Since my major depressive episode this week has begun to subside it's back to the sawmill. Too bad I can't use funeral leave or something. BG and I are going to visit shortly in the afternoon sun to chill with our baby. The bouquet of flowers is still there standing proudly in the freshly dug earth. The other three are sad, most especially Sammy because they go way back. He's now officially attached to my hip on the futon. I am absolutely stunned at the compassion that people have shown for me this week in little ways from switching a shift or calling to see if I'm okay..and oh those cyberhugs! We have been struggling with our set of particular issues for going on five years and something's got to give. Hopefully it won't be my sanity.
My next task, and I have already decided it shall be...is taking over med management for both of them because I spend lord knows how many hours running here there and yonder looking for a total of about twenty scripts between them. Plus my own, of course. We are about eight miles from the nearest anything that resembles a pharmacy or a grocery store. Not much, unless you make the trip ten times a day in an 11 year old Camry, just saying. It was meant to be though, because I still keep moving. Our friend who dug the hole yesterday did the old dig and change seats thing until he was sweating even in the cold. Basically, that's what life is about..change and how we adapt. It's a very simple concept that we spent so much energy ranting to avoid.
I was touched that my mother felt my pain so intensely because she knows the feeling of being trapped and not having viable choices. Sometimes it just it what it is. There are jokes about big girl panties for people like me! Mama even gave me some at Christmas one year, smartass that she can be. One of the things that I can readily admit to about myself is that I don't know when to just give it up and let somebody else take over. But I'm learning as others around me grow more responsible and are able to provide support.
One day, one step at a time ^j^
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