Monday, June 27, 2011

low maintenance

I tend to be that way and get easily worn out with others who are on the dramatic side with every little bump in life's road. At the risk of seeming somewhat rude, I will walk away from a bitch session after about 30 seconds because, honestly. It doesn't do a bit of good or change a thing. Venting is chicken soup for the bitching soul, but not so much fun for the listener unless he or she happens to like drama in the third person . Express the feelings, talk about them and get over it. So many people in the co-dependency recovery community get stuck in the whine stage and stay there because "somebody" did them wrong. Guess what? It happens to everybody.

We are on maternity watch for two little ones...BF's grandchild Carlee and our friend Jaiyde's babygirl who still doesn't have a name. Long story there. Definitely high maintenance but I love her dearly. My own little girl was born almost 27 years ago in the heat of late September summer, a Virgo/Libra cusp sort of gal with a heart the size of Texas and of both of her parents' character traits. She was the only grandchild for over 20 years, and loved every minute of it. My mother quit working right around the time she was born so they got to spend a lot of quality time together making little biscuits and playing nurse. Mama had this little bell she would ring for BG to come and check on her in the hospital bed. She rode the tractor with daddy and generally lived life to the fullest growing up on a farm. I pushed her hard to be things that she really didn't want to be, and I regret that now. I'm sure that it made my love seem conditional in some respects. But, like most parents I did the best I could with what I had. The marriage was unstable for many years before it ended in divorce, and then I was unstable for several more years. So was her dad. In a twist of fate, I managed to survive the financial and emotional burdens and come out somewhat intact in both sectors. Anyone who knows me understands that none of it was easy, but it was a necessary part of personal growth for me and it didn't kill me...made me stronger. My ex has finally found his peaceful spot as well, for what it's worth. He is in terrible health but six years sober and helping others to stay that way. To say that's a miracle is an understatement.

I so miss having a camera and playing with pictures. Doesn't look like that's in the budget anytime soon, at least until the propane guy gets his money. And the dentist. And the hand surgeon. But, all in all...things look better. I have NO credit card debt and the two loans with a local shark got paid off when she sold her business. That was a whopping 120 bucks a month at 400=% interest. Yeah, I know. Here's your sign, Poops. There is one little payment left on the dryer and I have the title to my trusty old Camry filed away until the wheels fall off. I do need to invest in some hubcaps though, seriously. Mama would die if she knew she was being picked up and delivered in that redneckmobile.

I have the house to myself right now with no roomies other than the canines and eccentric feline in attendance. The quiet is nice...nothing but the white noise of a dollar store fan helping the new unit along to keep us cool. I was so excited about running around in the yard barefoot yesterday listening to music that I forgot to turn the key off and the battery is dead as a doornail. Meh. We sat on the porch at dusk yesterday watching the neighborhood drama as Beethoven's wife took off walking and he put the pedal to the metal down the road to pick her ass up and drag her home crying in the back seat. When I see things like that, I feel incredibly grateful for my life.