visible air

I am having to bigify things so that I can actually see what I'm writing.   The air is heavy and thick like it tends to be in the summer.  Wheat harvest b began today and there was some siding put on the front of the house.  It looks great!  I never did like those outside logs once they got repainted.  

I followed up with my PCP today and that was quick.  He does take the time to sit and chat though, sharing similarities because of our age.  He referred me to a mental health professional for

counseling and whatnot.  Baby steps, y'all.

Trying to shake off my social media addiction, i just walked the yard and pulled weeds.  That is great therapy!  My friends and family have been such a blessing.  We've been through a lot together as a family.  After the meltdown when I had time to think about what might have triggered all of the crazy, I remembered that I had totally missed grieving sweet Marilyn and Ms Reba and it came out sideways, as they say.  

I know better.  Having spent several years in therapy in my 30s I remember how good it felt to finally get a "diagnosis" of co-dependency thanks to Melodie Beattie and John Bradshaw.  Oh, and Scott Peck.  Part of my agenda is to re-connect with these ideals and those of others.  EK Ross too.  

A death is always hard, even if it's expected.  The grief process happens when we are ready to deal with it.  I feel thankful that it only took me three weeks to crash and burn on this last loss!  I struggle with letting go because of control issues.  A lot of people do.  I have found, though, that it  gets bigger and bigger until it turns into the ugly cry.  Sometimes for days.  

That's why it is so important to make each day matter.  God is at work in every little facet of our lives so why worry?  The Serenity Prayer expresses it perfectly.  God please grant me serenity ^j^