I found myself praying to Big Ernie today to just set my heart still and give me the will to let go of the whole thing. All of it. That's another step 1 for this recovering addict. As my friends remind me on a daily basis I'm quite fragile right being all post-op and broke and what with the Grands drama for which there is NO easy answer. My pride allowed me to ask for help today from a couple of friends who quickly told me that they didn't think I was worth consideration. Well, one of them did. The other one hid behind his wife. The sawmill was steady (again) what with the same staff and usual mayhem. Kay fed me pizza for lunch both days and I love her for that. I bleached the counters and went on my way to home with BG at the wheel. We had to return Tammy and I met a couple of real angels up in there, one of which is Susie. We talked so long I forgot that I had friends meeting up at my place so we had to scurry. Bought some mini- Hempz lotion in spite of being broke. Sometimes girls just need a random happy and all it takes is some lotion and pizza.
It was cold and gloomy in the 'burg today and I wandered across the parking lot to find my mother sitting in the dining room listening to the Oak Ridge Boys and tapping her foot. The preacher was absent but they managed without him, if you know what I mean. Tony brought Daddy for a visit after church and Daylight. Cousin Mo is planning a gathering around Thanksgiving if there's room for all of us somewhere there. The logistics of taking everybody out would be staggering to say the least. We are a shrinking tribe, if you will. I live on a farm owned by some really rich people of whom the next generation has no emotional attachment. My parents have a lifetime dowry to live in our homeplace but once they are gone, I'm on my own with the 'tweens and I'm not feeling really optimistic about that unless they get a little less spoiled rotten. This chunk of land could be farmed organically and preserved. The barn and silos were built in the 1920s after my house and the one where the people don't live anymore, thank you sweet baby jeebus. Walking into that place makes you want to take a shower. The local law should be sending me personally addressed "i'm sorry" notes for not taking that welfare check to the next level. This idiot had speakers on the front porch that shook the windows in my house and it was all crazy shit and the kids would be running around trying to play with the caged pitbulls. Jenny had a couple of surgeries and she and the kids had quality time picking up nuts on several occasions. Terry was just always sketchy and off his meds. Poor kids.
If it snows and ices I'm gonna be pissed because it ain't even turkey day yet.
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