pizza with the tribe

I haven't seen the girls in awhile so we got together today for pizza in Jackson along with Kim and Alex.  Church was great and there was even breakfast in SS....forgot it was 5th Sunday.   We passed around notes for the shut ins and all signed them in between bites.  We have an engineer in the class who knows how to organize that stuff...lol.  We are a different sort ranging in age from 60ish on up.  But we stay in touch and always know if somebody needs to be put on the prayer list.  After I "almost" went to ER last weekend, I got a call from a classmate asking if I needed food.  Now that's faithful.

Today is Good Shepherd Sunday in case you didn't know and I did not.  One of our young church kids has raised two sheep and she and the babies were featured as part of today's service.  It was so friggin' cute!  That's an ag kid for you!  I see a difference in that congregation now.  We have more spunk than "before."  Our situation was a no win one and now we deal with the consequences.  All I see is growth and more participation.  

Lauren has dogs at her church which is cool.  That made me think today that maybe that little girl could have brought a real live one up in FUMC.  Peace be with you ^j^

happy lab week

Today is the end of National Medical Laboratory week and I miss the celebrations we used to have!  There was always food and appreciation for the unsung heroes in the lab.  Most folks assume we are nurses.  Well, we almost are.  I knew that I wanted to go into clinical medicine early on and was called to work behind the scenes in the lab for 40 years.  I attended DSCC for 2 years to get pre-requisite courses and finished that up with a year at Memphis State.   After that was a grueling year at UTCHS to earn a BS in Medical Technology.  Blood bank was my least favorite course, yet I ended up as the blood bank supervisor here for most of my tenure.  Plan B was to get a degree in chemistry ( in case I wasn't accepted at UT ) and that required 2 semesters of German.  OMG.  I got out of the first semester with a D and decided Plan B wouldn't happen.  At the same time I was taking parasitology, organic chemistry, quantitative analysis and some other hard stuff.  I did okay but the course load was heavy.  Fortunately I got accepted to Med Tech school and the rest is history.  I did very well there and actually made the highest score of the class on the comprehensive exam which shocked even me!

Working in the lab of a small rural hospital allowed me to use all of my skills rather than sit in one room all day turning out diffs or identifying bacteria.  I would have withered in a setting like that.  Another saving grace of the small hospital setting is that I was in constant contact with patients which never happens in the urban setting.  I became very interested in end-of-life care because of that experience.  In most places, phlebotomists are the face of the lab to patients.  In the small hospital setting, techs are involved when there is an extremely hard draw and we had many.  I learned a lot about dignity in a healthcare setting, especially when death is imminent.  

If I'm not mistaken next week is nursing week so let's all clap hands for them too!  My friends joke that "You're almost a nurse!" and I reckon I am.  Y'all be faithful and blessed.  And always, remember who you are ^j^

just a matter of time

I visited my surgeon yesterday to get lined up for my last colonoscopy and he found a parastomal hernia.  According to what I've read it is the most common complication from an ostomy and almost invariably will happen.  Of course I did not know that.  I think what caused it was this horrible epizootie I had a few months ago when I was coughing up a lung every day.  As far as I know I've not had Covid but this bout of bronchitis sure did feel like it.  I know many others who are still coughing from it.  He said it would not have to be repaired unless it starts bothering me.  

Today was annual mammogram day where Honey Badger squeezed my boobs flat to get a look.  Pap smear will be next.  I was hungry after that so I stopped by Hog Heaven and saw my buddies there.  They were out of Philly steak so I settled on a chicken one.  It was okay, but not the same!  The main reason I go there is to get a hug from Abbey.  

Rosie is healing nicely from her abscess, without intervention.  I feel sure it was caused by some sort of bite but, who knows.  She's an in and out kitty so that's always a danger.  Right now she and Oscar are both sound asleep with me in the living room.  

While I was eating I ran into an old high school friend whose wife recently died.   My husband is gone also, though we weren't married at the time of his death.  That was the year of "many deaths" as I refer to it.  There were two aunts before his death in June, followed by my Daddy in August and Mama the next January.  Mother's and Father's days are coming up which is always bittersweet.  If you still have yours, make time count.  

I feel like an orphan most days.  Or maybe the red headed stepchild!  My friends are all busy with their lives while mine is sort of on hold.  I'm not quite used to the idle time and reduced income but maybe it's what I need.  I have found that one outing a day is about all I can handle and even that wears me out.  I noticed while at the hospital that the gift shop is gone which made me sad.  It has always been there since it was started by the Pink Ladies volunteer organization.  My grandmother helped to establish it back in the day and my mother worked in it too.  Gaga was a constant at that hospital working first in admissions, then as an ER clerk and later in the gift shop after she retired at 70.  Of course we were there together a lot which shaped my life on many levels.  Mom and Daddy were volunteers until they couldn't drive anymore.  

Their acts of faithful service far surpass mine but they taught me the importance of giving to others.  They didn't have a lot of money at the end, but they kept volunteering as long as they were able.  Mama totaled 3 cars because of macular degeneration so she quit driving first.  That left Daddy to get her to where she was going and Bubba and I pitched in between job and home.  At the end of her bridge club tenure, Mama couldn't even play because of her vision but she liked getting together with her friends for lunch and dessert .  Usually one of the ladies would take her and I would pick her up when I got off.  On hair day one of us would drop her off and the other pick her up at Angel's Crown Center.  That was the highlight of her week!

I still feel their spirits around here.  They lived in this house for 60 plus years, moving in when I was a year old.  We didn't always agree, like me and my brothers.  But we were family and stayed devoted to each other until the end.  Thank God I was still working there at the time that they passed and was able to check in on them often.   

For some reason I remembered recently about having sinus window surgery performed when Lauren was two years old.  I was having chronic sinus infections and endured many punctures of the septum by Dr. David before he did the deed.  I must say that it was one of the worst I've had and there have been plenty.  The abdominal surgery was by far worse, but I don't remember much of that because I was so sick.

We take good health and access to care for granted, but not so much these days.  Hospitals are constantly on diversion because of low staffing.  One friend was admitted for a small and ended up in the Nashville area because Baptist East couldn't take her.  That is happening more and more.  

That's about all I have for today.  Y'all be blessed ^j^

rosie

I'm not sure how she got an abscess in her neck but she did.  LP and I have been doctoring it for a week and she did the dirty work of squeezing the pus out.  Since then I've been peroxiding and doing ointment once a day.  Still, I was worried so here we go to the vet this morning with a carrier that wasn't playing nice.  I picked up Debbie on the way there and by the time we got her home, Rosie was hiding under the back seat. We tried to get her out without pulling but, no.  Anywho, she's chilling on my bed right now after all that drama.  I appreciate the fact that her doctor didn't run up the bill with antibiotics and whatnot.  "She is healing" she said.  Currently she is waiting for me to join her. Not yet, sister. Rosie is a therapy cat, if you will.  She crawls all over me at night before we settle down, her makin' biscuits on me and finding the sweet spot that hurts.  Ms Joy loved holding her and listening to the purr.  They had many conversations.

I have about uncovered my bed enough to make it up with a clean quilt.  Before that will be the shower of the year to wash off all the pollen and such.  And then, a new bag for Poops.  Right now is prime porch time so that's where I'm headed.  I'll see all kinds of farm equipment and the neighbors coming and going here at farm central.  Mayberry and his associate helped with the sticks yesterday evening and will mow soon.  Early May, I would guess.

Have a terrific Tuesday, as Jerry would say ^j^

 

tit for tat

Some friends and I had lunch today and Carol didn't know about Tucker until I told her.  She immediately pulled it up and we heard about Don too.  I was actually over that for many reasons.  I mean, we all know what Fox is about....hate.   I can't really say that about CNN but then I'm a liberal and choose to read and hear other things.   Enough on that!

I watched along with people all around the world today as Matthew Mc *however you spell it rolled out a motivational process.  Tony Robbins was part of it and another guy.  Well, a lot of life-coach types for sure.  It was very motivating but I can't afford the fee, thank you very much.  The good part is that they are funding Feeding America.

Rosie still has a nasty neck and I'm about to be out of options other than peroxide and neosporin.  She has never been to the vet so she'll prolly' freak out.  My neighbor across the street has this yappy dog that barks like he's the cock of the walk.  Oscar just barks at cars.  

I forgot my best friend's birthday today so happy 68th to YOU Mamye Doreen!  Thank you for always being there in my life and doing what you could to help.  And thanks for the memories.  When I find Sugardaddy, I'm gonna' buy you some overalls!

Y'all be faithful and kind ^j^

focus

I have about four different calendars on my desk and scattered around the living room.  Each of them has one appointment or another.  So far this week I have lunch with Nina and Carol and an appointment with Caylor.  He probably should refuse to see me because I ignored his advice on the CT early on in this adventure. My bad.  I thought I couldn't afford it but if I had done it?  Probably would have avoided a lot of drama.  He asked me afterwards if I had seen "the light."  No dear...Just the other side.  Thank goodness for good drugs in a pinch.  They are designed for short term pain relief after trauma.  There is a place for that in medicine.  

I saw and talked to Reaves yesterday and we exchanged cards virtually.  It's been about two months since I saw dat' baby and I miss her.  I think she misses me too.  I'm a gonna' see if I can eat lunch with her sometime.  I think she will share her veggies with me.  Or maybe pizza!  

Rosie got treated today with peroxide and neosporin on whatever the hell that is on her neck.  I see a vet very soon in our future. She doesn't act like she feels bad and is eating and drinking normally.  Right now she's just waiting for me to go to bed. 

The sun is sinking lower and lower and reflecting off of Larry's stained glass window.  I have had 4 dolla' gentral immodium and it seems as if Poopie may act right for tonight.  You never know.

Church was great today.  We gained three new members following confirmation and they were all thrilled to be officially a part of FUMC.  I've been watching Thomas since he was a cross bearer and I love his spirit. I think Charlie will follow in his footsteps.  

Have a great week kids ^j^

rescue me

I was almost finished with an article today and then hit the wrong key and the whole deal got tini-fied.  This is not good for somebody who has reading glasses and is used to a 14 with bold.  I did manage to finish it and wandered out to the porch with Oscar and Rosie.   They love it out there!  

Oscar first came to us up on the hill when the crazy people lived there.  He showed up once with his back cut out and we got that nursed and healed.  When he showed up that way the second time, I called the Humane Society to report abuse.  They visited said guy and he told them "It ain't my dog.  It's my cousin's"  Let him go live up there because I can't even afford to feed my family.  Oh boy.

He joined Sam and whomever was there at the time and they all ate.  We didn't get a cat until Bracken gave Lauren one for "Christmas" and she was soon fixed and proclaimed a forever cat.  Lily, I believe.   Followed shortly by Cali.  Then followed by Rosie who has a big hole in her neck.  It doesn't seem to bother her until I put peroxide on it and the bubbles start hittin' her ear.  

I still refuse to feed or otherwise engage the growly Tom who is showing up now and then.  He's the kind that will show up and eat on everybody's doorstep.  I know the type.

It's "be kind to your stoma day" here and i'm just kind of sprawled out and letting things heal while catching a few drips.  A cold rag does wonders.  I will eventually medicate, change equipment and carry on.  It's what we do as ostomates. 

I bought an e-book yesterday on how to become a healthcare writer.  I think I kinda' sorta' already am a healthcare blogger because I'm all about patient rights, death with dignity, personal choice and advocacy, including mental health access.  These disorders are often not properly diagnosed and end up with an overflow of addiction at rehab centers and clinics.  Rinse, lather and repeat.

In another world, the focus would be on proper diagnosis of mental illness with appropriate treatment.  Yet often times, the patient does not WANT to feel normal because there's no excitement there.  As for me, I'll take normal every time.  I don't understand folks who thrive on drama and keeping things stirred up, but that's just me.  Peace and love and all that ^j^

spa day

I seriously needed a pick me up so I headed to Headlines to see the gang this morning for a cut and a wax.  I miss that tribe like the dickens.  Nina did both and would not accept a tip this time because...well she knows.  It always cheers me up to visit there so that will be my retirement job.  Greeter at the salon!  Much better than WalMart.

It's raining cats and dogs here on the farm.  Pretty good timing considering the corn crop has been planted.  I left the car out on the slab to get washed off last night and it worked perfectly. Be gone with you dust and whatnot!  It's only 3pM and it looks like midnight.  There will be a cold snap to follow and then it'll be blazing hot.  Folks are driving up and down the road and I'm glad not to be them.  I can hear the hydroplaning as they pass. 

This used to be a gravel road back in the day.  I remember it....watching the gravel pass under my feet in that rusty old red station wagon.  We dodged many a flood in that car.  Daddy had a truck that I stole one night having NO clue how to operate those manual gears.  We didn't get far, needless to say.

There was a treehouse up front which we totally enjoyed as kids.  I think Daddy built it just for us in that persimmon.  It is long gone and replaced with a dogwood and the giant hackberry that grew out of the dead cottonwood.  That gives me faith that things will grow back as yours and my God intended them to be.  I wish you could be there now.  It's been quite a time but we're all still there together.  Far as I can tell there's no hard feelings, just different paths.  

I know you're watching from heaven and are happy as clams about the way our home church has come together to honor your legacy.  A few of your old friends in Sellers Class still attend but they are few and far between.  I attend one called Koinoia with people my age!  Every time I go into that building I think about the two of you.  And I remember from whence I came ^j^

 

  

silence is golden

My smoke detector is hard wired but has a battery back up.  A few months ago it started chirping, not all the time but enough to be annoying.  It's just me here and I'm too short to reach it even with a small step ladder so it has continued until today.  I saw Bubba out talking to the farmers and snagged him to come and help me.  Like before, it took some fiddling to figure out how to open the battery compartment but he did and voila!  No more chirping.  I had sort of gotten to where I didn't pay attention to it except when it woke me up at night.  

The farmers are going at it hot and heavy trying to get corn planted before the rain.  Bubba and I sat on the porch this morning like old folks, watching the traffic go by and chatting about nothing.  I am sort of air headed right now because of allergies and a "normal" blood pressure which makes me feel like walking through quicksand.  And then there's Poopie demanding to be emptied on a regular basis.  I'm still wearing the bag that the kind ostomy nurse put on me Monday and so far so good.  This one is convex because my stoma is flat against the skin on my belly.  Hollister delivered some samples yesterday and the ones from Coloplast are somewhere between there and here.  

I feel oddly disconnected from the world right now, probably because I'm isolating.  I don't really know why except that it seems like the right thing for my soul.  Never one to be idle, I am finding some peace in just sitting still and listening.  My stamina is gone for now as well as the will to do anything but nest.   There are stories to be written but I can't find the motivation.  I suppose you would call it a valley.  Part of it is that there are things out of my control that are on my heart.  

I'm not sure what I am grieving at the moment but it's real.  One thing is that my dear friend and riding buddy died recently and she brought me a lot of Joy.  We had a lot of adventures together and I miss her commentary while riding down the road.  Our usual route involved a lot of 18 wheelers and she never failed to comment "They just keep getting longer!"  She always told me that she was glad I'm a good driver when we had a near miss with some idiot or another.  As sweet a soul as there ever was.

I'll be seeing a surgeon next week about lining up a colonoscopy to see just what's going on with Poopie.   I have not had one since the big bad surgery so it's time for an update.  That will involve more money, but I'm giving that to God.  He is the one who saved me to begin with and my work isn't done.  

I reckon I'll go back to watching the farmers and join Oscar on the porch.  He hasn't been in the house for a week preferring to enjoy the weather outside in the flower beds on a comfy spot of dirt.  Him's a good boy ^j^

the good mom

My definition would go something like this.  A woman who always does the best for herself, her child and their relationship.  This takes time and attention which I had very little of when Lauren was growing up.  We have great memories as a family but my one on one time with her got lost in every day living once I returned to work.  I was that pushy sports mom who showed her ass at the community league basketball game.  The one who saw her crawl out of the hole of hating herself to being a very good volleyball player.  She simply was not cut out for that sort of thing because it involved risk and being ashamed if you lost.  Coaches were not easy on these kids.  

She gook gymnastics and loved every minute of it.  I felt great dropping her off with a coach that I knew and respected to burn off some energy.  And she thrived.  Later in her life, I discovered that she is quite the artist and so is her own daughter.  Poor Reaves decided last year that she is definitely afraid of the ball!  Lauren nurtured her during those early years with all she had.  Things were hard for all of us but we were able to see each other and visit on a whim.  I see now that we took that time for granted.  

Their visits here have always been something with no strict agenda.  Just hang out at Gaga's house and play if you want or just cuddle.  Or maybe chase the poor cat.  Her Mama knows the few animals that survive here and has always warned her not to get in Oscar's face.  He was abused, you know.

We have made soup of all sorts and cakes too.  Most of them didn't taste too good but she doesn't like to go by the recipe.  Just dump in everything that looks good and go from there.  Very.Messy.  Sometimes we swing on the front porch and the last time we did that with me reading a book, she fell asleep on my shoulder.  That, is gold.

Who's a good mama?  A whole bunch of good strong women who do their best to raise other strong women.  You know, the ones who will survive and thrive.  Sometimes you need more than one which is how I ended up with a bunch of teenagers at my kitchen table doing art therapy.  

A good mom ( or dad ) will make sure the curiosity of the child is preserved.  The importance of boundaries is imperative for survival.  I wish I had learned that much earlier in life.  The parent can foster forgiveness and tolerance by showing that in their actions.  Hating on anything is bad for your kid.  Period.  They need to make up their own minds.  

We don't all have perfect parents, but you sure do miss them when they're gone.  I remember one of the few times I hurt my mother, unintentionally.  We were at a blood bank banquet and she got after the reporter covering it to give our program more attention.  I sort of calmed her down, we left and she cried over the fact that she thought she embarrassed me.  No, Mom.  Never ever!  As I walked out of the assisted living where she was, in tears, she was yelling at me to come back and not walk away.  The sweet girl at the front told me that it's "like that with mothers and daughters."  

What is all comes down to is that a parent does all that they can do to promote well being in their child.  And we all do just the best we can ^j^

samaria bend spring

Hey Mom and Dad.  I'm enjoying the perk of living out my life in your old homeplace, completely remodeled.  There is still that familiar drop in the corner by the living room window.  That's where my desk is.  From there I can see the front and side while I write.  Y'all probably know it up in heaven, but I'm writing things that get published now.  We even beat USA today on one!  Rachel had a hard life but in the end she took care of Granny and Pops and all of them while raising her own kids.  About the only one left is Kathy Cook.  She bought my wedding china, by the way.  I put it up in that big sale we had here after y'all passed.  It took a couple of years but things began looking different.  

Just like you Mom, I took pictures along the way of the progress at your home.  Harvey planted trees in your honor and there are even stones with your names on them.  I think the peach got bit during a cold snap but the apples look good.  Bubba comes by every day to check on things just like you did, Daddy.  We talk outside on the porch when it's warm enough.  His dog Sadie is well trained and always stays in the truck.  

You have a beautiful five year old great grand names Elizabeth.  I sure do wish you could have known the joy that is Reaves.  But then, you do.  Looking down from heaven and smiling and all that.  Both of you taught me that family is everything.  I still know the names of all the aunts and cousins and in-laws thanks to you.   Well, only if you wrote the name of the back.  

Bubba was really amazed with what the vent cleaner guy came up with up on the house you and I worked on Daddy.  All sorts of balls and stuff.  Two of them were therapy balls.  Dang, I've been missing them.  My friend gave 'em to me and I roll around with them under my shoulders and stuff.  Great for lower back, Daddy.

I am amazed at what still blooms here that you planted.  I've moved some stuff from the hill down here and we shall see if they make it.  I won't be gardening this year, except in pots.  I'm too old to be dragging a hose all over the yard.  Remember that dog I brought you when Daddy's died?  Y'all had never had an inside dog like me.  "It's like having a stranger in the house!"  OMG  I got Butterbean back after about a day and she lived happily ever after until, oh well.  You know the story.

I can still see and hear you clearly through little signs from God.  It's the same with other people who have died that I loved.  Since y'all have been up there I had a great big awful surgery that almost killed me.  I reckon it wasn't my time to go, but you would so proud of Lauren for stepping up and spreading the word.  She was so scared!  So was I.  I saw a nice nurse today in Jackson who helped me a lot with the bag I still carry.  I got that diverticulosis from you Janice Ann.  And the stubborn side from Billie G.

I could go on and on but it's almost bedtime.  I don't stay up late like you did.  Old 'arthur hits me a lot and I can't take the NSAIDs like you did.  You know, renal insufficiency.  I'm looking forward to the two decent weeks of spring we have after the dust clears.  Even gonna' spring for a ten dolla' car wash tomorrow.  

Love you.  Mean it ^j^

a friend's a friend forever

I'm listening to pop/rock Christian music because it helps me keep the faith.  Michael W. Smith and Chris Tomlin. Lauren Daigle.  Mercy Me. For God and Country.  I don't have Alexa so I have to use YouTube on this little laptop and my JBL speaker and skip the ads.  Jesus and God have long been a part of music, both written and sang out at the top of your lungs.  Last Sunday I was at church singing Easter hymns with my folks.  Kathy and them introduce some contemporary when nobody's looking and it's always a learning experience.  Thank God for the choir that knows them and the screens that give us the words.  We can usually sing accordingly with that help!

I didn't attend today.  My God understands that I am weary of dressing up and showing up.  I tried to watch online and it did nothing but buffer.  So much for watching church online...lol.  My church?  I love it.  The things I love about it the most is that our work is done outside of the building.  Children are taught that it's God's will for them to help others and do the next right thing.  Be a good Samaritan and show up on the road to Emmaus with someone who is doubtful about their faith.  They will recognize your voice eventually.  Sometimes we disciples are doubters.

I woke up freezing because I left the unit on AC last night following an 80 degree days.  After the storm it dropped to the 40's.  That's mother nature for you.  While I was enjoying yesterday my first hummer showed up looking for some sugar water.  I have one small feeder from the 'gentral and some sugar so I'll put it out when the wind dies down.  

All is well here.  Keep the faith ^j^

inflation

I haven't been to the grocery store in about a month because the money just wasn't there.  I shopped wisely today with a mini-cart and the most expensive item I bought was sixteen pounds of dry cat food.  I was in shock at how much the cost of food has risen just in one month. That mini-cart cost almost a hundred dollars.  I bought basics and essentials.  I put back things I really wanted because they were too expensive.  Besides, with this constant flow of liquid into Poopie, I can't eat much.  

I really worry about people who are trying to feed their families these days and afford gas to get to work and back.  As a single person it's all on me to survive on SS and a tiny pension.  I was employed for two or three years which gave me wiggle room but that went away.  I am interviewing and writing as much as I can but the pay is sporadic.  I do enjoy it though.  Except for government meetings.  I covered one this week and had no clue what was going on.  It was a change in zoning request so I did learn the difference between M2 and PB.  By next week I will have forgotten!

My favorite story thus far is about a Vietnam war vet who is a doctor and former co-worker.  We worked hard for two weeks and through two interviews to get his story right.  There was a LOT of material so we had to cut it down to around 500 words.  There were two more subjects this week and both were quite gracious with their time and thoughts.  One even bought me lunch.  

In typical Tennessee fashion we easing into summer little by little with spring less than a month old.  There is rain forecast for tonight along with thunderstorms.  That means Oscar will be freaking out and in my face.  I have nothing to give him to calm that panic.  I woke up last night in the dark with him standing by the bed panting in my face and finally let him outside so I could sleep.  I fully expected that old dude to pass during the night but there he was this morning, tail wagging in the breeze.  He speaks his own language which includes a lot of barking at passing cars and a low soft yawny growl that I adore.  That is his happy greeting.  Rosie hangs out in the attic a lot prowling around and I'm used to hearing things go bump through the ceiling.  And that gray tabby is still hanging around like snow on a ditch bank.  

I got some pics of Reaves this morning and that made my day.  I told Kim to give her a hug for me.  I guess she's curious as to why she hasn't seen me lately.  I'll be in Jackson for a medical appointment Monday but she will be in school.  Another missed opportunity to see 'dat baby.  

I'm very disturbed about a lot of things in the world right now, particularly human rights and equality.  I read a piece yesterday explaining why the southeastern US is the most volatile weather wise.  Of course global warming has added to that, but actually we are the perfect storm with the Gulf to our south and cool air masses moving in from the west.  Tornado alley, so to speak.  

Y'all be grateful and blessed ^j^

rules of engagement

Among the many things I've learned in life is to back off from confrontation and personal attacks.  Some people will always have the last word, especially on social media and by text.  This old girl has been trolled by many an arguer who insist on being right. For my sanity, I try to avoid that especially in the passive aggressive form of bullying that is so popular these days.  I do not crawl up on other people's page and question their beliefs.  If I don't agree, I scroll on.  Following the shooting in Nashville I posted in support of the Tennessee Three and while most comments were respectful, some of them got downright ugly.  I prefer not to text unless it's something informational and short.  I would rather talk face to face or phone if there is a problem. It's much easier to work through challenges by voice rather than hiding behind a keyboard.  I can defend myself unless I am ambushed by people who are determined to be right.  It's hard to understand context when there is no face or voice time.  

Today has been a busy one with two interviews and a funeral visitation.  I had intended to stay for the service but by the time I got there all I could muster was a heartfelt greeting to my friend's family and then I headed home.  I'm still feeling kind of weak and pitiful but you have to get up and go.  Tend to business, so to speak.  Knowing who your true friends are is something that we are all on a learning curve with.  The ones I count as friends are many including lots of those who are just there but don't care.  They are the ones who come through when times are hard.  I try to be there for folks who need me but there is a subset of people who never take my feelings and thoughts into consideration.  I could name them, but I won't.  I'm not made that way.  

There is a grey and black tabby cat hanging around that I swear looks like the one me and Mamye named Al last year.  He or she crawled through the hole in the screen and got trapped on the back porch.  This cat went ballistic when I opened the back door after hearing him growling.  I opened the screen door but dude would have none of that and vaulted over to that hole and jumped out.  I've been hearing it off and on for weeks but couldn't tell where the sound was coming from.  Rosie is a very sweet in and out kitty who sleeps with me at night.  She is fixed so I'm not sure why dude is hanging around but I don't like it.

Mayberry Lawns did my first mow today and it looks downright beautiful with no perennials killed in the process by a weedeater.  The ones that Paige and my friend gave me last year are up again and will survive.  So will the stargazer lilies out back.  I love it when that happens.  Keep the faith ^j^

frustration

I am definitely not a whiner, most of the time.  I roll with the punches and keep on smiling after a good cry or two.  I think the good Lord is teaching me some sort of lesson that will be revealed at a future time.  Poopie is a teeny bit better on the new med but I'm now chasing my SS money which went to my old account and has to be rejected and then sent to the new one.  Following a visit at the funeral home today I frantically ran from bank to SS office and back to bank.  I live check to check so that is as old Hoss would say "not good."  I prayed for the ability to let go of the worry and let it happen as it will.  There will most surely be overdraft charges as a result of all this.  I thought I had done all the right things by going online to change account information but, no.  It was a quick and easy in person deal at the local office.  Maybe that problem will be resolved from now on.  I have to just let go and let God.   My appointment with the gastro here will be cancelled because " we don't treat ostomy patients."  Alrighty then.  That leaves us high and dry here in the 'burg.  

My Sunday School class is seeing how many members we can get into the local hospital at one time for a group rate I suppose!  Several have been in and out in the past week for various problems.  We are of that age, ya' know.  It's nice that we have a hospital here because so many folks do not.  Healthcare continues to be broken in many ways with shortages of beds and pharmaceuticals.  Who is to blame?  I don't have a clue but I do believe that big pharma plays a key role in a lot of this.  When a drug becomes generic, it is used like crazy until they come out with something new that nobody can afford.  Then they cut back on production of the generics.  It's that simple.  I worked in healthcare for many many years and never experienced anything like what we are seeing now.  Regional hospitals are on diversion from little fish like us so it's more important than ever to keep this local boat floating.  I hate to sound jaded, but in the end it's all about the money.  Those on the front lines do what they do because they care, even if they're not appreciated by corporate.  Their patients know how hard they work to keep them safe and comfy. 

I will have my tax return postmarked by April 15th which I hope is good enough.  I can't worry 'bout that either.  It is what it is.  So here I go back to Pollyanna mode, singing away the blues and trying to live in the moment.  Because really?  That's all we've got ^j^

dust in the wind

I'm ready for a walk but there is dust everywhere because of the prep for corn planting like plowing!  My allergies don't like that so I'm in the house for now.  I visited my PCP yesterday and got a new med to try and help with the gut action. We shall see, I've had one dose.  Poopie is still hurting from the liquid output.  As of yesterday's visit I have lost six pounds in a month which I don't really have to spare.  In my prime during my 20s I weighed 128 and I'm lower than that now.  When I graduated from Med Tech School I weighed a whopping 180 and gained up to that again during my pregnancy with BG.  I want to eat something good so badly but until this is under control it's bland bland bland.  If I liked bananas that would help.  I was referred to a local GI specialist (again) and will see my favorite NP Angie on that visit but it's several weeks away.  In the meantime there's Tylenol only because of kidney issues.  

What a beautiful day it is!  I'm trying to get organized here but there are two calendars going and I've resorted to just making a daily list of "things that need to be done."  Much of that involves funerals with a few interviews mixed in.  The eagle poops tomorrow and hopefully it will get transferred to my current account in a timely fashion.  The girls at Simmons have been very patient with me since I have no online banking for six months.  I've had to change DD info for my two monthly deposits but of course SS takes two months to go into effect.  A pox on the scammers who caused all of this.  I have to take ownership that I was stupid enough to be conned.  And all because my FB account was hacked as well.  Sometimes I think social media just ain't worth the trouble, yet that is a way of life for all of these days.

My cousin Fred the great did my taxes for free and all I have to do is mail it in.  Hey...I have a few days and will be late.  I may get my small refund by Christmas.  *sigh*

Y'all continue the Easter experience from here on out.  As Christians, we are called to that ^j^

fasting

I want some deviled eggs and spiral ham so bad I can taste it, but alas.  Poopie is still acting up and food goes straight through her to the bag as pure water.  Bubba treated me to Easter breakfast and I ate lightly only to have said bag make all kinds of weird noises during Sunday School.  My apologies to those sitting near me!  Church was quite inspiring with all the Easter people celebrating our risen Lord.  We even had communion on a not-1st Sunday.  

Death has become a daily routine in life and it seems the only time I see people is at the funeral home unless I make a point to visit before then.  I made a quick visit to say good-bye to my favorite boss ever after church and ended up with tears streaming.  I told him I would see him in heaven.

I hope your Easter has been full of hope and bunnies and eggs and hats.  Next up is Emmaus ^j^

broken

The pain from this ostomy has become unbearable to the point that I'm scared to eat because of what will happen.  Chronic liquid output keeps the stoma inflamed and ulcerated.  I take an over the counter pill but that results in pancaking when I eat.  Obviously I am doing something wrong.  I have an upcoming appointment in Jackson with an ostomy nurse but I doubt that she can prescribe anything to deal with the squirts.  Hopefully there's a doctor involved who can assist with that.  My GP refused to prescribe more than 2 weeks worth of Lomotil or Reglan or whatever else I need.  I did meet with a local surgeon that I trusted and he promised me a referral and a script but then he resigned the very next week.  Modern healthcare sucks a big one.

This reporting thing takes up a lot of time and gas but I am enjoying it because I get to meet new people and hear their stories.  I think that is really what folks want to read, if you know what I mean.  Like back in the old days when you held a physical newspaper in your hand and read it from front to back, including the cartoons.  I miss that.

It was 85 degrees yesterday and now it's in the fifties.  Jeez man.  I never know what to wear anymore and my wardrobe is limited, ya know?  That is why there are clothes every freakin' where all over the house.  Life is hard, and then you die.  What matters is what you do when you are alive ^j^

meanwhile

Trump is back in Florida whipping his base into a frenzy because he was innocent of all 34 felonies.  I was seriously hoping for a gag order but it seems he has his own social media platform.  My friend Carol kept me updated in between my interviews and her time at the YMCA with Mark.  I seriously need to go there and why not?  It's free because I'm an old person!  I prefer to walk Samaria Bend because there's no hills.  Just me and Oscar roaming around.  That little dude loves to explore.  I had to turn on the AC today since it was 90 degrees at 4PM.  That meant paying Forked Deer a chunk to keep it going.  Hey...I can breathe better.

Some dear friends of mine are providing hospice care to JOY and that makes me happy that she is not in pain. We used to sing a lot when she first woke up and it was the old stuff.  TCM on the TV and while riding around we sang together.  I didn't remember most of them because they were before my day but she knew ALL the words and I would just hum along.  She is at home with her babies Pearl and Huck and all comfy.

Trump?  Whatever.  I see the beginning of his end because narcissism never works.  Why are we so surprised that the world is going to hell in a handbasket.   I seriously don't blame him or hate him.  I truly believe that it's the American people who are suffering for their choices.  I tend not to follow like a sheep.  I can barely afford yard signs for my candidates much less go to a rally for an attention seeking idiot.  His time will come.  

So who will be our next POTUS?  Neither party has a strong candidate and that is usually in place at this point in time.  I vote non-partisan according to the candidate's credential.  Old guys should be gone baby gone.  We need some young blood up in there.  Viable candidates on both sides of the aisle.  I heard that one of our TN reps will be running for governor of Nashville where all those folks got murdered.  He is the kind that will promote gun control as long as he is in the house.  Get a permit.  Red flag law.  And on and on.  Our governor is dead set against that proving once again that Tennessee is a very backwards state.  Most of the smaller towns struggle to keep a Democratic party going but we have one here in D'burg.  I think the Republicans are resorting to meet and greets with state officials and photo ops.

I am working the downtown Dyersburg district for a local mag that will publish in June.  Today I met not one but two young ladies from way up north who married local farmer boys and established businesses that seem to be thriving because of Downtown Dyersburg.  Most of these merchants want to recreate the old days when you could walk around and find what you want.  Cute clothes, great scents, German mustard and great food.  Dyersburg is a destination for many clients.  Should you go to Pennington Seed and Supply, give the house kitty a head rub.

Weather permitting I will be digging up transplants at my friends house tomorrow because she is moving far far away.  I have two Paige Semmel original tie dye shirts and I cherish them.  She is an old soul like me.  Hippie stuff and all that.  I first met she and her husband Rob at the downtown Farmer's Market and immediately forked out some cash.  All three of us girls have one.

My house is still a mess but that will come in time.  My bed is made and I sleep well.  Last night I washed my hair in the kitchen sink because it was itching.  Tonight is a good hot shower with zinc shampoo on the stoma.  After the pills that should work.  

Y'all keep on believing.  And remember who you are ^j^ 

triumphal entry

Anyone who happened to drive by FUMC this morning probably noticed a whole bunch of us waving palm branches as we entered the church for Palm Sunday service.  They will be burned and saved for next year's Ash Wednesday service where we all get the sign of the cross on our forehead or hand.  It is continuity for those who observe the seasons of the Christian church.  We all know the story of Holy Week.  Jesus rode in on a donkey surrounded by peasants who threw their robes in his path while Pilate's army put on a show on the other side.  Pilate won Holy Week some say.  The reality is that most of those who surrounded and supported Jesus as disciples denied and betrayed him.  He knew what was coming yet He did it anyway so that we could all be saved from our sins.  Who is a sinner?  All of us.  Everyday.  Sometimes it is unintentional.  When you know better you do better.  

I do not judge others, and often I get hurt for being that way.  But my hurt is nothing compared to the suffering of others.  People mourning their losses due to mass shootings and catastrophic weather events are at the top of the list yet there are so many more who are underserved and suffering. Homelessness is rampant and hunger it on the rise.  It's a dog eat dog world these days.  Yet, I see glimmers of hope for humanity in random acts of kindness.  For every rude or hateful person I run into there are 20 more who do the next right thing. And that?  Gives me faith.  Y'all be one of those.  And remember who you are ^j^ 

easter is coming!

I feel incredibly sad and sort of insane at the moment.  Looking around at the world and the state of things really scares me.  Lately, though....I've made peace with reality.  Meaning, if it's my time to go, I can't control it.  That's in God's hands.  The best I can do is appoint level headed healthcare DPAs who know and respect what I want at the end of my life.  You girls better come through for me!

The school shooting in Nashville has garnered a lot of media attention but still there is no gun reform for our state in the wings.  This chick was mentally ill and able to purchase multiple guns which her parents "didn't know about."  I can totally believe that.  Where the hell did she get them without a red flag law popping up?  Oh yeah....we don't have that either.  She was crazy and on a mission to die and take a lot of others with her.  Kids.  People at work doing their jobs.  

I don't understand this mentality.  You can easily buy a gun and stockpile but the money for mental health just isn't there.  That whole thing is just a racket like healthcare in general.  Call me a socialist but I think that it's a basic human right to receive care when needed without having to pay huge insurance premiums.  Even us old timers pay for Medicare out of our SS checks.  

Y'all enjoy this beautiful weather ^^