accountability

My brother thought I made the same hourly wage as him and was quite shocked that I manage to remain in the hole at my rate of pay. He works two jobs to make what I get for one. I am thankful for the fact that my wage is quite "lower middle class" in a one step from the poorhouse way. With taxes and insurance and whatnot plus a loan payment there's a decent amount left to live on if I did not owe so many people so much. That's why I'm looking forward to some time with pencil and paper to present my side of what can reasonably be expected. I do know that twenty bucks of that raise I got will go to health insurance with a rising co-pay to boot. And I work there! But hey...things could always be worse.

I have dodged responsibility for years on the financial aspects of living an honorable life. That is why I'm in a spot where something's gotta give. TV will be gone soon, for reals this time. Blankets are going up over door openings to keep in the heat. It's something that a lot of people take for granted, and something I should probably be grateful for by having had 24 years here. Last time I checked I had paid something close to 100K in rent plus those hellish utility bills. I'm smart enough to know when I'm beat. I've been hauling baseball cards out of the attic to see if there's anthing worth a buck and found two unopened Charles Conlon sets just sitting there looking all collectible. My ex did have an addiction to the things.

Daddy gets all freaked out over clocks and being on time so it was a disaster in the making when DST ended last night. He started at 7:30 moving all the clocks around and did something wrong, obviously. When my brother showed up for the run to church, Mom was still sitting in her jammies trying to wake up and it was fifteen 'til eight. Needless to say she didn't make it for services. Afterwards at the doughnut place all their SS class streamed in and sat at a never ending table cheering us on. BG had some pancakes and I was full as a tick with leftovers. He could not WAIT to get home and get the time correct. I can tell the difference in the slanting light and shadows already...it was apparent when I woke up at 6AM to morning light. Of course I did go to bed at 7:30. Don't you wish you were me? Even my mama said she thought that was a little extreme.

My old friend T came by today with her camera to take some shots for a competition on this lane I call home. She had a daughter the same age as BG who died at a young age from leukemia. We were young hippie mothers together as were our husbands. That was a LONG time ago, ya'll. It's about to get leafless on the lane, with pecans and maples already dropping and everything else not far behind. The crop is beyond pitiful here but I hear it's great in other spots of this county and the surrounding ones.

Right now I'm like the little girl who was all hysterical because she wants the election to be over so she can watch cartoons. And at this point in time, I can think of nothing worst than a Romney presidency for a country that is struggling like us to make it as Americans in defiance NAFTA, et.al. Lest we forget, his company is the one who outsourced our jobs to other countries. Just sayin'. The basic premise of what I believe this country needs is a big dose of bi-partisanship where collective party idiots get their heads out of their asses and do the right thing for their constituents without regard to church and state.

I'm watching the northwestern states for their props on green and the legality of it. That could possibly be my destination for retirement since I can almost see Russia from there. This is the first afternoon I've had alone in forever and it's nice. I do so love some me time. Listening to "happy shit" music on rotation. Keeping the faith ^j^