Somehow my feeble mind managed to get logged out of Google and forget the way back which means that I've been silent for a few days. Not a bad thing, on occasion, by any means. The way things have been going, it would have all been whining anyway. As weeks go, this has been a real challenge even in OUR little world. I have purposely avoided most news and focused exclusively on piddling and sorting, always the one with great ideas but plan that might never materialize. Presumably that's why I'm more of an artist and scientist rather than administrative type. We went scrapping through an old storage house here on the farm, searching for memories and finding quite a few. I drug home a shitload of green glass dishes (not depression, dangit) and a scrapbook from when my mama and her siblings were young and all was well. We also loaded up a freakin' anvil in my trunk which brought 4.40 at the scrap yard. My favorite teller at the bank told me not to spend it all in one place and I didn't. Three bucks went for toothpaste and the rest is jingling somewhere. Today is payday so it's all good for the moment.
BG is between jobs again so we spent yesterday hauling the grands around to their respective hair appointments and getting groceries and meds. By the time we were on the way home, me and Daddy were in the backseat with BG driving Miss Janice. Their groceries and her walker were all under my feet so I ended up in this kind of yoga like stretch with my right leg above mom's head. Fun times! You have never seen three people more happy to have food in the house than us here on the hill. Dollar menu takeout just doesn't get it in the long run. Our new roomie has claimed Ryder as his own and feeds her separately so that Oscar won't bully her. It's so funny because she's as big as a small deer but doesn't realize she could kick his little terrier ass. She CRIES like the six month old baby that she is. A friend was out picking apples the other day and immediately asked if she had "some great dane" in her. Um, you bet!
After several months of intense sorting and pitching my house is beginning to resemble something like organized chaos. The dining room table is now in the office covered with pieces of projects. Oh, and the queen size bed frame is in the dining room with a bunch of boxes pushed against the walls. Hey...we can walk and for that I'm grateful. It's been kind of touch and go with me getting up in the night and navigating around the giant doggy bed that used to be a couch cushion, but I'm about to get it worked out with only one broken toe. Both attic and basement are empty for the most part with only a few things remaining that are too heavy to deal with unless there's a group. There is a saddle for the horse that hasn't been ridden in years but is still happily munching on granny smith apples most days.
It's rather eerie the way I just don't worry about things anymore because really? In the grand scheme of what's going on in the world my problems are quite small. I have a nice place to live, food, a loving family and lots of friends. I have a good job, which I bitch about often but wouldn't trade for anything. Most importantly, I have myself back. For years I have lived my life to meet the needs of others because I really had never defined my own. Even after therapy I was a walking talking co-dependent who continued to project my issues onto others and take theirs as my own. No boundaries, ya'll. It feels good to be behind an invisible line.
Yesterday's giggle du jour came when we unloaded Mom at the beauty shop and Daddy took off up the ramp WITH HER WALKER leaving her at the bottom. We have come to appreciate moments like this for what they are and laugh because it's either that or cry. I choose smiles.
^j^
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