Saturday, March 4, 2017

jumping ship

They say that the only thing constant is change.  I find this to be true in most every situation except where you really WANT it to happen which takes forever or sometimes never.  I've held onto the hope that things would get better in a certain area of my life yet every day I find that one more person is moving on.  This is my last weekend to work with Scotty and we had a decent day.  While I'm really happy for him, I'll miss him like crazy.  

I was stunned to hear that yet another co-worker has given notice.  He has fought the good fight for much longer than I ever expected his rebel self to do, yet it makes me incredibly sad because of our shared history.  I think that if I had the luxury of looking ahead to something better I'd be a bit less nostalgic.  As it stands, retirement is out of the question for my senior citizen self so I figure I'll die trying.  This is not what I expected for the "golden" years.  

I went without the SRUI one day too many and it's catching up with me in the form of little random tears here and there partly out of nostalgia and partly just exhaustion.  My friend the little General always spoke of peaks and valleys so I suppose this is a valley following a week of flying high on gardening.  It makes me not even want to water the straw, but I will because I've worked too hard to let it go.  

Leadership and community go hand in hand in more ways than one.  A true leader inspires and motivates serving as teacher and mentor as well as advocate.  When these qualities are lacking or the truth is varnished, the little people become weary.  Unfortunately those on the front lines are the ones who know the lay of the land best but are the least heard.  That really makes me tired.  

That being said, I refuse to give up and will continue to pursue plans B, C and how many other ones it takes to find peace.  That's just how I roll.  We had an interesting discussion at the sawmill today about Lent and Pentecost and the whole religion thing and I was in some ways preaching to the choir but it gave me some faith telling about how I became an out of my head Christian and into the heart kind at midlife.  

Onward ~

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