the good mom

My definition would go something like this.  A woman who always does the best for herself, her child and their relationship.  This takes time and attention which I had very little of when Lauren was growing up.  We have great memories as a family but my one on one time with her got lost in every day living once I returned to work.  I was that pushy sports mom who showed her ass at the community league basketball game.  The one who saw her crawl out of the hole of hating herself to being a very good volleyball player.  She simply was not cut out for that sort of thing because it involved risk and being ashamed if you lost.  Coaches were not easy on these kids.  

She gook gymnastics and loved every minute of it.  I felt great dropping her off with a coach that I knew and respected to burn off some energy.  And she thrived.  Later in her life, I discovered that she is quite the artist and so is her own daughter.  Poor Reaves decided last year that she is definitely afraid of the ball!  Lauren nurtured her during those early years with all she had.  Things were hard for all of us but we were able to see each other and visit on a whim.  I see now that we took that time for granted.  

Their visits here have always been something with no strict agenda.  Just hang out at Gaga's house and play if you want or just cuddle.  Or maybe chase the poor cat.  Her Mama knows the few animals that survive here and has always warned her not to get in Oscar's face.  He was abused, you know.

We have made soup of all sorts and cakes too.  Most of them didn't taste too good but she doesn't like to go by the recipe.  Just dump in everything that looks good and go from there.  Very.Messy.  Sometimes we swing on the front porch and the last time we did that with me reading a book, she fell asleep on my shoulder.  That, is gold.

Who's a good mama?  A whole bunch of good strong women who do their best to raise other strong women.  You know, the ones who will survive and thrive.  Sometimes you need more than one which is how I ended up with a bunch of teenagers at my kitchen table doing art therapy.  

A good mom ( or dad ) will make sure the curiosity of the child is preserved.  The importance of boundaries is imperative for survival.  I wish I had learned that much earlier in life.  The parent can foster forgiveness and tolerance by showing that in their actions.  Hating on anything is bad for your kid.  Period.  They need to make up their own minds.  

We don't all have perfect parents, but you sure do miss them when they're gone.  I remember one of the few times I hurt my mother, unintentionally.  We were at a blood bank banquet and she got after the reporter covering it to give our program more attention.  I sort of calmed her down, we left and she cried over the fact that she thought she embarrassed me.  No, Mom.  Never ever!  As I walked out of the assisted living where she was, in tears, she was yelling at me to come back and not walk away.  The sweet girl at the front told me that it's "like that with mothers and daughters."  

What is all comes down to is that a parent does all that they can do to promote well being in their child.  And we all do just the best we can ^j^