the new normal

If you had told me two months ago I would be walking around with a bag full of poop I wouldn't have believed it.  My priorities since then have changed drastically.  There is a wound to tend to and a bag to be emptied.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm pretty much grateful to be alive all things considered.  It's just different.  Change is inevitable, I suppose.  I am also incredibly humbled by the number of people who have supported me during all this.  Love ya....mean it.  

I'm planning on going to church tomorrow, Lord willing and the creek don't rise.  The Camry will go into the shop next week for a verdict and I owe the IRS about 200 bucks less after I sign my tax return.  Little things mean a lot, ya know?  Mamye took me to the 'gentral today and I stocked up on everything I was out of.  I'm hooked on kiwi strawberry Propel and they didn't have it course.  Nothing but berry.  Bah.

I must finally be caught up on sleep but the fatigue lingers.  I blame anesthesia X 2 and a near death experience.  If the stars line up I will get to see the girls tomorrow.  Reaves is at the zoo in Memphis today and I wish I could see her face.  I probably will thanks to FB.  

Next Saturday I will be joining other Dems in my very first caucus.  That should be an experience to remember!  I'm watching a movie titled Tomorrow Man with John Lithgow and Blythe Danner.  So far it's pretty cool.  

Y'all enjoy the sunshine and hug the next person you see ^j^

mama bear

I am not much of a worrier unless it comes to me and mine.  The physical therapist told me the other day to keep moving and indeed I have.  I pace when something is on my mind because, well it's good exercise for an old gal.  Plus I call my tribe.  Yesterday I was on red alert and I wore a path in the circle around my house.  I'll spare the details but when my kids are upset, I tend to get that way too.  

I'm still pretty much housebound because my car won't start.  I will have to get it to the shop and have it checked out to see if it's fixable.  I probably don't need to drive yet anyway.  The weather has moderated somewhat so that's a plus.  At least we can get out and enjoy the sunshine for a couple of days.  Ellie and Oscar are on the steps soaking it up right now.  

I don't know what to make of Pence being put in charge of the Corona virus.  Looks to me like his boss just threw him under the bus.  There is so much hysteria swirling around that it's hard to make sense of it all.  I know enough about epidemiology to know that it's a dangerous situation and I believe in science unlike the VP.  There are conspiracy theories flying but the CDC says that is unlikely.  Viruses are powerful critters and unlike bacteria are hard to treat.
Time
Other than that, I've got nothing.  I am recovering slowly but surely and still get frustrated with my inability to do certain things.  Time and patience are the only options.

Happy Friday y'all ^j^

hump day with ashes

This morning I showed up at a doctor's office and went through the entire process of filling out papers and giving them meds only to be told that I had to pay 150 bucks up front which I didn't have.  I don't know how often it happens, but this old girl turned around and hightailed it out of said office never to return.  For some God forsaken reason I still have not met my high deductible or out of pocket maximum.  Now this whole colon blockage ordeal cost probably a million bucks.  How could that be?  Hmmm.  

Delores and Hubert and I joined our church family for an intimate Ash Wednesday service complete with a cross on our foreheads.  When we went to lunch the waitress told Delores she had something on her face.  That turned into a mini-lesson on Methodist traditions.  The Episcopal priest was at the diner as well and of course, he noticed our marks.  Most people think that it's just a Catholic practice.  

I'm still chasing my tail on paperwork for the Marketplace and found that the HR department at my former employer has no access to records prior to a sale that happened three months after I left.  How niiiice. So I'm given a corporate number for the former company and you can imagine how that went.  When I asked for HR's number they gave me the number of our local hospital.....the one with a phone tree type deal.  Sigh.  I finally got in touch with somebody who gave me credentials to log into the old payroll system but the username and password she gave me don't work.  

I gave Delores a tour of the cabin remodel and she was impressed like everybody is.  Johnny and Billy have done some mighty fine work down there.  It's kind of a boost to my faith to go down there and see Daddy's flowers still coming up.  

Y'all be faithful and humble and lay off of Bernie.  Seriously.

^j^

 

days of our lives

My neighbor James Frank took me to the store today and I was amazed that I only saw one face I recognized among the staff of the chicken store.  Of course I haven't been in the real world for six weeks, so there ya' go.  They change managers and employees like we change underwear.  It's a "i need work bad" sort of job for all involved.  I don't go there often because the parking is like a jigsaw puzzle.  

After Gerald buried Sam yesterday I pulled a red rose from the bunch that Millette brought me and stuck it in the dirt.  It's still standing today!  This is a do nothing one for me with no appointments and such.  Just me and the critters and the rain.  Bah.

Tomorrow I will do an intake with my new PCP who is a lovely woman that I've been blessed to work with for many years.  I am impressed with her work, to say the least.  I don't doctor hop by any means, but I know that being paid attention to even when not on the every 3 month refill visit grind is not acceptable if your meds don't change.  She will get to hear all about the surgical adventure of course.  

James Frank reminded me that he saw me in the nursing home which I had totally forgotten.  I'm glad I don't remember much of all that because it was a real other worldly experience.  I do distinctly remember being extubated, however.  They asked me "have you ever done this before?"  Umm..nope.  I'm a virgin.  It will probably happen again when I do the reversal though maybe not.  I will be more healthy that I was that time!

The routine is set now with wound changes and ostomy care a given.  I have plenty of food but no Propel but I sure ain't going to WalMart.  The Camry is still dead and will have to be checked out thoroughly by Bart and his crew to see if it's worth salvaging.  The battery is good so it must be the alternator or starter.  That will come in time.  Right now I'm just hitching rides.

Mardi Gras is upon us and Ash Wednesday looms as a solemn reminder that all is not party and play.  I pray that our journeys will be ones of sincere reflection about how the wilderness precedes new birth ^j^

like a good neighbor

My down the road neighbor Gerald is 76 years old. While the nurse was here this morning I heard a knock on the back door and found him there ready to bury Sam.  I felt bad about him out there digging in the wet by himself so I put on my coat and joined him.  Ellie and Oscar were present too, poking between the boards of the ancient barn.  Once upon a time I crawled up and in that thing on a whim.  Now I'm afraid it would fall in.  Literally.  

I think he was waiting to say goodbye to Lauren which happened yesterday.  He camped out in my office and when I checked on him during the night he was gone.  There's been so much going on this morning that it really hasn't hit me that the sweet little Jack Russell mix that was delivered to me as a puppy is now in puppy heaven after 14 years of fun on the farm.  For a dog, it's a wonderful life out here and he explored a lot of it with his brothers and sisters.  He was riding in Amy's lap when Tim pulled up and they handed him over, supposedly to be for my parents.  That last one night!  My mother said it was like having a "stranger" in the house.  

My physical therapist just returned from a trip to his homeland in the Phillipines and we chatted about airports in this day and time of the virus.  People are complaining about being "isolated" when the rest of the world just wants to avoid being exposed.  Get a grip y'all.  This is NOT a drill.

As for the political scene, I'm over that too.  All we can do is hope and pray for the best.  ^j^

stir crazy

Yep...that's me these days.  I want to do and go and just don't have the energy most days.  I've had the Camry boosted by the service station twice in the past week and it won't stay charged.  It's only a year old so it's bound to be good.  Or not.  Unless I'm driving it every day it won't stay charged so there you go.  A conundrum, if you will.  

Trump congratulated Bernie on Nevada because he thinks he will beat him like a drum if he's the nominee.  I'll just say this....stranger things have happened.  

Watching the church service online this morning was a treat.  Almost like being there and in pajamas to boot.  I miss the fellowship and will try my best to get ashed this Wednesday.  If I don't make it to the chapel, I'll just do it myself with sage.  The season of Lent is very special to me.  A time for fasting and prayer and meditation....inward searching.  

I posted an article yesterday entitled Between 65 and Death.  It hit me hard and rang true on many levels.  Now is not the time to save things.  It is the time to live life fully and with no regrets.  So many of us wait to truly live until we reach some sort of milestone.  New job...lose weight...kids are grown.  I sincerely wish I had lived more in the moment while Lauren was growing up.  At that point in my life it was just a succession of chores and work.  

Sam is not well and it will be time to make a decision soon unless the good Lord makes it for me.  He's my road dog from way back when.  I've lost so many pets over the years that you would think I'd be hesitant to ever have one again.  I guess I'm just a sucker for furbabies.  They're buried all over the yard like a little pet cemetery.  The last was Ryder and before that Faith and Butterbean.  When Lauren and I were going to take BB to be put to sleep, she was driving and I had a towel wrapped Butterbean in my lap.  Evidently Sam figured out what was going on because he ran out in front of the car and we hit him.  He took off into the field and I had to go back and look for him while Lauren did the job by herself.  

Mary Beth's sermon was about building foundations on sturdy ground.  As usual, I ate it up.  Lauren and Reaves were going to come today but it's just an outing for the moms this time.  No nap last week before the visit was a disaster with a capital D.  Dat baby needs her rest.  

Keep on keepin' on.  ^j^

spring

By the calendar it's not here yet, but soon.  Very soon.  I went out this morning to pick some buttercups and got tangled in a vine.  My back porch is covered in some kind of flowering vine that will grow through cracks even!  Not to worry, I'm not taking any chances and being very careful.  I just had to get in the sun.  

I'm avoiding the news because it just pisses me off.  Instead, I read thought provoking articles or escape with Netflix and YouTube.  I seriously don't miss having  "real" TV.  And I sure don't miss the price tag.  I'm assuming Nevada is bustling with activity about now what with the caucus.  I saw where Trump supporters launched pigeons with little MAGA hats on.  How cruel is that?  PETA needs to jump on that one big time.  I voted yesterday so my duty is done.  

Is it just me or does all this Russia stuff scare you?  I know it's always been thus and so but the technology makes a big difference.  So does the corona virus.  I've been in medicine long enough to know that viruses are tricky and hard to treat.  Bacteria, unless they are resistant, will respond to antibiotic therapy.  That's what I learned in 41 years of being "almost a nurse."  I posted a good article today that tells exactly what lab rats do.  In big hospitals the techs are pretty much doing the same thing all day but not in the rural ones.  Med Techs do everything from stocking supplies, drawing blood, running tests and reporting them in a timely manner.  All the while the phone is ringing off the hook.   

The Camry is dead again and I don't think I'm going to get the service call I requested early this morning.  So be it, because I'm not driving it YET.  If I don't start running it every day I'll be paying for a boost once a week.  It hasn't been driven but once since January 11th.  Go figure. 

I hear birds singing so I'm channeling my Daddy.  Y'all enjoy the weekend and keep the faith ^j^ 

false alarm

Home health folks came bright and early today first for a bag and wound change and then for PT.  I had just taken my meds when PT showed up and he checked my BP before we started to the tune of 220/100.  OMG.  He sat me down and I rested while waiting for the medicine to kick in.  It took about 15 minutes and it was down to "normal for me."  We were both pretty freaked out to say the least.  I have no idea why it was so high because it never has been before.  Ever.  I didn't even feel different but we passed on the exercise and he released me because I'm doing so well.  Umm..except for that rogue blood pressure.  I have an appointment with the doctor next week so we will explore that.  

My friend Debbie offered to be my driver today because I needed to vote, buy groceries and other stuff.  I probably over did and it will catch up with me.  I checked the mail to find that the Marketplace Appeals Center wants me to have my ex-employer from two years ago fill out a form saying that I'm not eligible for insurance through them.  Alrighty then.  More paperwork.  

It was a quick in and out at the polls.  From what I hear Trump is all pissed off because the intel community warned Congress of Russian interference in this year's election.  How dare they do their jobs!  It's getting pretty scary if you ask me. Meanwhile, his base just keeps picking up steam.  I totally don't get it.  

I had some quality face time with Reaves last night as she called my name over and over again.  What a spunky grandgirl I've got.  The dogs are loving the sunshine and I found them laid out on a hill sun bathing.  So far I can't tell that the puppy Prozac is making a difference in Ellie.  

Y'all have a good weekend.  I'll be here trying to make some sense of the maze that is my house with all the art retrieved from the library show.  Be strong and remember who you are.  

^j^

blustery and bored

I am not normally one to sit still.  Errands are done in the morning and chores after unless there are special plans.  That being said, I must admit I'm getting cabin fever.  I miss getting out and mingling with people.  Getting caught up on sleep has given me some momentum to try to find normalcy in this forced relaxation.  I know to some that might seem silly if you're running your ass off with work and kids.  

I went to bed way before the Democratic primary and caught up online this morning.  No comment.  Things are getting very divisive on all levels with both parties and I'm about over it.  I will vote my heart like it makes a difference, and it really doesn't seem to these days what with all the election interference.  I've been watching Better Call Saul this morning and enjoying flashbacks to Breaking Bad.  There's really nothing that has caught my eye lately.  

The snow came quick and light this morning but was pretty while it lasted.  Now it's just blowing cold with a low in the 20s predicted the next couple of nights.  Spring fever has everybody longing for sunny warm(er) days even though we've had an above average temperature for most of the winter.  

Once I get out and about there will be more to talk about.  For now, that's all I've got.  Keep the faith ^j^

as the crow flies

They are every freakin' where!  It's greening up around these parts and looking like early spring even though it's still chilly.  The Camry battery is dead again so I'm just going to leave it until I get ready to drive and have it boosted again.  Lerd.  The trip to Memphis kind of wore me out but that's part of recovery from this whole thing.  My house is a mess as usual but I don't even care.  At this point it's all about me getting stronger.  

The news just makes me mad so I limit it to a once a day peek.  The great state of Tennessee has introduced a law or something that will designate CNN and the WSJ as "fake news."  It makes me truly ashamed to be a TN citizen.  I mean really?  That's about as un-American as you can get.  While you're at it throw in Fox and Breitbart.  Geez.  Meanwhile, all the people with any scruples are jumping ship from Trump as he becomes more and more authoritarian.  The boss of our country, he says.  To hell with the judicial process, he says.  Sound familiar?  My income tax refund of two hundred some odd dollars will be confiscated by the IRS to pay back taxes on unreported income.   The rich spend that on lunch!  But hey...I don't mind being a pauper as long as I've got my family and friends.  

On the sunny side, there is no rain in the immediate future and the swelling is gone from my legs.  Plus the bag has been on for two days.  The nurse came by early this morning and checked things out before drawing blood to check potassium.  My days consist mostly of piddling around the house attempting to keep things halfass straight and going to bed EARLY.  I should be able to take a shower in a couple of weeks and that will be pure heaven.  Soon as the wound heals, it's on like donkey kong.  

Ellis is adapting to being home and loving being able to run with Oscar.  They are all enjoying leftovers from here there and yonder.  As I type, there is a Japanese beetle crawling around the keyboard like it's a maze.  Comical, to say the least.

There is so much that I want to do and it's just not in the cards right now.  Patience dear Poopie.  Wait for God's time.

^j^

a good report

I just got home from a follow up with the surgeon in Memphis and he said that all looked good.  He estimated that in a couple of weeks the wound would be closed and said that changing the type of bag to convex would probably solve the problem.  We discussed the time frame for the reversal which is six months firm.  That looks like about July if all goes well.  I haven't been to Memphis in eons.  We kind of got lost in the line for pickup with the valet parking folks and it was COLD and wet.  Coming through North Memphis a kid ran right in front of Gigi's car.  The Lord was with us that he didn't get hit.  Then his stupid little self dropped something and crawled up UNDER the car to get it.  Lerd.  That was almost a mishap.

Sammy D is old and losing weight.  He looked pretty rough when I left today so I halfway worried that I would find him passed on.  I was delighted to find him in good spirits.  I reckon it was the cold wet day that had him down.  Ellie and Oscar stayed out all day and were covered in mud.  I'm ready for spring, seriously.

Tomorrow is hump day.  Y'all hang in there ^j^

puttin' out fires

Alrighty then!  In the past 24 hours the toilet got stopped up, the Camry wouldn't start and the bag came off.  Oh, and Ellie came home this morning and wants to paw me all the time.  The doggie experts say that's her bid for attention but she's pretty needy so I talked to the vet's office and she's going on Prozac, maybe for life.  Whatever works I say.  In quick succession the car shop came by to check out my car, the nurse came to change the bag and then the plumber right behind him.  Busy!  My friend Anita brought lunch and Ellie ate the bag of cookies.  That's the norm for stuff left where she can get at it.  

Tomorrow is a road trip to Memphis to see the surgeon with Gigi which should be interesting.  I'm actually looking forward to seeing something different.  Regarding politics, no comment.  I haven't voted yet but there's time.  The Dems are all trying to figure things out and Trump is going to NASCAR races to drum up the redneck base.  Lerd.  Barr is playing badass with
"progressive" prosecutors.  Same song, different version.  

Several southern rivers, including the Tennessee, are wreaking havoc with flooding.  Houses fell off the hills of Savannah.  The Pearl in Mississippi is everywhere.  The Forked Deer is up but not causing trouble.  If it ain't a virus it's the weather.  

It's President's Day which means a paid holiday for some and a chance for all of us to reflect on our forefathers.  They weren't angels either, ya know.  Which goes to prove that "it has always been thus and so."  No mail = no new medical bills.  I'll take it.

I am so thankful for all the people who have helped an old girl out.  Going through my records from Baptist I was shocked to read that upon physical examination I was referred to as pleasant, appears to be chronically ill....but pleasant...looks older than her age and elderly but pleasant and alert.  Dangit my ego didn't need that but it is what it is.  

Y'all enjoy this marvelous Monday ^j^

and then the camry died

Lauren and Reaves came to see me today and it was umm...a terrible two kind of day because of no nap.  While we were outside I tried to start my car and it did the clicking thing.  I noticed when I got in it that the door seemed loose.  I was in there yesterday cleaning out the trash.  Anywho Patrick came by with cables and nada.  It's like totally dead.  And making a clicking sound.  This is as Old Hoss and scientists would say "not good."  

We ate Mexicans and played and whatnot until the meltdown began.  It was brutal, poor baby.  I bet she's out like a light with her chocolate milk which is watered down protein drink.  Hey...you make do.  She got in a mud puddle and was soaking wet so the clothes went into a bag and dry clean clothes out of the dryer.  Plus a blanket for the ride.    

As I type I'm waiting for a call from the nurse who is covering me.  Four days was too much for da' bag and it's leaking.  Not bad but it will be if not addressed.  And so it goes.  

I finished The Irishman today after several sittings.  It was worth the patience on my part.  The livestream cut out on me when I was watching church this morning.  I blame the novel virus.  I'm pretty pumped to see the interest in this presidential election.  It's like a bunch of people are saying WTF and exploring options to the status quo.  Lord knows this country needs some shaking up.  

I guess I better start car shopping.  The engine is good but the body ain't worth a crap.  Adios trusty one.

^j^ 

light reading

My medical record from the local hospital was in an envelope and contained about 20 pages.  Today the mailman delivered a very heavy BOX to my swing which is the complete MR from Baptist East.  Lerd.  The more I read the more I understand but that's really intimidating.  I see several sessions coming up!

The weather has turned once again and it's beautiful and a bit chilly.  I count it as a win if the sun is out.  I've been on the phone most of the morning and got caught up with several friends.  I haven't voted yet as I am still unsure which candidate to give my vote to.  Y'all all know I'm a long time Bernie supporter but I really don't think he can beat the orange monster.  The primary is my opportunity to vote from the heart.  I'm liking several of the candidates so I will defintely vote blue next time around.  Even if it's PeeWee Herman.  

Happy weekend to you and yours.  I'm just chilling and I hope you are doing the same or else being productive or having fun.  All at once would be swell.

^j^

a new normal

It changes every day.  PT came and worked me pretty good this morning.  He said that I'm doing very well so I only have two visits left.  It will take time to regain my strength because I've been sick for quite some time and didn't really realize it until things came to a crisis.  I normally wake up with the sunrise or before and catch up on what has happened while I out of it for the night.  Sleep comes in fits and starts.

Last night and this morning was colder than a well digger's ass with a brisk wind to boot.  I went out for lunch and it's the first time I've had a coat on in weeks.  We met and talked and discussed the presidential primary that is in front of us Democrats.  It's pretty damn important at this point and we've been looking ahead since , well.....a long time. The leadership of our local party has really whipped things into shape with several events that unite us.  

Lauren came over and we made a 'gentral run which was nice because I sure can't do it by myself.  We stopped by the cabin to check out the fireplace that is to die for and lingered by the original bathroom door that still holds a hook from the days of the grands.  It doesn't resemble what we knew as "home" at all.  In a way, I suppose that's a blessing.  We have an unspoken bond now as warrior women of this life

I remember a night in late winter some years ago when the water was standing behind the two orbs of gold that stay as long as the water is there.  We had some very dark times one year and the light always reminds me of that.  I knew even then that there would be healing to come.

Everybody at the gentral was lined up buying Valentine's gifts and we let a few go through before we pulled up with a buggy full.  The poor ONE clerk kept a smile on her face as the line grew and she fretted about missing a "conference call" with corporate.  The store is out of a lot of stuff which is, I suppose, because of the novel corona.  The CDC says it will not go away and might turn seasonal.  Come on vaccine.  This is a world health crisis.  Viruses are so slippery the way they mutate.

Here's hoping that somebody makes you feel special every day of your life.  It doesn't take much for me these days.  Keeping the faith?  You bet ^j^  

on the upside

...of a very bad day.  I cried, felt sorry for myself, talked to people and went to bed.  I was able to get 11 hours of sleep in increments which was heavenly.  Even though I was up and down, those 4 hours chunks helped.

Right after I went to the mailbox and brought the garbage can up to the porch, physical therapy showed up and he was pleased with what I could do.  No nurse today and I did my own wet to dry dressing on the wound.  It ain't pretty but it works.  I am being very careful to guard the work of art that was my last bag change.  My nurse talked to the surgical group and they gave her tips to deal with my kind of problem, one of which is building up the sides of the ostomy site.  She was on a mission!  Thanks Marlo...you are a superstar.  

We've got two frigid nights coming up so if the fostering thing doesn't work out, I'll bring Ellie home this weekend.  I sure do miss that sweet thing.  She has such a precious personality much like Faith.  I remember the vet telling me one time that Faith was "soooo chocolate."  They're a different sort.

I gotta go post notes on all the faucets to DRIP.  I'm delighted that the thus far spineless Senate put Trump in his place today.  I'm sure they've been scared to cross him in an election year but geez.  They are more scared of him starting a global war.  Geez.  I hope they do the same thing with the budget thingie.

Thanks for supporting me and all the love.  Even though I'm alone in my house a lot, it feels good to know that people are watching and sending up prayers for me.  Muahhh!

Keepin' the faith ^j^

a very weak faith

I have tried so hard to be brave and soldier on but I'm about to lost what few positive thoughts I have.  Yes, I am grateful to be alive and at home.  However, the bag thing is wearing me out.  They cannot get it to stay on.  Last change was about an hour ago and I'm sitting here with a towel under it waiting for a nurse to come.  My skin is raw from the constant prepping and pulling.  I am constantly washing poop covered towels.  I know, that's TMI but it's my current reality.  I feel stranded and alone depending on others to take care of myself.  Had I stayed in rehab my time would have been up this week so there you go.  There has to be an answer to this.  Please pray for it along with me.

Exhaustion is a daily thing due to lack of sleep.  Getting rid of the wound vac was a positive but.....I feel really vulnerable and even wish I had a partner or roommate to help.  But noooooo. Yes, I'm having a pity party and I refuse to apologize for that.  A solid month of this thing has caused me to lose what faith I mustered in the hospital.  

The news doesn't lift my spirits any as it seems that the POTUS is doing whatever he wants whenever he pleases and nobody is attempting to stop him.  I can hear the train in the distance through the never ending rain.  And it is hump day for normal people.  

I feel better just writing these words but it's not the funny upbeat thing that readers are used to.  Sorry about that y'all.  I'm assuming this too shall pass.

^j^

coming out

Plans are made to be broken of course.  MG was coming to pick me up at 1130 for lunch with old friends.  Alas, da' bag decided to leak at 1100.  My nurse came out and fixed it and we were only a bit late to Applebees.  We totally enjoyed each others' company and it was like no time had passed.  I love it when that happens . I got lots of hugs and several "i'm glad you made it" surprises.  

After we left there the next stop was Sunflower Health for some vitamins and supplements.  MG said that parsley capsules are good for edema which is still a problem because my PCP has not addressed it.  A supplement beats the heck out of Lasix.  I sleep with my feet above my heart but I was up all day with tennis shoes which actually held the swelling down kind of like compression socks.  

From there we went to Headlines to get our hair did which was, as usual, glorious and fun.  Everybody there gave me a big hug and listened to my story.  We picked up my Kroger online order and headed toward the house only to stop dead in the middle of Pecan Lane to bird watch.  She had her badass camera and got a few good shots in the brambles.  It was time to empty da' bag so I headed home and she to the library to collect her stuff from the art show.  I was tired and glad to get home and into pajama pants.  

In between all this I had a consultation with a Medicare advisor because it's coming soon to a theater near me.  I also enrolled in dental insurance that will go until August 31.  I need my teefies cleaned!  If you're turning 65, start early on the research.

Lest you think I don't know what's going on in the world, China's guy put on a big show of solidarity in an area that has a very low infection rate while folks in Wuhan are dying at a rapid pace.  New Hampshire is voting today in the caucus and who knows who will win.  The most important thing is to find a candidate who can beat Trump.  He's counting on Bernie getting it so he can kick him to the curb.  Hide and watch dude.  

So y'all be merry and bright.  It beats being sad. ^j^ 

trending

With the wound vac and hospital bed gone, we are officially on a learning curve.  Sam has watched enough nursing laying by my bed that he's "almost" a nurse like me.  I have graduated to a dressing that will be changed daily by me eventually.  I got home cooked food from two different sources today.  MG came by after her manicure at the vocational school.  We hehawed over the Anjela Johnson nail salon video after that.  I had never seen that one!

I have noticed that as I've begun to recover, the number of visits to my blog have dropped.  Which is expected since everybody didn't know if I made it or not.  I did and I'm still kind of shook up by how quick life changes.  I'm literally picking up the pieces from two weeks off the grid that began on a rainy Saturday morning.  Today found me cleaning and sorting which is what I should have been doing during the past two years.  

One night when I was particularly low Lauren had to remind me that it was okay for me to be out of it because life had changed for me drastically and I was trying to come to terms with it.   A near death experience will do that for ya'.  I am still humbled and thankful for all the people who have reached out to me.  All I can say is bless all y'all.

Tolerance of Trumpsters is something that has also become a part of my persona.  That being said, I don't like OR trust him but that's my opinion.  We don't have to agree.  Just don't smack  me over the head with smartass stuff.  I do truly try to understand where he's coming from and all I can come up with is he's a poster boy for narcissism and power mongering.  

Gotta' go watch the nail salon again ^j^

perfect in love

My church live streams the service each Sunday and I tuned in since I can't get out yet.  As usual, Mary Beth hit me in the heart with her sermon about pure love.  I liked the way she explained that true love is really positive action by an aggressor without passivity or violence to transform a relationship that is not loving.  You can transform relationships with people who do you wrong by loving them anyway which isn't always easy.  It is only through prayer that we can find a place where evil overcomes good.  That helped me to put the whole Trump thing in perspective, ya know.  He doesn't want people "praying for him" but I will and that gives me the power instead of him.  She was quick to mention that you will be criticized and there will be trials.  Stand firm and do the next right thing anyway.

I was ecstatic to get rid of  the wound vac yesterday because I have more mobility and it's easier to sleep.  Still, I was up to see the sunrise this morning and it was a beauty.  So was the moon last  night.  Happily, I was fast asleep when it passed over my window.  I watched all of SNL on YouTube this morning which really made me laugh and I needed that.

It's close to 70 today with a heavy wind but the golfers are out there fighting it.  Mamye dropped by for the first time in awhile and we caught up on things.  She took care of my critters while I was in hospital and rehab and she loves bonding with them.  I miss Ellie and will probably get her back this week.  Let's all pray about that one!

Y'all do what you do with purpose and joy ^j^

sunshine and snow moon

I watched as that beautiful moon rose last night and woke to find it shining in my bedroom window at one point.  Maybe I didn't wake but was just laying there with my feet propped on pillows to reduce the swelling.  I'm told it's unusual for it to last this long but I'm not your typical case with no quirks.  At five this morning I was up for the day waiting on a nurse to arrive.  If it's not the bag it's the wound vac.  But I'm at home and it is quiet.  

As morning came around the sun began to shine and I felt that everything is better when that happens.  The golf course is occupied and tomorrow will be in the 60s.  Then, another cold snap.  Tickets for James Taylor at FedEX are on sale and I'm longing to go.  I've seen him before but not in a very long time.  That should be around the time of my next surgery if it happens.  I always think in those terms so as not to be disappointed.  Expect nothing.  

I actually feel pretty vulnerable right now so I'm going to do some therapy when I'm well enough to get out.  There is a lot on my mind and it's not just about the near death experience.  I feel like the world is spiraling out of control and we are at risk as citizens of what used to be the greatest country in the world.  Morals are gone in government and we are being played the fool by a narcissistic idiot.  He's playing a game with us and he's winning.  That's not good.

I need to get out of this house and I will next week.  Mary Gwyn and I are making plans got some girl stuff.  As for right now, I'm going to attempt a nap.  It's been a long time since I've done that but my body tells me I need it.  Be strong, but rest.  

^j^

judge not

Okay.  So the latest person to get raked over the coals PLUS receive death threats is Gayle King.  It's all over her interview with somebody over a sexual assault thing with Kobe.  Get a life people.  She was doing her job and that includes exploring unpopular things.  Kobe was not perfect nor is anybody on this earth.  It says volumes about people who jump out of the woodwork to live their lives through celebrities.  It was tragic and sad, yes.  Lots of people identified with the tragedy, yes.  Move on. Every day brings something new to mourn.  

Lauren and Reaves came to visit last night and it snowed while they were here but not much.  It was a bit heavier as they were driving home and she said visibility in Jackson was not very good.  It was nice to see them but it's hard on her to come here after work.  I appreciate the effort.  Reaves is getting taller by the day and each time I see her I'm amazed at how she's talking and getting around.  When I woke up, there was still a little snow on the ground but it vanished as soon as the sun came out.  

Nurses came twice today trying to solve the riddle of the bag that won't stay on and they are trying everything they know.  I am weary with all of this new normal and from lack of restful sleep.  Last  night the wound vac started alarming and though the pressure was good, it wouldn't quit.  When I called HH I was instructed to do a "wet to dry" which I have never done.  Next time I will insist on in person help.

It looks like I won't be able to get in the tub or shower until after the wound vac comes out so I'm doing spit baths to get through 'til then.  It's been two weeks since I even had a decent bed bath and I feel funky head to toe.  I guess it's a blessing I'm too tired to care.  

My world changed on January 11th in ways that I could never imagine.  But this too will pass, I suppose.  I'm steering clear of politics because it just pisses me off at all of them.  We are not being represented and that's a sad story for our country and our citizens.  It's all about the money.  Jesus doesn't like that.  

Keep the faith ^j^

on a short leash

If I don't trip on this wound vac before it comes out it will be a miracle.  It holds a 12 hour charge and I have to carry it from room to room on my shoulder to keep it plugged up as I move around the house when it's low.  It is a big pain in the arse, yet I am thankful for the work it is doing on that wound.  It was Yuge!

Mitt Romney is my new hero.  His heartfelt flip gave me reason to believe that people still have morals. Of course the orange one is enraged both at he and Pelosi and just about everybody who doesn't bow down to him.  Tough shit dude.  You have brought it on yourself.  Giving that medal to Rush was beyond low and cheapened it to nothing.  You better watch your back son.  People are watching every move you make and every dollar you spend and they are not amused.  Well, except for the cult.  

PT was here this morning and it was good to move.  We walked the house a few times ( with the wound vac, of course ) and did a bunch of exercises.  Got my pulse up to 118..yikes.  It came right back down.  Today's therapist was one that also worked with my parents years ago and we have mutual friends.  I love how it's such a small world.  I had a long chat with Tommy this morning before we both got busy with the day.  

I'm looking forward to the full snow moon on Saturday and hope it's clear enough to enjoy.  We haven't seen the sun for days around here.  I'm already shopping for Medicare supplements so that I'll be a little bit prepared when September rolls around.  My surgery to reconnect, if it happens, will be in July or August before that happens hopefully.  I've already met the deductible.....lol.  

My next project is to find a car.  I will be out of bankruptcy within weeks and my attorney was gracious enough to eat some of her fee to make that happen.  That's a car payment right there.  Praise be!

Thank you for all the prayers.  I feel them lifting me up each and every day and allowing me the peace to deal with this transition.  Don't stop.  

Faith ^j^

february made me shiver

It is my least favorite month right up there with November.  They tend to be gloom and doomish looking like the moors.  Sun is scarce and so is Vitamin D.  I haven't been remembered on Valentine's day since my mother died so that's a non-thing.  I have spent the morning at my desk getting some shit together while da' bag collects the shit and the wound vac does its' thing.  It hums and occasionally whistles when the tape is loose.  

Watching the replay of the SOTU was like a bad dream so thank goodness I had Colbert to lighten the mood.  I seriously don't get it but then a lot of folks don't.  I suppose I'm a part of history since I was in hospital beds and forced to watch the impeachment trial.  Ditto for Coronavirus and Kobe.  Once again, I am fortunate to be alive.  

Boundaries are important to me and I've been holding them firm.  I can pretty much pick out when somebody's drama is about them and not me and act accordingly.  It's a handy little tool for keeping your sanity.  There still is no routine or schedule here so things are apt to happen spontaneously.  Tammy says Ellie is happier since the boarding census has dropped.  The rest of the pack just follows me from room to room.  

Because Reaves had the stomach bug, Lauren has nine days straight at work in order to get two off together for doctor's appointments.  This means I don't get to see them for a long while and that makes me sad.  We are all in this together in spirit so there's that.  And pictures.  Her stepmom and dad post a lot of pics and I enjoy that.  Lauren simply doesn't have time.

I lost a dear cousin yesterday on the 7th anniversary of Debbie's death which was kind of an ethereal Agee family kind of thing.  It's funny how I see those threads now.  HH came today and me and the nurse have already bonded.  He's a wound vac wizard and problem solver of all things.  To him, it's a challenge to make things work with what you have.  I like that, ya' know?

I'm about to go see if we have any food delivery services in Dyersburg because I'm craving something hot and good to eat.  Gotta' put that seven pounds back on and I'm tired of quick and easy.  

Leave room for the spirit to work.  And the people said "amen" ^j^

earthquake etc

Patrick called me late last night to see if I felt the 2.7 quake which I did not.  I was asleep with the box fan running and didn't hear a thing.  I think it was felt more in northern Dyer county.  I was dead asleep but didn't stay that way long.  My nights are punctuated with lots of getting up to pee and change my little buddy da' bag.  I should probably name her.

I am quite concerned at the news that China covered up the initial reporting of the latest corona virus.  A group of doctors shared concern as early as December 30th and were chastised by the police for reporting their findings.  It could have been addressed then and lives saved.  Never back down when you know you're right.  The leader of this group is now ill himself with the virus.  

Iowa?  Please.  You guys played right into the script that Trump wrote.  Caucuses will be held at the local level here very soon.  I'm slowly but surely developing somewhat of a routine here as much as I can.  I haven't had a bath in weeks and my hair needs washing again but I have to be careful what I attempt when nobody is around.  Patience is a virtue that I'm acquiring thank goodness.  

I'm beginning the process of gathering medical records so that I can actually read with my own eyes what I went through.  Lauren told me there was another issue, this one urological, found on the CT in Memphis so that has to be followed up on.  I'm just curious to see it all on paper.  

Ellie is still being boarded until I get my strength to the point where I can handle her.  She's doing well according to Tammy and playing nice.  Sam and Oscar are missing her but adapting.  My biggest pain at the moment is my back.  I'm looking forward to getting out, probably next week, to venture into the world.  I'm a house mouse by nature but I do normally get out at least once a day.  We shall see.

Y'all keep on believing in good stuff.  That's what it's all about.  

Faith ^j^

failure to diagnose

I learned the meaning of that legal term today and also discovered that I absolutely love Atkins milk chocolate delight shakes which are terribly good for you.  Go figure.  I also have figured out that as long as I have this bag a full night's sleep is not possible due to emptying.  Such is life and I am humble Theenough to know that I'm blessed.

It's been a busy day here at Casa Poops what with Home Health and people dropping by.  I'm up and down answering the door and have learned to carry the phone in my jacket pocket so I don't miss the many phone calls coming in.  We've had a couple of warm days and I can hear the peepers out back.  Typical mid-winter teaser.

Y'all be happy and blessed.  And, as always, keep the faith ^j^

porch time

In typical Tennessee fashion, it hit 70 today and now all the Super Bowl snackers have turned into grillers I'm told.  I've been known to fire one up during a February teaser.  Bubba was out on the gator and the girls and I sat on the porch soaking up the rays.  I'm still weak and everybody says I'm way skinny but I feel okay.  I'm hoping to sleep well tonight after that marathon with Charity last night.  I felt really bad for us because they're all just frustrated.  My regular visit is tomorrow and I'll be getting hooked up with PT and whatnot.  

Everybody has been really REALLY good to me about bringing what I need at just the right time.  My tribe is truly a gift from Big Ernie.  Much was accomplished at the kitchen table yesterday and today and there are organized stacks of current bills, insurance stuff and medical things.  Income tax documents are together waiting to be filed but uh...no hurry.  I still owe them for 2015.  How niiiiiice.  

As I gain strength I'll share more about the two weeks that I am finally piecing together in my mind.  Right now I'm just too tired to go back there.  Y'all enjoy the football if that's your thing.  If not, just seize the day.  Love ya...mean it ^j^

challenges

For some reason my ostomy bags keep coming off .  At the rehab it was changed 4 times in a 24 hour period which means skin breakdown in that area and pretty significant pain.  Home Health is coming today and hopefully they will be able to get a good enough fit to get me on a normal routine.  My trip home was,of course, filled with tail chasing and I ended up with no pain medicine until later today....It ain't much but it helps with the skin breakdown and wound vac.  I slept for five hours straight in the hospital bed last night and Lauren stayed with me thank goodness because she had to do a bag change early this morning.  She found a YouTube video to help.  This whole ordeal has been a case study for Murphy's Law.  More later ^j^