Monday, January 14, 2013

the evidence of things not seen

I was raised as a Christian by two very devoted Methodist parents who took me until I chose those beliefs as my own. My friends were almost 100% Christian as well, with only a few Jewish families living here. My friends were of many different denominations and we sometimes visited other churches and got a real shock compared to the rituals and liturgy of the UMC. First time I saw a guitar on stage for worship it was an event! It wasn't until I became a "heart" believer rather than a head one during my 30s that I began to see how Big Ernie had moved in my life all that time before. A Baptist friend shared with me once how she always wondered what "being saved" was like because she had never felt that. I can relate in many ways. Altar calls are a good way to get the sheep down front but a whole lot of it has to do with if you're really ready to believe. In what? That's a personal decision and using those beliefs to further a political agenda is not what J would do, in my opinion.

Faith has come to me not in big bolts but small doses of getting kicked down and refusing to stay there. My life compared to the rest of the world's population is about as blessed as you can find, even though I whine about the drama a lot. BG and I had a conversation today about PTS and as I cried she explained how the whole thing works in your brain and through therapy, which most returning Iraq and Afghanistan vets are not being offered. If they are, most of them can't afford to take time away from trying to make a living in our post war economy that's almost a depression but not quite yet. There are soup lines in every town now, and not just for the ones who didn't try to make it. All you can do is the best you can do.

My daughter reminded me of the fact that we have seen a miracle in our relationship that wouldn't have been possible without BE being all in the middle of it and listening to our prayers. Nay..knowing before we ask what is best. That's my philosophy on spirituality in a nutshell. God knows what you need without a request but it doesn't hurt to say thank you now and then. Forcing gratitude is a habit that pays off in many ways emotionally. It gives the believer a reason to keep trying in spit of astronomical odds. And that is faith, pure and simple. Everybody's got crosses to bear and struggles. Paying forward by helping out when the need arises is a no brainer. Miracles do happen.

It's about to be cold and icy here so I'm glad we got the Camry out of the asparagus bed yesterday. How did it get there you ask? Well..I was wheeling around the (empty) propane tank to park behind the house and slide right into the damn thing. A couple of guys pulled me out with a gator as one of them muttered about "fixing stupid". Note to self: don't drive on wet grass because there's a shitload of mud under there. Me and all the dogs snuggled together for warmth, just like the old days of a "three dog night".

I believe in the goodness of mankind and that has never failed me. I've been disappointed and shocked at reality sometimes but the hope always shines through lighting the way for me as I trudge on.

Keep the faith ^j^

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