ethereal

I have, of late, become acutely aware of my mortality.  I was having one of those moments yesterday and called a faithful friend who listened to me cry and totally understood as we are the same age  We talked about death of the earthly body and how after it is gone the spirit enters into this giant vortex of souls and watches over us here on earth.  I can attest to that because I get spiritual messages all the time from those long gone from this world.  I asked him to share eulogy time with another friend but told him to "keep it short."  This guy can talk non-stop while the other is a man of few words.  I think they'll do me right.  That is IF they are still alive!

I smell like frankincense and myrrh because we were all anointed at church today.  I remember the smell just like it was when Dakota came to the nursing home to see me and anointed me on my hand.  This time I took it on the forehead as my pastor called me a daughter of God.  Very moving.  

I find it incredibly ironic that Ada is slamming LA on the anniversary of Katrina.  Same story, different year.  I pray that the damage is not as bad as it was before and that enough people got to safety before it's too late.  I've seen several videos from Gulf State Park in Alabama and surf's up.  My favorite place to stay there was at the state park inn which was demolished years ago in a hurricane that also took out the pier.  

The girls and I had the best time at the pool yesterday playing shark and doctor.  I know, strange combination right?  I had to save /reaves from Mama Shark several times and I loved having her cling to me like that.  Lord, I miss them girls.  Things should be more regular now since LP has Saturdays off.  

Y'all be careful out there ~ Hill Street Blues

prayers all around

I don't know y'all.  It just seems that everybody is suffering.  As I sat on the deck listening to random pecans falling I mulled over all the horrible things that are happening world wide.  Then, I gave it to God.  I listened as the day and evening sounds of the cicadas mixed until there was quiet....just me and the corn.  

Bubba and I had lunch at Boyettes today with our cousins and had a large time.  Marilyn is a nurse so she laid eyes on my leg wound and pronounced it "okay." I am using the crusting technique with my ostomy and it works well for other wounds.  We all ate 'til we were stuffed and talked about every little thing.  Cousins are about all we have left now, ya know?  The highway has been repaved until right past Ridgely.  Then it's bumpy old Lake county roads.  And lots of landmarks.  Everybody used to party up there back in the day.  

I try to keep on the sunny side, as Yaya says.  It does no good to dwell on tragedy but it should be honored appropriately.   My friend just came by to tell me her brother died.  We talked about who he was and how she feels about it.  I think she's okay.

Keepthefaith^j^

river guys

What really got me interested was the re-creation of Lewis and Clark by John Ruskey and Michael Clark.  John lives in Clarksdale, home of the blues.  Mike is a teacher in St. Louis.  Together they have assembled a number or ways to explore the Big Muddy and all the tributaries.  If those rivers were to dry up, our commerce would die.  The farm where I live is surrounded by the north fork of the Forked Deer. I heard there's some good fishing out there at the slough but you gotta' have a permit.

We have a wildlife reserve right here on the farm.  If anybody were to kill one of our critters, it would be on.  Turkeys, geese and deer.  Again, don't even think about it.  I will go all apeshit crazy on you.

I can handle hunting for food, but not for sport.  If you're not going to eat it, donate it to somebody who will.  I found Oscar's little dirt hole right up next to the foundation.  I have moved the hydrangea so hopefully it will survive.  I gotta' get busy with the transplanting this fall.  It will take a backhoe to dig up daddy's scarlet peony.  Mostly the rest of it is DEAD .  Not my house, not my circus ^j^

outdoorsy

When the temperature is extreme either hot or cold I commiserate with everybody else who is losing a "normal" kind of weather.  It doesn't help to bitch about it.  Mother nature has a mind of her own which is being aggravated by global warming.  Y'all remember you were warned when you end up in Waterworld with Kevin Costner.  That movie made a believer out of me!

I haven't been beyond the porch today because "HOT."  The cicadas are restless as they often are in August.  My yard got mowed today and that makes me happy.  Mayberry Lawns does a great job at a reasonable price.  Anyway my point is that I feel trapped when it's not comfortable outside like right now.  But then I think about all those other trapped folks in distant parts of the world and I feel ashamed.  It ain't all about me.  

Going to check the mail and see if Randy delivered anything of interest.  Stay cool and keep the faith ^j^

the middle guy

I've been shopping several things like Medicare supplements and car insurance.  Looking to cut costs, so to speak.  My BC/BS supplement is a pretty good deal except for the 20% co-pay on DME which is my ostomy supplies.  I ended up in the hole with them last year and now can't order until I pay 168 for that time when I wasn't insured.  Y'all all know the story of the Marketplace fiasco.  As a result of that little snafu, I have outstanding medical bills that I'm still paying on.  The short story is that even though I won the appeal, which I didn't find out until June, I was supposed to be paying BC/BS 3oo a month until I got to Medicare in September.  Only I didn't know it until the total was up to two thousand in back premiums.  Nobody let me know that and I figured all would be well once the appeal was approved.  Uh, no.  Therefore i was uninsured for 8 months and didn't know it.  I was in a fog for most of last year because of the surgery so I really didn't have my wits about me to keep up with all that.  That's when I could have really used a healthcare advocate.  I've learned a lot about how things work and how to shop and find folks who work on your behalf.  

I had a small dog bite yesterday which I'm watching closely.  I went to the pharmacy and got a tetanus shot which would have been free at the health department had I not had insurance.  The deck is totally stacked against people who are struggling to get by with healthcare costs.  In a year and a half I'll be eligible for Medicaid which should help but I'm also losing my long term disability at the same time.  Those suckers have tried to buy me out three times but I've stood firm on that.  A big chunk sounds good, but it's also a big part of my income which makes me not eligible for healthcare services that others get free. This is why we need universal healthcare.  If you want to keep your plan through your job, you can do so.  

Yaya and I had some home cooked lunch and watched the recorded concert at Central Park that got rained out.  Jon Baptiste was, hands down, the star of the show along with Carlos Santana.  Anyway, I won't rant anymore.  Carlos urged everyone to ride the wave of sound that music brings to us.  I will try to do just that.

Namaste ~

dog days

We are officially there y'all.  It's when the leaves start to fall in a death march toward winter.  Sometimes they turn colors in autumn but often they just turn brown and give it up.  The cicadas are a constant background noise. To me, it's depressing because it is the end of a growing season.  I'm not saying I won't be glad when the corn is gone though.  Maybe there will be a breeze then. I got a package from Wiki Wachee FL today filled with goodies especially hand picked for me and mine.  That means so much.  The Blog Fairy did that....attention to detail.

The horseflies are bombing me from every direction even though there is no horse.  They attack me on the way to the car and dive bomb the windows of the house.  Add to that random creepy pecan bombs on the tin roof and you have a lot of background noise.  That's why I sleep with a box fan for quiet noise.  Always have and always will.

There is so much tragedy.  I attended church online today and listened as my pastor listed all the peoples we should be praying for now.  Afghans.  Middle Tennessee flooding victims.  My brother calls me a slacker because I don't physically go into the building every Sunday.  God knows my heart and He is the judge.  I'm going to do my best to provide healthcare programing for our mission trip next year to Tanzania.  That's not to say that I will actually but I will surely be a part of the process.

Peace  and grace to you all.  Next month is an all girls birthday for me, LP and Reaves.  Ain't no telling who will end up with unicorn ears.  ^j^

booster

I got shot #3 from my pharmacy on Tuesday and so far have nothing but a sore arm.  Do not let it be said that I've not done my part from shots to masking and social distancing.  I went to my surgeon's office this morning and was screened well before they let me in.  He put silver nitrate on the spot that is causing me pain and I have not felt pain like that in a long time.  It still hurts but maybe it was worth the treatment.  I go back in a couple of weeks to see if it did and if not he will remove the lesion in his office under local.  

I'm exploring Medicare supplement options because with the one I have I'm paying 20% on ostomy supplies and everything else with high dolla' co-pays for specialists.  With what I'm spending on ostomy supplies alone, I could buy a better supplement.  It's a learning curve y'all.  

I have talked with two veterans of the Afghan and Iraq wars and asked them their opinions on the withdrawal.  Biden is taking a lot of bashing over that.  Both of these vets said that it's now or never.  The Afghan people have been supported by this country for 20 years and failed to learn how to keep the Taliban at bay without us.  It is what it is.  It breaks my heart to see all these folks lined up at the airport at Kabul with papers intact trying to get on a plane and being blocked by the Taliban.  Sharia law my ass.  Our country is partly at fault for not using out intelligence capabilities to prevent 9/11. These people trained in aviation for five years under our radar.  I see George Bush as a well meaning man who didn't have the strength to fight against the money machine that Halliburton and Cheney set up.  Many Americans were so in shock and pissed off that they wanted to go over there and kick somebody's ass.  I was not one of them.

So, to wrap things up today I give you this.  Nobody is perfect.  Think for yourself.  Respect different opinions and lifestyles. It ain't all about you ^j^

what i missed

My friend Gay and I were supposed to go to a JT concert last night but I got all scairdy cat about COVID and didn't go.  She asked me my favorite song which is "Shed a Little Light" and managed to go live just when all the flashlights went on in anticipation of that classic.  "We are bound together, all men and women..." I didn't even go and got a tshirt!

I woke up to the sound of two girls coming in because I slept late, again.  At first it seemed like the visit was doomed but it turned into a right nice couple of hours.  She played in the waterhose and we did art.  A LOT of art. 

I had a bad night and morning with the bag.  Let's just say I won't eat sweet corn again.  Fot those of you who hate gross stuff, move along. An ostomy getup like mine consists of a bag with a filter, a wax ring and a plate which may or may not stay on.  Today it did not.  Twice.  One doc told me I have granuloma but my forever nurse says it's an ulcer from leakage.  What to do?  

I'm a member of an ostomy support group and all I hear is cries for help from those who are learning to live a different life.  We share our stories and pat each other on the back.  It took a year and a half for me to find this outlet for therapy.

I say leave Afghanistan quickly because they never wanted us there anyway.  Same for Iraq. That is one policy decision along with Syria that made me question Obama.  This cultural war will never be won.  Leave well enough alone.  This takes nothing away from the honor of those who served in this horrific war like Adrian and Joe. Thank your for service and I'm sorry.

PTSD is rampant and not just among the military and first responders. Each of us have been wounded.  It's up to us to get up and go or lay down and die.  I choose the former ^j^

pecans on a hot tin roof

I have two very large pecan trees that Daddy planted years ago.  Both are close to the house so when they start dropping it sounds like little bombs going off.  Of course it's not near pecan season yet but these little ones are dropping like flies.  I can hear them rolling down the roof after landing.  On a good year they produce the most magnificent Stuarts you have ever seen.  We shall see come November.  One of my fondest memories is of me and the old man digging through the leaves and picking. I was on my hands and knees and he had one of those picker upper things.  

The landlord planted four trees in memory of my parents.  This year's crop was a total of 5 apples and one peach that some critter stole.  He also had a ton of pecan trees planted on Pecan Lane because the older ones are beginning to fall branch by branch, sometimes blocking the road.  

I went to the farmer's market early to grab some of mama Sheryl's bread and strawberry butter and also picked up some 'maters and sunflowers.  The busiest table there was the one with iris rhizomes.  I bought two.  I'm going to try my hand at tomato pie one day soon.  I don't like 'em raw but I love cooked ones. 

And so it goes.  In less than a month I will be another year older and a little bit wiser.   Had life not gone the way it did, I would be just now getting ready to retire.  I'm so glad I didn't wait that long.  And for all you folks who are working til you can get Medicare, beware that it's not as good as it sounds.  It cuts into your SS and you have to pay for supplements.

Happy weekend y'all!  

just hold me

I am way past the wild sex stage of my fifties and just craving somebody who will love me, bag and all.  I'm clean as a whistle with a new appliance thanks to Tara.  There are all kinds of things I've learned from the ostomy support group like pancaking and barbie butts.  I have no clue what a barbie butt is but i don't think I have one.  Surgeon #2 called me today out of the blue to check and see if all is well since I turned down that high risk surgery.  I have a few days off and plan to visit my old friend Jimbo to see what he thinks the stoma looks like  I'm using silver nitrate for the granuloma he saw.  

I'm passing on the concert, much to my dismay.  Sometimes you just gotta' take care of self and it doesn't sound safe for somebody like me.  What if I had a full bag during The Loadout???  That's a sure way to get COVID in the FedEx bathroom.  Kelly was back on today ( a rerun....puleezz) after all that Olympic drama.  Me and Joy had book club after hair and loved every minute of it.  She's reading the one I just finished and I'm reading Bragg's newspaper articles.  It suits us just fine.  Pearl just kind of sleeps and gives me a high five when I get there while looking for a present.   Today if was a piece of paper.  Other days, it's Howard. 

I would not trade my life for gold, seriously.  I am happy and healthy and have a good support system.  Bubba came by with dried cherries from MI today and they will end up in Yaya's granola. Don't tell me things don't turn out the way the Lord intended.

We have a new NY governor.  I'm not going to get into all that drama other than to say I hope the Trumpsters are celebrating.  Personally, I respect his decision to resign.  We have bigger fish to fry around here like infrastructure and COVID.  My book started out with the OK city bombing by Timothy McVeigh and what's his name.  I had to google it to find that McVeigh was given death by lethal injection.  

I used to be totally anti-death penalty.  Now, not so much.  Kill once, serve your time and better yourself.  Otherwise, you know the next step for murderous behavior.  I believe that all souls can be saved even if the person within was evil  That's my Pollyanna side.  But I will tell you this.  If you abuse someone in front of me, expect a big old fat Poopie rant which we totally do not want.  God don't like ugly ^j^

grandma mazur

I must admit that I feel a bit like her as many times as I've been to visitations at the funeral home lately.  Only I don't go for the cookies like she does.  Stiva does a fine job, so I've heard.  If you're never read a Stephanie Plum novel you have no idea what I'm talking about.  Claudia and Lynn do.  Books have become my escape from real life full of Covid and bad news.  I went to the library the other day looking for the Rick Bragg one that I failed to read before turn in time and the librarian was very helpful.  She tracked down the numbers and said he was "all over the place." No shit!

I reached out to Rick Bragg a year or so ago at the University of Alabama where he is a professor.  I really wanted to pick his brain and ask for his advice about my skills or lack of.  He told me he was pretty sick so that would have to wait a bit.  

I have struggled with this concert thing ever since the last surge and decided to take the loss and avoid the crowds.  I'm pretty immunocompromised so there ya go.  The last two times I had tickets, I gave one set away to a co-worker's husband and his son.  Later the dad hung himself.  Last time I sold them at face value to a co-worker and her hub.  This time, I'm hoping that a family tradition will continue.

I had two poop accidents yesterday which is about too much for an old gal.  I tried putting on the new appliance and obviously did something terribly wrong.  Needless to say, I was wrapped in a towel for a minute.  I can't keep but telling myself in Mac McAnally's words "I'm alive, and you can't take that away.  Really alive!.

Grace and peace.  Hope and love ^j^

touched by an angel

I knew in my heart that it wasn't supposed to hurt this bad having an ostomy so I began searching for help.  My first go-to was the HH agency that took care of me post-op and the nurse on call told me to come on by the office.  We discussed it at length and as it turns out her husband also has one so she's VERY familiar with the whole deal.  She offered to come by my house the next morning with a sample of what he uses and to check  out the ulceration.  That's your problem, she said after taking a good look at it uncovered.  She told me that mine was one of the smallest ostomies she has ever seen and that leakage is the problem.  But she didn't stop there.  She called me back the next day and offered to help order the supplies that I needed.  Once again, this is all on her own time.  That, my friends, is because she truly cares.  And that makes up for all the asshats who think the world twirls around them.  She will get a special surprise for sure.  She is now my adopted granddaughter ;)

I ordered a JBL Charge 4 which came today and I'm still on the learning curve with it.  That was an early birthday present to myself.  

The concert is looking very iffy because of the rising COVID cases in our state and the adjoining ones.  Nashville put a mask mandate back in place today.  That is one of three cities that can do so without Governor Lee's approval which will never happen.  Heads in the sand folks.  This thing ain't over by a long shot.  I have been accused of being overly cautious and that is because I am a healthcare professional who knows the power of viral spread.  What is particularly disturbing is that children who can NOT be vaccinated are getting sick from adults who can but won't.  

You have your right to your beliefs, but in the area of public health employers have a right to mandate compliance.  I remember when people in my line of work refused the free flu vaccine that was given yearly.  For those of you who use the "but it's not FDA approved" argument, that should be taking place shortly.  It takes governmental agencies a minute to get even simple things done.

The heat will be returning shortly but this weather was nice while it lasted.  Kind of a fall teaser.  Y'all keep the faith and remember to pay it forward ^j^

the struggle is real

It's pretty much a given that I will not have surgery anytime in the near future.  There's a whole lot of risk and money involved.  Therefore, my next step is to find a professional to help me manage this ostomy.  It's kinda' sorta' a specialty in nursing.  I plan to visit my GP this week and ask about that plus some kind of management for the squirts.  That is the crux of my problem.  When it works right, all is well like pudding.  If not it leads to a breakdown of the skin surrounding the ostomy.  It took HH forever to figure out how to get one that fit right but I've gained ten pounds so it might be time to re-visit that.  Most people don't like to gain weight but I was tickled to death when I topped 130.  I was so very sick for such a long time that I dropped 20 pounds. 

It is difficult to get a routine down with an ostomy like when to eat so that you don't end up with it all over the stoma in the bed.  Last night as the storms raged, I was hurting so bad down there that I prayed for a pain pill and I don't normally go that route.  I woke up twice when the electricity went off but from what I hear I was lucky it came back on both times.  

The surgeon I saw last Monday reminded me that Dr. Drew Turner saved my life.  I will never forget that. At the time he said there was a possibility of reversal after six months.  I just didn't know how risky that procedure would be.  I've been chasing that dream for a year now and as Carney says "leave well enough" alone.  My goals have changed in a big way.  I joined an online ostomy support group and plan to take baby steps to live with what is.  

Tiny little bees have taken over my porches so that I have to stay in the screened in part.  Reaves and I ventured out into the yard today and picked a few apples off of the trees dedicated to Daddy.  There is one peach, not quite soft enough, that we'll pick another time.  Country girl has to learn her heritage.  She really loved picking the low hanging fruit.

Peace be with you ^j^