dooce me not

Rarely do I delete a post, but I decided that the tirade composed on the day of my super duper meltdown didn't look very ladylike the morning after. And above all..we want to be ladies down here in the mid-south. Our mama's get upset when we don't, ya know? My own mama is finishing up week one of orthopedic rehab with two more to go at least. She's doing well, and regaining the strength that two weeks in the hospital with a massive infection took from her frail little body. Daddy visits almost daily for a chat about the weather and whatnot and they even get to see MORE people by being there than stuck at home together in the country. It's crowded, and usually hectic...but it's a good experiment in transitioning to the next chapter, whatever that may be.

This horrific tornado season is already in full swing so I'm cleaning off the stairs to the basement this afternoon for a quick descent into snakeland. I've even got a flashlight by my bed now after being caught in the middle of the night numerous times to total darkness and storms. When the national weather folks started talking about yesterday's spree BEFORE it happened, everybody took notice. One of the ironic stories I read was about a town that got hit once and when the second one came, the sirens didn't work because they were damaged in the first round! Sounds like my luck (see: little black cloud).

I feel my faith coming back slowly but surely, able once again to see that the worst thing that can happen is the world ends today so why be sad and pissy when it happens? I visited yesterday with a delightful friend who gave me a bunch of heirloom seeds for my straw garden and to share. We're pitching the concept to the locals next week so cross your fingers. My to-do list tomorrow includes getting little pots and dirt plus weedeater supplies to get this show on the road. Corporate will be here before you know it.

Still no takers on the puppies which I suppose means it's not time. We got Faith when she was about 9 weeks old and there were four in her litter, gone within a day. Feeding six vs three is a big money item. I remember the first (and only) time I took Faith back out to see her "Big Momma" at Rhonda's. That big old mamajama jumped on Faith like she was a piece of meat and I had to pull them apart. Needless to say, we didn't go back. Faith has been a great mommy and still lets 'em hang off the tit just to get a thrill sometimes. Mostly she just sleeps and rests, getting her own strength back following that tough delivery and post-partum thing.


Not much to say these days, which is kind of unusual for me. In some ways, I think that the more I talk about what pisses me off as far as injustice, the more I hurt myself by feeling that it's wrong for people to judge and profit at the expense of others. But, I guess that's another one of those things my daddy told me...always thus and so, Janie. The biggest change that I have noticed during the entire episode with Mom is the change in his personality. Normally cold,hard and bossy, he has softened up quite a bit since he's not "in charge of the world" so to speak. He even told me he loved me which has happened exactly three times in my life.

Anyone who has experienced betrayal knows the pain of realizing when someone you trust has broken that. Our responses to that are experiences to learn about boundaries and self-care issues that are being ignored or loosely held. In my case, it's been going on for about five years with existence centering on work and family with no time for myself. That spunky happy smartass gal that I found a few years after my divorce got sucked into the vortex of the future of drama,angst and floods. Lotso' floods! I have honestly forgotten how to relax, fearing that if I truly let go and say to hell with it, the other shoe will drop and it's just too hard to get back up. I know, I need a phone session. On the agenda, ya'll.