wheely whirly whankum

That's the term that my friend Kay used to describe her late mother's ramblings about all things not apparently relevant to the moment. It's something that most of the elderly do, mostly because they finally have the luxury of not worrying about responsibility so much and focusing on what's been good about their lives. My parents are both enjoying the hell out of it :) Every time one of them gets hurt or sick, I think about how scary and foreign the idea of living without them used to be. I remember the first time that my Daddy didn't pull off of Pecan Lane into my driveway to check on the horse. It was like clockwork, come rain or shine or foot of snow. He came on a tractor or in a truck and made sure the cows had hay. Now, my brother does all of that.

I now see a childlike quality in my mom and dad now that is totally endearing to me. My mother feels guilty about not being as "nice" to her momma as I am to her, but hey...that was a totally different story! I loved Gaga to death, but she went to her grave a bitter and broken old woman. Instead of looking back at all the wonderful things she had been blessed with she complained about being in a retirement home on the government's dime. Once I wrote her a letter asking just exactly what she was so angry about...perhaps the death of her husband at age 45. Or the shameful squandering of the inheritance by her baby boy. My grandfather intended for each child...there were two girls as well...to have some land to call their own as adults. Things went to hell in a handbasket when the BB died at 36. He never had a "real" job in his life, where he was held accountable and had to earn a living. Every family has at least one like that.

I have learned to keep a pen and paper handy, because they can't go GET what they need, and so there's usually something to pick up on the way home like medicines. Or diet cokes and bananas ;) The home health nurse, social worker and physical therapist visit often and keep an eye on them. And they are at home, in their comfy chairs looking out at that familiar fifty four year old landscape for signs of spring. Not this month, ya'll. Those couple of warm days were just teasers. Daddy better record some more Law and Order!

I am often sad, when I take the time to be still and think about what it all means to be a part of this family and the heritage that we have here on the farm. We have raised several generations side by side in a neighborhood that most cities would love to have. So, in a way.....I suppose that I did get my inheritance from Papa. He's the one who recommended Daddy for the job back in 1956. And we've never looked back. The folks who benefited from his years of service are not very partial to saying thanks, so his "retirement" has consisted of a few hurried up business meetings and a fifty years worth of records to sort through. It's not for the weak at heart, I'm telling you.

Lunch today was a small group of us women talking about the past and the pains and how to deal with all of it in a positive way. It was a unanimous decision that the only way through the pain, is to face it head on and trudge (with frequent breaks) because until then.....it will never go away.

I love it when that happens.

Peace out ^j^