no words

That's a pretty unusual way to find me but that's about the size of it right now. I'm totally disgusted with politics in general and the way government keeps heaping things on top of the middle class to carry the bulk of the load. In 1973, I began college and looked forward to the American dream. Healthcare was considered a promising field at the time, long before the baby boomers started into their golden years. My last raise was more than the 1% that preceded it and was helpful until health insurance premiums went up and the payroll tax cut expired. Now I'm right back where I was this time last year, limping along trying to survive on what should be a fat salary. Some of that is my fault, because I didn't save in the 80's when the money was good. I spent like a crazy woman during that time and never thought twice about an IRA or TSA. When I finally did put my toe in the water of the stock market and gained a little interest, I got divorced and used it to live on. 30% interest? Yes, ya'll I know. But the bottom line is, you do what must be done to survive. I watched The Hunger Games over the weekend and was just mesmerized at how the human comes out in people when it's do or die time.

A longer than usual day included transfer of barn wood to my co-worker's car and a staff meeting plus a few tears with BG over the state of our finances. She begins a new job soon and will be in real life for the first time with her new attitude. It makes a world of difference, and I am so proud of how far she has come as a friend and mentor to others through her own healing. Group therapy is something that I never did choosing instead to pay some poor unsuspecting adviser to listen to my drivel. In a way, though, we practice this at home now which is good. Nothing is not fair game on the table for discussion. We've never fought much anyway. She would just slam the door in my face and hibernate!!

Daddy (finally) is going to see the heart doctor tomorrow so he'll probably start calling me about 8 to make sure it's on. I told him the doc would probably want to do a stress test like mama had and it wasn't bad, right Mom? No big deal, she said. We have already avoided by the skin of our teeth two cardiac events with her involving CHF but she gently avoided the subject of a cath. At that age, any type of co-morbidity can take you down when the blood thinners are flowing. When she asked me yes or no, I had to be honest and say no based on the do no harm principles that are dear to me. You gotta die somehow, I just prefer for it not to be at the hands of an overpaid specialist. This is how old I am...I remember when there was a pathologist in the house doing autopsies and bone marrows. There were no "megagroups" nor with radiology and the patient got one bill from the facility itself. Now when you go to a hospital you get a bill from every single provider that you might not even know served you. It's the American way, right Frist?

That just reminded me of my old crush Spike..the one who was all that in high school but I liked him just because he was kind. We have remained friends through the years and he married late in life, waiting for just the right one. His father is my co-worker and his mom still picks MINE up for bridge. Do I hear an amen? I know all the rest of the fam too in the way that I can pick up the phone to call. Bless his heart, I thought he was gonna have the big one when I defaulted on my TSA loan. That one caught up with me, by the way. Took a year to pay it off.

Mama told me yesterday that I do everything in a hurry. That got me to thinking about the difference in our paces because we are reversing roles..slowing down for her. I'm just steady looking at what's in front of me as the next task or chore looms. and you know what? I wish it were different.

^j^