningful and hard for the cyberpolice to trace so I don't get dooced before my note holders take me to debtor's prison. Since I almost never read the news I was shocked to suddenly see pictures of gassed Syrians and their grieving relatives that happened what..7 days ago? Is security that tight ya'll??? I see a big political move coming on where whomever scores the win on this is a coin toss because only 9% of the population supports intervention, particularly short sighted acts of fist beating. Dudes..if they do have the gas? Why risk that kind of exposure for both our troops and the innocent civilians? Get.A.Grip.Washington. Daddy used to tell this story about the old country vet who got called for a sick cow. "If she makes it, tell everybody I saved her. If she dies, tell 'em I didn't get there in time."

Now, I can rest better after that little rant, like it makes a difference. In a sense it does because it's off my chest and back in Big Ernie's hands. It's a good thing because I was having a pain in it. Probably indigestion from the steroids and antibiotics!

Happy hump day ^j^

walk softly and drop the stick

Like the rest of the world, I've got an eye on what's going on in the middle east which looks like "hell in a handbasket" unless everybody backs down and thinks about the consequences of who they piss off. The most conservative of those among us read the bible every day and attend all sorts of services related to spirituality yet they don't grasp the fact that what's going on there has ALWAYS been going on and it's not our job as a country to fix it. That was my opposition stance to the Iraq/Afghanistan and Vietnam wars. In case nobody's doing the math, while we put all our efforts and (bankrupt) dollars toward fighting wars halfway around the world. Meanwhile our infrastructure is crumbling and a whole helluva lot of corporate types have made a kazillion dollars off the government's plan to demolish the enemy while they plot from inside our borders. If China says don't do it, I'd say no go. Those people don't play and they've already used us up by taking over the slave labor market.

So anywho, since blogfairy blessed me with some more peace signs AND a bronze fish plus groceries, I decided to let go of one to my friend at the resale store who swears I take sneaky jabs at him on this blog which I totally do because I can. I dropped it off to him while he was talking to one of ATT's outsource labor named Haji and I shared my 30 minute experience with three rounds of voicemail and Jose who also had a terrible accent. But hey, he was nice and I could understand him and I still have DSL so it's all good.

When I stopped by to see if BG was ready to leave work I went inside and inquired with a seemingly uninterested receptionist if I could make an appointment with the editor. She took my number and said he would call me when it was "convenient for him." Alrighty then. It's a good thing I have a day job.

Gotta go have a sudafed fix. Catch ya'll on the flip flop.

^j^

little pink shot ~

I have no idea what was in that shot I got at my friend's urgent care today but it kept me from smooth melting onto the floor and helped with breathing like...a lot. Probably a a triple dose with decadron, B12 and lincocin. Dr Connell used those all the time (minus the B12) and it's a miracle concoction for a croupy kid. The ped who came later poo pooed giving all the kids antibiotic shots because it encourages resistance of organisms to current meds and he's right. That's why we have MRSA and VRE to this day.

Waking up on my own is not something that I do often when it's still dark but today I found myself treasuring time with my furbabies until we all rolled out for whatever they do while I'm gone to the sawmill. Today it was done in the house because it's hot as hell. Everybody thinks I'm moving to Fiji because I'm selling off some of my stuff and it's kinda funny that none of them can fathom that it's financial necessity to keep rolling with the task at hand which has many layers. There's the car situation with one dead and the other barely going. Pickers have supported us during the past week and the goal is to arrive at our paydays with no big hole in the account where a healthy balance should be. I mentioned to her the other day that we had been sitting on that money all these years and she pointed out that it's a good damn thing!

Actually, I'm looking forward to redecorating the place as my own not some ancient tomb of an antique store. Like my friend said, I'm selling good pieces at a fair price and that goes a long way with folks. That would be the dude who bought the strawberry hand crate and marked it up 500% for resale. Hey..if you can get it, go for the gold I say.

In other news, the Tea Party is a bunch of asshats but we all knew that. The reason they want to get rid of taxes is so they can be rich forever and be more than the 1% although that would be hard to top. I have some words of wisdom for my evil enemy Rand Paul if he wants to be president or anything close. Listen to your father dude, except for the abortion thing he's my ideal representative. If you expect to make it in this increasingly Dem republic, you gotta' compromise. He feels that way because of all the babies he delivered!!

I don't know about ya'll, but I didn't know Big Ernie was a Methodist until I watched 42 yesterday. Almost didn't recognize Harrison Ford. Mud was strange but interesting and shirtless Matthew is always a joy to watch. Hey..I may be old, but I ain't dead yet.

^j^

why did the kudzu cross the road

Because it seriously can ya'll. Anybody who has never seen a kudzu pile would freak out at how fast that shit spreads. I noticed on the way home from eggs and doughnuts that it had crossed over in spite of the road separating the pile from the non-pile. Pretty soon there will be two or more. I also saw this young looking black lab sauntering across the highway and slowed down to 1) avoid hitting him and 2) make sure he got across without somebody ELSE getting him. It made me think about how many times Faith crossed the busy by-pass looking for love in Southtown or chilling with the UPS guys. It's nothing short of a miracle that she didn't get mowed down on the busy by-pass. All of the current canines stay close to home with the exception of Oscar who likes to hang out at the junkyard. I've found him right next to the highway before, but never across it.

Still sick, in spite of real sudafed and singulair. From what I hear this nasty summer cold hangs on for at least 2 weeks and I'm only one week in so there ya' go. Add to that the forecast for humid upper 90s for the next week and you have one miserable hot mess of a smartass girl. Yesterday while I was doing laundry the dogs went wild from my bedroom which meant somebody was out there. I came to the front just in time to see the rural mail carrier walking away from my porch where he left a package from the blog fairy. I asked him if he wanted to hear the story and he just stood there so he got it anyways! I think we graduated together and I know one of his old g'friends kept a horse out here at one time.

Every time the BF sprinkles her dust, we pay it forward to someone. This time it was our dear friend Shayy who was on a mission to make up with her family and trace her roots. I told her boyfriend it was nice to see him again not realizing that it wasn't the same guy I met a year ago at the funeral! Water under the bridge. This young lady just oozes inner grace and beauty and just being in her presence for 30 minutes made my day. Happy trails to WV ya'll! Wave at JennBWag while you're there :)

As for me and mine? We shall continue to keep the faith ^j^

without a voice

The virus from hell has settled in my throat resulting in a rather sexy and sultry raspy and inconsistent way of talking for the time being. My head feels like it's in a barrel and when I bend over my whole face hurts. BG is on an emergency run for meds to try and get us to breathing better but it's pretty rough what with all the dust and pollen. Almost ragweed season too...yay!

Against all odds it seems that American peeps are turning around and looking at how we really got in this shape as a country, and it didn't happen overnight or even during the last few years. It happened when we became enslaved to oil and proceeded to sell our souls to get it all the while destroying the environment. It's like people think that this little world will keep on twirling around them when it finally burns out. Big Ernie gave us mother earth as a gift to see what we would do with it. Like the good book says "Jesus wept".

It's hot as blue blazes again but it's mid-August in the south so there's your trouble. HUMID. Autumn clematis is blooming which means it's almost my birthday. I'm getting a new window for the trusty old Camry as a gift from my parents and BG is looking for a door handle. A couple of ladies came out to pick late yesterday and I was delighted to visit with Lee who grew up next to my mama's house on College street. She told me how when her mother was pregnant with "little John" my grandfather picked her butt up and put her in the car for transport! BTW, little John is the one who gave me the badass camera. How's that for the circle of life. Love ya...mean it.

Our old friend Shayy is about an hour away, coming in from the great state of Texas for a visit with old friends. The last time we saw her was at a funeral almost a year ago and we were holding hands and blubbering like babies. BG stopped by to visit with Jacob yesterday and view his stone. I think they talked a little about life and Lester's baby.

That's about all we know here on the hill. Tonight is work for BG at the newspaper to get ready for their Sunday edition. Tomorrow is, of course, eggs and doughnuts day unless we decide to brave the big chain/ harder to maneuver in loud place. We shall see what the grands want.

Peace ^j^

i been cheated

One of my favorite songs has that name and is performed by a very talented band featuring a blues guitarist and vocalist who is a TV weatherman from the South Fulton TN/ Fulton KY area which turns on a dime right at Purchase Parkway. I swear I drove around that intersection five times the first time I went that way and didn't know the proper turn. You can go straight on curvy winding roads toward Murray or to the left for the interstate and you're never really sure where TN ends and KY begins. Rand Paul and Bill Haslam are proud, dontcha' know? Happy birthday Lew!

This has been a VERY long stretch of days filled with congestion and coughing and working at the sawmill in between appointments with customers and early bedtimes. I know better than to let the happy pills run out but when you're broke and sick something's gotta' give and that was it. We didn't even have the money for sudafed, but of course you have to have a freakin' prescription for that thankyouverymuch meth heads. That means another co-pay to see a provider. Personally, I think they're all in it together.

Therefore? I have never been so glad to see the eve of two days off arrive. I mean gah, give a girl a break umkay? Somehow or another by manifestation and prayer we've made it through hell week. Let's manifest paying the utility bill without an OD charge why don't we. TVA passed a 1.5% rate increase in an economy where most people, if they're not CEOs, won't get a raise. Sup with that?

Like my mama and santa say "BELIEVE"

oh boy

That's what George Jones (not the singing one but the golfing one) used to say when the shit got deep whether it was on the course or at work with planes and such. I remember sitting at his funeral hearing about a side of him that I never really got to know because he and his wifey were always so busy with their shop and family. A trendy business that grew from making chicken salad in a home kitchen was sold a few years after his death. After two months of selling stuff I can honestly say that I understand why she got out. Without her partner? It wasn't fun.

Obedience is not one of my finer points (shut.up) so I normally find myself in the middle of some sort of resistance when I feel that life isn't going my way. Neither am I the martyr type. All I ask is to be treated fairly and respected with some degree of compassion for where I am. Trying to take the high road has been a way of life for me and it's a lot easier than getting down and dirty with somebody whose path you cross frequently. We used to fight ALL the time at work over silly stuff when we were younger and everybody's hormones were raging. When there's that many women, there's bound to be angst. Just saying.

Putting on the big girl britches doesn't come easily but I'm getting used to it. Things have to be done to get by and they will get done in a timely manner. Even procrastinators like me know that deadlines must be met to make a living. Bills must be paid (unless you get government assistance and use it all to smoke crack and then it's free) and things tended to. I heard the same old "nobody knows where Obama's from" thing today...birther? Isn't that the politically correct term? And I sit in amazement that all these years later people still have the meanness to sit and speculate about the man because he's black and was associated with the ACORN people. So what? How is that different from big oil robber barons taking their girlfriends on trips at our expense and jacking off in airport restrooms with other guys. You know who you are. Somebody read too many volumes of Left Behind is all I'm saying.

And suppose that it's true and all the chosen ones, supposedly just Christians, are swooped up in the rapture and we're all just left here to cope with the dysfunction. Sounds like life in the USA right now if you ask me. I read this piece by a preacher today who took on two of the icons in the new religious world where one or two self absorbed individuals take "their" interpretation of the Bible and bring in millions for a fabulous lifestyle kind of like all of the television evangelists before them. I'll share that link with you and see who gets pissed off in the name of the Lord.

^j^

provider troubles

Hey blog peeps. Seems as if ATT did not properly post my payment (see saturday rant)so i am PC less and refuse to blog by phone and as I typed this on my freaking tiny ass phone the service was restored as a perk to me as a loyal customer in the wireless department. The internet service is decent but not fast by any means and I've asked for UVerse but it's not available. That's fine with me because it's one less contract. The company that offered me my first dial up connection is still in business and they have (of course) updated technology a bit. I kid you not, DirecTV and Dish are still threatening me by mail over one early termination and one "here's your box back I'll watch movies".

Things look better today moneywise as I have .15 above ground zero in the bank and money for supper in my pocket thanks to pickers with cash and good taste. Today's happy story is of two Peanuts music boxes purchased by a Snoopy lover. I'm just tickled to death to be at home with no obligations until 6AM barring unforeseen acts of god like a broken hip or something. Gratitude for the quiet? You bet your sweet ass. My eyesight is failing because I'm uh..almost another year older and they kind of wear out. My mother was a prolific writer in her day of everything from grocery lists to birthday cards all in her signature cursive. As a newspaper reporter she gathered recipes from everybody she knew and they were published weekly by her employer in a column titled From the Back Burner. After that she went to work for the state at the unemployment office and never got full time status or benefits. As a result, she has no SS to speak of but she DOES have daddy's benefits if he goes first. Who the heck knows at this point? The holy war might just eat up our retirement $$.

We chatted at work today about how the GOP is just digging their grave because of the Tea Party and whatnot which was kind of copasetic for me just to hear from somebody who used to be a die hard conservative. These folks are so self absorbed in their hatred and control issues that they don't realize there's not a viable candidate in the entire country for them to stage a comeback. Probably won't ever be another Republican prez. Not that I'm all about Obama, mind you. It pisses me off that he has played patty cake with the DEA and the DOJ even as individual states have decided to buck the federal mandates on pot. In the words of Nancy Botwin "It's natural..it's of the earth". Ethan Nadelman has been a pivotal figure in that struggle which, I swear ya'll, I never thought I'd be seeing as a 57 year old hippie.

I delivered an item at the resale shop where my friend does business and saw one of my strawberry crates all up in the window with a nice price on it. It's the coolest place ever with all kinds of unusual items picked randomly and cleaned (or not) for sale to folks who just happen in there. He asked me if I still have stuff to which I replied hell yeah, and then "where are you pulling from?" Dude...I live in an old farm house that's surrounded by a lot of other old houses. History repeats itself!

Ya'll come see us because there are bargains galore. And call your mother.

walkin' the walk

Lord have mercy ya'll today was a real test of my ability to multitask because I was going 90 ways to nowhere as an official greeter and meeter of random folks. And it's only Monday! As usual, it was a blessing in unusual ways and I'm the better for it. No details because the hippa police might come get me but um. I'm glad it's over.

The kind people at our local utility company gave me six more days on the bill which is nice of them but not really helpful considering my next pay date. Dude said next year they go from the complimentary extensions twice a year to once. Gotta pay TVA you know. There was no time for news today except for a glance to notice that Egypt is on the back burner and Idaho is on the front one. God bless us everyone. The movies that we watched this weekend were wickedly conspiracy theorish and I loved the hell out of both. Brothers and DejaVu. Brothers was almost too much reality, but it gave me a deep satisfaction in knowing that I was against the whole war thing what 11 years ago now? Ride a bike people. Walk, for God's sake. Walden's Pond is gone man.

My brother and his wife publish a monthly mag and I love reading their stories because they're all about something other than whatever drama is going on in the MSM headlines. They live in an area with a large artisan population and a rich history of conservative politics. When they went on vacay, randomly in another jeep so as not to disturb the bird nest, they found a snakeskin in the back where the kids ride and the real deal under the driver's seat. Anybody who knows me can be assured of what my response would be. Not.Pretty.

I've taken to listening to happy songs more and more because why the hell not, ya know? Life is short. Seize the day and all that. I've never been a very obedient southern girl which makes me not good material at all in the romance department. Now there are actual CLUBS of young women getting dirty like I've done all my life. And of course all their shirts match. Southern girls would say "how niiiice".

BG and I had a quick financial conference today and decided to let go of more antique pieces because we need to eat are planning a cruise to celebrate 2014 or some such fantasy. As for me, I'd rather not be on a cruise ship because those things break down now and again. Just sit me in a shack by the shore with air and a shitload of beer and I'm happy. More later. Keep your fingers crossed for buyers. What doesn't sell is meant to be here for now.

Anybody want to be my date for the class reunion?

one day...at a time

This one is mine..the one that Big Ernie made just for me. It's about time for a blues singalong but I don't have any whiskey so that would be a waste. I'll settle for easy listening and light beer. I was absolutely frantic this morning knowing that I haven't sold much stuff lately and the light bill is BIG and due soon and well, the dead Neon doesn't help matters. I think mama and daddy are tired of riding in the trusty old Camry sans window so they're gonna get it fixed for us. It takes a village. Now all I need is 4 new tires, a tuneup, oil change, three hubcaps and a door handle. The rear light cover can wait.

So anyway while I was waiting to pick them up from church I ran around snapping pictures with my badass camera (TYVM one more time Count Z and Precious) of things to post for sale. I'm getting ruthless now and I told BG today that if somebody offers me the right price for her, she's gone. Baaaaha..just kiddin'. Seriously, nice antique pieces are usually handed down over generations like mine were. My grandmother was a collector of great proportion and also made 8 kazillion ceramic pieces in her spare time. It took several yard sales to get rid of them. The one piece she made specifically for me is a bowl and pitcher which I cherish. Her initials are on the bottom of the glazed bowl.

Looking back, I see that this has been a week of pain for me personally because I've let go of most everything that I can't change which is always hard for an on again off again control freak. I have also realized that my ADHD type behavior is an escape mechanism that keeps me from focusing on my talents and making the most of them. Self sabotage, if you will. I do feel like I have accomplished quite a bit this past month as I've dug through the homeplace and downsized. Now the unorganized boxes are the exception rather than a norm to trip over. There is a path, and it is halfass clean. There are clean towels and blankets. God is good.

My friends came out yesterday and we sat on the porch just like it was freakin' October or something sunning and talking about whatever came up. Kids. Work. Accidents! My last vacation was with these lovely ladies and I will never forget it. No beach makes Poopie a very crazy girl. I about died when I read about the chick falling off a balcony in Gulf Shores. Yikes!

Ya'll have a great week and don't just talk the talk, if you know what I mean.

^j^

customer service?

Since I am attempting to supplement my income by selling things online internet service is a necessity. And of course, I wait until the last minute to open the warning letter from ATT that my service would be discontinued YESTERDAY if the pittance was not paid. They've cut me off before and charge 30 bucks for a reconnect. So I was on a mission yesterday afternoon to get in touch with someone somehow to pay the bill. I didn't have the original bill so I didn't have the four digit code I needed to do it by phone. Hmm..So I headed to their online payment center only to find that I could not pay online due to the "status" of my account. Okay then. The auto thingy wouldn't give me an option to talk to a real person until I came up with that four digit code. So what did I do? I called the wireless customer care number and told some poor girl my predicament and asked could she please PLEASE help me do this thing even though it wasn't in her job description. And she did, bless her heart. I was on hold forever but that's normal for a call like that, especially on Friday afternoon around closing time. I guess it got paid, because I'm still on the interwebs. And still pulling stuff out to display. Hey..I don't give up easy and I figure I can't take it with me. If I've learned anything in this life it's to travel light.

Not that I'm going far, mind you. The Neon is dead and the Camry is on life support. We do good just to get to work and home much less travel to exotic locations. My friend Lorna has a birthday today and if she's on schedule she's spending it in the Keys, her favorite place on earth. Kiss the beach for me girl. I'm working on that plan in my little head, as I type. Where there's a will there's a way unless you're a procrastinator like me. BG and I talked about "manifesting" our dreams yesterday and that's something that you taught me well.

Jordan did NOT want to go to sleep last night so the movie we attempted to watch will have to wait until this afternoon. He's so freakin' cute it should be against the law. At six months, he's sitting alone and learning to explore and play. We made a huge mess eating some kind of pureed vegetable but he loved it.

That's all I know and I reckon no news is good news. Keep the faith ^j^

mama drama

We've been trying to watch a movie for about an hour now but Boogs won't settle down and go to sleep. Like all the rest of us he just wants to have fun. He's got this new really cool ball that talks and lights up when he grabs it. His brother and sister are gone with their dad to some amusement park for the weekend. Mom is studying so there ya' go...it's me and TTW and the baby watching Brothers in between feedings and play time. Keeping kids is a good way to appreciate birth control for the miracle that it is.

Even after three days off I didn't want to get up this morning at 5 to head into the sawmill. There was a time when I believed that what I do for a living made a difference. After three decades as a lackey for corporate healthcare I can testify that you can do no harm or die trying. I'm attempting to do it and live a little longer which means I'm probably gonna have to up my standards as far as employment. I'm a really little fish in a great big pond here in the 'burg.

I haven't had even the most basic of meds in several days because we have one car between us and gas is high plus we're living like refugees. The Neon was officially pronounced DOA after a month at the auto shop but there's a deal in the works so we'll see how that goes. Once again, remember that you can't make this shit up. The only news I can afford to read is free and today it's all about Egypt burning and people jumping off bridges and the brazillion dollars that our government is feeding into the coup while the FFOTUS scampers around at Martha's Vineyard enjoying the perks of being in charge. How strange is it that Syria got put on the back burner . If it bleeds, it leads according to media legend and the US government.

My old friend Christopher called today just to remind me why he stays with wifey and it's all about money in his opinion. Their respective parents left each of them an inheritance so they stay married and share the wealth because who in the world could ever imagine not having money? They have investments that are doing well in the current market but it will happen again just as it has before. Hide and watch it crash mofo.

Really? I don't care anymore and that's kind of scary.

remember who you are

I used to throw that phrase out every single time BG and her teenage friends walked out the door of our house off to who knows what kind of mischief. I got the usual few calls for help out of difficult type situations but all in all they managed to get through it without jail time and grow into really cool people. She thought I was terribly strict because there was accountability and my expectations were for her to make it to adulthood safely if I had anything to do with it. She didn't work except briefly as a carhop which was probably a mistake on our part. I worked from the age of 13 because I was expected to and so were my brothers. I was a lifeguard first, then baby sitter and shoe salesman for Mr. Acred. I was absolutely horrified that we had to work on Christmas eve getting ready for the big sale on December 26th. Little did I know I'd be working holidays for the rest of my life!

I stopped by to see the grands today and mama gave me something she had kept from 2002 that I wrote to them. There was a copy of Psalm 12 (the word of the lord is like silver) and a promise to tell them sometime about the significance of that psalm in my faith journey. I have to admit that I've totally forgotten but that's okay. In the letter I shared with them how I had become a believer thanks to their faith and determination to serve the least of these. Both of them went from full time employment to almost full time volunteer work after retirement. I spoke of how they had taught me that to use my gifts, musical or otherwise, is the greatest way we can express gratitude and humility for all the wonderful things we've been blessed with. And yes, I cried after I read it, but they didn't know it. It's hair day so she was getting her lipstick on for the ride and my brother and Ms Faye came in with bags of groceries to unload while daddy decided what he wanted for lunch. Just another day in their paradise.

Got another client on the way for a pickup so me and the dogs are hanging around the house chilling. BG is working a little bit extra today so she can add to our riches next week. It's hard, dirty work but she loves the crew and the work itself even though it doesn't pay much. Gotta start somewhere! I've joked forever about finding a sugardaddy and how I would be a lady of leisure, but truth be told I wouldn't be able to sit still even if I didn't have to work. I'm too antsy to just lay on my ass unless it's for an entire night of snooze. Everybody laughs about how I'll just get up and start wandering. Maybe I've got ADHD?

The weather is picture perfect and I'm loving the heck out of that. All those days of rain on end were like uh..DEPRESSING as shit. It's good picture takin' light when the sun is out and dappled all over the place.

Peace and love.

easy come easy go

Well, the monsoon finally broke and today is more like September than the middle of August. The yard is mowed and the house is on the way to being clean enough to see what's what. I'm off day 2 of 3 and slept like a zombie person last night. All that grief work will wear you out! And you know, I look at it as work..something that I must do to move forward into the next chapter of my life. I never really grieved for KY cuz because life kept on going and all I have left of her is our last phone call the day before her death. She was happy and excited about planting the garden soon. I still have her number in my phone, and wish that I could get back all those messages I erased just to hear her voice.

Both of my ethereal friends called yesterday and I poured my heart out to them not having to explain much because well..they know. People who love you like that don't make demands or have expectations of getting something back or taking revenge. They want the best for you and send out good vibes to make it happen. It's like a sprinkle of fairy dust at just the right time. I now have a plan with details to be fleshed out as I can manage. And honestly? Just having one makes life all better.

Now and then I wonder what I would have done had I not been employed in the healthcare field. I've studied variations of that what with palliative care and case management, but never ventured outside of the field completely except to play and write and take pictures. There's bound to be a way to make that a day job (or at least a side one that pays!) and I intend to make it happen. Prayers on that one because ya'll know how I procrastinate. In the words of my friends Drew and Joe: "just do it".

Since it's reality break time somebody will have to call me and tell me if Russia invades or something tragic happens to the GOP. BG and I have the afternoon to burn and we're going to visit the grands and Ms. Faye in a bit. She's steady looking for a 2nd job to supplement the minimum wage gig at the paper. We've got cars to fix and places to go. Just for the heck of it I entered a B/W photo in the TOP group yesterday because I noticed the challenge. I SCANNED a print photo of one that I took way before I got the badass camera and was delighted to see how many people liked it bad resolution and all. That was back in the day when people would say "Oh, your composition is great." Thank you John Yarbro and Mark Wilson for giving me the gift of a fine digital camera and the belief that karma finds a way.

carry on people. love ya. mean it. ^j^

brave

One of my favorite inspirational pages is "DoItGirl" which is devoted to helping those of us who are having a hard time and feeling downtrodden. It is uplifting to say the least and empowering every time in a "claim your goddess" kind of way. Thank goodness there are those who can anonymously lift someone else's spirits when they are feeling like going out to eat a worm. I've had a couple of tongue lashings lately which lead me to believe that there's something wrong with ME and that's probably partially true. All of my life I have struggled with boundaries and whatnot, and I don't take criticism very well unless it is addressed privately and from the heart. I trust too much when I know better, and I get hurt because of it. My fault, entirely. Time to take off those rose colored glasses I suppose.

The furniture people did indeed show up yesterday armed with plastic bags and surgical tape to wrap up the pieces for transport in the ever present rain. The bottom fell out shortly thereafter so they'll be back later for the rest. Every time something moves out, I marvel at the empty space where once there was clutter. It's very cleansing and meaningful to know where every piece is going to a home. It makes it not quite so hard to part with "things." We're still sharing the Camry for a ride so I'm carless today while BG works. That's okay with me because I'm already both feet into a day full of being a bum. Good for the soul, you know?

I haven't run across any big girl panties yet but I'm sure they're here so I'll keep digging through boxes and hanging on. Some sweet angel left a surprise in my locker yesterday and I was flabbergasted. It could have been there for a week, as often as I look in there. I feel the tears coming again so it's probably time to listen to something happy or watch a comedy. The tears are therapeutic, symbols of grief for all that is lost. Each one that falls is for something that I loved that is no longer in my life. Self therapy, if you will. Hey...when you're as screwed up as I am, it's too expensive to make an appointment once a week.

Sun's out but it's too wet to mow so it's bumhood for me today. Keep the faith ^j^

i've seen fire and i've seen rain

I've been in a mood as ya'll know, one of those "i can't figure out how to shake this thing". It's as if I'm seeing that a lot of my life has been supporting people who don't appreciate friendship, or how it plays out over time. When the "supporter" draws a line in the sand and doesn't play the game anymore, he or she gets outed. It's like there's this big screenplay with all these different personalities just waiting to walk into each other and play out their drama. That's too much extra energy expended for an old gal. I'm listening to JT croon and hearing thunder mixed with periodic downpours. BG is sick (again) and got some B12 in addition to other meds today so she can work. We are definitely a hot mess, ya'll. Albums are being sold by PM which beats the HELL out of having a yard sale. Since it's the monsoon season I don't know if they'll be here for the furniture today. Real sweet folks who used to run the grocery store that endured back to back floods and eventually became a pile of bricks. I gave her my last two glass blocks from there as a bonus.

So ummm...where were we with the world at large. Snowden is free for the moment and he's being branded a traitor for revealing how the government works to us little peon citizens. No crime in that. What's really funny is watching Rand Paul and Eric Holder try to be all "yeah, it's time to get the minor drug offenders out of prison." Like DUH. When you have states passing laws to make weed legal and the feds trying to keep things under THEIR control, there's bound to be trouble. I mean seriously, the last time I heard of secession was in the Civil war. Which this might be, by the way. I have Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart to thank for my desire to laugh instead of pull dirty punches. Ya'll better watch out in SC kids. It ain't over 'til it's over.

Personally, if I were schedule planner for FFOTUS I wouldn't have put in a vacation now what with all the restlessness and anarchy brewing. Arab spring has nothing on a bunch of pissed off armed and crazy ass militia. *NSA,that was for you* I would so like to be on your radar for something other than illegal patdowns at the airport. Look...if the bad guys want to get here, they will. 9/11 was a five year plan by a bunch of jihadists who didn't have a thing to lose but this earthly life. That the towers were their target also makes sense now. Goldman Sachs and all the other money changers were all up in that big ass building just waiting for a plane to fly through because hey..they were rich and powerful. And then we pulled Saddam Hussein out of his hole because...uh. Whoops! Wrong country. Ya'll know the rest of the story.

Other news..hmm let's see. More rain like you have never seen before in August and that's just plan weird. It leads me to believe that when it gets really cold we will freeze our asses off and have to ice skate to work. Unless the devil gets there first. My brother lives far away in a quiet part of a border state that got famous for busting an underage kid (force and everything) for water in a fancy bottle. Now if you ask me (and nobody did) that kind of sounds like somebody's bored and doesn't have enough to do while being paid by local government.

Peace ^j^

random observations by a smartass

Head lights on a car don't always stay off if you're in and out of it all day and forgot to turn the beams off at 6AM. Then you have to get a boost from a co-worker who wouldn't have known where to put the cable. Fortunately I've learned quite a bit during the last ten years of singlehood and I could do the deed. All I needed was her motor running. Got that done, drove around the lot and it was good to go. Except for the plastic window and no door handle. Or hubcaps. People have even been mentioning lately how much I "need" a new car which should tell me that it's not just me being a whiny ass. I had a mini-meltdown after that and quickly went for the happy pills before it went into overdrive. Some days it just doesn't pay to get up.

Traffic has been light and I guess everybody else is as broke as me because nothing much is selling. Folks look and verbally claim but rarely take the time to show up with cash. The piece that has gotten the most attention is the oak bed that I no longer use because I have three layers stacked on the floor all princess and the pea like. Perfect butt level for a short gal to just slide under the covers. A wealthy local had her living estate sale yesterday and everybody was all a'twitter over the fine stuff to be had for dealer prices. The middle man makes out like a bandit in that type situation because it's usually well built and maintained items. Some antiques, but not a lot. Those get cherry picked by friends, family and the dealer before hand much like the pricey collectibles. I've got to hand it to my mother she was right about saving boxes and certificates. If I had them all I'd be blogging from Fiji soon. EBay, as much as it's touted as a sales tool is just too much trouble for me to learn at the moment. Gotta' keep my head on half-way straight to maintain the paying job! The picture of the St John gang that I posted on FB has about gone viral with old Dyersburgians who remember all four of us as kids. I was probably 9 or 10 and Ky cuz a year behind me. Not a clue what we all doing up in the Troy house but it was something fun I'm sure...we were smiling real big!

I'm beginning to realize that this on again off again depression is a coming to the realization that things don't look too good for us government wise. I put a lot of effort into looking on the bright side and signing petitions but in the end, money talks and that means we don't get heard. It's not a partisan thing by any means because there's a helluva lot of rich Dems that act just as selfish as the GOP ones. It has to do with remembering who you are and why you are there representing the American people. That got lost in the shuffle ages ago.

I also feel myself slipping away from folks that I knew were once people that I could really count on because they just don't care anymore. Friendship goes through phases like that and I should be used to it by now, but I'm not. When I look and see bitterness and selfishness where there was once empathy, it makes me sad. The down side to being an empathetic person is that if you don't have firm boundaries you will get squished like a bug more than once. The trick is to get back up and do it again, anyway. That's the only thing I've found that will keep me from climbing the water tower with an assault rifle. *ding ding Homeland security alert*

Since I'm faking it 'til I make it, I'm grateful that tomorrow's alarm won't be as early as today's because I can use the sleep.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz^j^

white bird

Okay, I admit it...I'm blogging and singing karaoke with It's a Beautiful Day. That one really shows my age, ya know? I switch back and forth on the voices according to what words I know. Besides it's all about the orchestra in this one..well, a lot of it. Might as well enjoy life with a tune, I say. My uncle Jimbo understood that about me and allowed me to ass off assist him as band manager when KY cuz was there playing the flute. All I played was the chimes, and only one time. However, both he and my aunt along with Miss Charlene Fisher of the Blue Mountain Conservatory of Music taught me the keyboard. Poor Ms Fisher talked me into accompanying her organ with the baby grand piano and wouldn't take no for an answer even though I hadn't been practicing. By the time that service was over I was just picking the melody out with one hand sort of like chop sticks. She never asked again.

Thing one on the agenda today was to slap the snooze button three times before stumbling toward the sawmill. I had been rather short of breath lately which I attributed to the unusually Louisiana like weather but no. As luck would have it, I'm sick again and beginning to have a productive cough. Yes, I know I'm just a barrel of laffs today! My old friend Tim called right at bedtime last night and we talked until I had to nod off. We do three way with his wife wandering in and out of the room putting in her opinions or a " hey girl". We talked about our upcoming 58th birthdays and our parents and how totally odd it was that a couple of school teachers from Mississipi became best buds with the farmer and his wife from the Samaria bend community. Both of them are gone now so he kinda' sort of claims mine. Sometimes, that's all we have. I remember calling every one of the last few days of his daddy's life and listening to the screaming.

Now that Sanjay has endorsed medical marijuana and of course, in the REAL WORLD doctors dictate what is acceptable medical practice rather than politicians and DEA agents. Considering the amount of money spent on arresting and prosecuting simple users or growers it is absurd to think that it will ever be legal. Because you know if we're anything we're a country of "making things right." I was watching a piece about heroin overdose in the lobby of the sawmill with the Jr. Security guard and we chatted about the anarchy to come when everybody gets tired as hell and won't take it anymore. Viva la Revolution, ya'll. Say you want one? Look inward and find what's right and true and about your neighbor and you. In the end, that's what matters.

I've opened up a whole new market with these old vinyl records from the 80s and 90s. I can barely remember when music came from a turntable and speakers rather than computerized device. Guess you had to be there. My first love was a stereo salesman of course and he taught me a lot about high quality sound. And wrote me poetry..I mean really. How do you say no to that?

Carry on wayward people..I'm right there with you^j^

back up and punt

I'm not much of a football fan, mostly because my daddy was consumed with watching it while I was growing up I guess. Realizing that in the south girls MUST have some sort of basic knowledge about the game, I learned what I had to in order to keep company with other football fans. Now he watches golf, of all things. As far as I know he never picked up a club in his life even though we lived a mile down the road from the city course. Hey..at least it's not Bonanza or Gunsmoke.

I'm kind of teary today because of why? I don't really know. Maybe it's the fact that I'm scrambling to make ends meet and we keep having nothing but bad luck. Could be because I've stirred up a whole bunch of memories by digging through boxes. Truth be told, it's probably a combination of these. We had a sleepover with little Jordan last night because his mom got called unexpectedly to go rescue her brother and older son in Nashvegas. He sleeps like a champ and he and BG have been yucking it up in there all morning while I haul stuff in and out.

We sat on the back steps this morning smoking and chatting and I had to admit to her that I'm out of moves. I owe loan sharks my first born plus the three window no hubcap Camry. I am literally selling things out from under us to survive. And I have a good job! What about all of those who aren't as fortunate as we are? My heart hurts for them as well as for us. I live simply and frugally yet can't seem to even begin to climb out of the hole. I feel helpless and stuck. And yes, I normally try to keep on the sunny side. Today is not one of those days.

I know in my heart that Big Ernie has plans for me yet and that I need to be just a bit more patient though I can't imagine how. I found several cards from blog friends back in the day like Hoss and Jules and Drew and Joe. A handmade with love one from Jen. All of the memories come rushing back when I read their words and I'm so grateful that I have had them in my life.

The grass is so high I'll have to have a bushhog to cut it whenever it dries up. I've never in my life seen such a wet August around here. In the words of the immortal Billy Yates "This too shall pass. Leave room for the spirit to work." Yes sir, Mr. Billy. I'm trying.

^j^

consistency as a virtue

More rain ya'll. The air is so thick you could cut it with a knife which is why my happy ass is parked inside going through the last of the boxes. It's kind of bittersweet for me digging through memories and throwing this or that to the burn pile. Most of it is junk...paper moments from days gone by. I even found a letter from my first therapist apologizing for "abandoning" me by not showing up for our first appointment. We eventually caught up and she proceeded to teach me how to be a big girl.

I've had one customer today and thank you sweet baby jeebus, they took the baseball cards and left me with 40 bucks. I was ready to give 'em away just to get them out from underfoot. Mama was with 'em and could barely get up the steps without help and then she got wore out and had to go back to the car because she was having trouble breathing and whatnot. All I could think about at that point was that I don't have any renter's insurance..hell I've barely got it on the two cars, one of which runs though not very quietly.

BG and I were projecting about the next 5-10 years and both of us are quite pessimistic about the future in general, but optimistic about our ability to crawl out from under what seems like an insurmountable situation. So many have it so much worse. She loves the people she works with has a nice BF which means she's one up on me. Another little surprise thing I found was a ticket from a Don Henley concert at the Mid-South Coliseum in 1990 which is where I saw most concerts. Led Zeppelin. Elton John. Linda Ronstadt. James Taylor. Huey Lewis and the News. Robert Cray. Jimi Hendrix. The Allman Brothers and Steve Martin I saw at the Auditorium North Hall before it got torn down to make way for Mud Island which was a great venue but got abandoned for the Pyramid and then FedEx Forum.

Once upon a time the city of Dyersburg decided that the golf course needed to add 9 holes on the 100 acres that I live on. The mayor and his cronies proceeded to start the process of taking this land via condemnation by the city for "recreational" purposes. What they failed to realize is that the owner was an attorney who promptly got the company jet to fly him from Michigan to our little 'burg and tell them they couldn't do that in spite of what the city attorney said was legal. It failed at a public hearing and some private developer built an empire around the new and improved golf course that is bordered by Sonic and Autozone. Karma? You bet. Mr. Calcutt or Harry, as we knew him, inherited this farm from his ancestors and it's still all in the family.

His plea to the city board was that he envisioned his children and grandchildren being able to keep the land and continue with the traditions of agriculture on which it was founded around 1918. My home is a part of that, as well as the one that my parents live in. Lifetime dowry for them. No wonder they don't want to leave!

Keep the faith ^j

act V, take 1

The whole play writing thing has always been a mystery to me, much like the concept of writing in "chapters". My life has so many threads in it there should be a tapestry somewhere with all the colors and moods tied together in a bow. I am a perpetual follower in a lot of ways, always putting off until tomorrow what would benefit me right now. That is a saving grace in one respect because it forces me to accept my limits and slow the hell down. Happy pills also help with that :) BG will be 29 in the same month that I turn 58, the one time in a girl's life when she's half as old as her mama. I was 29 when I gave birth to her and it seems like centuries ago that she was a little white blonde munchkin. She's a good woman, and I'm proud of how she's taken some mighty big family dysfunction and turn it into a new life for herself. Kudos,babygirl.

A couple of my friends are going to see Michael McDonald in Nashvegas and I'm totally jealous. When I suggested he might need me for a GF, she told me his wife might not like that. See!! They're all either married or gay. Or lazy. Or maybe it's me? Nah, couldn't be because I just ooze humility most of the time. Truly? You can't make this shit up.

I threw out another open house invite to try and drum up the antique junk shop business so we can pay the utility bill. It absolutely blows my mind to think of the $350 summer months prior to the new AC unit where it was discovered that the freakin' vent from the unit to duct was almost shut. I'm thinking about asking for a rebate. That is in addition to about 1000 bucks a year for propane, and we all know how that story rolls. Bless his heart, he's the only one who just listens to me cry and promise that before (or after) I die he will get paid. There's this little item that has gotten tacked onto utility bills in our area called a TVA surcharge. The bill shows a breakdown of what the local company charges you and then TVA adds on about half again to "make up for volcanic ash, etc". Bull.Shit. You people are rolling in money and sticking it to the consumer. How much do you pay in bonuses for your O's? Jesus wouldn't like that.

Music is my friend when nothing else seems to do the trick. Today it's Zac Brown and his band but any other time it might be ELO or Zeppelin. My favorite video lately is of the gas pump karaoke stars from the Leno show. These people are fantastic! She's all shy and stuff at first and then they get it rocking! *dance break*

Peace and love to all ya'll. Oh, and by the way? I know that I spell ya'll wrong according to popular belief but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

^j^

plan D

Like a true Botwin/Newman I am constantly changing the plan according to how much money is needed to keep Casa Poops going and what options I have. Since my credit is shitty (thankyouverymuch assholes) I pretty much live on what I earn and try to make it stretch. BG gets paid on the opposite week as me so we have a little something coming in on a somewhat predictable basis. Not a lot mind you, because there was the big shingles ordeal and all, but still not too shabby by our usual standards of finance. Except for one faulty 100 dollar move last week, I actually went into a full paycheck with no OD charges looming. Had I not sold my heritage, that wouldn't have been possible. And so, onward I go pimping out the stuff that I've collected over the years to anybody and everybody who will show a girl a dolla'. Hey...you gotta eat.

Congratulations to one of my fellow writers who made the top 100 bloggers in Time magazine because, frankly, she's so damn funny she cracks me up every time, kind of like Mahala over in the holler. The Bloggess has a book or two and the blog is pretty much a way to tap into that so there you go. When I first started as a blogger I got noticed several times in the Tennessee area mentioning blogs worth reading, once by Michael Silence of the Knoxville News Sentinel which I thought was pretty cool considering we live on opposite ends of the state. I can't remember exactly what he said but it gave me the courage and stamina to keep on tapping for ten years even through the dark times when I was without internet access. It's my therapy, not my moneymaker. That makes a huge difference in the joy of the whole thing.

I got a message from someone that I totally respect the other day telling me how much she enjoys the blog, dogs and cuss words and all. My aunts and mama would be horrified just because they're southern ladies but that mold got broken eons ago. Now it's me against the world, trying to survive in today's piss poor economy. I cannot even begin to imagine how a single person making minimum wage can afford food and lodging, much less gas to get to work. It's ridiculous, ya'll. And all the while, the rich get richer. I don't begrudge them their wealth as long as the masses have what they need but that's not the case here in the USA. I am quite disillusioned with how much energy our POTUS has had to put out just to put out fires with stoopid Congress while we all continue to gasp for air out here and continue to pay all their salaries plus perks like health insurance. Enough is enough people.I have my favorites of course, and not many of them are of the Republican persuasion. I'm all about some Ron Paul because I do believe in a smaller fed and was against the Iraq/Afghanistan conflicts from the get to. Unfortunately his idiot son is trying to ride on his coattails to the President's office. Elizabeth Warren and Al Franken are personal heroes of mine, as well as Barney Frank and Bernie Sanders. I guess you could call me a tri-polar voter.

The sun is out for the first time today so I'm sure it will be nice and sticky real soon. We'll see here in a bit after I go through the attic one more time. To everyone who has ever sent me an encouraging word because of this blog or me being who I am, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Money can't buy that kind of love^j^

rainy days and mondays

I suppose I didn't get my nap out with those back to back 12 hour snoozefests over the weekend, so I went down AGAIN mid afternoon on Sunday and except for a brief foray for food (there was none) wandered to the shower and back to bed. And I still didn't wanna get up. It was dark and cloudy and rain is in the forecast every day this week. Reckon if it was dry as a bone, we'd be praying for it. That's the way life goes.

We're adjusting at the sawmill, to what we're not really sure. Healthcare consumers are caught in the middle as Obamacare eases its' way into our lives and everybody is scared as hell that they'll lose money. Honestly, I don't think that's what it's about. To me, the bill represents a way to repair some of the damage insurance companies have inflicted on us over the years as in that nasty pre-existing condition exclusion and whatnot. So, I've got cancer and you're not going to pay for my treatment? To hell with that. Lifetime maximums are also something that big insurance slaps on most policies so if your treatment is really expensive, you might run out before you even die. Remembering all the hayseeds who called the beginning plans for affordable care "death panels" I would say to them...what's the difference? Palliative and hospice care are a very important part of death which is something we each will experience no matter how rich or poor or sweet or wicked. I just think it comes easier to some than others, and those people have had time to adjust and accept. Do your grieving before or after...I've had it both ways and both suck.

One of my cousins died of liver failure a few years ago after being really "never" a candidate for transplant. She was a dialysis nurse who had no idea that her lifestyle during the 80s would come back to haunt her as end stage liver disease. Her husband was a real ass...a guy who had the knowledge to handle her in his own way which mostly involved heavy drugs. That way he was totally in charge. He already his eye on the next one before she was cold.

As for the embassy closings, I say keep 'em shut down but look for the decoy. AlQ is not so stupid enough to fail to realize that we're listening to their chatter. My fervent prayer is that this kind of shit will rattle the cages of a few politicians and force them to work together for the common good rather than keep their rich voters happy. Because in the end? It won't matter how many planes or penthouses you have, only how you treated the least of these. As for Keystone...hell to the naw!! What the hell are we thinking ya'll?????????????? We do not need more oil. What we need is intelligent conversation and jump starts for businesses that move us away from carbon dependence. Don't make me tell my mama on ya'll.

I'm still pulling stuff out of drawers and boxes in preparation for the sale of the century here on Pecan Lane. I'm figuring if BG stays employed and we keep selling, I might be able to pay propane guy before winter because I've got a feeling it's gonna be a doozy.

Peace out ^j^

bfb and stats

When I first began blogging FB was just a twinkle in you know who's young eyes. By the time he got to college and gave us access to every little damned thing, I had been plodding along for years tapping out a (mostly ranty) blog called Poop Happens. It was when our soldiers were dying daily in the midst of war on foreign soil where they were perpetual human targets for those who hate our country. The first time I saw a body hanging in Fallujah on tv I got sick from the pure hatred of the acts they were committing. Daniel Pearl.And all the others who lost their lives while being a part of a ten year futile war.

My friends who served have said that it's something that's pretty hard to recover from, if ever...the haunting things that they experienced. One told of a random switch up in posts for a search and rescue mission. His buddy got blown up and he was okay. One of the searchers went down leaving him to deal with that sight for the rest of his life. I know they say war is hell, but this one in particular disgusts me because it's about oil and big money. Does nobody get it yet that we're one of the richest countries in the world and OUR VERY OWN are dying from hunger and disease because of inadequate social programming and Wall Street fallout. Plus, said ten year conflict. Like my daddy says "It will always be thus and so".

We ended up at cracker barrel again which is always a good thing. You just never know who you're gonna see out there. I spotted one of my brother's ex-girlfriends strolling through with a way too tight dress stretched over her behind and I was suddenly wanting to text him...and in fact did. This bitch woman was the queen supposedly. Not in his book, maybe somebody else's. He has managed to partner with a woman who is his equal in creativity and stamina and they share both a business and parenting. That's a pretty sweet deal for this day and time.

Anyway back to FB. Before, when there were "blogrolls" that we each kept up for visiting, that went by the wayside as everybody discovered the satisfaction of real time posting. It's also a quick way to promote whatever you have be it a cause or small business or whatever. I'm sure they'll start charging at some point if the stock does well, but I wouldn't pay for it. I'll just go back to one big fat daily post.

There were no pickers this weekend and I slept for 13 hours straight without moving. This, is ALSO a good thing. Blessings abound in a somewhat clean house, an outside temp of under 90 in August and a short work week. Autumn clematis is beginning to bloom which means my birthday is coming and this time the lock will tick to 58. That's almost 60 ya'll.

Beats the alternative. Big hugs ^j^

fancy farm

Well I read today that Mitch McConnell is going to be present at the political rally that is a tradition in Kentucky. Being the smartass that I am, I immediately texted my friend Sue who is my liberal backbone to give her the news. And I snorted at the thought of all those people getting riled up just because Rand Paul wants it his way. Once again, he is NOT his father in any shape form or fashion. The younger Paul lacks the sincerity and conviction that his dark horse father has always championed. KY is one of those states like TN others in the south that have failed to even entertain the thought of setting up healthcare exchanges to help prepare for the changes that are coming down the pike, and sooner or later ya'll something will have to be done and corporations will have to really be people or they will fail miserably at their "mission".

One of my work buddies just came by to pick up some chairs for her new house that will be painted to match the table. I like that type of thing rather than going out and buying everything that "matches". BOOOOring and also very OCD and 80's. Nothing in my house goes together really but it's a comfortable mish mash of everything that reflects my personality and my life here over the years. Every time someone discovers this lane for the first trip up, it's love at first sight for them. The pecan trees meet over a good portion of the lane creating beautiful patterns of light in the wind that almost always blows. A visitor told me one time it reminded him of France.

This has been a very long week at the sawmill and one that I'm mighty glad to have behind me. Linda Mc brought a crown with pink feathers and jewels to work for Becky's grandbaby and since it was bossfriend's birthday, she wore it all day. and picture this...her in the poofy crown and all of us high tailing it around the lab to "Dancing Queen". Truly a Kodak moment and a happy day for her. It made me LOL if you get my drift. And that's always a good thing.

It's hot again, but it's August so I won't bitch, choosing instead to stay inside unless it's to hit Gigi's pool. School is already back in session and I'm beginning to believe that what my daddy told me about time going faster as you age is a bit more real. Not really in a bad way always, but always changing. Those who refuse to adapt to change perish.

Let's all keep our fingers crossed that Sugardaddy will come by tomorrow with a big wad of cash and buy all my shit cherished antiques for his loved ones. That way he can just load up the truck and hand over the money and I don't have to do a pole dance.

TGIF ^j^

circle of life

One of the greatest things about being on facebook is that you (used to) could find somebody pretty easily if you know where they came from, as in family and stuff. I have found time after time that social media, or media period is a way for people to come out from themselves and talk about the problem at hand. Like eldercare. Lord have mercy and sweet baby jeebus! I heard that Castro plead not to be seen as an animal or monster because he's "sick." Oh REALLY??? You didn't just cop that plea you animal. If these girls had been mature women who were capable of making choices to save themselves, you would have missed your last um, how many years? of abusing them. Kiss my motha'effin' ass.

Several times lately I've spent time with folks that I remembered vaguely but came to know online only recently. One couple was here for their son's funeral and came by to visit on the 4th of July. Another was in town for a funeral and dropped by to pick up my contributions to her metal artwork thing in Overton Square. Her family moved here from "nowhere" really because they were military and her dad was on the go all the time. I remember their house tucked away on a shady middle class street looking all cool and stuff. And then the projects went in so there ya go. My ex lived across the street in a duplex and there weren't many guns then...that came later.

My friend Lorna wished me peace just a bit ago and I felt it because I have no choice. I'm too weary to try to run anybody's show anymore. It just is what it is and I'm a big girl. Got panties to prove it. No shit...my mama gave me HUGE granny panties for Christmas one year. Haha..mom! Maybe she was giving me a hint???? I feel like I've been wearing them for way too long and just need to be either comatose or having wild passionate sex movies on the mini-CD player with a big screen TV compliments of my bossfriend and her hub. They're nice like that.

For some odd reason I am beginning to believe that there is hope in this messed up world for, if not peace, at least not hurting each other. You could go to battle with dirty names and run them all the way back to from whence they came! Yep..I'm rambling. Time to tie this up and enjoy the day. Seize it ^j^