triple b

Well, I hope y'all are happy MAGA.  It looks like you will have your way with the spending bill that actually increases the federal debt.  By 3 to 5 trillion bucks, no less.  And why?  To give tax breaks to billionaires.  In the process, it cuts healthcare funding for 14 million Americans, food assistance while giving dirty energy a tax break and destroying renewable methods as a viable alternative.  Great.  

What struck me the most was the way the holdouts caved in the end.  They had the courage to speak out long ago and did.  Then, at the end they flipped over.  Disgusting and predictable.  So many Trunpsters don't even realize that their representatives are hurting them.  Sometimes I wish I didn't understand it, but I do.  

Today is deep cleaning at Casa Poops.  LP is in a mood so here we go.  The way we roll is "you gotta' make a mess to clean up a mess" which usually results in a whole bunch of piles.  But the piles are getting smaller.  I slept until 10 today which is unusual but nice.  Listening to the ocean sounds helps me to fall back to sleep when I get up for potty breaks!

I am trying to go with the flow and celebrate small things as important.  I believe that is the key to being grateful, rather than dwelling on what I don't have.  I am so much more blessed than many.  I have a nice home, something to eat and good friends.  Don't stop believing, y'all ^j^

codependent

I first learned about it when I was in therapy many moons ago.  My tough ass little therapist grilled me and challenged me for about two years.  When sbe cut me loose there was one last question for me.  "Why are you holding on to that extra weight?"  And honestly, I didn't know.  She suggested that perhaps it was my way of not having to deal with men.  Who knows.  

I was shedding my old skin with family and trying to find myself again.  The first thing the therapist did was have me draw a bunch of things that make me happy.  There was a Christmas tree and a musical note and even flowing water.  I had pretty much lost the joy of these things because I was too busy trying to run the world.  It's funny now, but not back then!

My daughter was about four years old I think.  We moved that year to the farm.  So many fond memories from growing up here, for both she and me.  I was reminded the other day of a strange thing that happened when I first started studying end of life care.  EK Ross was my heroine so I reached out and mailed her a letter.  A family member responded and told me that she had died.  For some reason, I took that as a sign to study what people go through on the way to acceptance of death.  

Back in the day there was this big project in Missoula, Montana.  Led by Ira Byock, a team of researchers studied patients who were at the end of life in order to improve palliative care.  The terms hospice and palliative care are really not that different except for drugs.  I do not want to die struggling for breath and in pain like so many others I've seen.  But I cannot control that.  All I can do is play the hand I've been dealt. 

So, back to codependcy.  I have decided that is what Trump has with a strong dose of narcissism as well.  He is totally dependent on approval that he just makes shit up in spite of hard evidence.  If I hear Biden's name used ONE MORE TIME I might shoot my eye out.  If the current administration is so wonderful, why are we where we are?  Trade gone. Militarization of the government.  Karoline, for god's sake.  It's all such a circus I've had to scale back on the stuff.  Whatever happens will be there in the morning.

That rain yesterday upped the humidity again to 77%.  Can you say "muggy"? It's about five degrees cooler but sticky out there.  The neighbor got his yard mowed today and the corn keeps on growing.  All is well on the farm.  My scale back on hard news has resulted in more new things to help me heal.  I was that person for a lot of years.  Still trying to be everything to the world.  One of the cardinal signs of CoD is undying loyalty.  Let that one sink in.

At several points in my life, I have allowed things to take the real Janie away.  At my job, with my family and even with friends.  I avoid conflict, even when it is appropriate.  Being so driven to achieve peace, I found myself in the middle of a whole bunch of drama both in my work and personal life.  That's what we do....trying to fix.

I read every Melody Beattie book I could get my hands on back then.  And I began to grow some boundaries, so to speak.  She died earlier this year too.  All of that is to say this:  If one truly believes in being present in the moment, then we can learn something about others.

Tiger lilly is in full bloom which is typical for almost the 4th.  I remember when my old family friend Annie and I took her brother Nelson to a nursing home one Indepence Day long ago.  He lived about three months there before his cancer got him.  Nelson and Margaret were fixtures in my life as a child.  Margaret was a short stout woman who babysat us and made the best chocolate pie in the world.  Nelson would cook pork in a pit for the 4th of July and tend to it all night long. 

I'm going long today because sometimes it's just good to ramble.  Except when you are a world leader who obviously doesn't care about his people.  Then it's the definitive word according to some people like the minions.  Emil Bovi and Miller are really scary to listen to.  Yikese!

So hopefully somebody will cook me some BBQ butt, the way Noler used to.  He and his buddies worked BBQ benefits for locals who needed the help.  Moody Wadley was the sponsor for a very long time.  Now we have a community event once a year on the square.  Volunteers rock. 

We will need a lot of volunteers in the future when our healthcare system collapses due to Medicaid cuts.  Your little convenient hospital, especially if you are in a rural area, will shrivel and die.  That means traveling longer to get immedite attention.  Think about it.  Hospitals depend on whatever payment they can get.  Both for and not for profits depend on payment for services.  They can't just give it away, right?  This is where church health centers are a life saver.  Faith based healthcare iniatives are crucial in meeting people where they are and managing care.  

Well I gotta' go see what is going on in the Senate.  Y'all be blessed^j^

  

gratitude

so, here we a"re getting screwed by SCOTUS.  MAGA is thrilled to death that the conservatives voted to remove the power of federal judges to block things that he proposes.  This effectively ends the checks and balances on his power.  Not. Good.  If any of you would take the time to look beyond FOX, you would know this.  I guess it's  just been too much trouble for him to be messing with those "radical" judges.  SMH. This deranged man believes (or maybe not and just doesn't care) he has the final word.  The entire world is making other plans while he flexes.  It is sickening. Y'all go buy an orange daddy shirt, why don't ya?  

We had a rogue thunderstorm today and I enjoyed it.  I love watching the rain m ove across the fields.  The farmers all packed up and went home early.  It is quiet now with just the occasional bird tweet or kitty meow.  My flower beds needed a drink anyways.  I am in the process of reaching out more because I have actually been a hermit for a long time.  Lauren assures me that somebody would love to give me a ride if I just asked.  She is telling me that I am NOT a burden, which I needed to hear.

I stress too much and don't trust enough to just let it all go.  I am kinda' sorta' stuck on a couple of steps and keep going back to the beginning.  Which is, as Martha Stewart would say "A good thing."

As for me and mine, I will continue to believe in miracles because the God that I worship is loving and kind and gave his son for us.  And he had brown skin, by the way.  White Jesus kind of creeps me out now that I have studied the bible more.  I mean, it's a desert y'all.

Word of the day is gratitude ^j^

I am learning about vulnerability, shame, gratitude and joy from Brene Brown.  I know she's been around for a while, but she is new to me.  Much more inspiring than watching congressional hearings.  

random dump

So ummm.  Here we are only one week past the first day of summer under a heat dome like what happens every summer now.  But climate change isn't real, right?  Deny and lie for the almighty dollar.  

Since I've been watching Congress my admiration has grown by leaps and bounds by the likes of Jasmine Crockett and Elizabeth Warren.  Bernie Sanders too, but I've always been a bro.  I also admire Massie for standing up for what is right and taking a bunch of heat for it from the man.  What happened during the past two weeks was probably set in motion long before the shit hit the fan.  Israel is smart like that and well, you all know we are best buds.  You cannot ignore the Constitution forever and get away with it.

I was struck today by a reporter stating that the thing in Iran is not the big problem.  It is the starvation and genocide of the people of Gaza.  It is a  tragedy that could be fixed.  Trump loves the idea of putting in a resort there and making it like other venues that he owns.  How sad.

As for Canada, they have taken the high road and negoatited a good deal for their people.  Strength through compromise is the way to go.  What is best for all concerned.  That sort of deal.  Not how will this benefit ME personally.

I had a flashback to when I first got online with an internet company from Jackson called Aeneas.  The techs there were kind enough to tell me that typing with all caps is like yelling!  Nobody has told you know who that little tidbit.  

I just walked the yard and it looks like things are getting quite dry.  Hostas are blooming along with coneflower, black eyed susans and others.  Daddy and I used to walk this yard all the time and also at my old house, just to see what was coming up or blooming.  One of his sisters used to cut the flowers off of hostas because they got on her nerves.  If I' lying I'm dying.

I was on the porch when a white SUV pulled up and I started to run and hide because I thought it was the Jehoval Witness lady again.  Come to find out it was a couple of old friends checking out the corn.   You know, the corn that sweats!  Somehow, I don't see me getting out there amongst it this year.  

LP and I ran errands and had car church this morning before she went to work.  We waved like heck at Bubba.  And we listened to music and cried.  That was today's blessing ^j^

the F word

The word of the day is "obliterate."   Also "cosplay."   I watch a lot of internet news and I hear those terms being thrown around a lot.  I was truly stunned, though not surprised, at what Trump rambled on about at the NATO meeting.  Embarrased, actually.  While other world leaders watch and forged alliances it was business as usual for Trump.  Talke about me Me me me!  What is even more disgusting is that the administration is trying to convince people that the majority of us who think the strikes were a bad idea then we are disloyal to the military folks who carried it out.  That is not the case at all.  I'm not going to rant on about all that has happened since January.  Most people understand and just don't know what to do about it.

The heat is almost not tolerable and it ain't just around these parts.  I love sitting on the front porch with the cats but dang.  Not for long!  If I had a pool I don't even think I would be out there.  The air is thick and heavy.  Dang heat dome.

I have been doing some self-inventory lately and about to realize what my strengths and weaknesses are.  Being realistic about who I am gives focus for ways to change or build on something solid.  Fiscal responsibility is not my strongest so that deserves a lot of attention.  I had to open a new checking account last week.  Sooooo.  that involves changing direct deposit info for SS which I pray goes into effect by the July payment or I am screwed.  We are juggling things here day by day and waiting for some good news about a job.  Prayers up please.

We all know that nothing is forever.  Things change minute by minute and we have to adapt or not survive.  I'm gonna' keep on plugging as long as I can follow the light ^j^

ac

I don't do summer well.  At all, really.  When you can't breathe outside it's time to go in for a bit.  It doesn't bother the kitties...they lay around on the porch bird watchin'.  And I am watching too much news.  If I had real TV I could just get the "evening" report but that is sort of behind, ya know?Things are happening so fast now it changes by the hour.  Meanwhile, life goes on in Congress as a Republican with some sense dared to cross Trump on the Iran thing.  Donald called him bad things ;)  If you believe that the Simpsons predicted all this, take a look at that angle.  I'm not saying they are right, but pretty close.  Lisa for president.  I could go for that!

The more folks I talk to, the more I realie that "everybody's got something" to deal with, often LOTS of somethings.  And I believe that we should help each other on our journey through life.  Why do people always have to be about self interest?  That is not what Jesus taught.  Forgiveness. Compassion and healing.  Humility.  Nobody runs the world, no matter how hard they try.  And it will be at the expense of innocent citizens in our country that a point will be made.  Look at me...I'can do anything and get away with it.  What is pathetic is that so many people believe his bullshit.  Enough about all that.

I should be able to see a shadow shftt after the 4th.  Fireworks will be affected by tariffs so take it easy on the budget.  And of course there's the price of eggs...uh I mean gas.  "Drill baby drill!" he says.  It's not that easy.  If we had not pissed Canada off they might help a neighbor out.  Trump leaving all of those respected leaders to play war games makes me both sick and afraid.  

But you know what?  God works in mysterious ways ^j^

define success

That is the talking point today as we get more details from the US strike on Iran last night.  The attack was carried out without Congressional input which is against the Constitution.  Evidently that means nothing in the Trump world.  It is serious mental illness to claim that every thing we are dealing with now is Biden's fault.  That is their go-to blame game and they still play it at every presser in some form or fashion.  If all else fails, blame somebody else.

This is not a new thing.  If you look at Trump's history, he has always wanted some sort of deal.  He is dangerous now because he is surrounded by yes men and women who allow that mental capability to ignore what is best for our county.  This can be stopped, but only by bravery.  There are enough people who have enough influence to take the bite out of this big mess.  But it will require risking Trump's ire to do so.  Why don't you guys pray about it.  What would Jesus do?

We are studying the book of Daniel now in SS and it's pretty fascinating.  After the (teary) service we all gathered in fellowship hall for a meal.  Mary Beth and Jay have been such faithful and good friends to all of us that it was kind of a sad day for letting go.  We all gave each other to God!  We can always get a dose of her sermons online.

Y'all, please be kind to each other or at least don't fight.  It solves nothing and creates lots of other problems.  Politics is a prime example of this.  Those who refuse to see another side of a point are the ones who stir the pot to a boil. This was has begun whether we like it or not.  To claim victory for a one and done damage deal when there is no evidence is dangerous.  Biased news media are a  big part of spreading the hatred.  

So, here we are at the  beginning of another chapter.  I have a blog friend whose page was named Chapter Next.  That was many years ago but we are still in touch on FB.  We met at a critical time for both of us.  And that......is what matters in the whole scheme of things ^j^

faulty intelligence

That is where we stand on the Middle East situation right now.  As Trump puts minor players, like Vance, to work for him while he plays golf, we are facing widespread unrest as a country on numerous issues.  It's not enough that they are taking away the rights of states to govern their own people, now he wants to buddy up to Bibi and play games.  "I may....or I may not."  "Within the next two weeks.  Sounds sort of vague to me,

 yet movement of US troops and missles into the area is telling.  One of the planks of his campaign was to stop intervention by the US in foreign wars.  His base is telling him don't do it, just like most Americans.  The man listens to nobody but the voices in his head.  I find it ironic that so much attention is STIL going to Biden's state of mind when we have a loose cannon calling the shots on something so important.  This is no time for games.  When Tucker Carlson calls you out, well.  Not that I'm a fan of Tucker, but.....

All of this makes me nostalgic for the days when all we had to do was scroll FB and see what folks are having for dinner.  Beginning with DOGE and from that point forward, we ceased, as a nation, to have any input on any issue.  I never knew what "flood the zone" meant before this administration.  Now I understand.  It's one manufactured crisis after another.  

Summer has settled herself in with a heat wave for the next week.  Gee, thanks for that!  I am thankful to have AC.  I am thnkful that I am alive even though life is challenging.  I believe that God has a purpose for each of us and that if we watch and listen, He lets us know when he ain't happy.  And which way to go.  And who to be.

I listened to one my favorite choral pieces this morning, one that always made me cry when we sang it at DFUMC.   Had I not been a choir member at the time, I would not be familiar with this moving anthem.  God is bigger than all of this nonsense that is going on right now.  He is God of all the world yet there is always the issue of free will.  I am afraid that is happening within our affairs, both nationally and globally.  

I am the kind who will cheer for the underdog when I think they are right in my world view.  And I also get really mad when I see human rights being taken away in the name of an authoritarian government.  This is who we are now.  Don't kid yourself.  You could be next, no matter what color your skin is.

Prayers up ^j^

cluster...

You can just fill in the blanks after that word and it will apply to any number of things going on right now.  I just watched a documentary about the different types of missles that Iran has and learned that the cluster bombs are pretty dang good because they scatter a bunch of little bombs over a designated area.  Real good for taking out targets over a wide area.  Also a big risk for civilians.  Most world leaders are asking Trump to back off and working on contingency plans for if he doesn't.  It won't end well if even Putin asks you not to do it.

Add to that the total lack of talent and vision within the cabinet and the petty battles that they choose to fight and you have what I call a clusterboms at the highest level.  And it will nit we the people.  If I see sweet Karoline stand up there ONE MORE TIME asking me to trust him, I may just have to go into my own bunker!  That consists of my bedroom with shades pulled and ocean music on.  With a heating pad.

Bubbie the Siamese is coming around closer and feels comfy hanging on the front porch with Rosie, aka Rosiland.  He started visiting right about sunset to eat and chill with her, and now they are steady porch pals.  Feeding 2 of 'em will double the catfood  bill, but I refuse to not feed an animal that comes in peace for help.  

So, all of this nuclear talk reminds me of a radiation fallout class I went to years ago.  It was put on by the state and was a real eye opener for me.  There I was learning about radiation and biohazard safety and I was a bench tech!  

I don't know everything, but I know enoiugh to realize that God ain't happy with the way we are carrying on.  If you refer to the prophets, He will smite thee.  There were warnings and people still disobeyed.  That got them struck down and starting over, time and time again.  Do we not ever learn from the past?

Anywho, my God loves us and wants us to be happy.  I mean, like, the whole world happy.  Right now.   And if we are happy we are not fighting. Keep the faith ^j^

look at "we"

I had lunch with friends today and Lauren picked me up after. On the way home she shared that she was about 8 or 10 army like tanks rolling down the highway.  Everybody just stopped and stared, she said.  We are not used to seeing that type of military activity in small town USA.  I suspect they were coming from Kentucky but who knows.  

Y'all know how I love animals and so does LP.  Rosie's crossed Siamese boyfriend is now offically getting fed and visited with.  

When I lived up on the hill by the airport I would hear lots of military helicopters delivering service people home.  Or training.  Or something!  The sound is distinctly different from Air Evacs, which also crossed over the house as part of their flight pattern to the local hospital to and from Jackson. 

I have always been against wars since Korea.  After that, they were all futile wars that dragged on forever and were used as a political football by both parties.  People thought it couldn't happen here but it did on 9/11 and we were totally unprepared.  The pilots of those planes all trained here in the US.  That takes a while and nobody noticed??  They had help from other countries, I feel sure.  And so will Iran.  Go get somebody else's bunker buster and leave us out of it.  I totally believe that Netan...whatever his name is, just started it KNOWING that he would take the bait.  As Belle would say "It's just a thought."

In dark times, I watch funny shit.  I wake up to Colbert.  Anjelah Johnson makes me howl.  All news and no laughs makes Jane a sad girl.  We certainly don't want that^j^

all the time

I used to only believe that He is good when things looked rosy.  Then when the hard times came I would be surprised.  Finally, at the age of 70, I can see His work in everyday miracles like I have witnessed lately.  He usually sends an angel at just the time that I need one.  During the busiest times of my life, I have taken the good things for granted, brushing by them as just "good fortune."  As they say: "When you know better, do better."   We are all sinners and that was the whole point of what Jesus did.  

Yesterday was Trinity Sunday at the UMC.  During visits with the Jehovah Witness folks I learned that they do not believe in the Holy Spirit so it's just God and Jesus and the kingdom.  The spirit has been with me too many times, through other people and/or events, for me not to believe that there is a trinity.  Father, son and holy ghost all working together.  Being with people as they have died helps me to believe in heaven because I felt spirits going to the other side with an escort hand picked for them.  A whole bunch of 'em!

It has rained everyday at least once for the past week.  The corn is sweating like crazy, which is something I've only recently learned about.  Let's say that Field of Dreams left that part out.  

I am not a boastful person at all.  That being said, I got real joy out of seeing those millions of protesters on Saturday while the scene was bleak in Washington.  Oh sure, the ones who took the trouble to go were mildly entertained but.....One of the podcasters that I listen to pointed out that the soldiers in the parade looked like their hearts just weren't in it, which I am sure is true.  No cadence or calls.  Just kind of shuffling along like "let's get this over with."  And I don't blame them.  I seriously believe that the whole thing was a big fat waste of taxpayer money during extremely hard times for us as a country.  MEANWHILE the Trump empire is now selling cell service.  O.M.G.  All this important stuff on the table like  civil unrest around the globe and orange man shows up at  G7 kissing Putin's butt.  It was embarrassing and I admire the Canadian PM for being as patient as he was.  Lerd.  It's always the blame game with he and his people.  I feel sure the other 6 are talking behind his back...lol.  They know it's not we the people that are causing the ruckus.  It's a common tactic to divide and  conquer.  Just saying.

For those of you who think that you are right about everything..guess what.  You are not.  I have many Republican friends who treat me with respect and listen to what I say without calling names.  And then there are the trolls whom I avoid discussion with.   Why can't we just agree to disagree?  When indoctrination of a certain mindset causes politically motivated murders, God ain't happy.  And, like Mama, if he ain't happy NOBODY is happy.  

Y'all look for the little miracles.  Leave room for the spirit to work.  And as always  keep the faith ^j^

joy in the morning

My friend Marsha shared that scripture about the Joy that cometh in the morning after all that weeping and gnashing of teeth.  And I have held onto that during the past couple of weeks when I get down.  Nothing is forever.  I think when God sees us going in the wrong direction He puts people on that path to intervene in some way.  Steady abiding love from friends and family can be sent as angels with a message.  I truly believe that.  

Last night I remembered, quite fondly, of all the time that I was with Ms. Joy in the mornings. We spent a whole bunch of time at that kitchen table out at Paradise.  Her life story is fascinating as I found out over the months we talked.  We rarely watched TV except for Kelly Clarkson.  We did happen to catch J6 live and I knew right then we were in deep shit.  We also sat on the deck a lot and counted turtles in the summer.  An entire family would load up on one log!  We always had Pearl with us.  Now, Pearl didn't like me at first because I was a newbie but we made peace and 

became buds.  Her younger brother the Huckster was usually gone with his Mama to work and whatnot.  We worked together at the hospital for many years before the days that nurses began doing case management.  She was a social worker and a lot more.

It has rained so much here, and it just keeps on coming.  Wheat harvest does not like that but.  what do you do.  You can't control the weather.  Big Ernie is covering that, though we did our part to contribute to climate destruction.  Just saying.

I'm'a not gonna' dwell on all the scary stuff today.  Just joy ^j^

king of the hill

Math has always been my worst subject both in school and in real life finance.  Budgeting is not my strong suit, to say the least.  But even I realize that we are wasting tons of money as a government on things that aren't helpful in a time of economic uncertainty.  The short list includes things like deployment of troops when they are not needed and a very expensive military parade  And that's only about 200 million of what is being wasted while the little people die on the vine out here.  

There will be no consequences for the elite few who want to pick and choose who is "legal" and who is not.  Life for them will go on as usual in the bubble.  But for the rest of us, we will struggle to afford basic needs like food and basic healthcare.  The beginning of the end of rural hospitals was probably about fifteen years ago.  When I first started watching Trae Crowder, the facility in his hometown of Cellina had closed impacting the community in a big way.  As resources are stretched due to funding cuts, more and more people will fall through the cracks of a broken healthcare system.  This did not happen overnight y'all.  

The firing of the entire vaccine advisory committee really got under my skin.  I have seen infectious disease up close and personal during my entire career and so much of it is preventable.  I realize that many people are anti-vaxxers and that is your right.  But it is not fire to stack that advisory council with people who believe that way.  At least do like the Supreme Court and have some dissenting opinion.  I'm surprised that big pharma has allowed it to get to this point, personally.  They have a lot of money at stake.  

Out here we call the cicadas "ree-a-rees" when they first crank up.  Last night I heard them while watching lightning bugs and told my Mama to listen.  It won't be long before I start seeing fall in the shadows like she did.  We would actually call and tell each other "I saw it today..." Of course it's still 100 in the shade when that happens but!

I spoke with an old friend today and got some spiritual advice for my journey.  There is a mantra now for me to use as daily inspiration.  Something simple like "remember who you are" or "trust the light."  And follow it ^j^

visible air

I am having to bigify things so that I can actually see what I'm writing.   The air is heavy and thick like it tends to be in the summer.  Wheat harvest b began today and there was some siding put on the front of the house.  It looks great!  I never did like those outside logs once they got repainted.  

I followed up with my PCP today and that was quick.  He does take the time to sit and chat though, sharing similarities because of our age.  He referred me to a mental health professional for

counseling and whatnot.  Baby steps, y'all.

Trying to shake off my social media addiction, i just walked the yard and pulled weeds.  That is great therapy!  My friends and family have been such a blessing.  We've been through a lot together as a family.  After the meltdown when I had time to think about what might have triggered all of the crazy, I remembered that I had totally missed grieving sweet Marilyn and Ms Reba and it came out sideways, as they say.  

I know better.  Having spent several years in therapy in my 30s I remember how good it felt to finally get a "diagnosis" of co-dependency thanks to Melodie Beattie and John Bradshaw.  Oh, and Scott Peck.  Part of my agenda is to re-connect with these ideals and those of others.  EK Ross too.  

A death is always hard, even if it's expected.  The grief process happens when we are ready to deal with it.  I feel thankful that it only took me three weeks to crash and burn on this last loss!  I struggle with letting go because of control issues.  A lot of people do.  I have found, though, that it  gets bigger and bigger until it turns into the ugly cry.  Sometimes for days.  

That's why it is so important to make each day matter.  God is at work in every little facet of our lives so why worry?  The Serenity Prayer expresses it perfectly.  God please grant me serenity ^j^

overkill

I was today years old when I learned what Posse Comitas is and I was kind of curious about that rule of law concerning deployment of our military against citizens.  As it turns out, all they can legally do is protect federal property.  I wonder why that wasn't an option on Jan 6.  Oh yeah.  I forgot those were PAID protesters hired by George Soros.  So say some people.  I can guarantee you that there are a few of those in California torching cars and whatnot.  The situation was way under control by state and local enforcement, yet "you know who" decided to kick off his birthday week by playing warrior.  These are peaceful protests for the most part.  There are some idiots, yeah.  But they're everywhere.  

Peaceful protest is the only way to go in order to save humanity.  Pouring gas on a fire like what happened in LA is how it all starts with militarization against dissenters.  The key is to keep it peaceful and not give anybody a reason to move on you.  Just sit down if you have to.  I remember Kent State all too well.  Yes, I am that old.  I never would have believed that could happen in this world yet look at us now.  If this ain't lookin' like Gilead, I don't know what does..  I dropped Hulu after the first several seasons but Lauren told me that, in the end, they mostly all get away and Aunt Lydia repents.  The kicker is that Gilead was only one of MANY  districts under his eye.  Scary shit.

So anywho, I got busy in the kitchen yesterday and cooked a delicious chicken enchilada casserole which is almost gone.  Great comfort food that's sort of like a marriage between chicken pot pie and poppy seed chicken..  Cooking is somewhat of a challenge because of my vision as there is no under the counter light.  The brighter the better!  Tomorrow the guy will be here to put siding over the front of the house so as to stop the wind coming in and out of the cracks.  I expect to see big savings on utilities.  Hopefully.  Who the heck knows anymore.  

The weather is heating up but the humidity is down so that's a nice change which goes on today's gratitude list.   So is a hilarious four way conversation with Lauren, Reaves and Kim.  The house is clean and we will keep it that way.  It pays to have a neat freak as a roommate.  

Y'all be careful out there.  The crazy is running rampant and it's time to act rather than react.  Peacefully and with purpose ^j^

  

not dead yet

Well kids, I had an interesting week to say the least.  I could feel it coming on and it turned into a full blown mental health crisis.  My kind providers were quick to get me admitted and treated, for which I am forever grateful.  From ER visit to discharge was, though not at all fun, it was bearable.  I learned pretty quickly that one particular drug I was given made me batshit crazy.  God bless the folks that didn't slap me.  

I have pretty much isolated since then tryng to get my head on straight.  As a true co-dependent I have always thrived on being involved with the lives of others.  Many times, to a fault.  Becoming aware that I was losing who I  really am was a gift that God worked out especially for me and my advocate.  There were some serious prayers going up and I felt them.  

I will ease back into the real world in time, but right now I am concentrating on myself for once.  There are emotions that have been buried for a very long time that keep popping out.  As time passes, I remember more and more things that were not properly felt and grieved.  It will take time and patience  and I am not big on the patience thing.

LP and I surprised Reaves with a visit yesterday and it was one big love fest.   She did gymnastics on the couch forever and is quite good.  Soon there will be lessons, and she'll be a natural.  I was outside and saw Lucy the dog chewing on something but I couldn't tell what it was.  Turns out it was a TURTLE!  We took little dude away and marked the spot with some leaves over him.  Before we left, he had moved out from under the branch    We whooped and hollered  for the guy who beat the odds.  I wish more of life were like that.

Please keep the faith along with me ^j^