bite the bullet

Sometimes in life we have to make decisions that are not real easy.  I'm the queen of procrastination when it comes to that, choosing instead to stall and analyze rather than letting the universe take its' course.  This morning's moon was the most magical thing I've seen in years.  I woke up when it shone through  my bedroom window about five AM.  

In spite of being housebound I got the stomach bug which could only have been from the 'gentral.  Have you seen them folks up there in pajama pants?  Same thing at the chicken store.  I lost my debit card yesterday so task #1 du jour was getting a new one.  While I was searching for the card I left the door cracked resulting in one dead battery.  James Frank came to the rescue and all is well so I can do my tomorrow things. In the rain. When i saw what diet coke does to a battery terminal I almost threw up.  

Prayers up for guidance ~

remember when

My brother dropped something in the mailbox the other day that turned out to be baby pictures of Lauren.  I cannot freakin' BELIEVE how much Reaves looks like her at that same age.  Especially in the eyes and cheeks.  Lerd.  They're spending a couple of days off together which is, as Hoss would say, "a good thing."  Bubba also returned the deviled egg tray from my Christmas gift to him.  Gotta' love it.

On my way home from the chicken store I noticed smoke coming up from behind the red cabin so I drove down there to see what's up.  The landscape looks totally different if you know what I mean.  It really showcases the beauty of that simple log home.  The fire turned out to be a bunch of trees out in the field.  I chatted with the guy who was doing all that and introduced myself as Bubba's sister.  I haven't been there in so long I didn't know the shed was gone.

Anywho.  I think today is the big one for Trump and all his sheeple.  Praise be is all I can say.  As I have said before, I was raised as a Republican.  That the party has turned into a bunch of don't stand up to the big money folks ( and that goes for you Dems too, BTW)  makes me not want to vote because there's only two choices.  Well, and Bernie...Jill Stein and Ross Perot. Ralph Nader!

This country was founded by folks who were tired of the kingdom and wanted something different.  They made friends with the natives and helped each other out.  Never mind that there were witch trials and whatnot later on.  Like now.  I think we have come full circle with the whole invade a country thing.  China owns our economy.  Well, them and the insurance and pharm companies.  And Wall Street.

So I hear the big three are coming together to provide quality affordable healthcare for their almost 1 million employees.  I still don't trust Jamie Dimon and I don't know the Amazon guy but I think Warren Buffett is solid.  Time will tell.

little dumplings

I had a craving for some comfort food yesterday so I cooked up some bird and made some honest to goodness homemade dumplings from Helen Hines recipe in Mama's cookbook.  Easy peasy with nothing but flour, shortening and boiling water.  I ate until I was almost sick.  The rest of the chicken went into chicken salad.  I'm set.

I'm now back to NSAIDs only and the pain is reminding me that it ain't over yet.  I first had rotator cuff surgery four years ago on the right side.  It was a clean break of the supraspinatus and ( not so ) easily repaired with a lot of scraping of arthritis and what not.  I was back at work in 8 weeks but it took six months to get right.  This last procedure was a bit more complicated including three tears that could not be repaired because they were so old the muscles had atrophied and wouldn't stretch.  So, there you go.  Some debridement, fluid release, more scraping and here we are.  The only other option ( for pain relief ) is a reverse shoulder replacement.  At this point in time, that sounds like "not fun at all."  

I'm not whining.  Just trying to get a grasp on things.  Because of opiatemageddon adequate relief for chronic pain has turned into a public health crisis of another sort where people who takes meds responsibly are kind of left hanging.  This is where CBD oil could be a complete turnaround in treatment of chronic pain, seizure disorder and every other little thing.  But noooo....let's jump through legal hoops.  

Anyway, that's my rant o'the day.  So far the weather is playing nice.  Reaves is loving her cereal and bananas and just turned four months old.  I keep going back to look at the latest picture, determined not to miss a day thanks to the village.  

The birds are happy about the weather also and I'm hearing and seeing flocks of them that are NOT crows which makes me happy.  The redbirds are my Daddy, every single one of them.  

Keep the faith ^j^

much ado about the flu

Well as everybody knows flu season is in high gear which means overcrowding of clinics and ERs everywhere.  I had the vaccine but that doesn't necessarily mean you don't get it because it's hit and miss every year on what strains are included in the shot.  Because I've been housebound, my chances are reduced but once I'm back out there in society I'll probably get it...or something else.  

Flu testing is one of the biggest money makers in the industry.  In reality, if you have it there's not a lot you can do but tough it out and take Tamiflu which is an anti-viral medication that is effective in reduction of symptoms if started within the first 48 hours.  I read a piece this morning about adenovirus which has the same symptoms as influenza.  There is no vaccine for that except for military folk, etc.  

While bacterial infections like strep are easily treatable with antibiotics ( most of the time )  viral infections are those that do not respond because umm...they'e viruses.  Overuse of antibiotics through the years has produced a shitload of antibiotic resistant organisms included the MRSA.  This happened, over time, because of the ability of bacteria to mutate and become resistant to different drugs like the penicillin family and others.  In the laboratory we do what is called an ID and sensitivity on bacterial cultures to see what the bug is and what drug it's sensitive to.  Very important stuff.  

Lauren's pediatrician Dr. Melton was the one who brought a new wave of pediatric medicine to Dyersburg that included very conservative use of antibiotics to prevent resistance.  Sadly, it has happened anyway.

I hear there's a State of the Union address coming up which I will skip because I don't believe a word the man says, especially from a teleprompter.  I know the state of our union and it ain't looking good right now.

Here is my urgent plea:  If you think you have the flu you probably do.  PLEASE don't take it to the ER and spread it around.  Seek treatment from a primary care provider and get that diagnosis it you must have it but save the ER for emergencies.  This is the kind of stuff that slows down wait times and makes you mad.  One of my co-workers wrote a very good article for the local paper concerning just these issues.  And yes, he's a doctor.

The river Seine is flooding Paris. Meanwhile more school shootings and accidental deaths due to irresponsible gun storage in the home.  W.T.F. is wrong with people?   I don't want to take away your gun.  Just lock it up where kids and crazy people can't get to it.

Over and out from the lane ^j^ 

puppy dog tales

My dogs love getting hand outs and leftovers like most critters.  The other day I had the oven pre-heated for one of those dolla' Totino's and had the pizza out of the wrapper laying on the kitchen table.  IN the middle of the table.  When I heard the pre-heat beep I headed back to slip it in the oven and umm.  Where did I put that pizza?  At first I thought I was losing it and had put it back in the freezer or something but it was nowhere to be found.  By the power of elimination I surmised that Sam had snatched it off the table and downed the whole thing while I was in the other room.  Bad dog!!

Both dogs and Lily adore Lauren and Reaves so we spent quality time in a huddle on my bed during their visit last night.  They all gave Reaves sugars and I got to see her eat cereal for the 2nd time.  Once again, it was past her bedtime so I'm sure she slept all the way to Jackson.  Our visits are short and sweet and full of love.  We may get to have a sleepover next week if the planets line up just right.  

It's a total rainy day here on the hill yet I woke up around 8 as usual and headed to the chicken/gas/lottery store and found myself behind some high maintenance young man who kept adding things like scratch offs while I waited patiently in line.  Before I even left the store he was back at lottery so I assume he won.

My neighbor Bev brought a seafood boil combo plate from their feast last night and Lauren and I devoured that too, even after wings and pizza.  She got a glimpse of Reaves in the dark which was her first.  I bet Mia will love dat baby too.  

In somebody's famous words "what we have here is a failure to communicate." In a nutshell, that's what's wrong with the world IMHO.  Everybody wants to be right and there is very little attempt to compromise.  That's out of my hands and in God's.  I do feel more optimistic than ever that the hard right is on the way out so there's that.  Looking at the glass half full here.

Don't forget your umbrella ~

so you're a nurse right?

The majority of healthcare clients have not a clue what goes on in the lab.  Most of the time, the face of our department coming in to wake them up for the big morning draw.  The patients two identifiers are checked on the attached armband and they repeat them outloud if able.  Orders are entered into a computer system by physicians and others and they print on a label printer in the core lab or in the ER.  That's when we know to head out and get the specimen.  

All the samples, including blood and every other body fluid you can think of, are received into the laboratory information system and these orders cross interfaces to the analyzers.  Results are verified by a tech and critical values called and documented on the spot.  The LIS won't let you proceed without doing it.  

In large hospitals, techs are pretty much dedicated to one area with an occasional cross train.  In our situation?  We all do it all, literally.  From drawing blood to running a CBC to doing calibrations to red tagging blood we respond, and quickly.  We answer the phone, receive specimens tubed from ER, haul pathology specimens down from the OR and a lot of other things.  A very lean staff covers the entire hospital and an outpatient department plus supports other services like interventional cardiology and point of care testing.  The whole deal is a 24/7 operation because we are a regional medical center, one of several in western Tennessee.

There are very few people going into laboratory science these days.  One reason is the lack of recognition and difference in pay with other healthcare providers.  Today's MT students are learning the technologies that are far beyond me and will make a big difference in testing.  Yet, they still won't be recognized which is a shame.

We have a week in April honoring us as a profession but then everybody else does too!  I have been privileged to work with an amazing team of tough healthcare practitions from physicians on down.  I have been talked down to, yelled at, harassed ( not sexually ) by doctors and it's a miracle I didn't lose my religion on more than one occasion.  The same is true for all the other folks in other departments.  Thanks to corporate workplace harassment guidelines that ain't cool anymore.  

I've had a lot of favorites along the way, even had crushes on a few.  But in the end, I always stood my ground and had backup.  Each of us as caregivers have the right to call each other out when it's something important involving patient care.  It's why we're THERE people, and just because somebody's on an ego trip that doesn't mean you have to back down from your convictions.

Jim Caylor is one of quirkiest guys I know personality wise.  He told me once that all his high school buddies were shocked when they found out he was a surgeon.  This kind Christian man prayed with each and every patient before a procedure.  He was always my advocate, trying to help both personally and professionally.  I first met him in Sunday school at the FUMC when Fred brought him in.  He also held my hand through the deaths of both parents all the way to the grave.

There are so many wonderful people who have taught me about the ethics of healthcare that I couldn't begin to name them all but their stories will come out eventually.

Y'all know what a big  mouth I got ^j^

the universe

I am in heaven no doubt.  Gay worked on my shoulder this morning while we listened to music and she found the exact spots that are still causing pain.  You've heard the saying it "hurts so good!"  Yep..that.  Meanwhile Kat is cleaning my house and we're reliving our years together as daughter and otha' momma.  My house was pretty much the gathering place back in the day.  She's doing her thing and I'm doing mine.  It's like having Lauren up in here with country music and all.

The weather is primo but I hear according to SnowBob that there's another wave coming.  Bless.Our.Hearts. and thank you Butch for the delivery.  We've got doors and windows open so as not to choke on the cleaning supplies.  Do you know how excited I am to have clean floors?  Very.

Reaves is getting shots today which consists of I'm not sure what this day and time.  She is happy and healthy and moving on toward cereal and fruit.  Growing up on us.  I feel like walking to the mailbox to see how many bills are in there.  Wish me luck.

  

mysterious ways

That is how God works.  I started this day like all the others, rolling outta' the bed trying not to get Oscar bit. Diet Coke is my morning crack because I don't like coffee..  I met with a very gracious lady curbside and we hugged and cried while catching up on her elderly father.

After that was the very important appointment with the people who have my future in their hands.  Lovely bunch I must say, especially Steven and Jason.  I gave my guy some ammo for laughs with memories of Jason sprawled out on the counter singing I Can Only Imagine on his guitar. UCMTSU

For some karmic reason, I was prompted to call a couple of old friends yesterday and we talked for hours.  Claudia was all the way home by the we hung up.  We traded pictures of our pets and I sent JR a shot of Reaves.  Gawd I love these folks.  My funeral director friend was as gracious as could be when I called her out of the blue as she was about to enter a service.  I'm trying to be more respectful because she ALWAYS answers.

I pulled the trigger today on something that I'm giving to Big Ernie in faith.  I am just old and tired enough to know my limits and focus.  Right now, that is my family and own well being.  I can't solve the world's problems.  All any of us can do is leave room for the spirit to work.  

what if god was one of us

I woke up with this song in my head this morning so of course I get myself to YouTube to hear it.  I had always thought that Alanis Morrissette did it but found it was attributed to Joan Osborne.  Live and learn.  I remember when our kids were tweens that was their favorite blessing.  "Yeah Yeah...God is great."  "Yeah yeah, God is good."  It really kind of speaks to me in the way that I believe in God....that He is in each of us and however you treat someone else is how you treat the big guy.  

On my way to the doctor's office I passed elderly folks on two different streets, bundled against the cold and hoofing it.  Did I offer them a ride?  No.  But I felt guilty about it.  I smiled at the woman as I passed and a block up the street I saw her turn around and stare at me going on up the road.  The least of these, and I passed them by.

It was two years ago today that my mother passed away quietly in the night with my brother by her side.  I vividly remember gently removing the necklace that held hers and daddy's wedding bands and my cousin Mo placing it around my neck.  I wore it forever.  It had snowed and the day of her service was a muddy mess at the gravesite.  I remember facing the men who honored our family by being pall bearers as they shivered in their overcoats and fought back tears with somber looks of respect on their faces.  Ms Janice was a legend, just like Mr. Billy who preceded her in death by five months.  They are together now in heaven smiling at that great grandbaby named Reaves, a family tradition.  And I remember feeling like an orphan.  

Today's adorable picture was of Reaves and Baylee watching Mickey Mouse, huddled together on the couch contently.  I honestly don't know what they would do without Auntie Erica.  She is an angel here on earth.

^j^

let it go

Like many folk of all political persuasions, I am choosing to step back from the fray and watch people turn on each other.  The polarization of citizens in this country is at its' worst and there is nothing to be gained by the "i'm right, you're wrong" mentality.  I am a political blend which could mostly be described as a conservative liberal.  The things that I believe in like equality, social justice and womens' rights are held close to my heart.  I try super hard not to be judgemental or react even when somebody acts out.  Jesus doesn't like that in case you haven't checked the Bible lately.  If you are anti-abortion and pro death penalty,  I really don't think you get the "thou shalt not kill" commandment but I respect your opinion.  That's what freedom of speech is about.  

The bottom line is that we are are held captive by bi-partisan politics because independent candidates don't have a chance to raise the money and grease the palms of those who make things happen.  Remember when Mr. Smith went to Washington?  I was raised in a staunchly Republican family and parted ways with them politically during the Vietnam war.  I appreciate the service of those who lost their lives, went missing or came back to boos and hisses.  I can't stand Jane Fonda except in Grace and Frankie.  I grew up in an era where the courthouse and everywhere else had separate bathrooms for "colored people."  My school was segregated until I was in the 5th grade.  Even as a teenager, we had no prom because there was that pesky racial mixing thing.  

I realize that we have produced two generations of people who don't have to work because the system feeds them with out tax dollars.  Most of them can and won't.  But there is a flip side to that.  Minimum wage is so low that nobody can afford day care plus their benefits get cut out if they Do work.  Oh you have a job?  No food stamps for you.  Never mind that the bulk of your pay goes toward transportation and housing.  The CHIP program that is being thrown around is an honest to God necessity to ensure the health of our children. If we were single payer, this would not be an "entitlement" but something that everybody gets.  Wellness should be free.  I've been in the biz long enough to tell you for a fact that most end stage disease could have been prevented with early intervention on simple things like glucose levels,  kidney function and vitals.  Education is key.  

Those of us who see how the healthcare system is broken still try our best.  We are the ones who take the time to stop and ask about your mama'nthem or hold the elevator door and smile.  We cry when we lose you and cheeer when you get better.  If I could do it pro-bono and survive, I'd be a happy camper.  

There is healing in the universe and we have to be still and quiet  to feel it.  Life is never that way so....developing a routine of meditation and quiet even if just for a short period is a healthy preventive measure.  Centering down, as the Quakers say.

I don't trust the government(s) or mean people and sometimes not even myself.  But I always try to do the next right thing ^j^

purgatory

I seem to be at that in between place....on the one hand  realizing that my body is sending me signals of chronic pain and on the other?  My stubborn resistance to retain mobility.  Mornings are the worst.  It takes a good two hours to get that thing in motion.  I have sparingly used the traditional medications used to treat pain.  My homeopathic advisers have given me a list of holistic medicines that might work better.  

I enjoyed a long conversation with a high school friend this morning who is also a healthcare professional.  We traded stories about getting beat up by patients.  She sounded about as tired as me PLUS has the flu.  

I am impressed with the shift of yesterday's march from pussy grabbing to get your ass out there and vote.  If you don't?  Don't bitch about it.  Mamye is on the way with provisions so I'm sure we'll have some quality time before kickoff by which time she will be firmly planted in front of her TV.  

Not me buddy .

sweet dreams

I woke up this morning halfway expecting Reaves and Lauren to be in my bed.  They visited for a short while last night and we played until Reaves got fussy because it was already past her bedtime so she and I laid down and cuddled in the dark after Lauren did the butt whacking magic.  For a short while we were entwined, the three of us, just enjoying the snuggles with each of us holding on to the other.  It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.  

I have tried most everything for pain so I followed the suggestion of my friend Kathy and went on a mission to find Aspercreme with Lidocaine.  60 bucks later I left Walgreen.  I am a lazy shopper and that place is ONE stop buys all.  Said lidocaine has been applied and I'm waiting for it to kick in.  So far....nada.  

I ran across my Bernie hoodie from 2016 and promptly made it my new uniform in honor of the government shutdown.  I blame neither party but the Congress as a whole.  From what I understand Schumer made a valiant effort to cross the aisle and was rebuked and then BLAMED by Trump for the shutdown.  Bullshit, Mr. POTUS.  He even brought your precious wall to the table.  

So, here we sit just like in 2013.  This is not an Obama thing or a Trump thing but a failure of elected Congressional representatives to put their own interests to the side, stop gerrymandering and focus on what is best for the citizens of this country.  Like that will ever happen.

Anywho, that's my rant o' the day.  If you have yet to experience the hilarity that is Disjointed on Netflix, please indulge yourself.   Sam has knocked every single book out of the recliner to make his nest in here with me.  He is such a mama's boy. Warmer weather is here.  Enjoy not having to scrape ice and snow for awhile!!!

My friend Carol called and we talked and cried and talked some more....2 hours worth.  Good for the soul if you know what I mean.  Right now, I have the luxury to relive my life through that kind of chat.  She's tried out a drumming class and will share links to me about the tribal therapy. Lord knows I need it for clarity.

Namaste ~

only the good die young

Well, that's certainly not true by any means but I love Billy Joel so there you go.  As predicted by my funeral director friend, January has been full of passings...some expected and some a total shock.  On Tuesday it will be 2 years since that snowy day Mom went to glory.  

I've been trying to access a website for a week now with no luck.  I've been given 98 temporary passwords and codes and nothing works.  I've called them about ten times and they're always courteous and helpful but that website....acck.  I'm about to say to hell with it and find a fax.  

If Plan A works, the girls will be here for a short evening visit.  There's a lot more quality in that than hauling all that stuff over for the night!  Thanks Auntie Erica and also for the videos.  That girl is talking up a storm now.

Whever you are, love the one you're with ^j^

levels of spirituality

My friend came by today and we had our usual psychotherapy session with me using life experience and talking honest to the guy about God.   He mentioned that at a certain point in someone's journey, they will stop saying "look at what I've done" and give the glory to the one who delivers grace and peace.  To be openly led by this kind of gratitude is freedom from control.  

I began to sense that something was wrong in my life when I was about 32, hormonal as hell and confused as a bat.  I spent two years with a woman who cracked the whip so hard on me it hurt.  She taught me to grow up, separate myself from who others expect me to be and take no crap, all with a side of Christianity.  She was a minister as well.  She pissed me off just enough to send me on my way in life.  Haven't heard from her since.  

And that's okay.  She did her job with me as a therapist and minister.  Life is full of those situations where the interaction is brief and intense but leaves lasting impressions.  I am weary today, tired of the chronic pain and drip of faucets.  My hunt and gather mission was to Four Points where the gentral' resides.  I stopped by Gigi's to pick up some papers and found her on the phone drinking coffee.  Diane now sits in an urn on the coffee table with plenty of room left for the rest of the family!  Sanford Stew.

I refuse to give up and not believe that good things are everywhere.  They just don't get a lot of media attention which is a shame.  Steve Hartman is an excellent example of a good news reporter.  There are plenty of others.

Peace ~

facebookland

Like most other folks I enjoy keeping up with friends on FB.  I've dealt with my fair share of trolls, mostly regarding politics but I've never before witnessed what I saw today which was a personal attack on someone's post.  A friend wrote from her heart about a situation that is seemingly impossible for her and was promptly told that she was "ignorant" and a "fool" for doing so.  This comment was posted by someone who has no idea what's going on.  Nada.  

Social media is both a blessing and a curse.  Many people live their lives through it and out current POTUS uses Twitter daily to trash somebody or something.  To use FB or any other form of social media to insult someone is just wrong in my book.  If you are a celebrity and or politician, you set yourself up for it.  Your average user is employing the technology available to reach out to others for good.  This was not the case in this particular situation.  All I can say is that the person who made these comments showed their ass in a very BAD way.  The vitriolic comments were fortunately offset by many many offers of love and support.  So, enough about that.  Like my mama used to say "If you can't say something nice, keep your trap shut."

The sun is out now following snow flurries this morning.  I'm hibernating until the roads get in better shape or I need food, whichever comes first.  I know that parents everywhere are looking forward to getting those kiddos back to school!  Snow days can definitely be the devil's workshop.

Keep smiling....keep shining ~

slow go

My orthopedic doc comes here twice a month from Jackson so I wasn't real sure he would be there for my appointment today.  We got probably 4 inches of snow but NO ice this time so it's much more easily traveled.  The road crews have busted out plows and some kind of grainy stuff to put a little traction on the ice underneath.  Salt maybe?  Anyway, we discussed options which are pretty limited to shoulder replacement.  He put me off for two more weeks until I see him again on the 1st for reasessment.  Maybe by then the pain will be better.  Right now, it sucks.

It was surreal being the first car to lay tracks in that fresh snow.  As I got closer to the barn I saw deer prints all over the place.  That's one of their crossings.  I don't do anything fast these days because I'm afraid I'll fall so I crept carefully in snow boots to get to the car to the doctor and back.  Didn't even slide once.   Somebody else did though because there was one laying in the ditch on 51.

Looks like there's a warmup on the way in a few days so there's that to look forward to.   I'm just enjoying the pretty scenery while it's around.

Sleighbells ring ~

the long way home

I have written on more than one occasion about the opportunity as a healthcare provider to minister to those who are affected by illness and death.  I was reminded of one such incident yesterday as Karen and I talked about Rodney's accident.  I was on duty that day and knew from Facebook that he was critically hurt so I headed around there to check on Karen.  As i passed the front door I spotted her coming across the parking lot and shen she saw me there was a look of terror on her face.  She thought I was meeting her to tell her that he was dead.  "No" I said, and I escorted her to the ER where his two best friends were waiting outside the trauma room.  I hung around for awhile and went about my business.  She told me yesterday that I had been on her mind for that very reason following Rodney's recent passing.  He spent the better part of a  year in rehab with the entire family praying for miracles.  You just never know what God will put in front of you on any given day.

Another time was when my dear friend Gigi presented with bacterial meningitis in a BAD way.  Had her sister not checked on her that morning on a hunch, she would have died and almost did.  She told me recently that her priorities are all different now having come that close to death.  I can only imagine.  

I read recently that the majority of first responders to the Sandy Hook shooting are suffering from PTSD.  In a small community where everybody knows everybody this is a big factor in doing your job.  While we treat all patients alike, caring for someone you know and love presents a whole set of emotions that are sometimes difficult to overcome.  I learned that lesson well with my grandparents and parents.  It also gives you a unique perspective on things worse than death.  

Today is my brother's 60th birthday so if you know Bubba ( and EVerYBodY knows Bubba) wish him a big fat happy birthday.  The snow clouds are gathering for another round so we'll see how that goes.  The roads are stil horrible from Friday's ice and snow.  It makes me nostalgic for the days when  trucks spread cinders.  The hill on Pecan Lane is an excellent sledding spot and the neighbors took advantage of it over the weekend.  Faucets are dripping again in anticipation of 3 degree weather.  Lerd, I am so ready to see something green shoot up out of the ground.  

More Disjointed came out just in time for my withdrawals to be met.  This show is crafty, witty and addresses all the issues surrounding the sale of cannabis in a realistic way.  Ruth Whitefeather Feldman is an attorney who knows what's up in the industry. Kathy Bates plays her like a fiddle.  

In other news, Trump is spending Martin Luther King day at his golf club so yay him.  I'm sure there will be some sort of appropriate tweet.  Or not.  I didn't win the Powerball but some 20 year old who wants to "help others" did so I'm good with that.  Mamye bought us each a ticket, just in case.

Not sure what the future will bring but I'm manifesting my destiny up a storm.  Stay tuned ^j^

not a clue

I talked to an old friend and former co-worker today.  She was totally out of touch with what'a up there now. So am I because I've been on medical leave for six weeks for that pesky shoulder.  I saw Trish at the chicken store getting coffee and gas.  I totally didn't realize how much i needed that hug.

I am realizing my limits day by day and that sucks.  When you are not able to do your job, it's a crapshoot with who will take care of you. I'm not trusting the government on that.  Just saying.  Maybe coporate will come through.

Anywho and whatnot...reaves is killer cute.

rockabye sweet baby reaves

She has my heart, you know, and that of everybody else who knows her.  Her little attitude is fierce and sweet all rolled into one.  She's a little person now who loves her feet and her mama.  She fights sleep even whe she's tired and Lauren's magic trick is to rock that baby in her arms and smack her butt.  She finds comfort in that and drifts right off.  Also once she hits the road in the car seat, she's out.  

The snow is still hanging around and won't likely go anywhere soon because it's butt cold again.  I managed to make it to the gas station praying the entire way not to fall or end up in the ditch.  Even the highway is still covered in ice.  It took a good 30 minutes to de-ice the Camry which I accomplished with heat, cold water and an umbrella for scraping.  Right handed, mind you.  The gentral STILL has no de-icer.  

I know I promised not to whine but I really thought I'd be farther along with this shoulder thing.  Without a small dose of pain med and a huge dose of NSAIDs I'm unable to move that side much at all.  If this is as good as it gets, I'm screwed.  Eventually that naproxen will eat my stomach out!!

And so it goes, as Old Hoss would say.  Damn I miss that old fart.   He was my buddy for a loooong time and I actually got to meet him one time when he was on "tour" to hook up with a few of his favorites following a blogger convention in Vegas.  The last time we talked, I couldn't understand him but told him I loved him anyways.  

Trump has now officially pissed off everybody and their brother, even the ones who voted for him.  What.An.Idiot.  The shithole country speech put another nail in his coffin.  Even the UMC has condemned his remarks along with many other organizations.  Get a grip dude.  It's not all about you.  There's an entire world out there watching you act a fool and you just don't get it.

As for other contenders, I wouldn't vote for Oprah either.  Entertainers have no place in politics just because they're famous.  That's how we ended up with you know who.  I love Oprah and all that she stands for but........

Be careful on that ice ^j^

snow day

Well, the weather forecast was spot on.  Teachers and children rejoice and everybody else, not so much.  It's a very treacherous time for somebody in my shape because one fall could do my left shoulder in.  That is exactly what happened to the right one when I fell not once but TWICE on the ice and snapped the subscapularis tendon in half several years ago. I have no carport so deicing the Camry is a real ordeal, especially at 6AM in the dark.  The saving grace of this kind of weather is that people don't get out unless they have to.

It's pretty out here in the snow and I can hear the bambambam of duck hunters over the dripping faucets.  Today is my cousin Mo's birthday and also her late father.  She remembers more snowy birthdays than not and recalled one year when her daddy picked up people four at a time for her party.  My brother's is on the 15th and I can vividly remember him as a bitty boy with pneumonia on his special day.  Mother nature knows no calendar.

I've never been real big on playing in it, choosing instead to admire the beauty from inside.  There was one time when I tried pulling Lauren in a disc tied to the back of the car with a sheet and it broke.  So much for that!  Not very safe, but it was all we had.  Visibility is near zero so y'all be careful out there.  

And yes.....Trump is still your president.  For now.

busy girl

I've had lots of interaction today with a lot of folks.  Had to make a pharmacy run and gentral' food shopping to stock up for snowmageddon.  Driving is still a chore so Mamye checks with me every day to see if I need anything.  We were supposed to go to Kroger today but frankly?  I just wasn't up to it.  

Marti Ann is probably in the top five of women who have made me who I am.  Much of that was passed down from her mother Martha who recently died.  As soon as I found out I called her and was on speakerphone with she and Becca as they traveled from the funeral in Texarkana to the burial at Hot Springs.  Honey died in September which is about the interval between my parents' death so I was a blubbering idiot on the phone while she's driving in the rain.  Peace be still.

Reaves is about to go viral with her terminal cuteness and attitude.  Stay tuned for more pics and keep the faith ^j^

all in a day's health

I returned to the derm doc this morning for stitch removal and received a good report meaning not cancer.  Not sure really WHAT that thing is on my head but it's benign and gone for the moment.  If it comes back, they'll shoot it with steroids.  After that I went for an MFR treatment with Gay and it was heavenly.  It still hurts but the treatments help a LOT and beat the hell out of traditional physical therapy.  

There is snow in the forecast for Friday when the temperature drops.  Let it snow, I say.  If it's gonna' be cold it might as well be pretty.  The last snow I remember is on Jan 22nd 2016 on the day before my mother died.  I barely made it to work and Lauren was working at mama's assisted living place at the time itching to get off and be with her Memaw.  Of course everybody called in and she had to stay over.  When she did get there after a 12 hour graveyard shift, she piled up in the recliner next to Mom's bed and watched the snow fall.  

I can't wait to see the look on Reaves' face when she sees her first snow.  Hopefully Auntie Erica will record it if it happens this week.  She follows everybody and everything with her head now and takes it in with those big brown eyes.  As my daddy would say "she's a dandy."

I feel so badly for all those people in southern California facing mudslides and flooding following almost getting burned up.  All you climate change deniers take note:  This is real.

Always remember who you are ~

hurry up and wait

Doing business from a laptop and a phone is often an exercise in futility.  Unfortunately that's what I'm dealing with right now so I'm playing the game with phone tag and long wait times plus an email here and there.  How on earth do the elderly manage without being able to navigate the internet?  My hero du jour is the insurance agent who is sensitive enough to ask "do you have email?" realizing that not everyone does.  

So the thaw continues to be followed by more brutal cold.  And yes, I've checked the propane level.  35% should get me through the next week.  The faucets will have to go back on drip....same song, second verse.  Hopefully I'll get the garbage to the road before it hits.  I've been looking at the glass as half full lately.

My husband once accused me of "psychoanalyzing" him which is something I just do because of lots of experience in life, both good and bad.  He was very passive aggressive which is difficult to deal with on a long term basis.  So was my father.  Being verbally abusive is never okay, even if you don't hit.  To tell someone else that they don't have a clue and pass judgement is the worst kind of projection.  I have a relationship that is just that and fortunately I've set boundaries and continued to love.  In therapy when I realized I was acting out some of the same behaviors that had hurt me, I stopped.  Cold turkey.  

A lot of people don't know how to take me because I am so up front.  I don't play games unless I have to.  What I seek for myself now is enjoying life with true friends and family and making a living.  I do my bestest to affect social change and slowly but surely I see it coming around in spite of the circus.

My prediction on the Sessions THC stance is that those states that are benefitting from sales of marijuana will fight like hell to change the federal law.  It is not enforcable as it stands now and there are way too many patients benefiting from medicinal use.  Children.  The elderly.  People with neurological disorders and depression.  If it is approved federally, you can bet your sweet ass all the pharma bros will be standing in line for their cut.  It would dip into their profits.

I was pleasantly surprised when I received the statement from my orthopedic doc.  Last time around I ended up owing almost a thousand dollars which put me into bankruptcy.  This balance is doable and will be paid along with all the other providers.  I'm sure a big fat co-pay will show up on somebody's bill.

The train just went by with its' lonely sound punctuated by the beep of the smoke detector.  I can't get the cover off to change the battery!  Dang, I need a handyman.  

Act as if ~

mind drift

I'm lost in a sea of "i don't know what day it is."  Being housebound will do that to you.  I took a quick trip downtown to have brunch with my friend Lorna.  We have the kind of relationship where we know so much about each other long explanations aren't needed.  It is what it is.

I'm looking forward to another MFR treatment and steady doing home care like arm extensions and whatnot.  Outward rotation is still a problem.   Slowly but surely.  That's the name of the game.

It's gloom and doom time again but at least it's warmer, thankyousweetbabyjebus.  I heard ducks quacking in the background when I got in the car today.  Plenty of water after last night's rain.  

I'm hearing bumps in the basement so I hope it's a squirrel and not hatchet man.  I'll be damned if I go look!  Peace and love ~

no rest for the weary

Traveling with a baby is pretty much like packing up and moving.  Every time the girls come to visit there's the super cool diaper bag/backpack plus Lauren's bag plus laundry plus the rock'n'play plus the car seat.  They never stay more than one night due to her work schedule so it's a lot of transporting for a brief visit which we all enjoy.  

Reaves was feeling feisty this morning so we propped her up in the walker with a pillow and she played for quite awhile with her tippy toes touching the floor while we watched Bob's Burgers.  It's so stupid it's funny.  Delores came by bearing gifts and right on her heels were Gigi and Hunter Bear ready for the transport back to their real life.  To say that I'm grateful for the village that makes all this happen is an understatement.

Ima' gonna' try my best not to whine about the pain anymore because it doesn't become me and also it doesn't help a damn thing.  Neither does bitching about Trump.  It's all wasted energy.  I see the fatigue in my daughter's eyes as she she learns to be a mom 24/7 and work full time for minimum wage.  They obviously know and adore each other.  

Rain is on the way which means Reelfoot will wake up.  Praise be ^j^

fed and happy

Since I can't tackle 412 on my own, Anna was kind enough to give me a ride to Jackson so that Lauren and Reaves could have a home visit.  We stayed in the car while she was shopping Sephora and I people watched becuse the baby was sound asleep.  All the way to Dyersburg!!  Lauren bought lunch from El Patio when we got back and Reaves just finished a bottle.  All is well.

Gigi will be taking the return leg of this journey tomorrow and she has shopping to do as well.   Getting in and out of a coat is one of the worst pains for me so I'll be glad to shed that later in the week.  Stitches will come out of my head and treatment received on the bum shoulder.  That's all I have planned.

It's been two weeks since the girls were here and we do pretty much the same as if they were in Jackson only we get to share the joy of home.  I tap tap in the office and she watches Intervention and scrolls her phone.  Reaves smiles a lot now and is changing in looks but she's still a bitty girl.  Loves her feet.  Who needs toys, right?

I am so blessed ~

swamp cabbage

My daddy worked for the USDA until his retirement at 55.  One of the reasons he retired is that his job had turned into a lot of travel for things like inspecting stuff from the Cuban refugees that were pouring in at that time.  I was going through a box of family stuff ( there are still MANY ) and found a program from a United Methodist church that he attended in LaBelle Florida.  I had always pictured him on the shore in Miami or something so I was curious about this tiny town.  It only has about 5K residents and sits close to Ft. Myers.  It is the home of the Swamp Cabbage Festival and I have a t-shirt somewhere.  Small world.  His 35 years were met for federal retirement which included his duty in the Air Force when he was stationed in the Azore Islands during the Korean conflict.  Technically, he was a plant protection specialist and also farm manager for all those years.  After retirement, he became a one job man managing the farm until about 8 years ago.  Then the job was passed onto my brother.  

It's funny....the little things that we forget about until we run across a reminder of days gone by.  These boxes hold the history of my parents' life together.  Some of it is being pitched while other parts will remain a part of my heritage to be passed onto Lauren and Reaves.  My mother was a meticulous historian.

It's finally above 20 around these parts which is a welcome warmup.  Hopefully I can turn off the dripping faucets soon.  We are still here so I'm assuming nobody pushed their big button yet.  Since I've had the time I've watched a few White House press briefings and I must say that Sarah Huckabee Sanders is the perfect mouthpiece for this administration.  Full of it.  

More later from Pecan Lane ~

one pain at a time

The shoulder pain is still fairly constant hovering around a 5 even with medication.  The deadening of my scalp wore off during the night and now there's that what with the stitches and all.  I'm hoping that it's not squamous cell CA as I've already had one spot treated on my arm.  It will take a week to get a path report which I'll find out about when the stitches are  removed.  

I am absolutely furious about Jeff Sessions' latest regressive move lifting the "soft touch" by feds on states where marijuana is legal.  The economy has been boosted in the states where legalization has taken place and a lot of tax revenue is being produced.  Explain to me how, if you will, that using a heavy hand will do anything other than drive more underground drug activity.  Idiot.  They will do anything to try to destroy what President Obama accomplished.  It took years for Holder to back off and let it be and lots of good things happened in progressive states.  Fill up those prisons, Trump.  Then privatize their operation.  It's a freaking PLANT.

Enough about that.  I see good things coming down the pike for our country in spite of the circus that is our government.  Voters are fed up to the gills with the status quo and there are midterms coming up.  Use your vote wisely.  Surely Putin can't interfere with EVERY election.  

Carry on with faith and hope ~

turkish terror

I rarely get comments directly on the blog because most people use Facebook.  Therefore, when I see one pop up about half the time it's somebody from the Middle East sending a code to somebody I guess.  It always starts with Ankara and I've never bothered to translate....just hit delete.  

I had an appointment this morning to biopsy something on my head, of all places and it turned into a nice visit with two of my favorite people in the whole world namely Kim and Kent. We caught up on life and discussed things like kids, CBD oil and our shared past while he cut and stitched.  The three of us go WAY back.  On the way out I shared pics of Reaves with Lauren's old friend Melissa.  Old friends are the best. 

While I was there two other old friends called to make sure I have heat following yesterday's dilemma.  That makes a girl feel mighty good as did all the other check ins and offers of a place to stay.  I am indeed blessed.

Now, for who's got the biggest button.  Our POTUS is acting even more reckless than usual in the pissing match with Kim.  They actually kind of have the same mentality like two teenaged boys trying to prove who's the biggest and baddest.  Meanwhile the rest of us sit here waiting for the bomb to drop.  I do so hope there's a system of "checks and balances" in place.

Other than that, I got nothing but extensions of the left arm for rehab.  And it still hurts.  This has turned out to be something much worse than when I had the right shoulder fixed because of the degeneration of the joint and surrounding tissue.  But, as they say.  This too shall pass.

^j^

frozen backwater

I love watching the ice left behind as the water recedes.  That being said, I don't like the cold that goes along with it.  I just got propane about 6 weeks ago so it didn't really dawn on me that that I might be close to out.  I checked it the other day and "thought" it looked like enough.  That was before the temps went spiraling downward and stayed there.  When I woke up it was 3 degrees outside and 43 in the house.  Just to make sure it was really empty, I drug myself out there at dawn with a lantern and sure enough.....zero.  That's when I started repeat calling propane guy until he got to the shop.  They delivered by 9 and when I got back from my therapy appointment the house was toasty again.  Thanks Butch!

Thanks also to all y'all who offered shelter.  I will definitely keep a closer eye on the situation.  I have enough garbage waiting to go to the road that it will take two pickups to get it all.  But hey...whaddya do when you're incapacitated.  In my case, you let it pile up and wait for warmer weather.

Stay warm kids.  It's brutal out there ^j^

baby it's cold outside

Bone chilling, in fact.  I made my one run into the artic air and will remain in this house until it gets above 20 at least.  The temp has risen from 6 to 11 since I got up this morning.  I doubt we'll hit the 20 degree mark.  Now I'm warming back up and working  the old shoulder.  Tomorrow brings another treatment my way.

I'm heartbroken that I wasn't invited to Mar A Largo for the festivities.  I'm sure it got lost in the mail.  Melania had on the most hideous dress I've ever seen, BTW.  Me and Mamye shot off a couple of roman candles but couldn't get the sparklers to work because of the heavy wind.  And I was asleep WAY before midnight.  

So here we are with a brand new year to explore.  Back in the day my parents and their friends gathered at the Bruce's house for New Year's food and football.  We were all teenagers so we piled up in Tim's room and avoided the elders.  I've always hated football I suppose because I saw so much of it growing up.  Daddy was a fiend and Mom became one just because that was the way it rolled.  Might as well join 'em if you can't beat 'em.  

I also hate cabbage so that's out and so is kraut.  Guess I'll just have to take my chances on the folding money.  I used to have three dog nights when it was cold but now there's only two plus a cat.  I sure do miss all the ones who have crossed the rainbow bridge.  Especially Faith and Butterbean.

Happy new year to you and your mama'n'them.  Oh...and always.  Keep the faith ^j^