4 am musings

Apparently my body has decided to sleep on newborn time.  I have been waking up way before sunrise, this morning at 3am.  Sitting on the back porch in the dark I could hear coyotes back in the fields, probably pups judging by the intensity and volume of the yips.  Nothing like in the dead of winter when they howl endlessly.  It was a subtle reminder to me that these two cats who are eating me out of house and home are in danger if they get too far away from the food bowl.  It is nature's way.  I don't keep up with hunting seasons but I think it's around deer time and close to duck time.  

The fall colors are now peaking, a bit late for us, but beautiful none the less.  The dogwood right in front of my house is dark red and catches the light just right to show off.  

Much of my psychic energy is going into transitioning into an old, visually impaired old person who depends on others.  Always very independent, that is a hard thing to handle.  Bubba said he has never seen anybody who has to go to the 'gentral every stinking day, which ain't true.  It's just anytime I have a chance to get out!  I have so much empathy now for my parents needing rides here there and yonder for the last five years of their lives.  After they died we found a shit ton of disposable razors that Daddy had stockpiled through random trips to the store.  I inherited all of my mother's photo albums which are still in a box under the steps.  Time to haul those babies out and revisit the past.  Mom was a gifted journalist who brought receipts for EVERY rat killing she was involved in.  I have several volumes of my history that she compiled.  I failed Lairen in that respect but there are many pictures of her....just not organized by date and age...lol.

As I age and lose vision, the memories  in my head are the ones that stick.  Brothers in the cotton trailer on fire.  Debbie getting thrown off our horse Dan.  And of course, the New Year's day production at Gaga's where Tommy was baby new year, complete with diaper.  You can't make this stuff up.

Y'all enjoy the nice weather while it lasts.  Usually Novemblah consists of lots of gray rainy days.  We shall see, and keep the faith ^j^

america first?

Oh boy.  Congress is back in session, at least for today.  The final signature on the discharge petition was obtained after a "newly" elected rep from Arizona was finally sworn in.  Oh wait, that will happen today perhaps.  Then they go BACK out at the whim of Mike Johnson to avoid the Epstein files.  All of this while Americans are being arrested by ICE and forced to pay additional taxes on necessities like food, clothing and other living expenses.  Meanwhile, millions of our taxpayer dollars are being spent on marble for the Lincoln bathroom and conversion of the Rose Garden to a private club.  Corporate donors will pay for the "beautiful ballroom" which would be cool except they all want something in return.  That's how the whole thing works.  

The Trump administration has showed a total lack of respect for what the American people want.  We do not want to start a war with Venezuela.  We want affordable health care and food.  We want for the focus to be on US rather than on partisan politics.  And we are being let down every time political loyalty wins over the will of the people.

Scripture tells us a lot about these kinds of false prophets and how they lead vulnerable people to do evil things, even when they know better.  At some point narcissism causes folks to lose all empathy for others. You know, like cutting healthcare to millions while buying Kristi Noem two new jets for she and BF.  And what about that true romantic Kash Patel flying his girlfriend to a wrestling match on our dime.  I could care less about who's doing who out there as long as it doesn't affect me personally.  That kind of shit definitely affects me.  Like I would ever be a guest at Club Rose Garden.  Ha!

I got confirmation via CT that I do indeed have a parastomal hernia which will require surgical repair.  That was step one.  I have begun isolating again because my gut is so unpredictable.  For the last 2 nights I have woken up with leaks and had to get up half awake to change the whole apparatus.  This morning I was up at 4am and still going.  The changes in my stoma are such that I can't really get a good seal anymore.  And that, is a problem.  Note to self:  Talk to Jay ASAP!

My dressing is in the freezer and Bubba's 22 lb turkey is thawing.  I am giving thanks for so many things, even including the hardships.  That is how we learn, though it's hard to see through the pain and darkness to understand that truth.

Y'all enjoy the last few warm days of 2025 because winter is coming ^j^

tylenol and turkey

Well, here we are in the midst of the longest government shutdown in history  According to MAGA, it is the fault of the Democrats.  Never mind that Mike Johnson has put the entire house on indefinite paid vacation to avoid seating a newly elected representative from Arizona because she will be the deciding vote on releasing the Epstein files.  Meanwhile, food assistance is being kept from millions of people when they money is readily available.  Try putting that on your Thanksgiving table... Never one to pass up a chance to blame things on the previous administrations, Trump touted that Wally world's package deal for the meal is 40 bucks.  There are fewer items in the bundle and name brand products are being replaced with great value, the store brand.  But yeah, he takes credit for what he had nothing to do with, claiming that the price is "25% lower than under Biden."  Typical Trump.  

Lauren and I have enjoyed several beautiful sunrises out here lately.  She is helping me to clean and organize this messy house, which is her forte.  We listen to podcasts together and share opinions about the state of the world and, in particuar, our country.  And RFK continues to spread dangerous imformation about health issues.  Tylenol?  Please y'a;;.  The biggest danger I have seen from this OTC med is that people who want to commit suicide will take an entire bottle and die a slow death from liver failure.  I have seen it, and it ain't pretty.  Depending on how long after ingestion the patient presents for treatment, often times the patient would say "but wait..." and by then it's too late.  

Meanwhile, we are slowly drifting toward winter with a hard freeze in the forecast.  That should help the pecans to drop.  I still talk to Patty when I'm out there picking them up.  Lord how she loved it!

I am scheduled for an abdominal and pelvic CT next week to try and figure out what's up with my gut.  The surgeon who ordered it was quite personable and I deducted right away that he is a keeper.  If it is a prolapsed stoma, that's an easy fix.  If there is a hernia too then it becomes more complicated.  We shall see what God has in store.  And always, with faith ^j^

where's the beef

I am a country girl through and through.  As a farmer's daughter I have many memories of Daddy busting his ass to raise cattle and manage crops.  The herd was small by many standards, but it was his second job (besides USDA) and it took up much of his time off from the day gig.  I loved riding around with Dadd, and later Bubba, to visit the cattle that roamed around the farm.  The fencing was ancient barbed wire and cattle don't usually like being fenced in.  He walked the fence lines daily trying to keep those moos from escaping, yet they always did.  So did the horses.  It was a very common event for me to wake up and walk outside to find some large animal or another wandering in the yard.  Usually the finao horse, appropriately named Pride, would get really pissed when we tried to get him back into the barn lot.  Poor dude froze to death one winter and got buried right behind the very barn he loved to escape.  

My point is this:  Famers work very hard and their work is heavily weather dependent, eespecially with crops.  It is risky business that you have to love to keep going back in season after season.  Their livelihood is currently threatened by several economic decisions made by the current administration that includes tariff driven losses on crops and undercutting beef farmers by bailing out Argentina and importing THEIR beef.  China does not want American soybeans.  Zero orders since the tariffs went into place.  Farmers do not want a bailout, they want a market.  And that has been destroyed.

To another point, I learned that there is a bunker under the demolished East wing of the White House which is being renovated and covered with the corporate funded big beautiful ballroom.  BTW, Hitler did the same thing in 1937..Google it.

Things look pretty grim what with a gtovernment shutdown, healthcare crisis, recession, taxation without representation ( see Arizona rep still not sworn in ), indiscrimate bombing of fishing vessels and a whole long list of other bullshit.  I believe that Americans are knee deep in the fallout from all of these capricious decisions yet we are powerless to do anything but pay higher prices and die needlessly because of partisan loyalty.  I do not blame all Republicans, but the MAGA ones are not our friends.  They are afraid to cross Trump *and Vought, et al * so they just nod and do the work of the devil.   

Y'all keep the faith ^j^

 

eye of the beholder

 If you are politically progressive like myself, or even if you are MAGA, it is time to stand up and be heard.  What is happening these days is mind blowing and if you don't watch independent media you are only getting half of the story, or even less.  Being one who tries to see all sides, I occasionally drift over to see what's going on with the other side.  And I am always shocked.  I think it is important not to become desensitized to the violent rhetoric being used by maga.  Saturday will be a big one with protesters all over the world marching for No Kings. It is not just Americans who are upset.  "Now Poopie" you may say.  Don't be hyperbolic due to your trump derangement syndrome diagnosis.  I expect to see heavy military presence at these events, especially in blue cities where troops are already in place.  It is free speech at the core of this movement and many others.  BTW, antifa is not an organized group nor is Soros paying all these millions of protesters.  These are people who are not happy with the way our country is going, particularly with the government shutdown.  While one party showed up to work as usual, the one in power was told not to negotiate on healthcare provisions for Americans.  Oh and also, Puerto Rico is part of the USA so Bad Bunny is welcome.  Hey...it's all about the money right?

I retired before the age of 65 so I was covered by a marketplace plan until I hit the official Medicare age three years later.   There was no premium based on my income of SS payments.  During that time I was working as a sitter/personal assistant and in about August of 2019 I noticed that I was bleeding rectally.  My surgeon friend treated me with heavy antibiotics but there was no CT because I would have to pay a shit ton of money for it.  I should have trotted my ass right over to the hospital and gotten a CT.  It would have saved a world of trouble for my gut.  More antibiotics followed and it was pretty much kept under control until January 2020.   

In December of 2019 I had received a notice that my premium was going from zero to $1350 a month.  And that is how I entered my near death experience with an abcessed colon resulting in an illeocolostomy.  Everybody was kinda sorta expecting me to die but God had different plans.  Anywho...

My brother paid the 1350 so that that the incredibly expensive surgery would be covered.  I was very VERY sick for about six months.  During that time ( after Trump left office ) my monthly cost dropped to 330/month only I did not realize it because umm...sick as a dog.  I don't remember the details. That particular healthcare emergency changed my life forever.  I was navigating all of this by myself while managing a household of one*sometines* and a yard full of critters.

I remember odd things from that hospital stay. Trump was getting impeached for the second time, Kobe Bryant and his bunch crashed and COVID broke loose.  I watched on TV while China literally built hospitals in a week.  

On the morning of January 23rd I opened my eyes to the most beautiful sunrise I had ever seen.  That was the day that my mother died in 2016 and I swear, I thanked her for that beautiful sight.  I was alive and I felt her presence..

Currently there are trolls on my FB page wanting to argue and I'm like "Really?  Get a life"  You will not change my beliefs in right v wrong with your angry rhetoric.  

Keep the faith ^j^

make it make sense

Following a brief hiatus from Pecan Lane posts, the Poopster is back! I have glasses that I can see to type with, which is heavenly. Part of the reason is that I found myself whining, bitching and moaning WAY too much for a blessed child of God like myself.  I reckon I sort of went down the rabbit hole with the state of our nation. There have been many foxhole prayers lifted up this year, particularly during the long, hot dry summer.  I'll spare you the details but it was pretty rough because I have a really big sense of what the least of these are dealing with and it ain't good.  At all.  

Project 2025 is now in full force.  It has been bait and switch from the get go but, girl please.  Things are not normal here in the USA.  The government is shut down because MAGA republicans refuse to negotiate on basic things like affordable healthcare.  As a retired healthcare provider, this is something I consider "not acceptable." Republicans wereo told by speaker Mike Johnson to take a paid vacation and not talk to the other party about the matter at hand.  Millions of Americans will lose affordable healthcare with the current big beautiful bill as it stands.  In some respect, I believe that is exactly the plan.  Genocide by attrition if you will.  Can't afford to see the doctor?  Just go ahead and die so the regime won't have to mess with you. I retired at the age of 62 because of multiple health problems, including two bad shoulders, even after surgery.  They wore out on me early because I'm a farm girl and did a lot of digging and hauling back in the day.  Plus all that repetitive motion in a semi-automated clinical lab at our local hospital.  After 41.5 years and a lot of mental stress at the end, my body gave up.  I was literally forced to slow down.  My daddy retired from the federal government at the age of 55 with a nice package because of those years of service.  Those perks are no more.  He was a USDA employee for decades pushing pins into a map to track various pests that destroyed local crops.  At the end of his career, he was traveling a lot because of meeting Cuban refugees at a Florida facility to inspect what they brought in plant wise.  The local office shut down and he managed to get a family friend to take his place which was mainly at the Memphis airport.  Times change and terms expire.

If you dig deeper than the main stream media, we are in deep shit here.  Trump's entire cabinet exists solely to implement the policies of Russ Vought, et al.  Flood the zone with nonsense like military parades in front of an absent audience.  The tariffs that he put in place willy nilly are killing the market for American farmers because our biggest customer buys elsewhere, Meanlike from Argentina and Brazil.  Meanwhile, the departments of war and racism spend billions of dollars on ICE recruitment bonuses for unqualified recruits to rappel onto rooftops and zip tie people based on race.  Jesus wept.

I must admit that most of my information now comes from podcasters on YouTube because I make my own decisions in a non-partisan ways.  I believe that DJT is an old white con man who is not aware of anything other than his opportunities to flex and see himself on TV.  The department of war has gone global, and the rest of the world hates our country.  Foreign leaders have moved on from even listening to him and the dribble.  Instead, they walk away and go to Plan B.  If there is peace in Gaza, Trump will claim that he ended war number 10.  Not on day one, mind you.  As daddy said "Jane, it will always be thus and so."  A biblical reference for sure.  And also "Leave room for the spirit to work."  That is a hard lesson to learn, but well worth the patience.

I have not seen baby Reaves in a hot minute and she is coming to visit tomorrow, Lord willing.  She is not a baby anymore but a thriving 8 year old who has a lot of spirit and and spunk.  Thus far, it has taken a village to raise her.  That's pretty cool in my book ^j^

death to democracy

I don't about y'all but I am pretty scared about everything in our country right now.  I see no hope for us average hard working people the way things are going at the moment.  We are dispensable to the current administration.  All of us except for the boot lickers and rich people.  Comedy is what restores my soul and will to live.

I have to admit that I was not aware of what is in Project 2025 until it became a reality.  Yep...we are neck deep in the project.  I did what I thought was right and exercised my right to vote for the lesser of two iffy candidates and my vote didn't count.  Still doesn't.  Living in a red state that invited National Guard protection for a major city in West Tennessee.  Black and blue mayor, mind you. Memphis is also where Musk has built data centers that pollute and poison the entire area.   There's your AI up close and personal.  The entire concept of freedom is taken away by that technology.  Manipulation online,such as that is great bait for those who have no personal beliefs and eat up the disinformation. As my 3rd grade teacher would say "think for yourself and say the pledge of allegiance." We all did back then, but times are different now.  I feel no allegiance to the current leadership.  I wish I didn't know what is going on and living in blissful ignorance like so many.

Today's dictator of the week is Brendan Carr, an author of one piece of the media takeover in the project.  There has been so much hostility surrounding the death of a MAGA influencer that many compare to Jesus.  Personally, my Jesus don't like that.  But then again my Jesus is a peace loving dude who stands for peace, love, acceptance and inclusion.  None of that is happening right now.

I watched Jimmy Kimmel's clip that caused him to be fired.  He said nothing about Kirk personally.  His take was on the fact that the POTUS is using that death to his own advantage. That is not hate speech ...it is an opinion .  I happen to agree with it.

If you appreciate the freedom that we have, please put the partisan shit aside and reach across the aisle to someone who believes differently than you.  Dialogue with those who choose to attack your beliefs.  Think about the rest of us if you dare.  Speaking of Jesus, that's what he would do. Plus a miracle or five.  That is truly what we need right now ^j^

from a distance

God is watching us.  How we deal with each other one on one without judgement or blame.  What has happened this week to capture the news is a terrible tragedy not only because a young father was killed.  That being said, we should all bw looking inward to examine our hearts when it comes to political retribution.  Just like a ceasefire, it requires two to tango and the Trump crew would never consider anything besides stoking the fire.  This won't end well unless there is an olive branch or five extended.  Every country in the world hates us and our safety net of the EU and NATO will cease to exist for us as a country because of the way we have treated OTHER nations.  

Just about every Saturday there is a protest in Jackson TN sponsored by a nationwide network of progresssive free thinkers who want change.  The state of affairs in our country right now is pathetic and people are already suffering both financially and emotionally.  I have watched way too many vides of starving kids in Gaza and ICE raids.

We are a democracy governed by the constitution of the United States.  Or we used to be.  The current administration has managed to shred it in about 8 months and some days.  

I have be become a responsible digital consumer by choosing my own news sources rather than watching main stream media.  All of that is being controlled by the government as well.  At the Men's Open the broadcasters were instructed to cut the audio of of the crowd booing him.  The man is oblivious and reckless and will take us all down with him if we don't stand up.  Am I scared to protest?  Heck yeah!  But, I'm in it for the long haul.  I may not be out there on the streets with a sign but I keep the message going here.  There is not a hateful bone in my body because I'm just a live and let live sort ofhat comes with dropping the judgement of others because we are different.

If you will remember, Jesus died for all of us not just Republicans.  Politics and religion should be separate.  That's up the constitution too along with separation of church and state.  I saw a lot of interesting things online today.  Memphis, about 90 miles south of us, will be "welcoming" troops to their city and I say good luck to all involved.  The crime is terrible there because of the size and demographics.  It is, indeed, a tresure trove of history with the Civil Rights Museum, FedEx forum and lots of other cool things to explore.  Memphis is a major medical center in West Tennessee.  I ended up at Baptist East with my stoma emergency and thank God I did.  Little old Dyersburg was definitely NOT equipped for that situation nor was West TN Healthcare.  Yet I'm still kicking.  Wonders never cease.

This has been a rough week for everybody I know.  The tension in the air is thick with those who really pay attention.  All we are saying, is give peace a chance ^j^

hanging on

It's been a pretty busy week around here farming wise.  The dreaded corn box has been opened!  I spent my 70th birthday with Lauren and she made sure it was really special for me.  She and Reaves have birthdays coming i about 10 days.  Lizzie was born about an hour before Lauren another year older at midnight.   I was in Jackson a lot those first few years and then life happened.  Colostomy.  Impaired kidney function.  Osteoporosis. Covid. And on and on.  

I am emotionally raw right now and can't blame it on just one thing.  I am guilty of stuffing my emotions until they come out all sideways like a crying, whimpering SCREAMING fit like my Mama used to do.  Losing my vision has been the worst.  Slowly but surely I am settling into the decade during which they became dependent on us.  They sat here for five years with no way to go excpt family and friends. Ms Faye was here every week day and made sure they had a good lunch.  I am beginnng to be like Mom and lay up in the bed until mid-morning.  That used to make Daddy soooo mad.  During those last years, he slept on a futon in the den so he wouldn't have to come downstairs to pee.  The rest is history.

I know who Charlie Kirk was am familiar with his views though I have never followed him because uh, well. You know what a radical leftist lunatic I am.  Yet his death and the political fallout from that has given Trump the golden key to be Big Ike.  Every single podcaster that I listened to yesterday said that they felt the same way.  A horrible way for two families to let go and a prime example, along with the recent schol shootings that there is not enough oversight.  Meanwhile, the government will shut down soon if everybody up there doesn't get their hads outta' their butts. 

My faith tells me to let go and let God. I am a stubborn soul for sure, but not stupid.  The Lord has gifted me with a tough spirit and tenderness to go with it.  

I miss the days when I got to see her often.  I am her only grandmother and we have lots of memories in the shsort 8 years since she was born.  She is a sassy mix of all of us.  

I continue to follow in faith ^j^

more of the same

As of today, summer is over and I have o a sweater.  That will all change next week mind you.  The corn is still hanging in there and I can hear it rustling in the breeze.  Also the cottonwood leaves are fallin (always the first) and we actually got rain last night!  That means it's almost my birthday.  I hope I get cake.  It's been a few years.  I normally feel like an orphan on that day.  Mom always celebrated birthdays and there was usually a ketchup bottle in the picture.  My friend Kathy in Florida makes her own cards and I got mine yesterday.  Thanks dear!  

My mind is going in so many directions that it's hard to focus on what exactly is happening around the world.  All I know is that Trump is becoming more and more unpopular by the day.  I can't believe it has taken this long,

I used to post every day but that was when I could see well.  Last week's visit to the opthamologist will hopefully bring me some glasses I can actually see with.  Later in the month I see the retina specialist.  And dentist.  And nephrologist.  What fun.  Better than being at Curry's.

Reaves was wanting to be a cheerleader so she started gymnastics.  Somewhee along the way she decided on soccer rather than cheer.  That made me way proud!  She is quick as lightning and wiry but strong.  And that personality...oh my.  She's kinda' snarky like me.   Unlike me, she loves math.  All three of us are Virgos to the core and all share the name Elizabeth.  The stubborn streak from Daddy runs right down the line.  

And just like that {poof} the muse is gone.  Y'all be faithful ^j^

red state blues

It's been one of those days for me.  For no particular reason, or maybe a multiple of them, I began to cry and feel some pretty heavy sadness.  As each day passes I become more and more disillsioned with life as we kow it here in the USA>  There is no way I could list all the reasons but most of you know what they are.  The idiotic things that Trump has done are endless and he is an embarassment to our country.  It has never seemed more clear than right now when the rest of the world leaders are moving ahead without us.  We are not the great nation we once were and that makes me sad.  The most important thing right now in my opinion is the militarization of the National Guard in cities where mayors and governors do not want their presence.  It tends to escalate violence.

It has become increasingly apparent that this administration is running rampant with their own agenda which is not popular with most people.  So who will stop the madness?  At this point in time what with the censoring of network media and all the grift involved, I would go with independent sources that are proven to be unbiased.   If more folks would do that rather than take Fox News as the gospel, we would all be better educated.

I don't really have a lot fo say these days.  There are blessings everywhere and I count them, yet the devil still manages to creep in and wreak havoc.  I seem to always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.  

This mood will pass of course.  I am too faithful to give up.  And stubborn ^j^

   

to that point

The eternal argument continues as the Trump administration carries out more and more dangerous policies and expands the police state.  Recently the mayor and aldermen of Mason Tennessee voted for the reopening of a prison facility there to house people that ICE rounds up.  The citizens were against it but the money won out with the politicians.  Now the home of Bozo's BBQ will be a dropping off point for illegally arrested immigrants.  How convenient for West Tennessee!  Now there is a facility close to home for all the farm workers who supply us with food through Pictsweet and other businesses.  We are a blood red state with tons of MAGA and some pretty shady characters in office at the state level.  Like Tim Burchett and Andy Ogles, not to mention Republican senator Marsha Blackburn who has announced a run for governor.  Ugh.  

Meanwhile, Trump has thrown Vance under the bus by putting him in charge of ending the war between Russia and Ukraine.  I was very impressed with Zelensky and his posse for heading to the White House quickly and with purpose.  While watching that saga unfold, I got tickled at Governor Newsom's trolling of Trump's social media posting.  "THANK YOU FOR YOUE ATTENTION TOTHIS MATTER."  I had a boss once who ended every memo with that phrase.  I found it very passive aggressive.

The lastest heat wave is about to be history following weeks on end without rain.  Reaves gave me one of those litle pocket Jesus's that she collects and I have actually kept up with it until a couple of days ago.  I was antsy not knowing what happened to baby jeebus  and searched everywhere only to find him nice and clean in the washing machine.  Now he is back on the desk as I type.  He has a great smile.

Lauren rescued a baby bird from Rose the Huntress yesterday.  It appeared to have fallen out of a nest on the porch and Rosie is quick. LP carried it around sweet talking dat baby while its'family squawked and dive bombed the front porch where said cat was located.  We never found the nest to return baby bird so I hope he made it.  There are no feathers on the porch so there's that.

Labor Day is coming up which means the kickoff of the Dyer County Fair and my 70th birthday month.  I am very ambivalent about being that old, but grateful to still be alive.  

So here's to fall and punkin' spice.  Long may she rein, until it's time for apple cinnamon at Christmas.  Some things never change.

Keep the faith and remember who you are ^j^

coalition of the willing

This is a critical day for the free world as leaders accompany Zelinskyy to his meeting at the White House following Trump's ass kissing performance in Alaska.  If you did not see our military on their knees laying out a red carpet for Trump to weave on while waiting for Putin to join him.  The entire thing was pitiful and the world watched.  No strength whatsoever.

All of that strength has been militarized against the American people.  Y'all know the drill.  If you think all this bull won't reach you, think again.

My newest hero is Charlie Angus up in Camada giving us that country's take on the whole mess and it ain't pretty.  Canadians are pissed and rightfully so.  Trump's desore to take over the country and his flawed tariff policy have exacerbated the situation.  We need them much more than they need us.

It's supposed to hit 100 degrees here today for the first time this summer, though it has been mighty close for a long period of time.  I hav never liked summer and this one is no exception.  Be safe and hydrate.  Fall is coming.  How do I know?  Pumpkin spice has arrived at the 'gentral.  It's a sure sign.

I'm going back to the podcasters and news in the making.  Let's all keep the faith ^j^

don't look up

I decided yesterday to re-watch that movie because it is sooooo much like what is going on in our country today.  Lauren and I have made a pact that when the end comes, if we have advance notice, we will go down like Professor Mindy and his family along with his partner and her boyfriend.  Boyfriend delivered the prayer over a shaking table as they had "the last supper".  I hope it's quick like that if it happens.  The politics involved with saving the world is always a factor, just like in the movie.  Which brings me to the USA.

Readers here know that I am a progressive voter and despise the current administration.  I won't list the reasons because the polls are showing exactly what citizens are not happy with and it's a LOT.  As I type, there is a bogus meetingn shappening in Alaska between the "leader" of the free world and a convicted war criminal.  Ukraine has been cut out of the conversation with Trump acting as broker on the whole deal.  This can't be good.  I mean seriously, the man cant even talk sense.

The heat dome has decided to park itself in our neighborhood and it is miserable.  The next 10 days look even worse.  I have come to totally dislike summer after June.  I spent my teenage summers as a lifeguard at the Moose and totally enjoyed baking in the sun every day.  Now, not so much.

I will be the first to admit that I'm a worrier.  I get that from my mother!  The past few months....hell YEAR,  have been a real test of faith.  Lauren has a lot more than me when it comes to "God will take care of it."  I believe that, but I still worry.  My prayer this past month has been for me to have the ability to turn everything over to my higher power.  That would be step 3.  It took smacking the wall several times ( numero uno ) for me to be able to get to that point.  And it's not a linear journey by any means.  I received somewhat of a miracle from something that seemed like the end of the world at the time.  And I immediately thanked God agaim and again.  We both cried at His goodness. And we straightened our tiaras for the next leg of the journey, knowing that there will be more hard times like that.  But knowing that God is good, all the time, makes all the difference in the world.

Praying for continued faith ^j^

you are here (X)

In case you haven't been paying attention, let's get caught up on why the Trump administration is a hot mess.  I will list, in no particular order, just a FEW of the atrocities happening right here in our country.

*  Migrants with no criminal record being scooped up by masked ICE agents and sent to concentration camps.  50K signing bonus for new recruits and a minimum age of 18.  There is a 3000 per day quota set by Miller et al.  80% of the population of Alligator Alcatraz is infected with something communicable.  

*  Gerrymandering battle raging in Texas and spreading to other states to benefit Republicans.

*  Epstein files being used by Trump as a distraction to what is going on.  Flood the zone, so to speak.

*  Inflation continues and the full impact of tariffs remains to be seen.  It doesn't look good.  If I were a farmer with corn and beans going into the market, I would be making a Plan B.

*.  Gay marriage has come back as a focus of conservatives who otherwise do what they please.  They want to see it go away just like abortion rights.

*The most incompetent cabinet of any administration EVER!  A well respected veteran  leader of the BLS is fired because Trump didn't like the jobs numbers.  She is being replaced by an amateur whose numbers will never be trusted by the American people.

*Our POTUS thinks he is meeting Putin in Russia on Friday.  He said it twice.  Duh.

*Untold amonts of taxpayer money being blown on a Ttrump parade ( which tore up the streets of DC ) and also a concrete rose garden plus a 90K square foor ballroom to go along with all the gold in the Oval Office.  

*Trump yelling from the roof of the White House about putting nuclear weapons up there plus he paid for all of it and it's all his.  secret Service had to keep him from doing a repeat performance.  He went to a nearby residence and stared through the window at said roof.

*Trump's family bringing in money hand over fist through the illegal sale of crypto.

*Pardon of all J6 domestic terrorists.

*Chasing after Obama all these years after he left office.  Let it go.

*Federalization of law enforcement in every branch, including National Guard deployment to two major cities for no apparent reason.  Your city is next.  If you think they won't get you because you abide by the "law" think again  

I am not a conspiracy theorist, but a well educated elder who sees both sides of the political spectrum and understands who's doing who.  And I certainly won't be the one saying "I told you so"  because we will all be in it together and will have to meet in the middle or not survive.  Seriously.

My problems pale in comparison and I have quite a few...lol.  If things go the way I hope they do not, nothing will matter anyway.  Let's pray that doesn't happen but be aware.

Keeping the faith here on Pecan Lane ^j^

mysterious ways

That's how my God works.  Things have been looking pretty dicey around here lately, to say the least.  Let's just say the stuggle is real on many levels.  I am seriously alarmed at where our country is and the fact that so many believe in this administration.  Even if I had voted for him, after the rooftop presser I'd be like "Okay, dude.  You lost me there."  Reporters were laughing at him while he carried on about all his money.  Geez.  

Inflation is already a major factor with the economy for those of us who are barely making it.  New tariffs will put us under.  I don't understand the logic of people who don't have the sense to figure out that WE are paying that tax, not the exporting country.  American businesses cannot afford to "eat it" so it gets passed on.  I did not vote for the Great Depression redux.  

What is happening to Texas democrats is a blatant militarization of our government.  Courts have lost their power and judges are labeled left wing nut jobs.  G Maxwell has been relocated to a nicer prison for white collar criminals which are not supposed to accept sex traffickers.  She can thank Trump and his crew for that.  It's all a big smoke screen while we lose our rights as US citizens.  

I am tired of feeling this way but feel called to have a voice in the demise of our beloved democracy.  If I could afford it I would move to Canada.  Or Malta.  Other countries are now safe havens with potential for economic growth and a  sense of unity.  Our country is so fractured it will take years to undo the partisan damage.  I am over it.  

I remember once that a friend told me that she thought we were living in the "best of times" back in the late 80s and 90s.  Her outlook for the rest of life was bleak.  So far, she's right.  I have seen a lot of changes in my almost 70 years.  

Y'all take a walk on the wild side and keep the faith ^j^

up on the roof

Literally, what.the.hell.  Can you imagine what people in other countries thought when they saw our POTUS wandering around yelling from the roof of the White House?  This is the latest in "not normal" behavior by the leader of our country.  Bless all our hearts.  

The crap that has transpired since his inauguration gets worse by the day.  There has to be somebody who can stop this and I believe that Texas democrats have the right idea.  Midterms are coming y'all.  Meanwhile, Ukraine is still fighting Russia and there are no reliable trade deals on paper.  Not that it matters because WE will be paying the tariffs on the hind end as consumers.  Obviously Trump does not understand how the whole thing works.  Nothing is more on their minds than the Epstein files and how to hide them.  Disgusting!

I am seriously hoping that the creators of South Park will sue the administration for using an image from their show as an ICE recruitment ad.  50K signing bonus!  Retirement!  All the things!  Meanwhile, we are out here trying to afford ground beef and coffee.  I am not a coffee drinker, preferring instead to drink Alani for my daily caffeine intake.  Those things are fire.  Pink slush is my favorite.  

So, things are touch and go around here as we attempt to get the money somewhat straight.  Things have never looked so bad but I have faith. I am not the only one struggling, by any means.  I have watched enough ICE arrest videos to know that we are clearly on the wrong track with this daily quota of disappearing people.  To all of you who voted for this, I say look at what we have.  The political landscape is littered with those who claim full allegiance to Trump and his agenda.  His poll numbers are terrible ( the real ones, not his fake ones ) which leads me to believe that Republicans are re-thinking the whole thing.  

And so when the jobs report came out, he killed the messenger and inserted his own false numbers.  She was a very well respected head of the BLS just doing her job.  Only he didn't agree with what she produced so he fired her.  Typical Trump.

Take a look at his cabinet.  It is the most dysfunctional bunch I have ever witnessed in my life.  Starting with Signalgate.  And what do they do?  They try to arrest Obama. *sick*

I have not written in about a week because the spirit just hasn't moved me.  There is so much on my plat and so many unknowns that I have kind of withdrawn from life which is not good.  I do force myself to get out occasionally just to keep some normalcy in life.  

Prayers up please ^j^

immunity

Well well.  The worm turns once again.  According to what is being told on the news Trump's crew has this Epstein thing all zipped up nice and neat.  In typical fashion, the machine has tried to deflect the issue by attacking Obama, of all people.  Get over it GOP  Maxwell won't need a pardon because she was given immunity by the DOJ regarding her testimony.  Her kawyer ( Trump's ex criminal attorney ) is good friends with her lawyer.  Hmmm.  The perfect plan.  And the sad thing is his fans don't have a clue what he is up to.  Sometimes I wish that even I didn't know.  He always soeaks about transparency and, indeed, he is so predictable that we can see what's coming down the pike. As I read this morning about how prices are way up because of tariffs, I realized that it's not just me who is struggling.  It is everywhere through the poverty and middle class voters.  I am below the poverty level yet cannot get any help.  It's called "making too much" to qualify.  The one piece of advice I would give to anybody considering retirement is to know that prices will rise and your benefits will not.  Plus the Medicare Part B premium rises every year as well.  This is not what I imagined when I left the workforce.  

The power was out both yesterday and today for about an hour so I figure transformers are popping in the extreme heat.  Today should be ONLY 92 which is a welcome break from almost a hundred.  Next week will be brutal with possible relief by the weekend.  Day by day folks.  

I keep looking for the surprise lilies to pop up because it's about that time.  I remember that very well from the August that Daddy died.  Tommy picked a ton of them and set them in a vase by Mama's chair.  By Septemberk she was in assisted living.  That lasted five months, and then SHE was gone.  Our last  Christmas was spent at the nursing home where she was recovering from 2 hip surgeries.  

I am not really sure where my life is headed.  Things are very uncertain financially and physically.  I am glad that Lauren is here to help.  She started a new job today so let's all pray that she doesn't drop a plate on somebody!  

Writing has become much more difficult because of my vision so the blog is not as consistent as it used to be.  I will figure out the voice activated stuff in time but I sure will miss the keyboard.

Life is good anyway.  I just give it all to God and pray for the best ^j^

cabin fever

Well, it's the summer edition of not going anywhere because of the temperature.  And humidity!  My corn box is steady sweating and I can hear bugs crashing against the house and windows.  There is a group of small butterflies living on the back porch and they are giving me hope, for some odd reason.

I had lunch today with our usual group minus Carol and plus Dellona.  I haven't seen her in 50 years and she has definitely aged well!  When we first started doing the lunch thing several of us were still working so it was hard to fit it in.  Now we are all retired  and we make an effort to get together when Patsye is in town.  She and Larry have an adorable high energy Sheltie to keep them busy.

Of course we all know by now that Trump is "on the list" if there really is one.  His sudden attack on Obama ain't fooling anybody.  As for Mike Johnson, shame on you and kudos to the ones who worked around it.  The interview is supposedly going on today so we shall see what morsels they toss out.  

I don't know about y'all but I'm tired of the drama.  Each and every day it's something else trying to distract from what is really happening.  Like inflation.  I have pre-pay electric and it's running between 7 and 8 bucks a day vs 5 last summer.  And that is AFTER improvements.  My car insurance is out the roof.  Groceries are pretty much out of reach for a lot of folks.  Not to mention all the expense of back to school.  As for me, the proverbial snowball is at the top of the hill...

I've been doing my ADHD routine today because that is how I roll.  I have tried to do better but dang!  There is a little trail all around the house which is strowed with things I pick up and move.  Lauren goes behind me and organizes ;)   She also loves to decorate.  She got all those skills from my mother.

I just talked with another friend who is mighty sick.  I heard thru the grapevine ( aka prayer list in SS!) that he was in the hospital.  Prayers up for all y'all buddy ^j^

I've

running down the dream

Yes, my old hippie self is a Tom Petty fan.  Also I have no idea why I thought of him today.  That song, in particular.  I have not posted much about the political climate lately because it's scary.  I watch a broad enough range of news that I realize there are two realities out there.....the ones who are standing by Trump and not listening to conscience.  And the ones who know better and do bette  because it is the honorable way to treat the people who trusted you with a vote.  

This has nothing to do with the Epstein Files.  I believe the whole thing is a distraction so that more of the government's power can be spread.  There are Americans in prisons who have no criminal records. They are afraid of going to work because of ICE.  Judges are being labeled rogue and getting fired  Not even rogut...just boom you're gone unless you are a Trumpster. This is also disturbing.  I can guaranteed you if somebody came at me with a mask and outfit from Walmart I would run like only a 70 year old can.  They will catch me of course!  

Of course then there is the economy.  The teriffd deals are a hoax and we have lost our standing as a world leader.  They laugh at us because the country is being led by a bunch of ladder climbers with no experience in their respective departments.  Fox News hosts and whatnot.  

What Elon has done, and Putin too, is to gaslight the administration knowing that nobody has a clue.  Two weeks. Fifty days.  Yo' mama.  Do I think what they did was evil?  Damn right I do.  But there is a lot at stake here and if you believe the Simpsons he'll be gone in August.  CHF maybe?  Vascular issues.  When people are looking for signs they will find them, even with makeup on.  I could care less.  What we get with Vance should be interesting because he is much smarter and more cunning that bumbly old DJT.  Therin lies the danger.

Which brings me to Colbert who got canned by his network.  Some say, as I believe, that it was precipitated by Paramount's payout to Trump over the 60 Minutes piece.  That was the most frivulous lawsuit ever filed and they caved so they can get his highness to let them have a merger.  I love comedy of all types.  I used to watch Kristin Hampton doing podcasts from her car while testing random shady products she found.  Hilarious!  I grew up with SNL and still watch while enjoying the antics of late night hosts.  Ironically, Colbert will probably get higher ratings for the remainder of his contract which ends in May.  I feel sure the network didn't want to have to pay it out...lol

These are just my observations and they don't count for much in this world.  I'm just enough of a sap to believe that we all stand up peacefully together we can find some semblance of decency.  Jesus is sitting right here on the desk and He says it's possible.  And we all know he don't lie ^j^

 right here

the heat is on

Well, here we are sittin' here loooking like this under a heat dome or something.  I was gonna' go pull some corn but it's too dang hot.  I'd pass out between the rows and wouldn't be found until somebody ELSE came tromping by.  Can you imagine??  That would scare the bejesus out of me.  I remember one time an old guy was picking pecans at my old house and went down in a total pass out and pee on yourself right there in the field.  My boyfriend saw him go down and hollered for me.  He was pitiful..EMS came and he fought like a cat against transport.  Typical ornery old man.  Anyway, in the end he didn't go to the hospital but to his house after driving his truck through the yard and AROUND the emergency truck.  They followed him to 51 bypass.

a

All sorts of folks used to visit out there and that included some poachers who had to be run off.  There the usual farm hands and our friends.  All of those treees are natives of different varieties. The ones at this house are Stuarts/  Those huge trees were planted by my father about 40 years ago.  One in front and one in back for good shade.

I see the crape myrtle finally blooming.  That was Daddy's too.  There used to be grapevine on the fence over there before the cows left.  That is the very same fence that my cousin Debbie got hurt on when my horse threw her off.  I have never seen anybody run as fast as Uncle Jimbo did!

My gratitude for life and love is growing day by day.  I have always considered myself non-judgemental but have realized that I am a bit that way through profiling.  I try though.  Personally if you are good to others over yourself, it's what Jesus would do.  And he's right here on the desk looking at me ^k^

the saga continues

Here we are on a marvelous Monday again.  Sometimes the days run together which only adds to my confusion about where to be or what to do.  I know, sometimers.  The most pressing issue at the moment is my vision.  The state folks are coming back and there is an appointment with the eye doctor, both in August.  Dyersburg Hospital is two months out on mammograms which is becoming the norm for most elective procedures.  This is the new normal.  

I read that the rough economy put a big dent in Amazon Prime day sales.  40% down!  This is a quite telling effect of tariff wars.  And it's about to get worse.  If Jerome Powell gets "fired" we will be in deep trouble.  For the life of me I can't understand why the Epstein business is such a big deal when the whole country is sinking.  I mean, yeah but.....this may be the one that sinks him.

The corn just keeps on growing and sweatin' around here. I see folks in the fields sometimes, looking for some field corn to fry up.  I miss my mother's red face suppers that included all things fried with cornbread or her special crispy biscuits.  Daddy sometimes had bread with his purple hull pea juice.  Those were the days.  

His birthday is coming up soon so he's on my mind.  His last birthday on this earth was spent in a dingy nursing home.  I had visited the day before after work and saw a nurse not so successfully put in a wound vac.  On his birthday Lauren and Mom went by with a cake but I was absent.  Mom asked me on the 17th if I had seen him for his birthday and chided me.  "But Janie, yesterday wasn't his birthday."  Her own mother's funeral fell on his birthday one year but we still had the red face supper.  Fried chicken was his favorite.

So many celebrations took place in this cabin, but there have been losses too.  Through it all, I have morphed into the little old lady who talks about the past when she's not talking about her liberal views.  And not far left, mind you.  My faith continues to grow as I learn to just turn it over to God.  Life on earth is way too short to spend without joy ^j^

the corn box

This is your daily agriculture update from Pecan Lane, courtesy of Poopie.  When I left this morning I noticed the irrigation system running for the first time.  Later, we had a nice little shower....just enough to make things steamy.  I can still hear the thunder rumbling.

Yesterday was a very tough one for me because of my lack of faith.  I finally turned the whole mess over and feel better for it.  Yeah, I'm a slow learner.  

At the SS office this morning the officer asked the usual question which was "Are you carrying firearms or explosives?"  Uh.  No sir I promise. Raised my hands and everything.  What a goober I can be.  And I really don't care anymore.  Life is short and things look sort of unstable right now worldwide.  And that is not hyperbole.  

I am watching online as the masses open their eyes to the reality of our situation.  Sadly, many never will.  However, I have faith in human character enough that when the devil goes low, the godly go high.  With peace and assertiion.  No guns.  No cops.  No national guard in LA when they could be somewhere helping others.  This bullshit is helping nobody and causing violence.And it is nation wide.  

I don't know what to think any more so I just try not to.  It's bad for mental health to be all up in current events.  Just  more things to worry about.  Y'all follow the light ^j^

fake it

How long?  Well, until you make it I reckon.  Against all common sense and my stubborn self will, I am choosing to trust in the journey.  I have been fighting a losing battle trying to make it.  I may be hard headed but I'm not stupid.  Mr. Bruce told me I had a very high IQ!

The decisions that I have made often don't reflect that truth.  I usually react rather than act with a  plan and that is a recipe for disaster and constant drama.  My ADHD is pretty severe, as in....squirrell!!  That makes writing especially challenging.  I get up, think while walking around, and write some more.  Just pick up where I left off.

Am I the only one who's not alarmed about Hegseth's latest trick?  Part of me thinks that Trump is just dumping on him but I truly believe that he didn't know.    I am silently watching as the other global powers move on to Plan B, without us.  That's pretty scary.  

They say that nothing is forever so I suppose this, too, shall pass.  Leaving room for the spirit to work ^j^

amends

One of the twelve steps is to try to correct wrongs we have done to others if it doesn't cause them harm.  This comes after a fearless and searching moral inventory which can take *ahem* awhile.  Playing the victim has allowed me to get old and not responsible, but everybody loves me.  That is hard to accept along with the other ways that I have failed.  I try not to think about it and dwell on the things that I do well and enjoy.  My vision has me scrunched up with a laptop in the dark to watch Netflix but I can still see it!  

I saw the dentist today and they worked on my denture to improve the fit.  No liner needed just yet.  I am still learning the right amount of glue to use after a year.  But enough about me.

Like everybody else, I am keeping up with the searches in Texas.  And I am also seeing a lot of blame being thrown around which is absolutely horrendous and takes away from mourning this tragedy for what it truly is.  It's kind of odd to think about but someone mentioned Noah's Ark to me the other day and my mind went to that story.  

We have become so numb to horrible things happening.  Mass shootings are big news for a week or so and then something else happens for reporters to talk about.  We forget the horror of loss and try to move forward. One day at a time.

The first thing I do when I get up is go to the front porch to smoke.  It is usually quiet and the birds talk.  Cicadas play their morning song which is quite differenrt from the sunset serenade.  It's just the circle of life and nature and each day is a gift.  I know, I sound like a Hallmark card....lol

I haven't always believed that.  Going through the motions of being a control freak has made me much less grateful for what I have been blessed with.  So many of us think that we can earn love when in reality it is given freely if we are just open to it.  The demons will always be there trying to rob ya, but it's a choice.  To hope.  To believe in something wonderful.  To keep the faith ^j^

happy shit

I have been an absolute sloth this past week which included a lot of days in my gown tail.  Depression is real but it don't last forever.  When I feel sorry for myself, I remind me to think of others.  Like all those folks lost in the Texas flood.  Those little girls were the same age as Reaves.  Makes me shudder.  So, the blame game has already started over whose fault it was and it is not pretty.  I thought FEMA was gone but there was Kristi in her costume du jour.  My brother is a weather guy and he told me that sometimes things just "happen" and nobody is to blame.  And in my heart I know that.  So y'all quit blaming Biden why dontcha?  Give us something to hold onto besides an AFC fight at the White House.  

I have had to back off on all of it, seriously.  The left wing podcasters are getting on my nerves because they all say the same thing.  And Fox?  Lord have mercy on them.  The only way to get fair and balanced news is to sort through it yourself and form an opinion without bias.  

So today was nekkid shower day.  That is when ostomates peel off the bag and replace it after a nice long shower with zinc shampoo.  These changes are scheduled around peak "eruption" times so as to avoid a big old mess.  Mine is more active at night and early morning.  I can't see the bottles in the shower and I think I used body wash for hair conditioner.  Oh well.

The corn is every freakin' where.  I think I saw Shoeless Joe last night across the road but maybe I was just tripping.  I have never much been afraid of the kids out there which is a good thing.  I would never sleep! The  cicadas are really loud out here too.  They wail all day sometimes!  Meanwhile, the farmers come and go and the cats sleep on the front porch.  Just like in the movies, huh?

God works in mysterious ways sometimes.  It is not for us to know why or when about what the plans are.  Faith gives us the courage to look toward the light when all else is dark ^j^

alrighty then

Well, the fireworks over except for the ones the kids kept to make noise a little bit longer.  Of course they don't really know what all the hoorah is about.  And I' beginning to wonder myself.  I read the Declaration of Independence yesterday for the first time since I was in school.  The words haunted me in the backdrop of today's political climate.  

I made the mistake of ordering Instacart on the 4th of July at 4pm.  Needless to say it never came and evidently they are still backed up.  It is a Saturday, ya know.  The order is for food of course (plus a couple of things I forgot at the 'gentral).  I hate shopping so Lauren usually does it.  She will come home with some of the oddest things, but has introduced me to a healthier diet.  Sometimes.  There is always that "gotta' have Sonic" moment for us but it doesn't set well with the old gut.  

Either Trump bussed in a ton of people or everybody was just damn excited to be living under authoritarian rule.  A lot of people say "But what can we do?  You can make your voice heard in so many ways, even though nobody seems to be listening.  Both parties are dead set on demolishing each other when there should be concern about our government and its' agencies.  I wish I didn't feel that way and was oblivious to all of it.  I mean gah, there is a whole Project 2025 playbook.  Tell me this wasn't some plan!  With Putin in the background.  

The flash flooding in Texas is a chilling reminder of how strong nature can be.  And also how quickly things can change around a river.  All these poor folks who were trying to have a good time did not know what was coming.  I wonder if the NWS had warnings?    

Our rivers don't flood like that becase they are backwater usually.  The one time I remember a headwater following 13 inches of rain in Nashville, we were stranded for a week.  Access was granted for us to drive through the pasture and onto the runway at our regional airport.  Fun times!

Sweet corn is getting ready so there's that to look forward to.  I can't eat it off the cob anymore but that's okay.  It is also kinda tricky when it comes to an ostomy.  I know, TMI.  

I tend to ramble here and that's okay too.  It's my therapy of sorts, only I don't name people.  Does that make sense at all?  It is me talking about me and my world.  And that world is slowly shrinking.  It is a truth about getting old that many navigate alone.  Nursing homes are full of those folks.  Where are they gonna put us all when the homes close?  Oh yeah.  Alligator Alcatraz.  

It's almost Sunday again Mom ^j^

  

cat people

We are who we are, ya know?  I have learned a lot about boundaries by watching our two establish a relationship.  Bubbie talks now, like in a sentence.  It's so freaking cute.  I thought about Doonie today, the Moody cat who passed away.  He always kept us company at the pool and Nina took care of him.  I also remembered when they came to visit many years ago and Vicki wrapped our cats up "like a burrito" in blanket.  Rosie hates being held like that.  

I am watching bits and pieces of the house activity on the spending bill.  No surprises there.  Everybody is tired and ready to go home.  I did my part by contacting my people in both houses.  My guess is that none of them will be glad that they did next year.  By then the damage will be evident and  your doctor will be gone.  

I say these things because I worked in the healthcare industry for over forty years.  It's all about the money y'all.  Whether for profit, or not, they will get paid.  I must say that when we were Methodist it was a lot more fun.  Their slogan at the time was on a T-shirt that I had.  "We know what a miracle you are."  I truly believe that any corporate entity that delivers healthcare should be monitored closely for fraud and abuse.  That'ss because I worked there y'all.  Most of it is unintentional because medical coding is so complicated these days.  It's a never ending cycle of "we won't pay" from insurance and refiling.  I know, that's too much info.  

Y'all be careful with those firecrackers ^j^

gettiing outta' my head

I will be the first to admit that more than one side of a story makes it more interesting.  That's why I watch all of the big channels plus some podcasters. Hell I even watch FOX on occasion just for shits and giggles.  As a result of this overload of sensory information I pretty much forgot how to laugh.  So, I watch others who make me laugh.  I am bingeing on "Mom" right now whihle I have Netflix.  It goes away on Daddy's birthday ;)

I didn't see him on the day he turned 84 in the nursing home.  He never came back home and Mom had to move to assisted living.  Daddy died on August 4th, she moved in September and the rest is history.  I will never begin to forget the anguish on her face when we came to pick her up for the trip.  She had been up all night, blind as a bat trying to pack.  I should have stayed with her that night.  

It's odd the little things that I remember and slowing down the pace has allowed me to do just that.  We always hear about you life flashing before your eyes as you die, but I think the end of life is filled with opportunities to honor the past while enjoying the present.  

The bill is still being kicked around in true Congressional fashion.  From what I hear the House is not happy with what the senators did..  Except for the Dems, there are few who are against the bill on principle.  Most of the GOP memebers are doing what they can for constituents but the primary is a very real thought in their heads.  I sent my senator an email with an opinion and got an almost instant robo reply.  I'm sure Marsha personally read my passionate plea to save Tennessee healthcare.  We are one of several states that refused Medicaid expansion back in the day so there you go. The bill is sure to wreak havoc on care providers as well as patients.      I am in favor of a work requirement for those who are able.  That is not where the waste and fraud is.  Look deeper into the entire healthcare system and realize that it's all about the money.  Most of the fraud is perpetuated by greedy insurance companies.  Sad, but true.  

Call me crazy but I can already see changes in the shadows of the pecan trees.  I remember staying with Ms Reba last summer and sitting on her porch to smoke wondering when in the HELL those evening cicadas would go away.  The answer was September!  

New routines are being established and decicions made for the "five year plan."    If I am still alive, my funeral will be paid for by then...lol.  We have had just enough rain here so far and the crops look amazing.  And I am already counting down the days until the grass dries up and the pink ladies poke their heads out.

Life is so complicated for all of us.  We struggle with relationships both professionally and personally, all the while wondering why we aren't happy.  I have learned that it is normal to feel discouraged but when you do, go toward the light and think of what it is that you are grateful for.  Many days my list is many small things that I notice in nature.  That is what's cool about living in the country.  I mean besides living at the Field of Dreams ^j*

triple b

Well, I hope y'all are happy MAGA.  It looks like you will have your way with the spending bill that actually increases the federal debt.  By 3 to 5 trillion bucks, no less.  And why?  To give tax breaks to billionaires.  In the process, it cuts healthcare funding for 14 million Americans, food assistance while giving dirty energy a tax break and destroying renewable methods as a viable alternative.  Great.  

What struck me the most was the way the holdouts caved in the end.  They had the courage to speak out long ago and did.  Then, at the end they flipped over.  Disgusting and predictable.  So many Trunpsters don't even realize that their representatives are hurting them.  Sometimes I wish I didn't understand it, but I do.  

Today is deep cleaning at Casa Poops.  LP is in a mood so here we go.  The way we roll is "you gotta' make a mess to clean up a mess" which usually results in a whole bunch of piles.  But the piles are getting smaller.  I slept until 10 today which is unusual but nice.  Listening to the ocean sounds helps me to fall back to sleep when I get up for potty breaks!

I am trying to go with the flow and celebrate small things as important.  I believe that is the key to being grateful, rather than dwelling on what I don't have.  I am so much more blessed than many.  I have a nice home, something to eat and good friends.  Don't stop believing, y'all ^j^

codependent

I first learned about it when I was in therapy many moons ago.  My tough ass little therapist grilled me and challenged me for about two years.  When sbe cut me loose there was one last question for me.  "Why are you holding on to that extra weight?"  And honestly, I didn't know.  She suggested that perhaps it was my way of not having to deal with men.  Who knows.  

I was shedding my old skin with family and trying to find myself again.  The first thing the therapist did was have me draw a bunch of things that make me happy.  There was a Christmas tree and a musical note and even flowing water.  I had pretty much lost the joy of these things because I was too busy trying to run the world.  It's funny now, but not back then!

My daughter was about four years old I think.  We moved that year to the farm.  So many fond memories from growing up here, for both she and me.  I was reminded the other day of a strange thing that happened when I first started studying end of life care.  EK Ross was my heroine so I reached out and mailed her a letter.  A family member responded and told me that she had died.  For some reason, I took that as a sign to study what people go through on the way to acceptance of death.  

Back in the day there was this big project in Missoula, Montana.  Led by Ira Byock, a team of researchers studied patients who were at the end of life in order to improve palliative care.  The terms hospice and palliative care are really not that different except for drugs.  I do not want to die struggling for breath and in pain like so many others I've seen.  But I cannot control that.  All I can do is play the hand I've been dealt. 

So, back to codependcy.  I have decided that is what Trump has with a strong dose of narcissism as well.  He is totally dependent on approval that he just makes shit up in spite of hard evidence.  If I hear Biden's name used ONE MORE TIME I might shoot my eye out.  If the current administration is so wonderful, why are we where we are?  Trade gone. Militarization of the government.  Karoline, for god's sake.  It's all such a circus I've had to scale back on the stuff.  Whatever happens will be there in the morning.

That rain yesterday upped the humidity again to 77%.  Can you say "muggy"? It's about five degrees cooler but sticky out there.  The neighbor got his yard mowed today and the corn keeps on growing.  All is well on the farm.  My scale back on hard news has resulted in more new things to help me heal.  I was that person for a lot of years.  Still trying to be everything to the world.  One of the cardinal signs of CoD is undying loyalty.  Let that one sink in.

At several points in my life, I have allowed things to take the real Janie away.  At my job, with my family and even with friends.  I avoid conflict, even when it is appropriate.  Being so driven to achieve peace, I found myself in the middle of a whole bunch of drama both in my work and personal life.  That's what we do....trying to fix.

I read every Melody Beattie book I could get my hands on back then.  And I began to grow some boundaries, so to speak.  She died earlier this year too.  All of that is to say this:  If one truly believes in being present in the moment, then we can learn something about others.

Tiger lilly is in full bloom which is typical for almost the 4th.  I remember when my old family friend Annie and I took her brother Nelson to a nursing home one Indepence Day long ago.  He lived about three months there before his cancer got him.  Nelson and Margaret were fixtures in my life as a child.  Margaret was a short stout woman who babysat us and made the best chocolate pie in the world.  Nelson would cook pork in a pit for the 4th of July and tend to it all night long. 

I'm going long today because sometimes it's just good to ramble.  Except when you are a world leader who obviously doesn't care about his people.  Then it's the definitive word according to some people like the minions.  Emil Bovi and Miller are really scary to listen to.  Yikese!

So hopefully somebody will cook me some BBQ butt, the way Noler used to.  He and his buddies worked BBQ benefits for locals who needed the help.  Moody Wadley was the sponsor for a very long time.  Now we have a community event once a year on the square.  Volunteers rock. 

We will need a lot of volunteers in the future when our healthcare system collapses due to Medicaid cuts.  Your little convenient hospital, especially if you are in a rural area, will shrivel and die.  That means traveling longer to get immedite attention.  Think about it.  Hospitals depend on whatever payment they can get.  Both for and not for profits depend on payment for services.  They can't just give it away, right?  This is where church health centers are a life saver.  Faith based healthcare iniatives are crucial in meeting people where they are and managing care.  

Well I gotta' go see what is going on in the Senate.  Y'all be blessed^j^