light in the tunnel

My life is a study in looking ahead and believing that things are "gonna all be okay." I'm not Pollyannaish enough to think that it all will be by any means, but as they say...shit happens. And it usually rolls downhill. I've been a single gal for 11 years now, dating some now and then who were fine until I saw their nasty inner souls. Whenever a man goes ballistic over money, you can bet he's an asshole about everything else too. The first few years it was just me and BG living her and then her friend moved in following some, shall we say, unfortunate circumstances making it necessary for him to bring everything he ever freakin' owned into my three level house and proceed to fill it full. I had just gotten the basement clean, too. It stayed there for about six years until I had a hissy fit and started burning. That's about the time they moved out together for a *brief* period. And left his past in the basement and hers in the attic.

Since working for corporate American isn't looking like such a promising deal for me and mine, I'm exploring other ways to make a buck here and there. I know that my skills are exceptional and have a loose idea of what I would like to present but, and there's ALWAYS that but. This is the second November that I've spent without propane and if "they" are right, the global warming deal won't apply during winter 12-13 except for more extremes in cold wet stuff. That's when it comes in handy to have four dogs in the bed. I'm inheriting a bedroom suit from a friend soon so I can rent out the office if I have to. AFTER I get through with the saleapalooza of this century. That stinky thinking crept back into my mind this afternoon when I checked my online balance and saw a red number with a week 'til payday. I'm trying to learn to live on cash only, which may seem like a small thing to some people but I'm caught up in it to the point that my fees have put some president's kid through college. Or at least paid for their beer!

My intent is to use the bank as a depository for my income to be withdrawn as needed and not float paper. It's not only annoying as hell, it's stressful to boot. Back in the day we got real paper checks and the local drive through banks would work their asses off on Thursday and Friday afternoons. Now it's all direct deposit. I intend to recycle a lot of what I have creating something new as I discover something old. So much of my life has been spent chasing things, and the money to buy those things with. It was the American dream, and still could be if we tried really really hard.

Whaddya think?