therapy warning

For those of you who don't get into my whiny stuff, move along to videos of dogs doing funny things.  Today was free so I began moving things around in the one corner by the steps that is as Mama would say "a mess."  It's all those old photo albums and stuff that came from down here to up there and back down here again.  Lauren was in charge of cleaning out her Daddys apartment when he died and I have a packet of letters that I wrote to him when we were divorced.  A bunch.  I read one and that was enough for me.  They will go in Lauren's pile.  Maybe someday she will read them and realize how much I loved him even though we couldn't make it work.  My boundaries were getting stronger then thanks to therapy.  I read nothing but self help books for two years.  I was obsessed with healing my inner child.  

The year 2015 is the one that almost did me in.  There was death after death after loss until there was nobody left but us chickens.  In that one year two of my aunts died, my ex-husband. my father and my mother.  My sister cousin had died a few years before and I distinctly remember laying my head in my mother's lap and sobbing like a baby.  All that time I was working at the hospital.

All of that changed when I had a second rotator cuff surgery where they were unable to repair the tear.  The ends had atrophied after the tear and there wasn't enough to hook back up except by cadaver graft which the surgeon had never done.  Ummm...no.  I had a reasonable though painful range of motion but I knew that it wouldn't last much longer with two damaged shoulders.  I never went back after that last surgery because I was 62 and eligible for early retirement.  I don't regret that for one minute, even though times have been lean.  

Reaves was born when I was still working so I spent a lot of time in Jackson that year.  I will never forget walking into that labor room without a clue that it would take three days for her to get here.  When I got there Kimberlie was sittin' there looking all beautiful in the rocking chair.  I slept in that room for three nights.  I ate Subway and ChicFila until I didn't want it for a loooog time.  And Lauren failed to induce.  Finally after the long haul, they broke her water so it was show time.  The section was performed at 1030 PM on the eve of LP's birthday.  I was her coach and the first to hold dat baby.  All of her tribe came in once they were in a room and swooned over Elizabeth Reaves.  There were two more surgeries after that and it was pretty much a long fall.

There now.  I feel better!  Y'all look inward and let it go.  With that, comes peace ^j^