not good enough

I've kinda' sorta' been dealing with that all my life and should have grown out of it by now.  It's a hard habit to break when you'e always relied on other people's approval.  It's funny because when I was a teenager I was everybody's friend and didn't toe the party line.  As a hippie, I believed in peace and love and no exclusion.  I have been in a couple of work situations where nothing I did was good enough even though I went above and beyond.  Those were nightmare waves of compliance and mental torture. I am better than that and worth more.  I think it began with my parents and all their mixed bag of history.  Socialite marries sharecropper's son.  Three kids are born on the same farm which I still call home.  Could be time to move on.  Because I don't pay attention, like Daddy and Bubba said.

I paid attention when I was actively engaged in my education at three different colleges and I earned a degree that served me well for 41 years.  Bachelor of science in Medical Technology.  You should urge your kids to follow that path and learn all about healthcare. Those memories of DSCC, Memphis State and UTCHS are vivid.  I made a lot of friends during that time but studied my ass off. My last hurrah with the pre-internet age was learning shorthand from Ann Sain.  I believe that I am meant to be a teacher.  I'll figure out what that entails as I go.  At the age of 67 I have a lot of wisdom but can still follow a lesson plan.  Maybe I'll teach pre-K!  I'll bet there are a lot of sweet hugs involved.

As I understand it, anyone with a Bachelor's degree can become a teacher within a two year time frame.  My dear friend Big John tried to hire me into the Lauderdale County system many years ago and it was quite simple.  Thirty hours of continuing ed with a BS.  Hmm.  At a time when most teachers are retiring, I'm just now seeing what I was meant to be.

We have a great cloud of dust going on out here which is Soybeans 2022.  It's always dusty but this year, especially so.  I'm waiting to wash my car until it's over.  The steps to the attic are all cleared out so that we can navigate them with Lauren's boxes.  That's a start.

What are ya'll gonna' be for Halloween?  So I can recognize you when you come looking for candy.  I'll be at the church wrapping hot dogs for a couple of hours.  I channel Reaves sometimes through other kids and it brings me joy.  When I hear of another shooting, I immediately think of she and Lauren.  And I wonder how you go on when that kind of terror strikes.  Actually. it's simply grace ^j^