tough love

Anyone who has never been a parent cannot begin to understand how you feel when that little kid you raised up in your own image turns out to be their own person. I remember BG's preschool teacher loaning me her copy of "The Strong Willed Child" during the terrible threes and challenging fours. Truth be told she was pretty spoiled as an only child and only grandchild. Life got real when we divorced the first time. I'm glad I didn't know the whole story then because I would probably be in jail now for murder and then where would my dogs live? My ex was a good man and father with a huge substance abuse issue that affected his parenting at a very young age for her. I was what we now describe as a "hot mess" falling in love with the most unfortunate people and believing that someday my prince would come. That was twelves years ago, by the way. No prince in sight and very few frogs.

I followed my first real boyfriend to Memphis and as my mama says "At least he got you through college." He lived in a Frayser apartment and at that time it wasn't all ghetto like it is now. My dorm rooms, first at Memphis State and later at UTCHS were just a place to change clothes and study...the rest of the time I was with him. We broke up right around graduation and I trashed plans to work there because really? It was all about him. Our county hospital scooped me up as a new grad and the rest is history. I've been asked to present the annual Gaga award during volunteer week and I owe it to my grandmother to keep it going as long as anybody remembers. I remember once when I presented the award with some kind words the administrator saying "I didn't know you could do that!" Um, yeah. I took speech at Dyersburg State from Avonne Wortham. How's that for a flashback??

Looking back, I see portions of my life that I wish I had not acted in a particular way. My father's anger kept me longing to be a daddy's girl when, in fact, daddy had nothing left to give after working two jobs. Now he's just tickled to death to go out and eat like a hog then plan the rest of his day. Over.And over. It's the same story with everyone it seems, only the details change. I've been lucky to have my parents for this long and fortunate that my daughter and I have a loving relationship, one where honesty and fortitude are all out on the table. I see a different woman now, one who is willing to take risks to get ahead even if it's uncomfortable.

As for Prince Sugardaddy? Bring it on ya'll.