Thursday, December 30, 2010

another year....another dollar

Oh, do I hate thee?  Let me count the ways.  To say that this has been a challenging year for me personally is an understatement.  Not unmanageable with a little help from my friends, but definitely one of the rougher of my 55 chapters on the learning curve of life.  Anyone who knows me very well will understand the issues without explanation, and for those who don't.....I'm tired of talking about them so you'll just have to wonder.  One of my new learned behaviors this year has been to confront conflict head on with an assertive attitude aimed at getting past the drama and onto the real purpose of what said drama is all about.  That allows me, rather than sitting around re-hashing something fifty eight times when I can't change it, to spend my energy on looking around and ahead at the positive things in my life.  Like my eccentric yet totally loving family.  And my puppies :)  Good friends have been there through thick and thin for me, and for that I am grateful....humble, even.

I have lost me again...somewhere amongst all the coming and going and shopping and visiting and pill counting and working at the sawmill and....yadayada.  I miss taking pictures and writing because both bring me a sense of creating something that reflects what is inside of my soul.  My little perspective on life, if you will.  I guess I'll have to pull out the crayons and paper and draw a few pictures to remind myself.  BG has begun that journey as well, and we naturally have some of the same issues.  I feel fortunate to be a part of the process with her, because I wasn't real close to my mom when I first entered my "reflective" period.  I like to call it that rather than a nervous breakdown, like they did back in the day.  Yankee women go crazy.....Southerners have  a "nervous breakdown" or a bad case of  "the vapors."

There is something about a clean slate that is inviting to the weary traveler.  Even if it's just a change of scenery or a new pair of shoes or a different relationship.  It's all about the hope that is represented in experiencing something new or unfamiliar and thinking's not that bad after all.  As I sit here surrounded by what has been my home for many years, I realize that it was a gift from Big Ernie even though I don't own a thing.  When you've paid 100K in rent on a circa 1918 farmhouse, it's either true love or a terribly expensive habit.  Probably a little of both.

My wish for the new year is that somehow...SOMEWHERE...somebody will get a grip on this hate thing and call a truce, even if it's just for a day in their life.  Hatred toward a fellow man or woman is the devil's work in my humble Wesleyan opinion.  That doesn't mean we can't get mad, because remember what happened in the temple when Jesus got riled up at the tax collectors.  There is a time for anger when people are being treated unjustly and not being represented fairly while elected power mongers nitpick over party lines and lobbyists' perks.  Yep...I'm a rebel, even though I realize that I just put myself on the map with the secret service.

Ya'll have a wonderful happy new year.  I plan to do the same ^j^

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