introvert

In my old age, I have become one.  Back in the day I was a frequent public speaker and never missed a rat killing.  Now I find solace in being at home with the cat and nature.  I do enjoy the occasional small gathering with people who know me well, but put me in a group where I don't know anybody and I am looking at my phone to see what time it is.  I have become accustomed to being alone and actually like it.  Lauren and I joked that I needed to find a nice elderly rich guy with one foot in the grave and no pre-nup.  She knows me well!  I haven't had very good luck with men over the years so that colors my perspective.  The ones I fell for were either emotionally unavailable or true assholes.  Out of all of them, there were one or two who truly loved and appreciated me.  It's rare to find that.  I do, however, have a lot of friends who love me big time and for that I am grateful.  Male and female alike!

I suppose one of the reasons for my solitude is that I just don't care about impressing people anymore.  I know my worth and don't need validation from others.  I would rather sit with a friend and have a long unscripted conversation about life.  My poor mama about killed herself being a people pleaser and I followed in her footsteps for many years.  Now, I literally do not care.  People can be really mean, especially on social media.  One nasty comment and somebody comes unglued.  Not me.  I just keep scrolling.

The Christmas season is hard for so very many who are facing their "firsts without" and even those of us who are up into the higher years of missing family and friends.  I don't think that a lot of people realize that because it's all about rush rush rush to make it all perfect.  That doesn't happen here either.  It will get done on time, whatever that may be.  As my editor friend can tell you, I am a procrastinating fool but I do manage to come through with something.  This year I had four stories to do and my laptop died right in the middle of it while I was staying with Ms. Reba.  My friend Jay gave me one that he had and I was back online but couldn't figure out how to send the docs to her.  Sooooo./I copied and pasted to email and she did the rest.  Bless you my child.

I am usually sound asleep by 8PM and don't even care that I am missing something.  The world will continue to twirl and I'll look it up in the morning.  And if I die before I wake, there is somebody here to find me.  It is very comforting having LP here. We share a phone and car for her to dash but there are some good prospects.  The most interesting job posting lately was "Hebrew interpreter."

One of my favorite writers got put in FB jail and has changed his method of reaching folks through email.  The Blogess does that too.  Their followers receive their content without the internet police messing with you.  After my friend's heartfelt post about his mother's death was removed, his sister posted for him.  Why would you pick something like THAT to censor?  Anyway, that's just rude.  Maybe they are trying to piss users off so they'll stop using their "free" ad filled service to see somebody's dinner, but they always look really good. Especially when Pam Tinkle cooks for Dickey!  Y'all hang in there down at the VA ^j^