pinching pennies

I am now to the point where I'm having to maneuver things around to get payments made with the majority of the money available the 2nd Wednesday of the month.  Costs keep rising on everything, especially gas and food.  That's pretty much why I eat off the budget menu at Sonic.  A trip to Kroger costs 100 minimum and my refrigerator looks like a bachelor's pad.  Until my benefits ran out at the sawmill, I was pretty much set for awhile but that's gone.  At some point I may have to go back to work doing something, and I'm not sure what.  Going on faith here.  

Living single is tough without the other half of the rent and I've done it for a long time.  There are times when I think I should have just stuck out the marriage for that reason.  The things that have happened between then and now are mind boggling.  My ex died three years ago without ever getting a dime from SS.  Everything he worked and paid for over the years was free money for the government.  I could draw it but not his and mine too and it's less than mine so it's just gone.  I can't help but think that there's some geek up in a government office calculating how much can be made when people die before becoming eligible.  I'm sure there's a formula.  Actually it's just a crapshoot.  

I'm feeling sort of cynical about life today.  Like everybody else in the country I'm still in shock over the frequency of mass shootings.  I don't claim to have the answer other than to keep fighting back.  Having Oliver North as the president of the NRA is sort of like going from bad to worse.  Just because he's a veteran ( check his history ) doesn't mean he will do what's right for the American people.  Mueller is our only hope here and it won't surprise me at all if the Trump administration finds a way around it.  Please Lord.....fix this mess.  I cannot fathom losing a child, particularly to gun violence.  Kelly Clarkson tearfully asked not for a moment of silence but a moment of action on the Billboard awards.  She's a Texas girl herself.  

Considering my mood, I think it's time to listen to some Hezikiah Walker.  Over and out with prayers for peace and unity  ^j^