floatin' our boats

In case you're on a tropical island somewhere with a fruity drink being delivered by the oh-so-sexy pool boy, you might like to know that the great state of Tennessee aka the Volunteer state has taken a licking from mother nature this past few days. My particular 'burg was spared the brunt of the damage but now we are being flooded by rivers ever which'a'way. When I was a kid it was nothing for Daddy to put a board on the front of his truck to push through the floodwaters of the north fork of the Forked Deer which surrounds our farm. It makes for very rich cropland when mother nature is in a good mood but when it floods? Not so much. During the sixties, the corp did dredge and channel work to keep the flooding to a minimum but that didn't help much this time. I have never EVER in my years here seen the river rise as fast as it did today. I got a phone call about ten from my brother giving me a heads up on the situation and by the time BG and I went to town and came back 45 minutes later, the road was impassable. We had lunch from Miss Bea's and groceries when we pulled up to the parking lot of Tim's Cycle Shop and parked our cars on safe ground. Or so we thought.

Clara and her family were headed in with a county truck so we hitched a ride in the back with James Frank and our supplies. I swear ya'll...that truck floated! That's when I began to speak in tongues. BG has never heard me talk to Big Ernie in quite that way and she was having a ball watching the deer run for higher ground. I grabbed her hand and held it, praying with all my United Methodist spirit for our driver to keep the crew safe. And by golly, she did. The grands got lunch and we made it up Pecan Lane with our stuff. Somewhere between the highway and our lane we spotted six deer running across the water heading for a safe haven. BG said that's about the time I began speaking in tongues.

We decided to go for a walk and check out the view from up at the old dairy barn. About the time we topped the hill, the guy who owns the shop where we parked our cars called and said that the water was up to the bumper. Perhaps we might need to come move them?!? Alrighty then. I had noticed earlier that a truck with a big lift came down to the dead end of our lane to bond with get the crazy ass guy we've nicknamed Beethoven to get the heck out of dodge and join his wife and kids in town. Being the quick thinker that I am I hoofed it on down there to catch a ride in his truck through the water so that we could move our cars to drier ground. And how did that work for ya, you ask? Not too good. Dude decided to take a detour through the muddy field at about fifty mph slinging us girls and his infant child all over the damn place. We started banging on the back window of his truck and screaming for him to let us out and we would just wade in the water but he was oblivious. Right about the time I was ready to do a nose dive out of the truckbed into the mud that crazy sucker hit pavement and we proceeded down the ginormous hill of the city golf course straight into the ass deep water. We made it to the other side right about the time that nasty river muck was inching up toward the doors. Our neighbor politely offered us a ride on her gator so that we didn't have to run into mr. snake with our bare legs.

You know what the funny thing is? BG had called our friend Dunderhead to see if he could get through and help us save the totally not paid for but well insured vehicles from certain death but instead of waiting on him we caught a ride with two crackhead idiots with a baby in the back. I kid you not...I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. We got to Gigi's house and old Dunder showed up to ferry us back home with his faithful black lab/pit mix named Earl riding in the back. He loved the view, no doubt. As for us girls we were just tickled to be INSIDE the truck this time.

I sure do hope the country road guy put up a sign there by the highway. I would sincerely hate for Sugardaddy to drown trying to get to my house with the glass slipper. That would not be a happy ending, to say the least. Last I heard, Farmer Joey's oldest daughter is in labor and will hopefully deliver a new little farmer to the family sometime tonight.

Life is good ^j^