she's back!

I am notorious for losing the muse and the faith at about the same time.  Yesterday was one of those days for me where I was just ready to give up.  Having a pity party, so to speak.  When I get that way I have to remind myself how blessed I am to still be alive.  I have an appointment with my surgeon soon to discuss my reversal and I'm not gonna' lie....I'm scared to death.  The first time around was an emergency so I really wasn't aware of what was going on.  This time around I am keenly aware of the risks of open abdominal surgery and how hard the recovery is.  Is it worth the risk?  I have some hard decisions to make after I talk to the doc.  

All this in the midst of a pandemic.  I was sickened by the sight of Trump making a victory lap outside Walter Reed yesterday.  That is beyond stupid and I honestly can't believe the hospital let him do it.  The White House is already severly infected and he just blows if off like he always has.  I get it.  He wants to appear healthy in front of his supporters.  Not because he cares about the citizens per se, but to feed his own ego.  He is day 4 post hospitalization and not even into the scary part of the disease yet.  

My sign was, in fact, not stolen.  I just forgot that it was pointed in a different direction and I couldn't see it in the darkness.  I did, however, hear mulitple repeating gunshots from down around the end of Samaria Bend which scared me enough to call 911.  I was told by dispatch to listen for one more shot, which I heard.  I called them back this morning and was told that the deputy patrolled and found nothing out of the ordinary.  We assume it was someone somewhere doing target practice which is, in fact, legal.  I'm used to gunshots around here because of hunters but I know the locations to expect the shots and this was not one of them.   This, from the stupid old woman who approached a parked car last week on private property and asked him his business.  He said he was a PT and showed me his badge.  On the way to see a client and pulled off to finish charting.  Now this is a common practice for home health folks to chart while on their cars, but it is normally done in a client's driveway.  I calmly explained to him that he should leave and follow common practice.  Not off on somebody's else's property.  I'm fortunate he wasn't some crazy ass with a gun.  Got his plate # and all and told him do not come back.  I should have grabbed my neighbor with the gun before I went.  Or just called the law.  Woulda.Coulda.Shoulda.

I am not fishing for compliments when I say I'm taking a break from here.  Truth be told, it's what keeps me sane.  That and talking on the phone with friends.  It's like living in a bubble for me right now, and you all know the feeling painfully well.  There is chaos everywhere but there is also goodness.  I try to dwell on that to the point of be a Pollyanna sometimes.  I attempt, with my writing, to reach out and be heard by those who want to hear what I have to say.  In a sense, it is a journal of one old country gal struggling to get along as an elder.  And to think, had I not retired early I was would be dealing with that as well.  Little miracles ^j^