what might have been

Control issues are a death sentence for the soul, giving the psyche full rein with the belief that there is something other than cause and effect activity involving egotistical crap that we take way too seriously. Like politics. According to my wise old daddy it's always been "thus and so". Mr Yates urged us to leave room for the spirit to work because this too shall pass. It happens that quickly...as in the blink of an eye. And then the world is left with your legacy. I often wonder what mine will be, but knowing my personal beliefs and experiences, I think the world will be a little bit better place for me having lived my life. When I think about all of the mistakes and erroneous roads that I've followed it keeps me humble, always remembering the feeling of not knowing whether I would survive the day's drama. I have, by the way. One more time.

My favorite low price treat these days is listening to music and reading whatever the hell I feel like at the moment. Sometimes I think about that woman in the war zone who got shot way too many times for just trying to save herself from the inevitable. Always thus and so, ya'll. Generations of hatred bred into a people will eventually be their downfall. I'm praying that Big Ernie will pull that one off before I die in the form of a giant lightning sparked fire of the Westboro bunch and the horses they rode in on PLUS the barn. God is love, ya'll...not at all about hate and war mongering. There's a process for discharging that anger and it's well documented. Many people choose to escape the pain of reality with addictions that are specific to their personalities. For some it's work, and that was my downfall. I believed for a very long time that corporations really are people and care about their own. I have learned the hard way that it's not true. My employment has taken me through 35 years of countyowned /notforprofit/for profit on Wallstreet models for healthcare delivery. I learned about HIV the year after my daughter was born and Hep C came later. My cousin has already died from it and another dear friend is on the way out with hospice care. The most important thing I ever had to worry about was gettin' pregnant in college and disgracing my mama and daddy.

I'm writing a book now, one story at a time. Hopefully some of the characters will play nice and get me to Fiji or at least out of Dodge. Poopie needs some beach like, real bad. Just saying!