happy easter to all and to all a good fight

Oh.My.Lort. This morning I cruised into the parking lot at church to pick up my parents and marveled at all the finery through my film wrapped window. Then I hopped out to take a few shots of the famous flowering cross. Every year, rain or shine...volunteers accept flowers from people's yards and push them through the chicken wire creating a beautiful symbol of what Easter is really all about. People of all denominations come from across town when their services are over to have their pictures made there. This morning I met, again, a young lady with whom BG knew as a middle schooler, all grown up and standing in the rain in a poncho doing God's work. I told her she is some kind of servant! I also popped up in the background as another old friend was having her family's picture shot on her phone by someone else and when she spotted my face you should have SEEN her reaction. The trouble started when mom and daddy exited the church under an umbrella in the pouring rain and proceeded to fight like little kids over going for doughnuts and eggs. Mama knows her limits now and refused to get out again (in the rain) with her walker just to stay in routine. She coyly offered to sit in the car while we ate to which I said hell no and headed to the house. Luckily the film on the window makes such a racket we couldn't really hear him bitching from the back seat. The more child like he acted, the more tickled we got finally bursting into fits of laughter because it beats crying or fighting back. He'll get over it and the sun will come up tomorrow. This FTD is a challenging thing, especially for one so ornery to begin with.

One more puppy got a home and spent the night in the bed of a little boy named Miles, aka Budgie. We now have one of each sex left and they're barking at each other like typical siblings scrapping on a boring gray day. The mud is awful and the poop is plentiful. First warm day will find me with a waterhose cleaning up the mess on the patio. My patio is unique...crafted with bricks and stones that I've collected over the years from a number of places. It's not very even but it sure is pretty! Four-o-clocks have seeded there and come up through the cracks and crevices. It has been too cold to even attempt growing anything but I'm ready. I found lots of clay pots on our scavenger hunt at the old house and some seeds are growing in my kitchen. Gotta start somewhere.

Peace ^j^

family day

BG and I met with some friends for an early Easter dinner today complete with a pinata and egg hunt for the kids. I was a little slow getting to the table since I was holding THE baby, the youngest one there. He has an older brother and sister who are a challenge, but great help when she needs it. Well, one of 'em is, anyway. Checked on the grands this morning and all seems well for the moment. He got mad as a wet hen last night because we were talking on the phone and he couldn't hear the precious teevee. Mama's learned to keep her cool and keep talking just to show him he ain't the boss of her. You go girl...wish you had done it sooner. Her friends are staying in touch during her transition from hospital/skilled nursing/home health ordeal. I've figured out that Daddy likes it when she's gone because he can do his own thing and stay on schedule and that has worked to our advantage because he's in charge of getting her up at a decent hour. No more 14 hr naps, there's stuff to be done and things to be organized. History to be preserved, and whatnot.

Still gray and dreary on the hill and I'm waiting for a nibble on one of the puppies to turn into a bite. This guy has two kids and one of them is kind of like a godchild of sorts so he knows that I take good care of my babies no matter what. Luke finally stood still for a body rub today so I guess he's officially a community dog. Since we run up and down to the homeplace so much they know the way home by heart, following us back up the hill lined with ancient pecan trees and kudzu. The dairy barn was built in the 20's by our neighbor across the road named Son. He and Ms Lockie had chickens and we loved to gather the eggs, even with the smell. They had pigs too and chickens that she chopped their little necks and they would just keep on running! Some people could just sling it off by hand. Ewww..I don't think I could do that and then eat it. I'd be gone from Survivor before the first bug eating.

I felt a love today that I liked...one involving lots of hugs and support. And that's what it's all about in life, you know? We're all on the road together so we might as well be good Samaritans. As for me, I'm enjoying the freedom of not even pretending to run anything outside of my life, much less the world. I'm old enough to know what battles to pick. When I was younger I watched as dumbass redneck southern Americans segregated black members of the community, down to the colored restroom in the basement of the Dyer county courthouse. I was there on the square when Clinton and Gore came through and I took my daughter to see a real live president. He wasn't perfect, but he sure did try hard to do the right thing. Unfortunately NAFTA wasn't one of them. After that, the American economy went to Asia and Mexico in a handbasket. Their labor pool was endless as with other countries like India from where every call center originated back in the day. Tech support my ass. Give me one that I can understand.

I would think the job from hell would be customer service rep for Jitterbug. Lord have mercy ya'll...old people and their phones. I will be there one day as well, but for now I'm enjoying the smartie. When my eyesight fails, I'll just get a braille one. I'm sure there's an app for that.

Happy holy days to you and yours ^j^

choir boys

My uncle Jim established an adult men's choir at FUMC when he did the music there. My tenor daddy jumped right in and to this day still sings with a bunch of guys at the early service. It's their ministry, the ones who don't really want to take the time to harmonize but love singing out loud. "Up from the grave he arose!" Onward Christian soldiers, marching as to war." He was also in a quartet that hasn't sung together in quite some time. Now mom on the other hand tells a tale about how Miss Gerster Neal tried to teach her to play piano and all she learned was the Bells of St. Mary's. That's like me and my Exodus masterpiece. I started with my Uncle Jim and then went to Nancy or vise versa. 7:30 in the morning is a strange time to be playing a tune before school. We all went to the same school so I guess we walked or someone dropped us off. It wasn't until Granny cut me loose and I hit puberty and Ms. Charlene Fisher at about the same time and something had to give. Needless to say, it was piano. Twenty years later I bought a beautiful upright from a couple whose son had died. I then passed it into the lady who plays for the old folks on Sunday evenings. There's that unbroken circle again.

It's a real gloomy day here which is pretty much like I have always imagined that Friday when Christ died. I know people who will swear up and down that none of it happened but I know more who are like me and believe that God is good and if he allowed his son to die for us, we must be worth it. I don't think Jesus was free of temptation and struggle. As a young man, he could have had a family. Who knows? Just because it's not printed there doesn't mean it couldn't happen. We are talking thousands of years and interpretations going every which a'way by word of mouth and scrolls. Considering the way gossip spreads like wildfire in the present sense, I don't see how the story couldn't have changed just a smidge. A buddy of mine did a post that ended with an invitation to Easter service at his home church where his wife just happens to be the minister. He has that strange writer's mentality like me where you get lost in a thought and just pick it to pieces. I'm trying to do better! It has been a pleasure to meet both he and Julie along the road.

What I love most about spirituality is the realm of possibilities of what is "acceptable" by law and society. Numerous states have voted to legalize marijuana as a cash crop to raise tax revenue. Why not? It costs a hundred times more to police and run that "war on drugs" that's the big boogie man. There are millions of dollars in legal fees being paid to manhandle gay marriage when that's not really the issue at all. The issue is that insurance companies and employers don't want to support same sex partners by providing benefits. There's your lobby right there folks.

I've talked to both ethereal friends this week, one in Texas (bless her heart) and the other home in Lake co for a few days. It's good to just sit and let it all out sometimes even when the world is caving in on you. Like the lady at the bank told me one day "They can kill ya, but they can't eat you." Lord knows sometimes it feels like you're getting swallowed up. That's when I have to retreat and chill for awhile and I am there and it is Friday thank you SWEET baby jeebus.The great dane Luke is evidently our new daily visitor but I'm not feeding him. He's got people for that. Still got three puppies here and they're manageable at this point but growing fast. They're a lot cuter now that they're able to play tugs :)

Guess I'll go dye some eggs in the microwave!

supper tales

Since we've been out of propane our only way of cooking meat is Shannah's electric skillet and it's a biatch to clean. That's one advantage to eating the healthy way because it requires less cooking. I've had cheese and crackers for dinner more times than I can remember. This is the day of holy week that really gets me...thinking about Jesus and the disciples getting together for a lecture by him and how he TOLD them flat out how it would be, and they denied it would happen. I appreciate all of them for their various talents and personalities (except Judas, of course). Admit it ya'll, if you had to fish so you could eat things would be a lot simpler, right? Such a humble man, he gently washed each of their feet as he told the story of how the whole thing would go down in the garden. I remember one year when BG and Heather got caught sneaking out and I had to work the next day and we all went to see the passion play at church afterwards. We were all wailing before Jesus got halfway down the aisle carrying that cross with lay actors whipping him the whole way. I love me some Jesus, but most of all I love God because he's the one in charge. You know...Big Ernie.

We're learning what to buy that will not break the budget whenever some random gift comes along surprising me every time. "Expect nothing." That's what my ex told me his philosophy of life was. Our backgrounds were totally different family wise and I watched as his "father" died of alcoholism at the age of 55. Not pretty, ya'll. I wasn't really raised to be that way, though. My mama and daddy always supported me in everything that I did and worked hard to provide for us. One time I asked if Baby bro was a mistake and he flat told me we ALL were! My house and yard look like the biggest yard sale you ever saw but it's in piles now and that makes me incredibly happy. I'm thinking about calling in the pickers. The pyro in me is looking forward to the big fire with a volunteer fire department doing a training exercise to boot. Sounds like a show to me! The well drillers finally hit water at 640 feet yesterday as my brother and I wandered around talking to my scrappy friend at the site. Another neighbor stopped by and we winked at each other over hiding our beers in the car.

Work is work and healthcare is kinda complicated and I'm tired of the whole deal. Hundreds of CEOs and physicians have lived lavish lifestyles off the sweat of my back just because I'm a good girl and try real hard to do right. That gets an old codependent in trouble every time, ya know? BG brought me home a fortune cookie saying just that "Don't ask what is right...do the right thing." My friend Michael sent a dispatch today detailing the startling power of jealousy among military ranks and how that entire structure has been based on lies and chain of command. Dude has had his site hacked and damaged by people who evidently don't want his readers to know what's up. He spent four years on active duty prior to the journalistic project that I have followed for about six. The whole deal really scares me, what with the Koreans getting all pissy and Russia offering to bail countries out. If it happens, I just hope it's over quick. Vaporize me Kim! Oh, and by the way? That whole thing is on Dubya and Cheney's backs.

Money? I'm not really worried about. I trust BE to provide what I need for the day, hour or moment. It may not be what I like, but there's always a lesson and an opportunity to go to plan B when the dust settles. That's what freedom finally feels like, and I am forever and humbly grateful for the gift of peace. If I'm any kind of seer of things, I'd say it won't last long. I hugged a tearful friend for the first time since her dad died and she told that you're never ready. I know that she is right.

I might just be a dreamer, but I see a real opportunity for the people of this country to be a little less judgmental and see how that goes for a while. The beliefs of ANY church should not be involved in the making of laws that govern people of all different beliefs. Separation of church and state, remember? Take that 2nd amendment and shove it up your AK15 toting ass.

Thanks for the therapy time ^j^

something's different

John Mayer has a tune with that refrain that I sang at the top of my lungs as a newly single girl believing that love was right around the corner. Boy was I wrong!! Those were my early blogging days and the time when Yahoo! chat rooms, bots notwithstanding, were my way to look for men. Yeah, right. Hey...you live and you learn. One guy who drove here to meet me for lunch said "I guess I'm gonna have to pay too, huh?" What a sweetheart. There was another one whose name was FunGUY and dude was anything but. I'll spare you the details but my reaction was "Oh NO you didn't!" I did meet a couple of guys who actually became real life long term friends. One of them I stay in touch with and the other one moved away and cut me loose. Sometimes I wonder if he remembers our two or three months of chat. He is a musician and at the time was writing for various companies trying to "always leave room for the drummer." His longtime girlfriend moved to NashVegas and that was the end of that. Shortly after me met the love of his life and called to tell me about it. "Boy do I have a story for you" he said. I'm such a sap I cried out of happiness for him.

That shit got boring in a hurry trying to fight bots for conversation plus it wasn't a real safe practice if you know what I mean. I met several on my own turf, and would do that differently if I knew then what I know now about evil people with chain saws and plastic bags. I'm finally getting used to the new phone, if not the increased cost of having two smart ones. The thing that got me in a nostalgic mood was considering how I've gone from headstrong and determined to have things my way to trying to be a receptive self respecting servant. I have firm boundaries usually, and I don't budge much because every time that I do, I get screwed. We had a friend over last night for dinner and she brought her two kids, one of a newborn. I held him for awhile and fed him, then he slept with his older sister on BG's bed. I was right behind 'em with all three dogs in my room.

After work I headed down to the old house to pick up some windows for crafty stuff. They make great frames for prints. My scrap buddy had torn the roof off since I was there and day by day it's looking less like a haunted house and more like a piece of history, albeit musty. Obviously my daddy never threw ANYTHING away ever. Mama's a packrat too so it was full to the rafters with stuff. Let's say I have become much more of a minimalist as I've aged because really? You can't take it with you. No way is Big Ernie gonna allow you to take that ancient plaid lunch box into heaven. Or maybe so...who knows? One thing I know for sure, the haters like Westboro and all the bigots will be at the end of the line and the gate will close when they arrive. The rhetoric in this country right now is insane fueled by hatred of a huge and inefficient federal government thanks to Congress. The president shares some of the blame for that, I agree. He's not playing hardball like he should be because WE ARE DYING out here as the citizens of a country so great that it was built on hard work and determination. Though I see a shift in areas like the practice of agriculture, it still remains more profitable to spray the shit out of crops with Monsanto's flavor of the season. A piece that I read today quoted some very frightening figures about pollution in our major waterways due to chemical runoff.

I'm not really in a bitchy mood, just a thoughtful one. I don't much care anymore and that's a huge relief. I don't care what anybody thinks about me except my friends and family and I sure don't care that I'm neck deep in debt. At least I didn't lose my retirement in the crash 'cuz I could never afford to contribute. That, my friends, was the beginning of the end of the American dream. Projects that will showcase my talent are within reach now and I'm not getting any younger ya'll. It's do or die time.

I have a friend who has reported on the wars in both Iraq and Afghanistan sometimes as an embed, always with a camera. His journalistic mission has taken him all over the world, and currently he is in Asia. His work gives me a sense of humility seeing how people in the rest of our world suffer and try to find happiness while I sit here trying to figure out how to pay the loan sharks. If I could afford it, I'd do a medical mission trip. Sadly, you have to pay your own way and that's way behind the propane guy on the budget list. His mission has been fully funded by readers and he now needs about 20K for new computer stuff. If you trust me at all on things, go check him out here Michael Yon Online and see what I'm talking about. I would not have even known who Petraeus is were it not for his reporting. Break a leg dude.

Reckon that's all for hump day from Pecan Lane. Somebody seriously needs to give their kid an Easter pup or two because I'm still feeding three. I promise it will come with a bow and a basket full of chocolate eggs.

Peace out ^j^

never a dull moment

I should have known it when I felt pride pop up and failed to give the glory to Big Ernie. I was running around with a phone showing people the first E-book by my friend Drew. An elegant writer of occasional dark tales, there is a tender side to him as well as evidenced by his family and friends. He was there back in the day of Hoss and so was Joe. They have been my knights in shining armor all these years, leading me on with cheers and hugs. And prayers...always prayers. When I was at my absolute most destitute, he sent me twenty hard earned bucks to buy BG breakfast. That is the type of nobility that is only seen in true cowboys like these two men. I think they both know that I have my Miss Kitty moments but usually I'm just what your see...a tired middle aged woman. I remember the Erma Bombeck piece about letting the house go and enjoying the moment. How she wished she had done it long ago. There's a lot of truth in that.

It is Holy week and I'm trying to be mindful each day of what Jesus and his disciples were dealing with. Layers of issues, ya'll. Deceit! Yes men! No men! Miracles don't happen. But they did..and people saw them. I don't care who you are if that kind of history is preserved for this many centuries there's some truth in it. I do not believe every word or concept in the Bible, but on the top ten I'm unanimous. I've only done one or two and felt like shit afterwards. I do believe that Jesus was a gentle yet rebellious man who had a soft heart but wouldn't hesitate to kick somebody's ass when there is injustice. Ahem..remember the tax tables???? But I also realize that Christianity is only one of thousands of ways to worship God and nobody is right all the time, not even the Baptists.

So back to my karma for being cocky. I'm cruising down the road after getting some gas on my BF card and having my brother snarl at me (yes he adores his job} and I swung through town toward Money Mike's. I noticed my car started dragging like REAL bad and it was all I could do to get it going through the hood. As I pulled into the Dock not daring to turn it off, I looked in the rearview to see a cop behind me, lights and all. Holy.Shit. Remember that this Camry is 12 years old with a good engine but the rest is a mess. He motioned for me to get back in the car and do the good girl thing with license and insurance. Just listening to the car, he said it sounded like it needed a tuneup. Sara told me to get gas treatment. I got off with a warning ticket and told him I wouldn't hurt him if I ever draw his blood. I grabbed my stuff, headed to the dollar store for gas treatment and hobbled home. I popped the hood and low and behold even though I am a girl I noticed right off the bat that a plug was out of socket. Hmm. Being the hippie that I am I will assume that it just worked its' way out and nobody sabotaged me. Once it was shoved back in there, right as rain. Today's blessing ya'll, because I was mentally doing the in- the-red math that is our life.

But that's okay. It is what it is and life is good ^j^

fairy dust

Ya'll, you just never know when a blessing is gonna just fall right into your lap all miracle style. Today I finalized plans for a money making venture this weekend because frankly? We need some groceries. I was cruising home and stopped to see Money Mike and Carissa. Steve Cohen would be proud at how poor people throw away their money gambling. To my knowledge, not a lot of them have other options or maybe they're just addicted. Beats the hell outta me. I've worked so hard for every dollar I've ever earned that I'll be damned if I'll gamble on something with that kind of odds. Divorced women learn what priority is and to me it's been survival and figuring out what to give up. A couple of things aren't an option because I've earned the privilege to do my own thing for relaxation and entertainment. My friend Martha let me go through some of her movies to replenish our supply. We've seen all of Shannah's at least twice and The Hangover ten times mostly on the mini player. I may consider ditching John Cusack for Bradley Cooper. More later.

My liberal big mouth tends to get me in trouble when the GOP is around and ready to fight about Obama being the devil and whatnot. In it's most simple form, I understand the survivalist mentality. Raise your own food and be kind to the earth. But when the gun things comes into play because "government is too damn big and it's all a conspiracy theory" it scares the crap out of me. I understand the ramifications of JFKs' murder and up where the CIA and FBI are concerned. I figure as long as I keep a low profile and don't get elected to Congress I'll be safe because they don't want a piece of me or the bitchass mood that is currently on my table. Guns don't kill people, my ass. As for the fetalhood people, I hope you're happy that your state will be supporting unwanted children on your dime. Serves ya'll right. I started this post Friday night and grinned when FB notified me today that said state official Cohen didn't have room for me as a friend on his page. The ironic thing is that I totally respect him and the leadership he has provided for the West Tennessee area, most especially. It's a segment of the state that is plagued by poverty and rural decay with lots of drugs and gangs and stuff. Shelby county has the inner city kind...we're all just out here flapping in the suburban breeze with the meth heads.

I was up not too early yesterday to go on a scavenger hunt down the road. The old Bizzle house which is about to be torched was full of old family stuff so my friend and I methodically went through it room by room looking for bits of history. A neighbor stopped by to tell us that he was six years old the last time he had entered the place. He's 70 now, if that tells you anything. From there you can plainly see where Luke the dane and the horses live. I had to get my expensive inhaler refilled after a day in that funk. Thanks BF ;) My major mission was to find mama's wedding dress which was in the bottom of a cedar chest wrapped in plastic and covered with mouse turds. How niiiice. I have my father's college textbooks, still in remarkably good shape. My baby brother's plaid lunchbox, with thermos. My middle brother's cowboys'n'indians light fixture. Things that wouldn't mean a damn thing to anybody but us. As I came in and out of the rooms pitching and sorting, I could feel the beginning of the end that cosmos brother mentioned before he left.

God is good. All the time ^j^

puppy dog tales

Today is a good day in my book and that's the one being written so I will take ownership of that and seize it. I haven't given up a damn thing for Lent so I tend to be one of those Easter/Christmas people who randomly worship whenever and wherever. Every waking moment A lot of my time has been spent lately pimping Ryder's puppies on FB and local resale sites. Only three left and they're happy to still be hanging at Casa Poops. This last one got carried to the car with her fat little belly hanging out from under a four year old's loving grasp. His daddy told me where they lived so I can come for grandma visits.

Oddly enough Ryder's great dane daddy has been hanging around like every day for a couple of weeks. The Reno 911 dogcatcher lady came to pick him up for the third time from my yard today and we finally figured out where he lives. His human mom died a couple of months ago and her family has moved from the homeplace at the end of Samaria Bend. This poor thang is homeless and looking for food. Unfortunately it's not in even the crazy dog lady's budget. Cable will come next, after the propane guy gets his due. Oh. And the hand surgeon. And dentist. And loan sharks. This also explains why I have very little patience anymore for the bipolar neighbors. Enough is enough.

I talked to my therapist today who will always let me do a headcheck and not bill the EAP for a whole hour when we can catch up in 30 minutes. Kind of like a life coach, you you know? He knows our entire history as a family and mine professionally and personally and it's all confidential. No wonder he's a busy dude. BG and I watched two movies back to back on the new gigantic TV last night and I totally sat still for them because I could see and hear. Argo? Remember it well. And I finally got to see Trouble with the Curve. I fell in love with Amy Adams in Sunshine Cleaning. Sam is already in the bed waiting for me to give it up and it's ladies night. Go figure.

Ya'll tell your people to call my people about puppies. Love ya..mean it ^j^

first day of spring?

As I was headed to boss friend's "old" house to pick up the TV I noticed that road crews have already salted the streets in anticipation of tomorrow night's wintry weather. I mean, for reals ya'll. Snow is supposed to be a winter thing yet there the advisory was posted on the bulletin board at the sawmill. This could get interesting with the film wrapped window on the Camry. I'll let you know how that works out. I've already figured out that I can't wash the old thing until that's taken care of. BG has two jobs going so maybe we'll be able to play catch up. The TV is huge and great if only we had cable *sigh*, I figure where there's a will there's a way and there's still the tiny DVD player that kinda runs.

The black puppies are cute and feel totally like victims of racism because the three browns went right off the bat. Ryder let's em do their own thing but they still try to sneak onto her tit at times. She just shakes it off like everything else. She has turned out to be a beautiful girl even though her head's kind of big and she's gawky. She has Faith's eyes and snuggly ways. And I thought sleeping with a lab was bad!! Mostly I get Sam and Oscar and Ryder claims the futon in BG's room. Sam crawls under the covers with me, just like with her first mama Amy D.

As for healthcare, here's the thing ya'll. There is tons of money to be made brokering deals within the industry especially when more and more people are losing jobs with reasonable insurance. I have it, thanks to my employer, at a rate that I can afford for just myself. If there were any dependents? That would be another story. There is huge money to be made in the "healing" profession and much of it centers around pharmaceuticals and testing devices. Insurance companies act as brokers telling you where and when you can have a procedure done based on what tier you have. So, let me get this straight? I need to see a doctor for routine preventive care and I have to drive to another town to do so? And how is this different from Canada? Hmm.

Anybody who ever got into our profession for the money is probably thinking now is a good time to bail but luckily that wasn't my motive. I was curious, always intrigued by science and the human body, and didn't want to be a secretary. There you go, right? My one college quarter of shorthand is a distant memory. During 37 years in a healthcare setting I've seen the best and worst of a whole helluva lot of people, myself included. I will never forget going to this man's room to apologize that I snapped at him while taking blood. I was crying and all and he was like "thank you for that." Then there was the time me and one of the ward clerks were outside smoking and she was in charge of two girls who had hit a freakin' homeless guy with a grocery cart on the interstate. Talk about your basic "what the hell happened" moment. Before we had storm shelters (thank you Mark Grant) folks would parade into the tunnel under our hospital not knowing that it floods down there every time the weather gets crazy. Kentucky Fried Chicken used to have a store at the end of the street and clogged up the entire street with grease. Trust me, our first home was right in the flood basin.

But that was then and this is now. I'm incredibly grateful for this day and the blessings that it has brought, ice and snow not included. I reckon it just it what it is and I can't do a thing except learn to let go and let Big Ernie. That's about the thousandth time I've been at step 3, BTW. There is a reckless abandon in my spirit now realizing that my time on this earth is limited. I do not fear death for I truly believe that I've lived a good and honorable life. I just want to enjoy the time I have left without a bunch of political drama and war mongering. We cannot, as a nation, continue to fight the battles of other countries. Homeland security ya'll..like DUH!

Have a good day and call your mother^j^

manifest destiny

Seeing as how I'm 99% Pollyanna most of the time it's a routine habit to be thankful for the little things that are required for each day. Lately that has not included the luxury to type and post or do much of anything except work and run to and from the nursing home and the loan shark's office. Mama will be home on Saturday and everybody is ready yet anxious about the "new normal." She seems fine now, a much clearer headed version of the effed up lady who fell and spent two weeks in the hospital from dehydration. Now there will be people in charge on both shifts to take care of business.

There are some big trucks and whatnot gathered in the field around the irrigation system digging the well. About fifty yards away, my daddy sits and watches the end of his life pass by on a strict schedule, staring at his watch and afraid to miss a thing because he might not be prepared. He's scared to death not only for himself but for his bride, realizing that his dementia renders him useful in only a handful of ways as far as caretaking. This has been a long and tumultuous journey getting from the day the keys went away to the current situation. Elder pride and independence are understandable and I'm sure I'll be the world's worst. Probably not though, because I pretty much like to hibernate and do my own thing. The house is almost clean so I don't know what I'll do for entertainment after that!

It's a pretty day here yet still a big nippy. Forsythia and jonquils and quince are showing out as well as tulip trees and actual tulips! I saw two poking through my daddy's covered up bed. No sign of asparagus yet, but it won't be long. That bed has been a source of joy to me for fifteen years. Talk about an investment! I still find myself reaching for the phone to call Deb and it still hurts. I wish that she could know how very much she meant to me and how hard I tried to meet her halfway. I'm not one for a lot of family drama, if you know what I mean. My brothers and I understand each other and even though one of them tries to boss me around like a stoopid girl I love 'em to pieces. The younger one is more on my wavelength what with our visions of the cosmos and karma. I've enjoyed watching these puppies get to know each other as litter mates.

Due to my inordinate addiction to procrastination, I have been surrounded by all sorts of non-essential junk for quite a long time. That's how my living room/office again got full of all kinds of treasures in boxes to be sorted. And by golly, I did it piece by piece one day at a time on my grandmother's table in the middle of the puppy birthing room. Twice. I may be a Pollyanna, but I'm a stubborn one.

^j^

half ass normal

Well well. It's Monday and I'm off so of course the beautiful weather went "poof" and it's raining. It's been two weeks since the epizootie hit and I'm just now feeling a bit better. I learned from having pneumonia before that no cold is too small to come back and bite your butt. Mucinex and singulair are my very best buddies. The spraying will soon commence and I'll be surrounded by that toxic cloud for six months. What a shame that people don't adopt less chemical based ways to produce crops. Oh, but then Monsanto wouldn't be raking in billions. Right. Not sure where my farmer friend is but last I heard she was watching snow gently fall so it's definitely not Florida anymore. She's teaching classes all over the country on how to grow your own food using the straw bale technique. Easy as pie ya'll, and you don't have to till! The first projects were funded by charities following Katrina.

Yesterday was a real Kodak moment when the young couple came to pick out a puppy. Of course they took the cute brown one..all of them went first. Now we've got four black ones who are just as cute in their own way. Each has a personality and will choose an owner when the right one comes along. This girl don't play when it comes to the babies. Ryder will get fixed before June if I have to turn tricks on the corner to pay for it. No.More.Puppies. I should be a vet as many litters as I've tended to.

I now have phone, internet and TV as of this afternoon when we pick it up. Hopefully the mini DVD will work with it so we can lay back and relax instead of hunching over the coffee table to see and hear. Little things, ya'll...simple pleasures. I've watched two movies with my celebrity boyfriend John Cusack in them that I didn't know existed. That can only be a good thing when the screen is bigger. I missed Spotify a lot when the cord was cut because there are minimal ads and my own favorite lists. Most of all, I just missed being connected to friends. That's what life is all about, especially since we're all so damn BUSY trying to survive while Congress sits on their asses and has a pissing match. I'll give you this...if ya'll quit blaming Obama I'll let Dubya off the hook cause lord knows I've had it in for him ever since that war started. And besides, I love the Dixie Chicks, so there.

This year marks 40 since the Class of '73 graduated from Dyersburg High School and there's talk being tossed around about a laid back gathering somewhere that everybody pays for what they want and to hell with the details. Simple. My friend Spike said he would invite all the simples that he knows from the NashVegas area. His mom and mine are lifelong buddies and have played a trillion games of bridge over the years with cute little tables and tasty treats. We had a huge one at 30 and a smaller one five years later. Hell there are people from my class in this town that I never see. The concept of getting everybody together at one place and time is kind of unrealistic.

I am finding that clarity appears much more frequently when I shut the hell up and listen to the quiet or some good music. My friends found out last week that Big John is cancer free and ready to give the chemo a rest. We were all worried and quite shocked when the good news came. God is good is all I can say. Sometimes expecting the worst makes it all the more sweet when things turn out good! Currently I'm doing chair yoga, typing and listening to Bon Jovi.

What'chall doing?

better late than never

One of my other daughters Kimowasi is married to an engineer and they have this adorable fun kid named Tripp who looks and acts just.like.her. Donny's most recent assignment evidently required a trip to Asia and Kimo managed to snap a pic of their Trippster riding the bus with the locals, all smiles of course. This is the very same one for whom I testified in a custody battle when she was sixteen (totally stupid bunch of drama) and BG's bestie for a long time. We grew up singing the Dixie Chicks while riding to and from wherever the heck we were going. Wide open spaces, ya'll. She shared that a taxi driver loved her "husky" voice as they sang together in the streets of Korea. Tell me that circle ain't unbroken.

The sawmill was quite peaceful today and I got to scoot out a little early to arrange meetings with the future owners of these incredibly cute puppies that are eating me out of house and home. Their white and quite great dane grandpa has been around to visit every day lately so I guess he knows we're family. This is the dude who got taken to the pound in the front seat of the dog catcher lady's truck because he wouldn't fit in the bay. It would have made a killer Reno 911 episode!

All is quiet for now with the grands. We're in a holding pattern until mom gets released back to home care. Since her chief spoil and dote advocate happens to be her very own granddaughter I'd say things are looking up now that we extended lock up time for Mr. OCD. I mean, REALLY? As we speak he's watching hockey, waiting on golf and the news after that. He said mom's okay and I'm sure Tony got enough eggs and doughnuts to last a lifetime. Everybody in that store loves Sunday morning, even the big group that moves all those tables every week, God bless 'em. Of course the women are in charge of seating.

I'm so excited about the TV coming from friends that I could just run right out and buy a DVD player for 30 bucks at the big box store except I'm boycotting them so I reckon somebody else will get the biz. Anybody in the USA sell 'em you think? Oh wait, duh. Best Buy. No wait, we don't have one of those. Got lotso dollar stores though, just saying.

As if all this weren't blessing enough on St Patrick's Day, now I have sound on the ancient desktop Dell again, by the grace of Big Ernie. Ya'll keep your finger crossed on this puppy giveaway because I'm smooth out of ideas.

^j^

fast forward

So uh, let's see. Where was I before the giant corporate internet provider hit my off switch for non-payment? That was the beginning of the longest two weeks of my friggin' life. Even though I upgraded to a really too-smart-for-me phone, blogging from a phone is all but impossible on that itty bitty keyboard, even if it is touch screen. My friends at work had to show me how to use it and I'm still on the learning curve. It's amazing how technology will change during the span of a two year contract. Meanwhile, while not checking data usage I've been learning the ins and outs of the IBM Thinkpad that Risible Girl sent my way. It took me two weeks to find the pen, if that tells you anything! I can type a zillion words a minute, but the apps and Windows 8 take some getting used to for an old school gal like myself. I moved the whole wired up desktop into my bedroom when the cold weather hit so that I could shut it off and stay warm. During that time Ryder delivered puppies who became mobile and took a shit every which way on the living room floor, including the telephone line draped through to my bedroom for "connectivity." As quick as they were to pull the plug, it took longer than the usual 6 to 8 hours to restore service so I couldn't help but call and f**k with the customer care guy about how my readers were patiently waiting. Smartass said "oh..you have FOLLOWERS?" No dear, this ain't twitter..just a little old country girl blog.

I realized during that period of abstaining that the blog really is my sanity. There is something wonderfully uplifting about writing a piece or sharing a work of art and getting immediate feedback. I suppose that's where the whole "internet addiction" thing came from. For me, it's just easier than sitting down with a pen and paper and writing stories...I tend to procrastinate on that kind of thing (shut UP) thus the unpublished cookbook that my mother would love to see now that she's been saved from the jaws of death. This gal is ready to get the heck outta the manor and there will be more help on the other end to ease the transition. It's now or never, ya'll.

We are also TVless at the moment except for a tiny little notepad size CD player. It doesn't matter because the cable is off and it's getting pretty outside. I read in some article that my friend John Ruskey hasn't watched the tube since 1973. Huge and constant amounts of technology and personal energy are used just to stay networked with the important few whom we claim as friends or to keep ourselves entertained. Probably what we all need to do is what Don Henley said: "Learn to be still." I do plan on getting a CD player for the TV we have coming so that we can enjoy season 8 and last of Weeds on a decent screen. And yes, alcohol may be served. Botwins forever.

So about these puppies ya'll....there are five left and they're at prime adoption age, already wormed once and eating solids. We are considering putting a bow on their necks and carrying them around as Easter puppies. Hey...don't tell me you wouldn't do it! The weird neighbors showed up yesterday afternoon while we were sitting on the brand new porch enjoying the warmth. Ryder's dad the huge white great dane showed up right about the time the last of their family headed up my driveway with a couple of pit bulls pups on leashes. Um, okay then. He was following wifey and the kids trying to keep them in the house where he's in charge. Later she showed up looking for water and a sympathetic ear (again) and I just didn't have it in me. I have heard this man scream at her like a piece of dirt and then convince her that it's her fault. Ain't got no time for that.

I'm not bitching about the GOP anymore because I think it's unanimous that they better put up or shut up across party lines. This is serious business and how many summer homes you can afford is not on the table. We are talking about basic access to healthcare, most especially preventive. My home state ranks 4th WORST in the nation for things like obesity mostly because the corporate money is in unhealthy processed foods. Biscuits and gravy and whatnot. The simple investment of government funding into grow your own food projects is one that doesn't require a lot of labor and teaches a man to fish, so to speak. Tell that fat bologna eatin' kid of yours to go outside and play instead of staying glued to a device.

I am loving this new Pope as much as a Methodist can, appreciating the fact that people whom I respect, like Peggy Noonan, are optimistic about the future of their church because of his humility and devotion to the poor. My cousin's funeral was in a Catholic church which was not at all what she would have wanted. It's what her husband's agenda was. I've come to totally respect the decision made by my KY cousins's sons to honor her wishes and let the students at UK Medical Center learn from her. Aunt Mo and her crew have been to the beach for a much needed break from constant drama. As for me? I'm just waiting for a chance to jump and run toward the nearest beach.

As Shannah would say..."That's what's up."

body and blood

First Sunday is communion day and for the first time in ages everyone in my immediate family partook at different venues. BG went to a Presbyterian service and mama and I received the sacraments delivered by a UMC member as we all held hands. Daddy had already done his! Mom reminded him how very proud her friend Willis would be to see the tradition continuing outside the walls of the building. Because really? That's where the work of the church is.

We now have puppies running EVERY freakin' where in the front and have to watch out when wheeling into the driveway. They follow the big dogs and don't realize that they're just babies. I can see that it will involve at least fifty pounds of feed a week just for them so um..I'm trusting Big Ernie to help me take care of my mistakes. The people at the shelter know me by name and breed but they're broke and usually have to kill at some point. That makes me really sad and brings to mind Mrs. Betty for whom the shelter is named along with her friend Tommy. We got Butterbean there by default when I went looking for another baby who was featured in the paper. Sometimes Sammy's ear sticks up in a fiest sort of way and I know that Butters is in the house.

When I got to the manor today mama was in therapy so I wandered down to see what she was doing. To my delight there was a huge black and gray great dane wandering around behind his mama the PT worker. His name is Riley and he's the most beautiful dog I've ever seen, well besides mine. Great therapy for the elderly! He's just at wheelchair height so they can rub his big old jaws. Mom's roommate is a lady who used to live right down the road from them 30 years ago. She got hit in the head with a hammer and robbed by bad guys when she lived there, and her granddaughter eventually inherited the property. She's the one who was looking for high ground for horses during the great Forked Deer headwater. That was when we evacuated in the back of the crack head neighbor's cousin's pickup and thought we would die in the mud. Both of us were ready to jump when he hit pavement. Then the dumbass had to drive through high water just to get to the highway. Gah.

I still miss my KY cousin and there's a very deep hole there that will remain as long as I live. She was more like our grandmother than anybody in the family and that's why she enjoyed life to the fullest. Gaga went to Europe on the Queen Mary during the sixties when she had lots of money from her late husband. She and her friends traveled to New England every year and had a big old time. Born an Agee , she married Harold Reaves who was in a traveling band as a young man along with his family. r
Occupy ya'll. We will never change the present of the future until we remember the past and learn from it ^j^

snow baby and mom in a box

Our friend Shanna's baby Jordan was born yesterday as a late winter snow fell over the hospital. BG did the whole vigil thing with her family and as they were nearing the home stretch she mentioned that she wished her mother could be there. Her mama died last year and her cremains are in a gold box. BG got dispatched with a list of things to pick up and bring back and mom was right up there on top above chargers and socks. I got to sit in a rocker and hold him this morning and it was the highlight of my day. And there sat grandma, in a box on the bedside table. Tell me that ain't angel work.

We are a two car family again for what that's worth seeing as how they're both falling apart. Still no passenger window up front but not in the budget. I'll go with the twelve buck collision film again. Once the weather is warm I'll deal with all of that including the nasty ass interior. I'll be damned if I let that not too old engine go to waste. Maybe I can put it in a Toyota racer and take up NASCAR! Good way to meet men, but most of 'em are married as heck.

Congress can to to hell and so can the GOP (southern delegation particularly) and the horses they rode in on. These across the board cuts are not necessary and in fact will harm our national security. Just because you pull your trillion dollar war people back home doesn't mean we don't need a little homeland security. From what I have read Keystone will produce an abundance of global warming way past where the oceans lap the cities with tsunamis due to climate change ( not real, huh. ) Your ball, Dems. I also read a piece concerning the researched and revised numbers of people affected by the Holocaust under Hitler's reign. They suggest that because of the sheer magnitude in numbers of ghettos and prison camps that most Germans knew something was up. They were just afraid to speak up.

The more I hear and learn about secret government agencies the more I believe that they had JFK and his brother murdered because of the attention that they were receiving from other ethnic groups, especially African Americans. And then there was Martin Luther King on the balcony in Memphis targeted by some hired redneck to do the work of the KKK. Dr. King led the march of sanitation workers on the city in his day so he wasn't real popular in that particular place. The things that he fought for have disappeared in Memphis proper because so much of the population is of ilk other than he. That is probably why Tennessee is #4 in the list of worst states in the nation in which to live. Lots of poverty, drugs, child neglect and perpetuation of the no-win cycle. We are a Republican state now so there you go. No social safety net so it's pitched to the feds. Not cool. It is hard for me to believe that people were once publicly segregated according to being white or not but I saw it with my own eyes. I mean...did they not realize that the Asians were multiplying at an astounding rate on the other side of the world and the Indians were slaughtered by white men.? It seems that stupid to me, as far as ethnic cleansing go. Live and let live. And then by golly, let go.

Love ya'll ^j^