having a seinfeld moment

Sometimes, well actually a LOT of the time I feel like a player in some ensemble cast of people like Jerry and Elaine with Kramer busting through the door at any given moment. Life is so freakin' random now, or maybe it always has been and I just never stopped to notice. I distinctly remember how secure and "in control" I felt with life until BG started walking and talking. Everything since then is a blur, and that's quite a few years to try to recapture. But I'm trying. As I faithfully go through this house and say a pre-goodbye, I remember little things and the pictures of them that I always took. BG learning to ride her bike in the gravel driveway, daddy right by her side letting go when she mastered it. This dog or that, whomever was ours at the time, romping in leaves or snow or just the morning dew. Views of the sunset across the road from me, never failing to set same place/same time. That brings me a lot of comfort in terms of hope and faith.

BG thought she had a taker for the puppy in the bud box but it didn't work out so she got picked up by Brandi and taken to meet Carlee and be re-named Layla. It suits her because she's just too precious to be a bud! I have an opportunity to do some exploratory framing and sharing of farm art via barnwood framed photos and that is what's on my mind for the next few months. Well, that and keeping warm with no propane. I'm thinking it's electric blanket time pretty soon. The weather is still quite moderate and beautiful but an allergy sufferer's nightmare. The colors are dazzling in the sunlight but I also like a gray backdrop for them as well..there's just nothing NOT to enjoy about spring and fall.

I wonder sometimes if my years here on earth will have made a difference in the big picture. There are a select few that have specific memories but what about the raging tide and whatnot. Are un-famous schmucks like me the ones who really keep running the wheel while entertainment stars and politicians rake in millions? You bet. Professional sports and movies while highly enjoyable are a big chunk of cash that could go toward feeding hungry kids in our own country who just need a chance on the road out. A friend of mine took in just that in a young homeless man who needed a place to start over. She's precious, and I would do the same if I didn't have a house full of people. Nah. I'd just leave the light on and go about my business which usually includes a lot of wandering. I suppose that is a part of the letting go, looking out from my home at every angle of beauty that lies beyond the ancient windows. And I feel blessed beyond words.

^j^