on being an elder

For the first time in my life I am at the point to where I can see the world twirling without me and wondering what things will be like. Will I be able to see what's happening from the clouds? An optimist by heart with a big dose of Pollyanna I have lived my life with an emphasis on honesty and integrity. I have stumbled plenty, for sure. But each and every time I was smacked down by Big Ernie for being self centered and not seeing things through his eyes, I learned a bit more humility. I asked my daddy one time about if he believed in heaven and hell. He pretty much said he thinks it's what you make of your life here on earth that matters. The rest is just details. BE knows what we do when nobody's watching.

Once upon a time some friends and I were having a conversation about "charity" work and giving of gifts anonymously. I challenged him to tell me of one good deed he had done and never told anybody. He was quick to come up with an answer to which I replied: "Now I know." My point was just to get him to understand that you can't earn it, it's all a gift. I am the oldest of seven grandchildren born to the kids of Harold and Geraldine. I was three years old when Papa died but I barely remember him as a kind of good natured benevolent lover of the first grandchild. Hey...I was special! On daddy's side I was in the middle of eight born to Lottie and Wilmer. From that combo came a whole set of problems and joys in the form of OUR children. I can honestly say that in spite of the challenges, I'm blessed to have the family that loves me warts and all. That's not just blood kin, by the way. That someone would choose to love me and not have that bond? Well, that's what friends are for.

I'm on a cleaning binge today desperate to get the pet hair and dust outside. I've been going through AC filters that should last 3 months in 2 weeks. I know, I know. I should just kick all their spoiled asses outside. But it's 105 in the shade! Dog days and whatnot. As for me, my day is being piddled away cleaning and choosing which pieces to keep and what to pass on. As the elder I got quite a bit of my grandmother's stuff. Nothing worth a fortune, mind you. But still they are little reminders of who we are as a family and where we came from. There's nothing like the validation of knowing that somebody else was there.

^j^