oh susanna!

It's raining again but at least the wind has died down.  Mother nature was NOT playing yesterday.  I'm a very cautious driver and I was scared when the big ass trucks passed me because I was too slow for them.  I can't tell you how many times I've passed farm equipment without batting an eye if there's room but not on that road in the middle of a monsoon.  There was a tornado in Jackson close to the hospital but no heavy damage reported.  Y'all it poured and poured until right about sunset when I captured a pic of that bright orb and all the little ponds that the day brought.

I'm not a gun person and I love birds but not flocks of them swarming my house and pooping on the car.  It has been that way for weeks and car washes are expensive!  I had to perform a do-over last time I went because I hit the brakes.  There's a science to it, ya know.

My friends Dakota and Scarlet will be moving soon to a new adventure in Tupelo MS.  I've already cried a lot over it and have decided that it's the way of the world to let go in love and trust that God has it.

One by one and day by day I'm spreading the word about the great hospital reunion.  If everybody comes we may need a venue!  Nah, they will forget.  It's not an official FB event except as a lab reunion but the scope has widened if you know what I mean.  It takes the whole team.  

I ordered a Lodge iron skillet today for a wedding gift and of course it got subbed to non-Lodge.  Fine then.  I ain't about to take it back.  Abbey will love it and if it's not seasoned she knows how.  That will be one heavy gift bag.

I'm easing into music and my happy place.  If I'm lucky there will be another sunset ^j^

ready for the storm

It's been all over the weather reports today and is due to hit here within the next hour.  It's a BIG one with very high winds.  As I was driving home from paradise I was dismayed at how many folks were driving without lights and how the wind was rocking my car.  Gusts can get up to 50 mph the weather dude says.  I noticed when I got in that the electricity has already been off once today.

I've learned a lot about wound care since my ginormous surgery and one of those things is how to treat an ulcerated stoma.  I knew I needed silver nitrate but no pharmacy in town had it and my GP told me to see a surgeon.  Problem is my favorite surgeon doesn't accept my new insurance.  A friend of a friend helped me out with some sticks so that I can do it myself.  I'm "almost a nurse" remember?  It's not something that I look forward to but having an ulcer is dangerous and painful so I'll bite the bullet.  

I have both a funeral and wedding shower to attend on Sunday which is bittersweet but true to life.  My ceilings are leaking again so there's towels everywhere.  It only happens when there's high wind with the rain.  The problem has been identified but it's like pulling teeth to get somebody to do a small job like that.  The "handyman" hasn't been anywhere in sight despite several calls by the landlord.  

Y'all hunker down and walk the way the wind blows ^j^

the magic of music

I am a forever music geek of all genres.  I really like it when it's live or almost the same as in  Vevo or Kelly.  I'm still non YouTube red because I ain't playing that game.  I've got enough subscriptions on a TV that I don't watch much.    eexcept for Netflix.  Just like that!  I can get my news on the laptop from my left leaning sources like CNN and NBC.  Next time I'm in a doctor's office I might catch a bit of Fox.  I'll have my phone so it's all good.  

For the love of Jesus God and Mary what is wrong with people?  We are so polarized by political games and distrust of government that everybody wants to fight.  I am currently listening to Long Road Out of Eden which is epic in my opinion.  I was so against that war that I made my Mama cry because she loved  Bush so much.  I love him too but he got used by a corporate baron who profited off of that war.  I have no reason not to believe that the same thing happened in Desert Storm.  Vietnam was different because none of those folks chose to be there but were drafted.  And for what?  To get sick from Agent Orange in their old age.  

War is hell for whomever is fighting and those innocent folks just trying to get along and enjoy their families.  It's all about greed y'all.  Jesus don't like that.  I read a piece today about how an ER doctor got fired from a for profit company for insisting on proper safety standards when  there were 8 docs and they were expected to cover the ER plus see inpatient codes.  Instead of hiring one more practitioner to cover the gap, they fired the whistle blower.  Is that what you want in your local ER?  I know for a fact if that particular dude who blew off my diverticulitis as IBS was saving money for the mothership by not ordering a CT.  Too late to sue him so I'll try to forgive.

That very same ostomy that I ended up with is now ulcerated.  Again.  The first time I went to Ripley to see my surgeon but his office doesn't accept my insurance now so there's that.  No pharmacy in town has silver nitrate so I'm headed for another specialist co-pay to get that tended to.  If it ain't one thing it's five!

Don't stop believing ^j^

the morning after

Of course I didn't watch the awards because I could give a rat's ass but I did get schooled on it this morning.  Our lunch discussion today centered around the whole deal and we all basically agreed that it was a bad move on the part of both Rock and Smith.  Was the joke in poor taste?  Most certainly. But to show the world that you as a man who was made rich by the little people what a badass you are on stage is absurd.  Kids were watching this crap.   I suspect that both men will lose a lot of fans over this.  It's a startling look at the rich and entitled while the world struggles to find peace.  In the whole scheme of things it's no biggie.  I personally like Chris Rock and his brand of humor.  Ya' gotta' know where the line is.

I'm trying to pull together a reunion of some old hospital friends in June via phone and FB.  I don't have a lot of their numbers so we are networking on this.  More later.  Let's pray for no rain that day because my house is very tiny!  I'm counting on that deck and porch.  

Tomorrow will be T-shirt weather so I'm looking forward to that.  We took Huck for a walk this afternoon and I didn't last long.  One hill did me in!  It's a process right?  At least I've got a lot of Vitamin D in me to ease the transition.  Peace and love ^j^

memories

Lauren and Reaves gave been here two days in a row and we toured the whole farm today with Reaves riding in my lap while Lauren drove.  I told LP who lives where and we did get out at "my old house" and explored the basement.  It's cleaner than I ever saw it.  It took me ten years after moving in to clean it but it still has that distinctive smell that Lauren and I both adore.  There's a lot of history down there.  We didn't stop by the Carter family cemetery but she knows where it is and that it's my final resting place.  One time we were down there exploring and I fell down the hill to the road and tore my hamstring.  My entire leg turned purple and I couldn't sit for about 3 months without pain.

I stayed up really late last night and slept through time to get to church so I worshiped online with the FUMC bunch.  Even virtually, I got the message of forgiveness to mend family relations.  When a prodigal returns, it's party time.  Not that it's fair but it's a great example of forgiveness.  

Carry on with faith ^j^

things i've learned

Number one on the list is that if you wear an ostomy bag, there will be accidents.  It's a lifetime commitment for many of us so it's important to have good insurance and a lot of patience.  I was worried about the co-pay for my supplies when I switched plans, but this one is a LOT cheaper.  My provider is in-network so there's been no disruption in the supply chain.  This hasn't always been the case and after two years I've learned how often change when things are going normally and how to manage chronic diarrhea.  Immodium  is my best friend.  I pretty much eat what I want and chew chew chew.  I've about gotten a TMJ flareup from all that!  

Reaves and I picked flowers for her two mommies today and she ran off some steam.  She is dying to "plant" something like me.  We settled on burying magic rocks in between the tulips.  We are expecting light frost tonight so I did some research and found that my romaine can survive it.

As always, keepin' the faith ^j^

the cracked pot

My mother gave  me that book years ago and I adored it yet have no clue where it ended up.  The story is about a water bearer with a pot on each end of the stick to carry it in.  Day after day the person went to the water source to fill only to find only one pot full when he returned home.  He was bewildered about this and it bothered him that in spite of his hard work the precious water was being wasted.  After many trips, he noticed that flowers were blooming on one side of his path but the other side was barren.  It was then that he realized that the pot was cracked and watering the soil on his path to produce beauty.  Sometimes I feel just like him.  I'm at that age where I need a keeper on some days and on others I'm on fire for the world.  As I grow older I realize the more valuable friends are.  I have so many who have surrounded me through the years with love and strength.  My tribe, so to speak.  We don't always stay in touch but the bond is there.

I have one last perennial to move down here which is kind of ironic because after my parents died I dug it up and moved it to the old house.  It needs to be back home under Daddy's dogwood.  A beautiful dark pink peony, it stood out in my yard full of white ones that Mrs. Council planted long ago.   I drive up there occasionally just to see what's in bloom because I added a lot to her flower spots in my 30 plus years there. It's where I raised my daughter and she adored being in the country.  

I would like to ask you to pray for my friend Kim if you are that sort.  If not, send her some good vibes and manifest good health.  She's one special lady.  Keepin' the faith with you girl ^j^

 

hump day

Days all kind of run together for me now.  I know this is Wednesday which is good.  That's our day to visit and get purdy at Headlines.  My friend showed up for her appointment and I was amazed at how the stylist and her boss worked together to make her feel younger.  It's a happy place for sure.  Nina told Mamye all about doing Reaves' first cut which was a breeze.  They also talked about Lauren's beautiful head of hair.  Small town goodness.  They don't gossip (much) and collaborate to create whatever style the client wants.   Bubba was there and it's so funny how he towers over his brother.  

I've kinda' been reborn during this Lenten season.  In the desert a LOT but looking toward the end game.  What Jesus went through so that we can be forgiven is mind boggling.  All he ever did was good stuff and an angry crowd turned him over to die a terrible death.   They whipped and mocked him all the way to the hill and not many took care of his tortured body.  The women and a few disciples.  Yet they all went on to spread the word except for the one who betrayed him.  Many of them were killed for being followers.  My favorite passage in the entire Bible is on the road to Emmaus.

Give your kids the Easter baskets and all that but please explain to them what it's all about.  Keeping the faith ^j^

miracles

Lerd y'all it rained like in Africa all day.  We made a quick trip to to the 'gentral when it broke for a bit.  I needed toothpaste and toilet paper!  Ms Doris is working out there now with the young ones and she thanked me for letting her go in front of me to buy her snack.  Gotta have 'em.  She's at least a hundred and can still check folks out.  Everybody knows her and appreciates her service to a multi billion dollar conglomerate.  I remember when they started laying concrete all over the South for new stores and our friend Gumbler was one of those rolling them out.  Kroger is no better, nor Wallyworld when it comes to fresh food.  I would LOVE to buy local and in fact that's my dream.  Grow it, grass feed it and raise it.  Then sell it to people who hate what the big box stores have to offer.  Of course I couldn't do all that but I could give folks the option if I had a spot.  I have reached out to landowners here and yon to seek opportunities to do that.  Nobody wants to play.

I am acutely aware of what pesticides and hormones do to the consumer of agricultural consumers and their health.  I may just have to buy some free range chickens and keep them safe from the predators out here which would be impossible. There's coyotes and foxes and snakes and whatnot.  I can't help it ...I'm just a farmer's daughter with a dream.  I remember getting flogged by a rooster out in our chicken house when I was a kid.  Scared me to death!

Pardon the rambling.  I'm just in a mood ^j^

an afternoon with boy

I was sitting on the front porch yesterday when this pretty black and tan long legged dog came in my yard.  At first I thought he was a pit but then realized it was a young doberman.  Beautiful dog with a tan face and paws plus splotches of white on his chest.  I invited him up on the porch and found out quickly that he was a sweet and gentle critter without an ounce of mean.  He had no collar and resisted Oscar's attempts to start a fight.  He let me pet him and he wandered around checking out the yard.  Oscar was going nuts so I put him inside and enjoyed some one on one time with Boy.  Fed and watered him.  Last time I looked at dusk he was in the Pritchett Farm parking lot next door.  This morning he was headed either back home or to a new one.  I called him Boy because my friend has a pit by that name.  I think he's "somebody's dog."  Mainly because he kept trying to go in the house!  It was a totally random moment that helped to lift my spirits..  They have been sagging lately.  

Bubba came by and we traded so tired of being tired woes.   We talked about Daddy telling us..."Just wait.  It will get worse the older you get."  And of course, he was right.  He had a lot of wisdom as an elder who saw a hard life and got the chance to live every farmer's dream.  It was a win win for all of our family.  I think that I got my tenacity from him.  I can be like a dog with a bone if I pick my battles.  

My stoma is hurting and looking kind of jagged so I may have to get tortured with silver nitrate in Ripley.  It hurts like a mofo but it worked the last time. We watched Ketanji Brown's opening statement today and I felt a twinge of pride that this smart lady has support on both sides of the aisle.  Maybe there's hope for us after all ^j^

on being four

When you are that age, everything is magical and anything is possible.  Reaves was a whiny but for a bit because she was sleepy but after awhile she rallied and we cuddled on the couch for a hot minute...all four of us (including Oscar).  We went out to pick buttercups an wandered across the road to see what James was cooking.  Turned out it was paper.  His relative was there and we got introduced.  Then we meandered back and picked more of Daddy's buttercups.  I can't describe the joy of seeing that full circle come to life.

It's still coolish and windy but Reaves convinced me that spring is here because that's when flowers come.  The lettuce and herbs I planted are still alive so there's that.  If the wind doesn't whip them to death I think I have the beginnings of a crop.  I'm not real familiar with what is planted here because all of the bushes are gone and Daddy's handiwork will pop up at the oddest places.  That's why you walk the yard.

They were looking at some pictures I've got hung up with clothespins and most of those folks are gone from this earth.  "Where are they" asked Reaves.  Mama told her heaven but little bit said she misses and wants to see them.  We all will someday, Doodle Bug.  She wandered over to a little wooden church that a SS class made for my parents.  It has a real door and is signed on the bottom by everyone there.  Reaves opened the door to see what was in.  "It's Jesus!"  She said he was all up in that place.

I splurged and got LP and me new bras and they are way nice.  No more wires for me.  When the money allows, I will get more.  Thirty two bucks for a good bra is a steal.  Those five buck ones from the 'gentral don't do the girls any justice OR support.  

I could whine, but I won't.  Peace be still ^j^

bonus day

I ended up with another day off so I went to see my friend's new house on the spur of the moment.  We visited for a bit and it was nice to have the opportunity to just sit and chat.  Her house is beautiful!  I got a little lost but then I saw her out in the yard looking and waving me in.  

The girls should be coming tomorrow and the weather looks good so there ya' go.  I got some batteries at the 'gentral for the star lights that Bella gave us.  We WILL have a princess castle at some point. For now, I'm hanging the stars over the mantel because they make me happy.

Short on words today kids.  Keep the faith ^j^

another piece of the puzzle

As I have mentioned before I'm pretty curious about why my kidney function declined so quickly.  On my last visit to the GP he referred me to a local urologist after I told him about the urology report from my surgery.  Evidently I needed a follow up procedure but I was too sick and had to ask people for rides to Memphis.  Yesterday I talked to an old co-worker who is a retired urologist and explained the situation to him asking for possible scenarios.  He knew exactly what I was talking about, providing me with valuable knowledge to carry to my next appointment.  I love it when that happens!

I have today off and went to the "crack store" aka Pennington's and bought things that will survive in pots until after the last chance of frost.  There were already tomatoes there but I know better.   Not until May for me.  I did get some romaine lettuce which will survive in the box right now, hopefully.   As Stanley told me at the store "patience is a virtue" when it comes to gardening.  Or anything else for that matter.  

I also went by my old house to pick some buttercups there because they are not being enjoyed by anybody up on that hill.  I'll leave the ones in my yard here for eye candy.  They were all planted by my Daddy years ago.  I try really hard, but I don't have the stamina I used to have in the garden.  It's hard work and I'm out of shape carrying around a "normal" BP which feels like walking through quicksand.  

I ordered a set of good sharp knives by Cuisinart and they came yesterday.  Lo and behold, I cut off the tip of one of my fingers peeling potatoes!  I can't be trusted with sharp things and I'm studying on the cooking shows how to properly chop without causing bodily damage.  

Here's wishing you all the luck of the Irish!  Peace and love ^j^

the power of words

You gotta' be careful what you say or write these days because words can hurt.  Or trigger. Or otherwise damage people.  I have always written in a way that I don't name folks personally except for the ones you all know about who are friends and family.  That style has worked well for me.  When I wrote about "the sawmill" my boss freaked out because she said everybody knew I was referring to my job.  There were numerous attempts over the years to fire me for doing what I thought was right and not being understood by the powers that be.  They are too numerous to name and that is history.

I have never claimed to be right, only reflective on life as I see it.  I don't have an ounce of ugly in me even when I feel mistreated.  I just walk away from it and pray.  Lord, I hate confrontation.  But sometimes that's what it takes to clear the air.  I welcome that opportunity because I'd much rather not have that burden.  The world is crazy enough as it is.  

Mayme says the wildlife are acting strange so be careful.  We watched a  group of four geese glide around at paradise today and were mesmerized.  They are seriously loving it!

Keep the faith ^j^ 

pots and wicker

My adopted son, aka yard guy brought me some salvaged flower pots today and lined them up on the porch along with the wicker shelf.  This will be my spot to grow flowers and herbs when winter goes away.  I only have one 25 lb bag of the good stuff so that's going into the budget.  The box is about to sprout tulips and will soon receive sun loving stuff.  I'm one of those who won't ever give up on the magic of growing things.  If you put the effort into something to keep it thriving, well.  That's what's up.  Out there at paradise there's a ton of purple hyacinth around the porch. 

I sat on the deck and watched two geese showing out what with diving and shaking it off.  There was a message there for me, personally. I went to my PCP this morning and the kidney numbers looked better.  I chased this poor dude all around his area asking for favors.  He talked to me about current symptoms which include muscle contractions.  He could not give more than three days worth of Lomotil because it's "controlled" and requires a GI specialist.  Around and around we go!  OTC Immodium is very expensive at the 'gentral.

Unlike many ostomates I have never named mine.  Poopie comes to mind as in Poop Happens years ago.  Tamara's outhouse was the perfect web design.  And she GAVE it to me.  My buddy Scotty at work helped me to navigate the whole thing and read my stuff.  He said I was a very good writer.  That's enough for me.

News around here is that a camel killed a couple of guys and Covington had a hostage situation.  Plus there's the revival of the Karen Swift story.  I remember going out with Gumbler to watch the new cross go up after the big tornado blew it away.  Her body was found in the kudzu next to the cross and a nice little cemetery about three months after she was killed.  Nobody knows nothing, ya' know?  That was ten years ago. 

I think my 10% of propane will see me through.  After it's gone, I'll fill up on summer special with another company.  This company left me gasless during the great ice storm of February 22.  UPG propane based in Paducah KY.  Volunteer in Alamo was my local hook up.  I have numerous calls into them plus a record of fill dates before and after the leak was fixed.  Consider your tank moved over to make room for Baker Gas and Oil.  They are out of Gates ya know.  Corey Jeffries' crew found the leak after they checked out the unit for excessive usage.  That was on the owner's dime.  If I were him I'd be pissed like me.

It's almost porch weather and I'll have to get more dirt for that bunch of pots out back.  And some new DG cushions!  Y'all stay faithful ^j^

grandma trickery

Reaves is at the age where she is teachable but her normal response when you ask her to do something is " I don't want to."  My friend Cathy has given a LOT of toys to her which her own granddaughter has outgrown.   Yesterday when they got here she dug into the box gleefully and pulled it all out and scattered them everywhere having a glorious time in the process.  

When they got ready to leave I asked Reaves to pick up her toys and  put them back in the box.  She came up with 100 reasons not to including "I need help."  This went on for a bit and I pretended to call Bella the little girl who gave them to her.  Faking a conversation with Bella I told her that Reaves didn't want to pick up her toys so I would be giving them back.  Reaves began to whine and plead for me not to call her and I got off the pretend phone and told her that unless she picked them up they would be going back from whence they came.  I told her I would help.  First she drug the box over to the table and proceeded to put them all in then I told her thank you.  She is at the age now where if you don't expect some responsibility from her it will never happen.  

Lauren is such a good mother with miles more patience than I had.  Sure, it's tough on her.  But she takes the time to explore emotions with her like why she is feeling the way she does.  She will raise her voice to show who's boss but never screams.  She sets boundaries with her.  And she does it all with love.

I sat with Bella's family at church this morning and relayed that story to her.  I saw the light go on in her little head that I was the one to whom all those toys she gave away.  Priceless!  The message was good as always and the choir did a wonderful piece.  We are all acutely aware of the fact that after our Easter celebration, Dakota will be out of the picture so it's like we are all in the desert with Jesus knowing what will come.  He will be hard to replace and I get misty just thinking about it.  This is the disciple that came to my nursing home room and anointed me with oil.   Before the service started Cathy showed me a picture of her precious Mama with Brother John Kilzer.  I always think of him during Lent.  As a recovering addict and alcoholic he turned himself over to God and transformed thousands of lives with his casual service called The Way.  He preached of course, but he was a counselor to all those who were lost and needed guidance.  

Thank you for your service Brother.  No more sleeping in the rain ^j^

blustery

Winter is surely hanging on this year.  I rescued as many buttercups as I could over the past couple of days so they are everywhere in vases.  A friend and I were talking about when you absolutely have to get out, like a medical emergency.  She described how she put mom on a coat and 'boggin and threw a thick quilt over her.    And that gave me a flashback.....

My mom's hip broke in December and she went into rehab.  I insisted on going to every doctor's visit to see what was up, because I'm controlling like that.  Our last visit to a doctor's office was to the ortho who showed me plain as day an x-ray of the hip with that pin hanging down.  No wonder she was hurting!  He said she should go straight to ER and prep for a bigger surgery.  I will never forget hauling my poor frail mother through the freezing wind with nothing but a nursing home blanket around her.  It almost killed us both.  Why wasn't EMS called?  Because I knew those folks well enough to get her there right then and walk up to the ER doors.  Nursing home transfers take forever and it's not the fault of EMS.  It's how the system rolls today in healthcare.  

I feel blessed to have had a hand in every medical decision regarding my parents.  Had I not worked there?  It would have taken me being some poor lost soul trying to advocate for her parents.  Those people loved and respected me professionally enough to look me in the eye as if to say "you know what this means."  

I remember rushing to the "old" ER when my husband had a heart attack with him kicking the dashboard and yelling to run the lights.   After we got up in there and an EKG was done Dr. Hayes and the nurse ( who later became my sister-in-law!"  explained to me what tombstones are.   His LAD was totally blocked and they safely opened it with a clot buster so that he could be airlifted out.  When he left, the EKG was normal.  Now tell me that ain't a miracle.  

They happen every day.  My surgery is a perfect example.  I called up the church secretary today to add someone to our prayer list.  Nobody there will know who she is by name, but she is a very special person to our family and times are hard.  I think about some of the people I've prayed for over the years.  Not really for miracles but for God to work and reach them in their pain.  And I can feel when others are praying for me, believe it or not.  It's that bump you get when you think all is lost and life sucks and then here comes a happy thing.  A baby is born.  There's a rainbow.  Somebody begins recovery from addiction.  It's hard when you're in the middle of it to realize that this too shall pass.  It will never completely go away, but it will pass if you leave room for the spirit to work.  Words directly from Billy Yates and my daddy ^j^

just another day in paradise

I stood on the deck this evening watching the moon rise and sun set.  I've really come to appreciate the fact that I have that view.  Down here off of that hill it's much easier to see.  Today was fun and different but you can be damn sure I won't eat Chinese again soon.  It wasn't as good as I remembered.  Should have ordered from the menu and not made that trip to the trough.  Joy and I rode around and picked flowers after that then settled in for some quality time in the sun in the back.  Between 3 and 4 it is glorious when the wind isn't blowing.  We were sunnin' like turtles!

The plumbers came and fixed the leaky shower and the hose attachment outside which I "accidentally" ripped off during the last yard fire.  I have a very good landlord who is patient with my mistakes.  They are too many to name.  He also feeds me well.  I suppose it's his way of showing me he loves me.  As for me, I give him deviled eggs.

It is supposed to snow tomorrow night but I doubt if it will hang around because the ground is super warm.  An inch or two between 6P and 6A.  I may just bundle up and watch it from the porch under the security light.  

Y'all be happy and keep the faith ^j^

#bagwhatbag

I am a member of an ostomy support group which features a lot of people showing their bags off like a badge of honor.  Honestly, it takes everything I have to keep the bag on properly.  I ain't about to do selfies of it.  My life changed forever that week and I survived which leads me to believe that my work here is not done. I have family to enjoy and friends to support me.  That is plenty.  I live for my weekly visits with the girls and cherish every moment.  Meanwhile, I'm out in paradise spending my days joyfully.  I think we have a lunch date on Thursday with Carol.  Joy loves to get outta' there for a hot minute. I'm pretty positive that it's a God thing that I ended up there.

I don't question life any more.  As a survivor I have learned to go with the flow and ask for forgiveness if I mess up.  Our internal selves will tell us when that needs to happen with the help of Big Ernie.  Our little tribe is facing a lot of challenges right now and I will spare you the details.  Everybody has something.  Laura Beth West had a stem cell transplant for AML today and has so much support that I can't even describe it.  Her sister was a perfect match as a donor. Laura is a very talented and loved NP who owns her clinic in Newbern and got hit with a bad deck of cards.  Prayers up for LB ^j^

The price of fuel is a whole Ponzi scheme where speculators are driving prices up.  We have plenty without Russia but are being ripped off by opportunists who see the chance to make a buck off of the crisis.  Jesus don't like that kind of stuff.  It makes everything more complicated for everybody what with delivery costs for goods.  I distinctly remember 2008 when it was four bucks and Lauren was commuting to UTM for her social work degree.  Most of her student loan money went for gas.  That debt has yet to be forgiven.

Let's all hold hands and sing kumbaya.  It never hurts to be faithful and believe in miracles ^j^

The 

courage and serenity

I know a lot of people who are big time worriers about every little thing.  Sometimes it's to the point where they can't enjoy the present because they're "borrowing trouble" as Yaya would say.  I became very involved with 12 step programs in the 80s and immediately memorized the Serenity prayer, short version.  12 step programs are a spiritual discipline that are based on gratitude, acceptance and forgiveness.  If you can't change it, accept.  If you can?  Have the courage to do it.  If we live life one day...hell one MOMENT at a time, we get to enjoy the small stuff which is what life is all about.  

The Lenten season is one of deep self reflection because Jesus spent so much time in the desert being temitpted by the devil.  " Looka' here boy...this can all be yours!'  "You hungry dude?"  Over and over the temptations were thrown out to a weary believer in one true God.  Yet he resisted and used all of those temptations to perform miracles during his ministry.  

It came a couple of monsoons today but we are in a no rain period at the moment.  Praise be ^j^

play it again

Today was a really windy and warm one ahead of the storm front which will last for a couple of days.  I went to bed early and woke up late .  After that I headed to the 'gentral for a few things.  Remind me to never buy lemons and limes there again.  Gas next door was 3.79 so I went a mile up the road and got twenty bucks worth at the chicken store.  Having planned on grilling I cooked in the oven instead.  The girls came and Reaves and I had some private time in our little playhouse on the back porch.  There was  bunny and a fish and our own little refrigerator up next to our living room back there.  Her imagination amazes me.  When Lauren was her age she had an imaginary friend named Dicky from Texas.  Not a clue where that came from except for a trip to Padre Island when she was two.  That was her first visit to the ocean and it scared her to death.  We drove 18 hours straight to Odem with her Aunt Nez in the back. She didn't have any legs and was on a heavy diuretic.  UCMTSU.

It is what it is.  Everybody's out of gas around here waiting on trucks that come when they are able.  Consider the price of hauling that fuel.  I bought enough to get me through the week.  My BP is appropriately low.  Dr. Turner said I'm a cardiologist's dream but then they tend to like "normal" which feels like quicksand to me.  My next urgent appointment is with another nephrologist in Jackson after I visit my GP once again and ask for some more testing.  I'm stubborn like that.

Y'all grin and bear it because the new normal ain't going away ^j^

better late than never

After several wakeup calls I have finally realized that not eating healthy shit will bite you in the ass.  With the help of dietary gurus I've learned what I like and how to eat it without preservatives.  They even taste bitter to me now.  I don't like many veggies except for asparagus and lentils.  Plus I am a pasta freak.  Usually I don't eat meat because you have to COOK it and watch closely.  Three times a week is my max.  There is stuff thawing in my frig right now to throw on the grill tomorrow.  I grew up eating fresh food from daddy's garden and he even had a cow processed on occasion.  At least he knew what it was eating!

I grew up in the era that saw no-till become a thing which revolutionized crop production.  As the years have passed, the fields have been carefully ditched and planted on a rotated basis.  This is a wheat year and I'm loving the greenery, though it got bit by the ice.  There is one buttercup blooming in Daddy's yard but there's a whole bunch more about to bust open.  That one can be for Reaves to give somebody tomorrow when they come.  She loves it like her Gaga.  There are tons at my old house so I'll be checking that out as well.  God love us, spring is almost here.

Im'a not going to dwell on the state of our world.  All I can think of right now is that faith will keep us floating if we just do the right thing.  Because in the end?  It's all about the sheep and the goats ^j^

the scientist in me

I have been diagnosed with Stage 4 kidney disease which is as Hoss would say "not good."  The initial warning flag was an abnormal GFR in October of 2021 and from there I've watched the numbers climb and I am visiting nephrologists.  Being halfway in denial and a seasoned medical professional I am wonder how that happened so quickly.  What has damaged my kidneys to this extent in the past six months?  No tests have been done for autoimmune diseases which is something I know to look for when something goes wonky that quickly.  We shall see.  MT heal thyself.  A little bit of knowledge goes a long way when you are talking about health issues.

The weather has been glorious today with more to come.  I'm thanking God for that because the last two weeks were a bitch.  Today is Ash Wednesday and things didn't work out for me to go to church this evening so I said a little prayer and made a cross on my forehead with lemongrass ashes.  I enter the season full of doubt and fear and will probably be right there in the desert with Jesus for the next 40 days.  

Reaves is being put to sleep for dental work tomorrow so let's all send up a prayer on that one.  They have to leave Jackson and be at LeBonheur at 7.  I don't care who you are, putting a child under anesthesia is scary.  It was scheduled for about a month ago and she tested positive for Covid so it got put off.  Lauren got a call from daycare today that she was crying about her mouth hurting so she called and asked for an ASAP intervention rather than the next scheduled appointment in April.  Luckily there was a cancellation and her tears got them in.  

Our healthcare system is beyond repair and I am a prime example of that.  I won't go into the details but it's pretty complicated for me right now.  My nephrology appointment isn't until March 29th and the numbers are not looking good. 

My car needs work and that is scheduled for Friday as I hold my breath about the cost.  Let us all pray that it is not an expensive fix.  Overall, I would give my state of mind about a C but I am grateful not to be in the path of Russia's military.  Closed airspace is a start.  Sounds like Putin has some new toys to play with that will cause tremendous damage to the innocent civilians of Ukraine.  

Sorry to be a bummer but it is what it is ^j^