the bitch is back

As it turns out ATT didn't cut my service on the day of my payment arrangement though I couldn't get online at all that afternoon so it had to wait until today. Imagine my bemusement when, after remembering the furniture moving, deduced that the cord was laying draped across the room. Actually if was hanging in the floor. Anyways, that prompted me to make a payment to keep things going for a little while. That little break gave me the opportunity to watch three movies back to back in the dark cavern of the TV/babygirl's room. There is more room up front now with those pieces gone and I can clean the floors as stuff moves out. Can you tell I'm serious?

I stopped by the place today where I really try not to go and this hoot of a girl was talking about meteor showers over in OK and her husband said he night need to buy a gun. I was all like "so is he gonna SHOOT the meteors?" She and her co-worker kind of remind me of Stephanie and Lula's office staff. Lots of tatoos and a real way with people who need money. They're more expensive, but easier to transact with. Hopefully this will be a short term dry spell what with several deposits coming in this week. I mean when the shit hit the fan it went freakin' everywhere!

Like more Americans I'm a bit leery of a government shutdown but then I figure it might save some money if we call off the war on drugs pot which has been voted legal in numerous states and costs the country millions to incarcerate non-violent offenders. Users are at the mercy of both dealers and the law as they fight over something that would be easily regulated and taxed if declared federally legal. But of course that's job security for the DEA and FSA and TSA and everybody else. As for you asshat tea party gospel preacher wannabes' I have this to say on the evening of one of the most important decisions in our country's history. If you can, in good conscience, support killing people for their crimes yet go ape shit over abortion, you are not pro-life. You are "I want it all to be my way!" Oh and by the way? The horse you rode in on too. Your mama is ashamed, do you hear me!! Just because YOUR mama doesn't need federal aid doesn't mean there aren't a whole lot more who do. Hide and watch at what happens when the VA benefits stop. With all these PTSD mofos wandering around thinking about who the hell knows what. It was evil, wrong and marked an entire decade of blind political manipulation for personal gain. Trust me, if I ever really do climb the water tower, Cheney better watch out. *waves at the TSA*

Otherwise, life is just peachy as usual here on the lane. The cat is on a rampage because we ran out of dry food two days ago and she doesn't like the canned stuff. Weird, right? I thought all of 'em like mystery meat. BG is gone to get kibble, Boogers and a movie plus dinner. Not sure in what order because well, you know. My thoughts are becoming more focused as the days pass, considering what time I have left as a productive person and how I will support myself without just dying on the vine. The whole Sugardaddy thing just hasn't worked out and I'm faithful and all but not Pollyanna, ya know? Not in the 'burg, dear.

Happy Monday to you and yours ^j^

Trend that ^j^

i wish you enough

That's all I've ever expected is well, just enough. I've never had any sort of dream about being rich and pampered, inspiring instead to less lofty goals like being a good friend and mentor. One of my co-workers reminded me that I'm the one who taught her to draw blood and that was a LOOOONG time ago. It was all part of being a generalist in a small town settin where everybody got raised up to share the duties that come with the job. Somewhere along the way I lost sight of myself and what makes me happy and failed to keep the two separate. We all know that when things go south in one part of your life you look to something stable and giving just to keep the faith. Thank God there are people I can call like my old friend the undertaker who will just listen and nod like a wise counselor.

I've realized a lot of things during this extended valley period and one of them is that work is just that and nobody CAN't be replaced, including myself. Today's corporate model is to get rid of the old timers and hire new grads who make much less. More money to the shareholders, if you know what I mean. Little did I know when I began my career at 23 that I would find myself looking for a change at this point in life. Yet I am and will continue to because the gifts that I have been blessed with shouldn't be wasted in unappreciative folks. Jesus wouldn't like that.

Several years ago I was asked to interview for a position at the local high school and I was intrigued with the idea but not so much with the $$. I wish now that I had gone for it and let the money work itself out. Coulda,shoulda woulda. But there are other high schools and other opportunities for someone who has been involved in all phases of healthcare. I'll send free pecans to those who help me network!

I am where I am as long as the financial situation is what it is. Plan C is looking more and more clear. I'm gonna begin work on D next. Wish me luck, and keep the faith.

moose wings

I remember distinctly that Dr. King over at the GYN clinic told us about how when you go through menopause (which is about 20 years start to finish thanks to peri and post) that you will have mood swings as well as insane desires to claw people's eyeballs out for no other reason than pure rage. Not necessarily in that order. I was well into menopause before a doc suggested an SRUI on my must have list. Hey..it's four bucks at Kroger and it seems to work. There's also a RedBox right there by the front door next to the pharmacy walk up window. Half the time those things don't work..like when it rains? Forget about your movie selections, especially at Four Points. You know like on the way to Fowlkes and Bruceville right past the gas station and church. That church used to be something called Bucks'n'Ducks but I reckon Big Ernie had other plans. Far as I know the old Loafer's Lounge/GWAP city is sitting idle smack in front of one of the finest southern bars around. Beedees! David and Angie are both healthcare types and have grown that bar into a thriving business that never knows a stranger in our neck of the woods. You would have to drive north about 4 miles or to the south for 20 to find any kind of beer join. Linda's would be the first one in Lauderdale. Back down next to the river there's Bulldogs which collapsed with a bunch of people on it following multiple years of flooding.

I earned my stripes as a bar patron at Sap's/Bev's/Dunagan's South Main Sports bar up there where the triple bridges are. Two concrete spans cross the local business route and there's this totally cool iron one behind the bars. Looks like there may be a few less tires thanks to the boy scouts. Last I heard there's some free range meat headed to the farmer's market over there on the banks of the mighty Forked Deer river. It's also the day that a whole bunch of plastic ducks get thrown out and somebody wins the golden egg! Nothing more fun than letting things play out.

Mama's got the crud so I stopped by with medicine today and gave her Day+Nyquil instructions plus a one a day antibiotic so that she has a fighting chance of not getting the big one and ending up in the hospital. Lord knows we don't want that because you're lost as a goose unless you have a teetee or sister sitting with your sick ass. My friend is in surgery now having a second procedure to facilitate healing from the first one two weeks post-op. It's a long story but ya'll pray really hard that she and Gracey and Mark can go for a walk soon.

Sometimes, it just is what it is and today I realized that nobody has my back when it comes to furthering their own ambitions. One friend pointed out that I do all that work expecting something back when the tables are turned but it's just not that way in real life. Sometimes you just believe that what do as a vocation matters. And sometimes. Well..you've seen too much to be a pollyanna about the whole thing. Boogs is here and raising hell which is not something I ever plan for but always a pleasure. He's trying soooo hard to crawl and just can't get it in motion. I hate it when that happens.

the early bird sees the FNP

I got up before daylight and took BG to work so I could make a regular appointment with my healthcare provider who just happens to be someone that I work with sometimes so we talked about what ails us and the world and solved just about every problem in healthcare. Well, almost. The rules and regs change so fast in healthcare that you have to be on your toes to keep up with 'em. My blood pressure was up but I've been off the med for a week because I was out so that figures. Ditto for thyroid stuff. I have managed to keep supplied with happy pills so that I don't climb the water tower or something equally as drastic. Peaks and valleys ya'll.

I was reading this health magazine while waiting for my appointment and the featured article was about the beautiful Mariel Hemingway and her gorgeous husband. One of the things that jumped out at me was about eating fresh food vs processed and it dawned on me that processed is always cheaper so it goes farther. In this economy a lot of folks depend on having something to eat, ANYTHING at all. Thus the expansion of EBT and SNAP to dollar stores and gas stations. I think that this assistance is a wonderful thing for those who use it wisely but I'd have to think twice about buying a burrito or chicken with it. Wasteful, expensive and fattening. The focus of the article was on her family history of depression that includes 9 freakin' suicides, including her famous grandpa. Mental illness is here to stay folks and the stigma needs to go away so that we don't end up with more mass shootings by somebody who slipped through the cracks. With a gun, no less.

Yesterday was a real ugly one with light rain and humidity blanketing every minute of daylight. This morning the fog was swirling in front of us as we headed to the newspaper. We had the discussion today about what this absolute funk is that has everybody sick as a dog and decided that it's probably related to the mild winter last year and the tilling of the soil right now. All that mold and stuff that's been growing all summer is going airborne!

Still no propane, but we're one step closer to cooking a meal in the oven for a change. The electric skillet and crock pot have served us well but there's nothing like using the oven. Plus, it keeps the kitchen warm during cold days and nights. A few more weeks and we can afford some hopefully. If a tire doesn't blow or something, that is. As far as I know Ted Cruz is still sleeping off the tirade that he hoped would make him as popular as Wendy Davis. Not! He is a self absorbed fool who is using his power to further his own personal agenda at the expense of most of the citizens in this country. Shame on you.

I've unloaded the table and china cabinet so that their new owners can carry them home. One branch of our family is having a baby and there shall finally be a girl. Her daddy and brother have spit out nothing but boys for years. Congrats to the Criswells! Love ya...mean it.

^j^

wood glue and baby food

The office is strewn with broken chairs and such waiting to be repaired and painted as I step carefully through the mess. Eventually, I do get things done...it just takes awhile because I piddle so much. That trait is both a blessing and a curse as it allows lots of time to re-experience the past by sifting through it, but also gives me a reason not to finish up which is gold to a procrastinator like me. I am definitely all about the journey.

Boogs and his mom came for a visit this morning so she could use the 'puter and he rolled all over amongst the dogs in his walker talking to them in his own baby language. In spite of us trying to teach mamamamama he's all out with dada. I reckon that's easier to say. His grandma died before he was born so I'm his surrogate granny which is a pretty sweet deal. Come and go, just like grandkids do!

Meanwhile, Ted Cruz proves once again what an idiot he is by doing his version of a filibuster against the Affordable care act. Even members of his own party are claiming not to know him. That type of hysteria is a special kind of evil that puts one man's theology in charge of everybody else's life. In case you're wondering, Jesus wouldn't like that. Worst case scenario here is that premiums won't be affordable for minimum wage workers. Best case is that more people have coverage and hospitals don't go belly up by treating the uninsured. Hey...those of us who already have insurance might even see costs go down if we're not taking up the slack for everybody else. Plus, Congress could pay for theirs too. Just saying.

I am becoming more determined in many ways: to get the mess cleaned up here, to explore my options in terms of the future. To preserve what I have left of the past and highlight the good things. As for the bad, those things have served a purpose in showing me my weaknesses which include but are not limited to taking on too big of a load. Because why? Uh..you know. It's a co-dependent thing. Thank you Melodie Beattie and John Bradshaw for the lessons that keep on giving.

Dogs are asleep. Cloudy and gloomy. All is right on the lane ^j^

in the moment

One of my guilty early morning pleasures is listening to The Big Show with John Boy and Billy and all them. Jackie and Oliver. And the guy that says "hey big man lemme hold a dollar!" And of course there's axe Ike and the Reverand Billy Ray Collins "on the frontage road." BG and I have shared a car many days with Oscar riding on the console giving sugar as we head toward the day. He's cool like that but will bite your ass in a heartbeat if you touch him while he's asleep. It's a terrier thing.

I'm hanging out here with all four dogs while it rains and the house gets not clean. I will get there I'm just not awake yet...slept in til a whopping 10:30. My MOTHER actually got up before me which is a new thing and called to tell me that if it didn't come a monsoon she would be going out with Miss Jeanne for lunch and her mani/pedi. As soon as we got off the phone the bottom fell out so I hope she made it. She seriously needs to get OUT of that house.

Reading about the possibility that the British woman is in the middle of this deal in Kenya gives me chills because who would profile that? She looks just like any other 29 year old white girl out to make a name for herself. I mean, her husband's already up there with the virgins waiting for her. Or not. God is not violence and death. God is love, I don't care who you are.

I have a day or two to straighten up the junk shop here in the office so that the table can be moved out. There's another one in the attic that I will bring down and paint for this room. And chairs! It's awesome to finally be excited about something....ANYTHING as an escape from real life.

Later peeps. Keep the faith ^j^

the first stone

I've had a few experiences lately that have found me lacking for any kind of understanding other than some people are just mean by nature and find joy in seeing other people's pain. These are usually the very same out of touch people who do good deeds so that God will like them and talk forever and a day about every stupid little detail of their lives as if hearing the same voice (theirs) gives them some kind of validity as a person. They also tend to be sick a lot and enjoy it. No matter what you've got they can top it times a zillion. And almost died! By nature I'm not one to hang onto every word from anybody and most especially not a whiner. My attention span is pretty short in that selective kind of way. Usually these folks can be avoided but occasionally it just is what it is. Judgement is mine, they say. I am right and you are wrong and God will get you for whatever sin you have done in your time on earth. Fortunately I'm made of tough stock (that's the Stafford stubborn streak) and have the ability to take a punch or five without hitting back because, hey. I'm non-violent and all that. Peace and love, remember? I can't help to think about that angry crowd about to stone the woman to death for adultery when JC himself stepped up and asked "who among you has not sinned?" Ayep. Point taken.

In other news radical Muslims the world over hate us to pieces and are willing to die for jihad because they think it's all bright and sunny up there with the virgins and whatnot. That American citizens are training to kill innocents is absurd. Somebody's had their intelligence eye on Iraq and Afghanistan while trouble boils over INSIDE the freakin' country! Come on Tea Party...do you really want your legacy to be the end of the world? Hell hath no fury like a neo-Nazi good ole' boy and we all know how that first one turned out. As far as I can tell the Sunnis are more reasonable but can be known to go postal or whatever they call it on Al Jazeera.

Zero activity with sales in over a week so I think it's about done for. My friend bought a cute little table and turned it into a masterpiece in her carport so I'm thinking I might just take that on with what's left. No dark varnishes..only happy colors of paint like my friends Kimm and Mary E use. At the very least everybody gets a Christmas present. Santa would like that a whole bunch.

Boogs just left with his mama headed for his bed and hers following a long day. He refused to give it up other than about a 30 minute nap before I ever got home from the sawmill. I made it just in time to see the sun set over Pecan Lane and somehow that made it all okay.

^j^

exit, stage left

I was in a play during my college years about the life of Helen Keller. My cousin was Helen and played her to the hilt while my dog Brandy was a prop for the family scenes. That was also when I ruined mama's silver trays by serving eggs on them. Who'd a thunk it? Anyway that was the extent of my acting career along with a performance as Janis Joplin on Stunt night. I was damn good back in those days. And now? I have my moments.

Today is BG's birthday and she's sleeping off a dinner with daddy while I piddle around the stuff that is my constant companion now. Once you have drug some of that shit out and moved it around about a hundred times, it needs to go. Sale-a-palooza! The sheer shedding of physical baggage is empowering as I let go of what has been and accept what is and will be. My life has been filled with blessings beyond belief in ways that I often wouldn't have figured during the depths of despair that I inevitably go to. crying now and then is good for the soul. As a habit, it's a diagnosis code. End of that chapter. I'm a big girl and need to act like one.

We have watched Hot Flashes like six times and still I can't get enough of it. There's something about a snotty holier than thou bitch that just makes me want to kick ass and take names. But of course who am I to judge which people are like that. Hey...I'm sitting square on the fence with a strong left lean and looking for some inspiration and miracles from this idiot Congress and everybody who serves there. Give it UP people....you've already got more money than Big Ernie and a little bit less won't hurt a bit. Your fru fru daughter might have to miss spring break at the beach but..umm. We'll all keep the faith for her, bless her little bitty heart.

And Amen ^j^

morning has broken

Boogs and family have been here for an overnighter while his mama works and does her thing. We went to bed so early that 7AM didn't seem like an unreasonable time to wake up at all. And now we're doing it all again. There is something very cool about having a little one who needs total attention to needs and whatnot. They are so helpless at that young age. He is learning though...to hold his own bottle and push off of somebody's leg for a short crawl. Age six months in all its' glory. I have this friend who just knows from the bottom of her soul that it's her mission to find a place in this world where no dog will be euthanized because somehow..by some miracle...there are people who will let a pet pick them. It's the way that we have acquired every member of our dysfunctional family of critters and I wouldn't trade any of them for anything. Well, Lily could be had.

Okay so I'm a middle aged single gal who's had about five a couple of bad years what with family obligations and global warfare and such. Oh, and the price of oil. I'm just really scratching my head over the whole GOP won't move away from Tea party toward sanity thing. I mean really ya'll??? Just remember the sheep and goats story when you end up at the gates. Tell 'em Poopie sent you. The Jesus that I know and love was not very obedient in the face of social injustice and everybody knows how pissed off he got in the temple with all those moneychangers being greedy. Turned the tables over, I heard. Watch your backs or you'll be left behind. My home church is hosting the author of "The Shack" in the morning and bound for me, I'm working. Back when I could still see to read and had the time, I read like a maniac before bed often waking up the next day with an open one next to me. For some occasion I would totally love all volumes of Evanovich's Plum series to listen in my old age. A big shoutout to Claudia and Lynn for introducing me to the joy that resides in those books. I love me some Lula and Grandma Mazur.

My music to blog by is none other than Cat Stevens who converted to Islam some years ago and changed his name. Peace Train is one of my favorites. Oh...and Moonshadow! I can't help it..it's who I am. A totally aging hippie remembering how things were almost identical in the 60's when we were drafting young men by the thousands to fight a horrific jungle war game. Hell to the naw! Those people came back effed up for life and a huge chunk of our tax money went to treating them for agent orange and PTSD. It's history, you can look it up. My daddy never did understand why I was so against Vietnam and so we agreed to disagree on the whole subject. What really makes me sick is to see his livelihood with the USDA turned into a big fat snake's nest of evil and corruption in the form of subsidies and toxic farm practice. Yes Monsanto that means you. I live on a farm that is a minor miracle in terms of current real estate and there are numerous ways to increase production and be less toxic. One earth, one chance. Remember?

^j^

rainy days and fridays

At last, the clouds have opened up and it's raining on the hill enough to settle the dust that constantly chokes us. In the words of the little General, it's been like the grapes of wrath around these parts. Thankfully the crops have gotten it just when it was needed and things look pretty good for the corn and beans that surround me. The beans that were planted early are turning yellow while the later ones (due to late wheat) are still green as gourds. Pretty soon it will be all over but the sneezing as we settle into winter on the farm. I'm looking forward to the first frost so that maybe I can back off on the allergy meds. Sheesh!

I'm choosing to spend this rainy day inside hibernating with laundry piled all over the floor and dirty dishes staring angrily from the sink. I can barely remember the days when we had a dishwasher to do that for us. After it died it sat on the back porch for months showing the world what a redneck that I am. That was before the freezer got put out there for many more months. Nothing says southern white trash like appliances in the yard or porch. I have both. The burn pile has a dead microwave in it waiting for the final haul to the scrap yard. There is also a metal filing cabinet on the front porch and for once, not an old couch anywhere in sight. They make GREAT fires.

Sales are at a stand still so I reckon it's time to deal with what's left for the mega-giant-yardsale that's coming up. My cousin bought the last two family pieces for her daughter's new house and I'm glad it will stil be all in the family. What is left is mine forever, and it ain't much. The kitchen table would have been gone weeks ago had I let one wily picker haul it off but it's still there complete with the wooden chunk that holds the leaf up. There are lots of chairs and none of them match which is how I like it being the nonconformist that I am.

There are things that need to be done that I can't manage like cleaning out gutters with baby trees in them and hauling off the scrap. Beer cans in the trunk I can manage but not the big stuff. My brother told me to find somebody to do it on the halves. Hell I'd GIVE it away to anybody who shows up with a trailer. Tell your friends and neighbors, ya'll. Corporate is on the way and they don't like messes.

I read with total dismay how the GOP has imploded upon itself and slashed food stamp benefits for millions who are barely making it as is. If there are ANY of them with balls, they will not let the tea party get away with their tactics of terrorism. Congress is NOT the place to bring your own interests..but the interests of the people who elected your (sometimes) stupid ass. Get.A.Grip. Obamacare is here. People are starving due to high unemployment and continued recession. I used to consider myself solid middle class but after watching my wages inch up while the bankers took it all I'm stuck on the bottom rung of that class. At age 58. With a college degree. Wonder if they still give gold watches to the little guys?

A picker friend of mine worked in corporate for a respectable number of years when the stock market was booming and left before the crash to do what he really loves which is to buy sell and trade, much like the gypsies who used to travel by wagon with items for sale. My mama told me on more than one occasion that she would SELL me to said gypsies if I didn't shut my smart mouth. I didn't believe her of course because I knew they would just bring me back for a refund.

Peace out ya'll.

and god bless the pope

He's a very popular guy these days because most people who attend "his" church have been putting up with some pretty squirrely shit over the years including but not limited to unrealistic expectations. I mean gah..Jesus was all about love and miracles and wine and stuff not restrictions and altar boy abuse. I'm not the pope or anything but it seems to me that if you take a vow of celibacy unless you're superhuman, there's bound to be some consequences. The way I see it, Francis is a very valuable answer to the conservative out the ass politics du jour. People..chill!!

It's been hmm, seven months since Debbie died and she has missed an entire growing season here on earth. If I know Ronnie, it's been done in her honor. Almost a year since Faith died in my lap with her head in my hands and I lost my own. I'm here to tell you, if the law shows up in YOUR driveway following the dude who is coming to bury YOUR best friend, you would be pissed as well. Just saying. I almost went to jail for the first time in my life that night...dammit I can't stand an arrogant SOB with a badge and a dog. That's the night that nobody would work for me the next day so I trudged on in there and did my duty with a broken heart and puffy eyes. Like..real puffy and red. Gumby and I put her in a plastic box that night so that she'd be cozy until burial time. By morning, there was already a smell. He dug for hours, or so it seemed and BG and I wandered around in a daze wondering how we would ever learn to live without that pretty girl. Yet we did.

To say that we prospered would be hyperbole because it's been the leanest and emotionally hardest year of my life, and hers too. Recovery is a funny thing because it finds you when you least expect to give up and say "i don't know the answer". What are they gonna do, take away your birthday? I think not. The day you were born was a hot one when I walked those steps to catch the elevator up to OB. Noler had been timing contractions at home for 2 days and both of us were wore smooth out. That was about 10AM and twelve hours later you were pulled out with forceps because I was too tired to push anymore. There was a sign of distress called meconium in your amniotic fluid so Bossfriend drew a blood culture to make sure there was no infection. We were not for profit then and your daddy and I got to eat steak in my room before we headed down Tickle street to your first home. Those six weeks of maternity leave were the one and only time I have been away from work for any length of time and they flew by as we sat on the porch swing and got to know each other. I hauled your little baby butt up in that lab at the tender age of three weeks and you've been part of us ever since. Once you're in with the fam, there's no way out.

I talked to my old friend Julie's brother today and she's in a bad way with cancer and all up in the hospital where they give you chemo and stuff to save your life avoid a lawsuit and make some money. He said that they just want to get her home, yet that's not what's going on. Sad but true ya'll.

I'm off for two days and have lots of plans. Since nobody wants the treasures and if they do they can PM or text there are plans for a visit with the grands, bossfriend and who knows. There will be some Mexican up in that plan somewhere...with tequila. Only way to go for the birthday girls.

^j^

he who cannot see can feel

That's one of the many Juneisms that my buddy the little general has shared over the years. Her Quaker mother in Illinois and carpenter father were solid family folks who raised her up right along with her older sister and younger bro. Yes, indeed she is a MIDDLE child! There's supposed to be a syndrome or something that goes along with that order of birth and I feel sure my brother has it. Or maybe he's just like his father! My friend Sally told me when I was deep in recovery and therapy that you marry one parent and turn into the other one. Looking back, I can say that she's pretty spot on. The whole breakdown thing was when I realized that those roles weren't serving me very well.

Boogs was here last night for half a sleepover and was still wheezing and pulling at his ears. Today he got diagnosed with a double ear infection and bronchiolitis. God love him, if he feels half as bad as I have for the past month I understand why he's been in such an ill mood. I don't like taking Benadryl because of the hangover but it's been a necessity this go 'round. And the damned corn hasn't even been cut yet! It's still not here, and dry as a bone. No random bonfires for me until we get some rain. That's okay 'cuz I burned the tires last week. Gotta get ready for corporate. Right now I'd give my left nut pinkie finger for a dose of steroids to "enhance" the performance of my sinuses.

The Dyersburg high school class of 1973 is having a reunion next month and I'm so excited about seeing all of my old boyfriends and whatnot. Never mind that they're all married and I know their wives. There's just something about first loves that never goes away and that's a good thing. Gives us something to cherish when times are hard. We're moving away from the whole stuffy banquet setting and opting for something more laid back. Fine with me ya'll. I'm too tired to strut.

I've been sending out payments to creditors so that they will not hate me forever and I dropped a few envelopes in the mailbox on the way out of work today. Missed pickup by an hour but I figure they've been waiting this long, another day won't matter. I'm ecstatic at the reality of having a manageable budget and opportunities for treats. Without that? Jane is a really dull and depressed girl. BG will be 29 on Sunday and is milking the entire week which is something I totally do as well. I mean gah..you wait all year for that special day when you're THE one? Ride that bitch, I say.

We've still got treasures pickers...don't let 'em go for a quarter at the yard sale ^j^

(anti) social media

One of my smartass gun totin' FB friends thought it would be cute to start an argument on my page about gun control in the wake of yesterday's shooting at the navy yard. Knowing my stand and that of another friend, he hit both of us head on with his take on the 2nd amendment and of course several of his buddies came over to put in their 2 dollars worth. If I hear one more freakin' idiot throw that amendment out on the table as a valid argument for any gun, anytime, anywhere I just might go out and buy my own to shut 'em up. Because it's my right, and all that. The constitution guarantees that right, correct? Of course I never would, because it goes against my most strongly held beliefs. However, if people keep picking on me they might want to watch their heads when I climb the water tower.

I am surrounded by conservatives in every aspect of my life...at work,on the web and in the media. The arguments are never ending regarding rights to "life" for embryos, to bear arms by gun lovers, and on and on ad nauseum. I don't know a lot about history but I can damn sure tell you that our founding fathers are turning over in their graves over the clusterfuck that is the current political climate in America. They were simply trying to govern the colonies as best they could by holding their truths as self evident. The rest is the history of the two party system. And don't call me a demolibtard because well, you know. Sticks and stones....

One of the most interesting pieces I read today was about the current leader of the jihad boys urging strikes by extremists within our own borders so that we'll spend more money on "security" and weaken our economy further. Sounds like old Al Whatever knows us like a book. Divide and conquer. That's how they roll. Our fragile economy (thanks again Wall Street) is barely limping along, presidential bragging aside. Nobody in charge has a clue how the majority of us are living because their world is untouchable. I'm toying with the idea of TV again just so I can watch something besides dollar movies but there's a lot of fluff out there on the airwaves and I'm not sure if it's worth the money. SNL, Stewart and Colbert and Chelsea are nice but not when it costs 75 bucks a month for that viewing pleasure.

Now that the big financial tsunami has hit and we're back at ground zero, I find that my give a shit really doesn't function anymore. I'd rather sit around and chat about views that are different from my own to broaden my horizons during the golden years. I stopped by Money Mike's yesterday and spotted my last ex up at the counter buying his cheap ass 40 oz malt liquor and cigars and wondered to myself how and why I ever went there. This is the man who lived in my house for almost a year and didn't think he should pitch in on household expenses and chores. To the curb is where he went. Some people are just users and will do what they will to suck the life out of anybody who cares. He was one of the many who have taught me that it's sometimes better to be alone.

Nobody wants my stuff anymore and I'm tired of pimping it so what we've got is yard sale material and my furniture post-pickers. I can't tell you how many days I worked with the bad ass camera and my mother's bright yellow keyboard just trying to dig myself out of the hole I was in. Thanks to Big Ernie I'm here to tell it because it's been one helluva ride. It was fun while it lasted. The grands are cool except they're getting on each others' nerves a bit but what's new. My hands off approach has kept me somewhat sane lately but I feel another shoe headed for a big fat drop in the near future. At 82 and 80 respectively, they are a total piece of work. I only wish that mom had decided 30 years ago to stand up for herself.

Other than that, I've got nothing. Keep the faith ^j^

more violence in the midst of miracles

Between the time I first checked the news and went back, AT LEAST 12 people died at the Navy yard in DC at the hands of possibly multiple shooters. All of them innocent and going about their business at work. Standing four floors up and shooting at unsuspecting diners in the cafeteria is about as low as you can go, even by mass shooting standards. Picking them off like target practice. My friend told me about how the Glock is designed to kill with its' lightweight carry and deadly accuracy. Not sure what these folks had because they're still on the run. Sadly, the story will unfold over a number of days as the NRA plots to keep everybody armed because it's their right. BullSHIT! It is not your right to own an automatic or semi-automatic weapon most especially without a background check. I read a letter from the mother of one of the Sandy Hook victims yesterday that was written to the teachers and kids starting this fall. I was speechless, and that's something unusual for me.

I'm on the edge of pneumonia and trying to avoid it at all costs because the timing is bad. Hah! Isn't that the way life rolls out for most of us. My last six weeks have been spent hoping and wishing all the while selling off things that mean something to me which has been kind of painful but necessary. I'm happy to say that Gaga's table and china cabinet will stay in the family for another generation or two. Plan C worked out this afternoon and I'm looking at a much more manageable situation financially than what I've been enslaved to. The way that the whole deal came about is a miracle in and of itself of the sort where you go "oh..that's what that was!" I was so excited I called propane guy and told him I'd be needing some gas so I can cook something...anything!

No more news here...just peace for the moment. I'll take it ^j^

facebook disobedience

I've been in such a frenzy with posting "shit for sale" that I failed to read the rules of operation for one site that is in my area resulting in a curt message from its' admin asking me not to re-post my stuff. Alrighty then. Consider me chastised and not about to visit that site again. I've got one item to ship to Woodstock this week but it's not the one on Yasgur's farm. Instead it is going to an old blog friend whom I met during the heat of battle in Iraq. Her friend Carlos went there and she virtually never left his side thanks to the interwebs, as my friend the Melungeon calls it. She lives over in North Carolina where the cops shot that guy who had pulled himself out of a wreck and walked for help. Yeah..definitely not Mayberry. Opie and Andy would've been all over that one while Aunt Bea made a pie.

We had eggs without doughnuts this morning and ham instead of bacon in the omelettes and took the croissants to go. They make lovely bread for sammiches. I am so excited about the possibility of getting to cook again in a real oven that I can hardly contain myself. Let's all pray that Plan C works out for us, umkay? OH, and of course the courage to accept it if I have to come up with D or an addendum to C. Thanks to my benefactors we have charcoal and steaks and cooler weather. Life is good.

I'm terribly thankful that Syria and Russia are on the back burner for a bit as we look ahead? to the challenges related to the deficit and more affordable healthcare. If I hear one more Republican bring up ACORN I just might come out swinging. Today's biggest joke is a piece about Boehner's possible illegal campaign contributions and a picture of Mitch McConnell and all of the greedy corporate interests that own him. Lord help us all.

Today I am thankful for Elizabeth Warren and people like her who have a real feeling about what it's like to be not rich and without power. The social programs that were put in place over half a century ago are still valuable tools to help those who want to help themselves. True, there is abuse by those who sell their benefits to get high and maintain an unemployed lifestyle. I do not believe in retribution because people who throw that card down have no idea how powerful things were during slavery in the south. I am just old enough yet young enough to remember the very first time I shared a class with an African American guy named Vernell. Mrs. Nixon was constantly on him to take the pencil from behind his ear.

miracles abound

In case ya'll didn't know how bad things looked here financially a week ago, let's just say that I was coming apart at the seams and ready to give it all up and move into a tent by the beach waiting for the tsunami to hit. Yep..quite grim even by Poopie standards. Plus I was sick as a dog and didn't even begin to feel like a human until about mid-TGIF. After BG picked me up we ran a couple of errands and came home to wait for a couple of customers which turned into quite the little gathering and made the financial picture a lot less bleak. Plus, I have a lead on a solution thanks to a work peep who's in the same shape. Cross ya'lls fingers and say a prayer. It looks like the only way out!

My bossfriend had a longer than expected surgery this past week to fix her hip that didn't heal right after the first break two years ago. She's feeling better and will be home soon which is a big relief 'cuz I was totally worried that she would have Gracey withdrawals, and in fact..probably did. There ain't enough painkillers in the world to make that kind of longing go away. She's all fixed up with devices to keep her mobile during the long recovery ahead. She and hubs will be spending their first fall at their retirement home on a lake. They can actually FEED FISH from their deck! God is good, all the time.

Weather is primo here, with cooler temps and low humidity which is all I ever wanted. If Plan C works out we may even have enough $ to pay propane guy and afford gas for this winter. Once again, let us pray. If it is meant for me to freeze this winter, so be it. Lord knows I've tried. What I miss most is being able to cook with the gas range that has been idle for two years. Ya'll know what a Martha Stewart/ Paula Deen type I am. I reckon it's just another test from you know who.
Some very old friends came to visit this morning hoping to pick up the long wooden rocking thingy that one wily picker took home yesterday. Dude already had it sold before we loaded it in the back of his truck. He bought some other stuff too and that was about half of the miracle du jour. Groovy ain't the word.

So it was finally cool enough today to get Boogs out on the porch for some crawling practice and I surrounded him with blankets and pillows and toys. I kid you not with not one but FOUR of us sitting on the porch with him, he managed to fall backwards and smack his head on the new wooden porch. Ice was applied and hugs given and there's not even a bump.

^j^

walking in memphis

It's funny, the things that music will do to jog your memory of times gone by. When I was younger (shut up) I hung out at several of the local bars enjoying the entertainment which usually consisted of karaoke and the occasional band. At Bev's Place now known as Dunagan's South Main Sports bar, there was this guy who used to show up every Friday and get drunk enough to sing Marc Cohn's tribute to delta music. Prior to being Bev's it was known as Sap's Place. There's a little apartment up top where a certain Mr. Hill quietly lives his life outside of work. Can you imagine living OVER a freaking bar on the weekends? It was a cool place to be and turned into an underage magnet in spite of multiple attempts to card them 10 at a time. In short, it was the place to be. I've spent many an afternoon up there watching Nascar, every kind of ball and dominoes in no particular order all while visiting friends and drinking beer. Back to the Memphis guy...he met a terrible death in a house fire and I can't explain why but that just broke my heart. That little dude sang his heart out on the one song that he knew by heart. Another guy named Bob used to ride his bicycle out there to bus tables and hang with the cool people. When his got stolen, I gave him one we had out in the shed so he could get back and forth from his two jobs. The day one was cooking pizzas. His name was Bob, by the way. One of the high points was when the patio and stage got put in.
~
I'm off, finally. It's been a really long week year with multiple opportunities to melt down and get back right with the world. We picked up a book at the library that mama just KNEW daddy would sit down and read about Pat Summitt's career. It was 2:30 when we pulled up and they didn't answer the door so I used my key. And set off the alarm! WTF is the alarm doing on at that time of day? Lord have mercy. He screamed at me for setting it off and Mom came out of the bathroom fussing at him for being a self centered hot headed ass. I'm telling ya'll, she's about over his moods.
~
The cool front came through with little rain and a nice breeze. The grass in my yard is now officially taller than the pasture beside it so that's on the to-do list for this weekend. If any pickers show up they can just browse the goods while I mow. It's more fun that way in my honest opinion. Nobody wants a nosy sales lady following you around the treasure palace.

Happy Friday kids. Ya'll keep praying ^j^

end of epizootie

Hopefully this whatever it is all in the head and chest will be history soon because about ten this morning I felt things turn around. I had been just going through the motions and drudging through that foggy feeling that my friend the little General calls "dauntcy". Light headed, like walking through quicksand. Tight chest. Even tighter sinus cavities! But today I turned the corner with the hacking and actually coughed up a chunk of lung (i know, TMI) and by golly that felt good. My friends have kept me in allergy meds so that I didn't die completely where they would have to step over my body on the way to the many priceless items that line two rooms of my house here on the hill. Not quite organized, but soon to be.. with the addition of Christmas decorations. I don't bother to mop the floor because of all the traffic. That will come later. I'm thinking about getting one of those midget live trees this year since I burned the old silk one during some random bonfire or another. Or maybe I'll just cut a cedar like in the old days.

Tomorrow should be about 20 degrees cooler and I'm down with that. Everything looks better when the weather's nice out. They're hauling hay out in the used-to-be pasture that will become a crop field and I'm donating yard to the effort because I'm tired of mowing after all these years. By next season, somebody else will be doing it for me. Ya'll hide and watch. BG picked me up today and we were heading away from the sawmill, both of us looking down at something when I heard a little *boom* and looked up to see a white pickup on our hood. Ruh roh.. Thankfully Camry bumpers don't make a big dent at crawl speed so we just checked it out with him and rolled on toward home. I stopped by Money Mike's to talk business and he assured me that all will be well. Gotta love a guy like that. Besides, I'm one of his best customers and I'm not even a crackhead.

The dogs who have survived on ramen noodles for two days finally got a bag of kibble and it just made their day. Now they're stretched all over the beds like they tend to do when it's hot and they're tired and there's nobody around but us. Every time somebody new comes to the door they're all in a four dog panic trying to let me know and be the greeting committee. That's my babies. Lily the cat got tuna because the dogs got the last of hers. Sure is hard to feed 7 mouths!

Peace ^j^

rollin' pennies and selling cans

If you've never been broke enough in your life to do that, move along because you won't even begin to understand from whence I come right now. Ramen noodles as dog food, um hmm. They like it....tastes like chicken! We have some food but it's kind of touch and go until we get this whole financial thing under control and it's past time to focus. Actually, it's a very doable thing with our incomes and having an 's on that is music to my ears. My cousin Debbie explained the snowball financial equation to me many years ago when I first got hit. Bankruptcy was easy and affordable and most every company that took a loss deserved it because of predatory lending practices that began with plastic and spread to megagiant banks. As I recall, the failure of these huge lenders and the beginning of our country's decline began after the CEOS got busted and took off with the buyout money to witness protection. But their clones are in place and it's never ending.

Our country is in such financial ruin, NOT solely because of the deficit, but because we jump into wars and spend 8 kajillion dollars on weapons. This, and you're cutting education and feeding programs? Where is the justice in that. I'm not a total wimp about war and if I felt that we were in immediate danger within our own borders ( which is true, by the way) I'd be all for it and probably even join the militia. But I've seen too much and the bad guys usually win, especially on home turf. All the while Mexico dumps their jails on us just like Castro did with Cuba. My daddy was a pest control inspector and he went to Miami to meet these "boat people." Bizarre.
A large chunk of the drug trade from Mexico is for marijuana and even though we have several states who have opened the door to legalization, only lately have the powers that be backed off and allowed states to make choices based on voter response. There's a whole heckuva lot of money in that industry, as evidenced by 8 seasons of Weeds. Making it illegal is a big money maker for big Ike type law enforcement like the DEA. Here in the south it has always been a hoot to see some deputy with huge stalks of weed laid out for the front page of the paper. You could tell when an election was coming up, for sure.

It's still hot and that makes me pretty dang cranky plus it's hard to breathe with the epizootie. If I make it through this harvest without dying of the crud. Anyway, I've gotten down to the nitty gritty with this selling thing and continue to organize as I pull. Baskets are wonderful things!!

Over and out from the lane ^j^

heavy with faith

Sometimes you hear news that, while not really surprising considering what's gone on, still just throws you for a loop. Kinda' like the gas in Syria thing and the automatic assault weapon outbursts in our own country against our OWN people because guns rock, dontcha' know. I think it's funny that Putin and Obama are in a pissing match because what the American people want is for them to find a way to stop this shit. Right.Damn.Now. Remember? No dress rehearsal.

My friend had surgery today and the outcome was much different that what we all expected. She'll recover and stuff but her life will be very different and surely to sweet baby jeebus she will slow down and smell the roses and sniff the coffee. Or something like that! It is not her nature to "be still" which is something that is not in my own makeup. Even at home, I'm always on the move, shifting boxes and potential picks as I wind my way around the circle that is my house. Prior to this huge sale-a-thon you had to search for a way through. So there's that. Keep the faith butt jaws ^j^

*shifting gears* There is something about betrayal and deceit that hurts like a mofo even if it's happened a hundred times because THIS time you really trusted. I can't personally speak to that because I have never been able to live with myself if I "tell a story" as my mama calls it. It is one of the 7 deadly ones and probably crosses over to a couple more. It is what the disciples did to Jesus and what we continue to do in our own lives. Joel O'Steen and Joyce aside, if you don't walk the walk, don't talk it.

Oh, and by the way? I think I know what hell feels like now, sitting here on the eve of 9/11/13 wondering what now and hey, I guess global warming is really REAL since it's 98 in September. The hatred and violence that have been directed to us as a country are often well deserved, but not in the name of jihad. If you're gonna come over here all bombing us and shit, don't even bring virgins into the whole thing. Walk like a man not a maniac. Let us pray and hold hands. I remember back to that day and that's exactly what we did at work. As a church affiliated hospital, we flew flags in the front and gathered there in shock and disbelief at what we had heard and seen. Later on at home, the smoke smoldered for weeks as search and rescue dug through the embers looking for closure. Residents of Manhattan and those who were first responders have suffered multiple health ailments. The one image that will remain on my heart forever is that of the dead chaplain being carried out by his crew. God bless America, indeed.

Peace out ya'll. And always...always, keep the faith ^j^

on being an orphan

I don't care how old you are, when your parents die it's a whole 'nother world out there and I'm not sure I'm up to that just yet so we shall continue onward with the attendant assisted life as they know it. I checked in with the VA today on a slight adjustment to their monthly payment due to a 1.5% increase in their income. They got overpaid a couple of hundred but the letter makes it sound like if you want to contest it go for it. I just wanted to make sure we didn't totally LOSE it because that's what pays Ms. Faye.

I'm not officially 58 until around ten pm so I have awhile for celebration yet. If nothing else, Facebook is a great way to give yourself a happy birthday. Don't you wish you had those reminders years ago when you missed somebody's special day. Still sick and snotty, I did the best I could for a 98 degree Monday. We've got the boogs and groceries so I'll have a good birthday dinner with my favorite people (and animals.) I've always been one of those people who will give 120% if I feel that the effort is worth it. For years I've crossed the "red line" as our president calls it, and put my health in jeopardy by not resting up between campaigns to save the world and look like wonder woman. Heh..you think I jest. Anyway, we all know when the gig is up on something...when it turns into a necessity rather than a passion. I make me tired now with all of the many things I thought were important in the past, mostly about what others think. I could give a rat's ass because the ones who truly love me are always there with a hug or a knowing smile. Sometimes you don't need words..just shared experiences.

Business is slow probably because of fair week and the heat. Who wants to make one extra stop in this kind of meltdown!! There are several bites on things but nothing firm enough to take to the bank. Hopefully antique stool lady will bring cash so we can buy doggie food!! The canines are restless during these dog days. So far no news from Syria other than random threats and name calling amongst "chilling" video of those poor gassed people. Imagine if the internet had been around during the Holocaust. News traveled kinda' slow, you know.

Happy 'thank god monday is over" ya'll ^j^

goodbye yellow brick road

Yep...it's still hotter than hell and dusty too. Plus soon the corn will be harvested and all that GMO dust will be bombarding us. "I think it's just allergies" mama said as I sniffled my way through eggs and doughnuts. She's worried about me, bless her heart. When I dropped 'em off I just asked her to pray for me and that was quite the humbling experience. Her hugs make everything better. They had me a card laid out on the counter but had forgotten to sign it so daddy took care of that while she got into the house. "mom and daddy". I have been truly blessed from being their daughter for 58 years. Money can't buy that.

So between sentimental tears and the epizootie i'm pretty much clogged to the max. This week looks pretty full and all so it's chill time here in the hood. All dogs are lounging and Michael McDonald is singing so it's good to be me at the moment. The baby who comes to stay with us brighten our lives has a brother and sister who are both learning the ins and outs of taking care of one which is totally GOOD birth control for teenagers. I can barely remember BG being that age, but I remember it was cute as heck and lots of fun. Learning to sit, crawl and stand is like one big freakin' adventure for a little one. Boogs is learning to play with toys now and likes to talk like really loud but he has to in order to be heard. Oh, and he can roll over too. Genius, I'm telling ya'll.

We got to discussing class reunions today at the doughnut place when my friend Amy came in for sick bed doughnuts for her guy. Mine is in late October...40 years. And her sister's will be 60! I remember being with them when their dad died, one of my first amateur hospice experiences. My career has given me plenty of opportunities to expand on that. God is good...all the time. When I was a senior in high school I fell slap dab in love with a guy from Chicago who had moved in at the last minute. Different? You bet your ass. I followed him to Memphis and decided that Shelby county just wasn't for me and hightailed it back to the 'burg in August of 1977. Been here ever since.

Since we're faking it 'til we make it, let's expand on that thought of perhaps a jammy job for the old Poopster. If I could get paid to do what I do, aside from the fact that it steals the joy out of it sometimes, it just might help me get off of the hamster wheel. I'm so behind on e-commerce that I don't even have Paypal. Hey..I've been busy. My brother and his wife have found a way to make work WORK for them and their family. Their publications are family focused and full of local flavor. Prior to that they had a very successful online home based business. One thing's for sure, I need more memory for that kind of undertaking! Don't think the ancient Dell could handle it.

^j^

boogs and poopie

We are baby sitting again today for the Boogs while his mama takes care of business. He and BG have their own little routine where they set up in her room right in front of the TV. She knows him like a good teetee will and is experienced enough with him to know what's up. We've had several pickers looking but nothing sold yet, but I won't give up until the fat lady sings. There's too much st stake like uh..well. Ya'll know the financial situation.

We have watched Julie and Julia twice and I so identify with Amy Adams as the blogger who wants to be "published". Like me, she's written HALF a novel but can totally manage to put out a random post as she cooks her way through Julia's book of Joy. If only I could make money off all the posts I've pounded out over the years! Life is so wild right now just trying to survive and stay sane I haven't made the time to focus on that goal just yet. It will come, probably as soon as the sale is over and winter sets in.

Anywho,onward and upward. I'm goal setting and resting all at the same
time..attempting to take care of me so that I can become once again the strong woman that I am. Sometimes you just have to look really deep inside yourself to find that inner Towanda when stress levels run too high for too long. Once again, if will happen if I just listen to the universe.

So far we haven't managed to get the world blown up by meddling in other country's affairs but that could change at any moment because there are all kinds of agendas out there begging to be met. None of them involve the good of American people. So what if Osama Bin Laden was killed by navy seals? There are generations of him just waiting to do the same thing he did...die for Allah. That? Will never be over.

I turn 58 on Monday and got sort of teary over that the other day while driving the trusty old Camry (now with a window) up the lane toward home. I can tell that I'm grieving for a whole lot of things in waves, so I try to just let it wash over me so I can move on to the next step. It works much better than avoidance which is my usual reaction.

Meanwhile? I shall carry on and keep the faith j^

feeling the love

TGIF and all that ya'll. Oh, and happy fair day to all you kids at heart. Whenever I feel sorry for myself I remember that things could be worse like tromping around a dusty carnival route with eight kids who have bracelets. I just had a visitor who is cute as heck to pick up the beloved troll collection. To say she was thrilled is an understatement. She has a collection but has them put up away from the grandboys. Can't hardly find 'em anymore, she said. Precious.

If Big Ernie is testing me, I give. Nothing in my world is the same anymore but then join the crowd, right? I can't imagine life without good friends like the one who called me from Key West today just because she knew I needed to hear her voice. We're still on big mushroom cloud watch since testosterone and ignorance are all the rage in Washington. Like, really? Do you want to be the first black president who sold out his people to the war machine. Think again dude, from whence we came.

The antique lithograph with the broken frame is back in my car for transport BACK in the house since nobody wanted it on EBay. Fine then...we have artists among the pickers on Pecan lane. The trees look to be randomly loaded with nuts and this year will be no mercy on squatters and such. There's a sign at the end of the road proclaiming it a dead end and a posted sign. Do NOT try to steal my joy during pecan season.

As karma would have it, the epizootie has settled in with the exact same symptoms that first visited three weeks ago. *ack and cough*. Plus, well. It's a beautiful day on the hill as autumn fall approaches but it sure is hot and dry. One more mowing and it's done for another year.

^j^

epizootie redux

Just as I expected the readership on this blog has gone down the tubes since I quit slapping it up on "social media" but that's okay. It means a lot more if somebody makes the effort outside of being a FB addict to seek out stories. I had about five good days following my visit to the nurse practitioner for emergency decadron and when the pills ran out things were on the way down south again. I swear it started over again...that cycle of stomach upset and disturbing upper respiratory symptoms.

The air is thick with change as autumn approaches but the heat is still on. All the green stuff is dying and soon it will be winter where we long for the first days of spring, always wanting what will be rather than enjoying the moment. I don't know about ya'll, but I'm over that. Approaching 58 finds me pretty humble but much wiser for the lessons that have been handed to me during the past year. We had a kinda' sorta' roommate last year at birthday time and that was the beginning of a long tense spell for all involved. Faith died in November and her daddy got pulled over by the K-9 freakin' county unit when he drove out here to help me bury her. Dude dug dirt for two days and then came back with knockout roses. That's some true love.

Christmas was a disaster with the grands because there was money exchanged given and tempers were high when we made our visit on Christmas eve. Since we had no gifts I proceeded to clean off the beloved sticky counter that they eat on day in and day out. Well, him anyway. Mama pretty much likes to eat in her recliner now and I say "go girl". His reaction was like gas on a fire...heated and explosive because I touched his precious stuff. There were tears and we left early. One I choose to forget. The best one ever I remember was about 4 years ago when we actually went OUT for the holiday and enjoyed each others'company.

And then in late January? my cousin Debbie died and that was the straw that broke this camel's back. She and her sister are my own sisters and we were all though not really surprised, terribly sad. Grief work is done ahead of time of after, according to how the world twirls. I feel fortunate to be living it out loud with my parents.

Big hugs...just because I need one ^j^

you is strong...you is smart

Sometimes when things get particularly stressful for me I have to remind myself of how hard other people work to enjoy even half the life that I have been blessed with. Even though I am broke as a pauper right now, there were times when I had money and didn't use it wisely choosing instead to go ass deep in debt for two vehicles and lots of clothes. I can honestly say the only new item of clothing that I've bought this was scrubs because I have to have them and it was beginning to look like Omar the Tentmaker had dressed me. I've lost about 30-35 pounds over two years and I'm glad it happened because my joints are about to give out..especially on the right side. If I could find a pro-bono chiropractor I'd be in heaven.

I've come to terms with a lot of things lately not the least of which is that I play the martyr very well. I got that from my mama of course, the crying and sobbing and wailing like a banshee ugly cry because "i'm just tired". When I was in therapy at 32, I cried every single day for two years. The day that it didn't happen, I almost missed it. Same for the SRUI. I cocked my head, looked around and said "so this is what normal feels like". Not sad or angry all the time...not on cloud nine except on the very rare exception of a joyous event or a really funny movie. BG is watching Patch Adams before we return the 2nd load of movies. Their press broke again so there was some traveling to Missouri to get the paper out. Daddy was livid because it's usually in his box by 8AM when he gets up. Don't wanna' mess with that schedule, ya'll.

My attic is empty except for boxes and a few old papers and a stuffed crappie, of all things. My ex caught it at KY lake and had it done up to perch in our living room. My sense of style almost died while it was there. I left it for a respectable length of time and then hid the fish in a closet. We just hauled one of the few antique furniture pieces up the steps to BGs room for cleaning and I'm jamming to Michael McDonald so there you go. Sounds like a recipe for chair dancing!

Loveya...meanit^

peace, love and funnel cakes

This is the week of the Dyer county fair, a yearly tradition in our neck of the woods. My daddy was the president one year when I was a kid, and he went in every night (late) as a member of the board of directors to count the day's proceeds from the gate. As a college student I worked those gates several years and saw everybody plus their entire family tromp on in to see the finest in Dyer county competition and catch a few rides. My mother took a week of vacation and worked in the office for Mr. Red Henson so we were all pretty much a part of the thing. Local businesses invest in booths for display as a way to attract new customers and hundreds of volunteers give their time to receive, catalog and display items. To say that it's heavily guarded is an understatement. The proceeds from my mother's cookbook went toward the family life building there. My birthday usually falls in that week, but not this time.

It cooled off a little for which I'm eternally grateful and tomorrow should be even nicer. After a long summer's nap of 12 freakin' hours ya'll, I woke to find that Congress is once AGAIN not listening to their constituents and have voted to appease the President with approval for a limited strike. Meh. That the top dude over there is taunting Obama about being weak just serves to show that the devil is in the middle of all this. I mean really, in this day and age anything can be photoshopped and shared as reality. Chest thumping is not an option when representing your people who have financed enough war already.

There are still several very nice antique pieces up in here waiting for appreciative owners and we are hoping that sales continue until we get out of the hole solvent. BG has only been working for a month and the busy season is coming up for newspaper inserts so there you go. Hopefully by Christmas, we'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. And hope it's not a train!

^j^

outside the grid

Today was my last of three in a row and it wasn't a bad run. It's still hot and soupy but I've got air so I'm okay. A couple of days off will give me the opportunity to finish up my scavenging and focus on cleaning the antique pine chair and settee that came from my great grandmother Ethel Hamilton's living room on Pate street. There's an end table too but it's gone. I still have Gaga's stuff because really...who needs a formal dining table? I do good to get food on a paper towel and into my mouth before a dog gobbles it. Ryder found my protein stash yesterday and commenced to eat every bit of it because the kitchen counter is head level with her.

I've made a decision about blogging which is pretty reasonable considering the fact that I need my job to pay the bills buy new clothes and all so I can find me a sugardaddy. Anybody who's really been online knows who Dooce is and what happened. That name is actually a verb now as in "you're fired because of your social media activity." I kid you not, this very outspoken Democrat over in East Tennessee named Bubba lost his job when he was "outed." Someone was actually looking to do him in because of his liberal views and love for UT football. That was almost ten years ago, and it still seems surreal that things can happen that way. Big brother. So, I just have to keep it all separate. Using FB as a way to share things is often a really neat thing to do but my blog is anything BUT not controversial so it shall remain in blog land away from those who might choose to take it the wrong way. If you write it, they will come. And if it offends you, please leave.

And then there's the tall grass to be mowed because of plentiful rain and probably several snakes in it too. I'm tired beyond words and coming off steroids for an upper respiratory infection. I Googled sarin (there's the ultimate application turned verb) and it made me twitch just thinking about it. Colorless and odorless it kills within minutes or hours and the poor folks never even saw it coming. HOWEVER..I'm just scared enough of the fact that it even exists to ever think of supporting military intervention. Since when does a country that doesn't even defend its' own people think they owe it to the world more than to their citizens? When it makes money, that's when. War is big business and it's what brought about the prosperity that our parents and grandparents enjoyed following the Great depression. It was a very sweet time to grow up.

I sure do hope somebody ate some ribs for me today. My gut is so unaccustomed to that kind of food that it literally makes me sick the next day. We eat lots of chicken, fish and pasta and veggies plus cheese. Whatever is easy....we both love to create and experiment and sometimes the stuff turn out kind of raunchy but it's fun to try.

Ya'll keep the faith ^j^

no news is good

Well, most of the time. Or it could mean that the world has ended and you didn't get the e-mail. Of course I'm the eternal optimist these days and all, but really it's just easier to let it go and keep walkin' down the road less traveled. If there is one piece of work that changed my life forever it is Scott Peck's book by that name. His writing introduced me to the 12 steps of recovery for whatever keeps you from feeling joyful. The very first sentence of that book is one that is repeated daily by most people around the globe...Life is hard. But it's harder for some than for others and anyone who is living the high life right now should really reconsider from whence they came because um..speaking as in the Bible.....Jesus healed. He wept and did miracles and sang and danced with his followers. There were several different versions of all that but you get my drift. His believers fought and betrayed him and argued about who among them would be the greatest.

And one by one they deserted him in the garden to be tortured and killed by the cool kids with big armies. I feel like one of them most of the time, knowing the gift that was given for me just because and not being grateful enough..denying it. I've done it way more than three times, truth be told. But the beauty of the whole thing is that it's okay because there's a plan. Jews don't believe he did all that three day rising back up thing and see him more as a folk hero which has crossed my mind on occasion while sitting through Sunday school at First Church in a designer dress paid for by my rich auntie. They give you just enough old testament to scare you into submission but a big old dose of the New covenant. Remember the rainbow and believe that all is well.

^j^