reality check

This year has been a whirlwind of changes for me and mine.  I have had three jobs so far and counting.  After first leaving one that I had for three years I took a month or two off and realized that I had to get back out there in the world.  That one lasted about six weeks before the establishment changed hands.  Now I'm onto another adventure or two as long as my health holds out.  Never say what you won't do to make a living!

We had a girlfriend's lunch today and it was so nice to get together again.  We see each other and talk often but only get together now and then face to face.  Most of us are the same age except for the "baby" who got adopted into our group.  She will probably be my date for the class reunion...

Not much news around here.  It's hot and hot and humid and hot.  I praised the Lord today for overcast skies to keep the temps below a hundred.  Headed to Jackson tomorrow for our special time at Bemis UMC.  I miss my home church but these folks are amazing ^j^

 

drop foot

My tennis shoes are like way old and I wear them everyday...with socks.  And I can't flex my left foot but I'm doing home PT and MFR.  I noticed earlier in the week that my gait was off and had a bad night with leg cramps and ankle jerking.  That hasn't happened since I quit taking chelated mag and hylands.  I now have both.

My days are full now with things to do and people to see.  I'm picking up my lunch before work and heading out into the boonies.  There's several creepy kudzu pits there by the creek.  If you don't hear from  me look for the car in winter!

Oscar, though not itch free, is much better.  He sleeps at night and I think one more pill will do the job.  Or kill him....who knows.  He's an old dude but he handles the traffic just fine.  Every time Bubba pulls up with Sadie in the back he tells me with a welcoming bark.  Umm. Right.  He doesn't behave like Sadie who sits and stays and eats ice in the truck bed.  

Him just wants to stay in the cool house and go out to poop and raise hell when somebody dares to show up.  He came to my old house twice asking us to take him.  That happened thanks to the Animal Shelter.  When we first adopted him there were two others.  Sam was a Jack Russell mix who came to us one holiday as a gift for Daddy.  He had just lost his border collie because he fell out of the truck and got drug down the highway to Halls.  Sam was next.

And then there Ellie the beautiful chocolate lab that my friend gifted to me, all fees paid plus food.  She loved it up on the hill where there wasn't much traffic but then I moved down here where people fly.  Last I heard she was in Illinois.  Beautiful loving girl!

I'm walking around in sock feet wishing the floor was clean but eventually it will be.  The bathroom is always a challenge for an ostomate.  The air is so thick with chemicals and other shit around here that you can see it.  Weather Undergound definitely does not know air quality when you are in the midst of that.  

I'm getting really good at game shows so me and my client win a lot.  I even talk to the TV, bless me.  She lovesmelovesme she says.  She loves Connie the best and I don't blame her.  That woman is a powerhouse!

I'm thinking that I'll be back at Bemis Sunday with the girls.  I wish somebody would bring their kids!  That poor acolyte is the oldest one ever.  But hey...he's carrying the flame. And Reaves gets chip and a big dose of Ms Juanita!  There's a story there for another time.

Y'all be good this weekend and stay cool if possible.  Ree a Ree time^j^

I'd tell ya'but then....

You know what happens.  I seriously don't want to hear people's drama anymore.  Life is hard and then you die.  What you do with it is your own choice.  I mean, it was a gift from God right?  People have told me time and time again about how their lives suck and it's mostly true.  The thing is to find the in each day.  You think about how jumping would be easier, but don't.  God has a plan for you and me and all the rest of us misfits.

I have missed FUMC for three Sundays in a row and driving to Bemis UMC with my girls.  They are a friendly bunch and need more members.  I reckon we are plus 3 in attendance!  There are no children there which is a problem with many tiny churches no matter what denomination.  

I hear the ree a rees.  Time for bed ^j^

weeds

Me and the girls went to Bemis UMC for the 2nd Sunday in a row today and received another warm welcome.  Their reception of us has been a real reminder to me of how important it is to meet visitors at my home church.  I am really bad at remembering names and have often run up to greet someone who's been coming for awhile.  I reckon it never hurts.  Reaves was the only kid there so was sort of shy about going down for children's church wanting to hang onto her mama.  Ms Juanita took her back to the nursery after a bit but it took some nudging on our parts.  She took her walking talking unicorn with her and ran it under the pews until we made her stop.  Her name is Uni, by the way.  She is totally in love with Lauren's kitten JJ and they are joined at the hip.  JJ lets her hold him like a baby.  

Oscar has had one flea and tick pill and will get another one soon to try and ease his itching.  I haven't actually SEEN fleas but he's scratching something awful.  Bubba thinks he has mange but I don't know about such.  If he is not much improved I'll load him up and head to Pierce's for some kind of relief.  Mayberry came and mowed today and it looks so nice!  Lauren inherited a push mower from some kind soul so she does her tiny yard with it.  She was just waiting for the rain to stop.  

I went on a total rant yesterday and 89 people saw it before I decided that it wasn't what Jesus would do and deleted it.  Sometimes, you just gotta' vent.  And I've been plenty frustrated.  It can be really hard to just trust God to do things in his or her own time.  But, that's where faith comes in.  Moving mountains and whatnot.  

When I got back to the 'burg I ran out to check on my friend Laura Nell and she has survived, once again, a weekend with all her people gone to the lake.  I'll be back tomorrow for a full week of game shows with her.  "We won!" she exclaims.  I have come to enjoy family feud because you bloom where you are planted.  

Today's sermon was all about how the weeds threaten to overtake the grain and we should not take action because God is in control.  The advice of Jesus was to just let the weeds grow and separate it all at harvest.  Then burn those weeds in a bundle!  Patience is hard to come by sometimes.  

My friends are going to the beach in September and I would give anything to be going with them.  But, I cannot in good conscience do that because I owe people money and my goal is to pay them back because they trust me to do the right thing.  Lord knows I try!

Y'all have a great week and pray for peace ^j^

you gotta' wanna'

We are over halfway through the year and I spent a good amount of time with the people at my dental practice plotting how to spend what money I have left.  The plan has been revised several times so we went to plan C which is pulling some root tips to let that heal and NEXT year doing an upper denture.  I tried to back out on the denture but she told me the uppers I have left won't hold a partial.  How niiiice.  Per my usual routine, I went by the bank to get a printout to see where I'm at. I cancelled Amazon Prime in April of this year and am still being charged for it.  There is an "active" account there but not my email address.  Hmmm.  Lady at the bank said I would have to get another new debit card in order to do whatever you do.  Alrighty then.  I just now got my latest one entered into all of my accounts.  Which are dwindling.  The only guilty pleasure I have left is Netflix and hey....you gotta have a movie now and then.  And I don't have "real" TV.  And you know what?  I don't even care.

Most of my time is spent on this laptop which is why my shoulders are giving me hell.  The treatment yesterday was glorious.  I need an ergonomic work space but uhhh....right now it's a laptop on an antique desk.  When I got out of the dentist office I was starving and went to the Chick.  My friend Deborah told me not to eat that stuff with a numb mouth.  Hey, I tried but it just didn't work.  Such is life!  The feeling is just now coming back so I see some nuggets just waiting to be scarfed down.  

As fate would have it we have a thunderstorm to the north which is cooling things off.  Oscar is freaked out about the thunder but otherwise, all is well.  

Love you like chicken ^j^

the visitors

Reaves spent the night with LP last night and I got a call around bedtime asking me to come and go to church with them.  Our original plan was Lambuth but the Lord called us to Bemis UMC where Reaves and Alex have been going to Wednesday night kids' things.  It's a quaint historic building in South Jackson with enough history to fill a book.  One guy ( the songleader who used to play in rock bands ) showed us the hitching post for horses that still stands up front.  There was a picture of us that hasn't been posted because we were all just happy to be together.  It just so happened to be the second Sunday for the new pastor who stuck with the lectionary and preached about the sermon on the lake.  Jesus out in the boat fishing for souls!  There was much talk about throwing seeds around even on non-fertile soul.  Like on the beaten path and in the briars.  At the end, it was all about how meeting people where they are and being gracious and welcoming is what makes believers of us.  

As a Christian I embrace all other religions that believe in one true God. aka Big Ernie.  Christians cannot agree on the right way so who are we to judge.  I asked one elderly lady at Bemis today if they had dis-affiliated.  Her response was "Honey, we don't enough members to vote!"  That struck a chord with me because of what has happened to my home church, Dyersburg FUMC.  I don't understand it, but I remain a member for life.   Reaves calls that the "big red carpet church."  That is who we were for many years.  Now, we are down to the true believers.

Watch out for Canadian smoke.  Looks pretty hazy here in the South ^j^

dog days

I must say that even though it was hot as hades during that drought, it was much easier to tolerate without the stifling humidity that we have right now.  Lord how I hate to sweat!  The  climatology folks say that we are setting global records for wicked weather because of unusual weather patterns caused by global warming.  I have these flowers up front called "pink ladies" or "naked ladies" or as I call them surprise lilies.  The greenery comes up in the spring and then in early August ( usually ) they pop straight up out of the ground with thin green stalks and a pink bloom on top.  They are already coming up which leads me to hope that July is really August and the heat will let up.  Yeah, I'm an optimist like that.

Oscar is battling heartworms and has a nasty cough which keeps both of us up at night plus the evil cat walks all over me while I'm sleeping trying to find her perfect spot.  After an hour or so she decides to jump down and prowl the house.  Her saving grace is that she doesn't require a litter box and is trained to go outside.  

My early birthday present this year will be a colonoscopy on September 7th which I dread, but must be done.  I'll be starting a new job next week so that will have to be worked into the schedule.  Fortunately they are pretty much used to winging it so just my daily presence will be a big help to both them and my bank account.  If I have to drive way out yonder in rain like we had yesterday I'll for sure have to pull off the road for a bit.  I can't see worth a shit even with distance glasses even though my latest eye exam showed no change.  Bubba swears I need hearing aids but I can hear just fine if he turns the truck off. Just sayin'.

Tomorrow will be my Daddy's 92nd birthday, in heaven.  It seems like just yesterday that he was raising hell down here at the cabin, him and Mama trying to navigate old age together.  Yet they died five months apart 8 years ago.  He was buried in early August and I remember it being quite a mild day for his funeral.  Most of it is a blur since then.  I was still at the hospital when they both died which was a blessing.  I failed to go visit him on his last birthday on earth which I regret.  I had seen him the day before but as Mama said "It wasn't his BIRTHDAY!"  I also missed Mama's last Thanksgiving at the assisted living.  I try not to beat myself up over things like that but well, you know.

So much water has passed under the bridge since then.  I had a second shoulder surgery, retired, had a few good years and then boom.  Here came old age!  Since the big belly surgery it's been one thing after another.  My parents told me it was hell getting old and I believe it.  Doing it alone is even harder. 

Reaves and LP are having a quality time weekend without me which they sorely need and we are all excited and grateful.  I miss them but at least they are only 45 minutes away.  What I really miss is having them here at the cabin.  Such is life.  At least they're not on the other side of the country or world.

I have the stuff now to make Bubba's latest recipe suggestion so I guess I better get on it.  Sure to hate to use the oven and mess up the cool air but, duty calls.  Y'all keep it in the middle of the road and hydrate like hell ^j^

blessed to be an ostomate

Many of you wonder what the hell I'm talking about when I speak in ostomy jargon.  If you haven't been there or been around it, you don't know.  So let me expound a bit on the subject.  If you don't like gross things, move along.  There are all types of ostomies like ileo and colosto and uro and whatnot.  Mine happens to be a combination called an ileocolostomy meaning that I have some small intestine and some large intestine left.  This was a result of raging diverticulitis from years of IBS that culminated in a life or death situation involving emergency surgery to save my life.  Um, yeah.  I basically almost died.  Twice.  Once was on the way to the local ER in the middle of the night when I lost control of my car on loose gravel and almost hit a ditchbank but then Jesus took the wheel and pulled me out.  About a week or so later my brother took me BACK to the local ER because the asshat ER doc failed to order a CT of the abdomen to confirm that I did, indeed, have diverticulitis.  But I digress.

I don't remember much of those first few days before I woke up on a ventilator in intensive care with a Vietnamese family wailing because their relative was passing over.  I do not remember my friends Patsye and Larry being there when I was pulled off the vent.  And I don't remember being in surgery twice.  Once was to drain the abscess in the small intestine and one was to create the ostomy.  That's a lot of anesthesia!  I do distinctly remember waking up on the vent and trying to talk to Lauren and ask "what's wrong???"  And I remember both of my pastors being there and forming a prayer circle around the bed with my friends.   I do remember both ambulance rides both to and from Baptist East.  On the way back to Dyersburg the ambulance actually got lost because they followed GPS which took us through Brownsville and God knows where to get me to the rehab facility with a wound-vac and brand new colostomy.  In the rain, no less.  All of this happened in January 2020 right when COVID hit in China and Kobe Bryant and his crew got killed in a plane crash and Trump got impeached the first time.  That's what I what I watched for two weeks in the hospital.  Fun times!

I was told at my follow up visit that I was a real trooper and a miracle patient and such and that a reversal was possible.  The catch was that a reversal would also require two surgeries, one to create just an ileostomy and another to reverse THAT.  I decided against that.  I had enough surgery already "under my belt" so to speak, and there is no guarantee that it will work.  There was a lot of other drama involving insurance but I won't go into that right now because everybody deals with it and it's a racket.  I did not turn Medicare eligible until September of the year that the surgery was performed. And we all know that Medicare doesn't begin to cover it all.

That was 3 and a half years ago and life has never been the same.  While I am grateful to be alive and am still searching for my purpose,  my lifestyle has changed dramatically.  Ileostomies are notorious for causing liquid output which causes irritation of the stoma ( the hole where poop goes into the bag ) and is painful.  I have seen a WOC nurse and will see her again soon.  I've been burned with silver nitrate.  I've tried different types of appliances but none seem to last over 2 or 3 days because of the granuloma on my stoma.  And it can be mighty painful.  

Once I had a bag fail in a restaurant which was pretty humiliating but the owners were gracious and I was mortified.  Shit happens, as they say.  I tend to stay close to home because you never know when the shit's gonna' hit the fan.  Or floor.  Or whatever.  I've never had a bag fail like that since then but it will probably happen again.  My best friend is those small binder clips from office supply.  They save the day!

More later ^j^

like the rain

That is one of my all time favorite songs by what's his name.  Clint Black?  It started yesterday and still looks dark.  According to locals we got about 2 inches which we needed desperately.  And it's still coming down!  I bet the farmers are doing a happy dance because they sure needed it.  I just gave Mayberry a heads up to hit me next time around.  His crew loves me.  High five to Cody for getting where he needs to be.

I'm talking with prospective clients and whatnot trying to figure out what everybody might need.  I have to figure in what I'm capable of and how the money works out but I know there are so many folks that want to stay home and need help.  Hell I could use some help!  LP is steady cleaning out the furniture that she likes so that helps.  Now I can sweep.  I don't think Oscar is long for this world which makes me sad but he's an old dude and has lived a good life.  The cough is getting worse and the scratching.  I fixed him a bed on the floor at the foot of MY bed and Rosie promptly took it over.  Cats are territorial ya know?

I watched church online today and it was all about the three that got pitched into the fire but did not get even a 1st degree burn.  That's our God for you.  Keep the faith ^j^

trust and obey

Being unemployed again has kind of taken the wind out of my sails but I see it as God sending me in another direction.  I never really imagined that I would be this age looking for work to supplement SS but here we are.  I reckon I should have stayed on at the sawmill past 62 but my body couldn't take it.  As fate would have it after I left, there was no more lifting like what killed my shoulders.  I'm happy for them because most are very young and eager.  What we went through over the years was pretty much back breaking work.  Picking up reagents and stocking them in the refrigerator is something that has been outsourced to another company that technically "owns" the lab.  If I had a dollar for every time I rotated reagents in that big ass refrigerator I'd be a millionaire.  Obviously, I am not.  I'm talking sitting on the floor with somebody handing me boxes to shuffle in and out.

I cleaned all the cardboard out of my car today in anticipation of my new job.  I'll need to use some Armour All and Windex plus a good vacuuming but that's way past due anyway.  I tend to live in my car which includes eating in it!  We just had a monsoon pass through and the car was under the carport so no rain washing today.  At this rate the yard will have to be mowed again.

I am trying not to stress and let go of things because really?  It's out of my hands.  Y'all keep the faith ^j^

when one door closes

Welp, I am officially unemployed again.  Joe's Downtown Market is no more.  I kinda' sorta' saw this coming so I've been networking for other jobs.  I had fun there and enjoyed seeing all the folks that came in every day.  They had a very long run but as with any business it's hard to find reliable help.  As God worked it out, I had a chance meeting with an old friend last week that may turn into a good opportunity for both of us.  There's that rainbow I was looking for. 

It's a big news day in the little 'burg with a body found floating in the Obion River and two serious accidents on highway 104.  One was a tree that fell across the highway effectively blocking that route and another was a fatal accident up at the intersection with Highway 51 South.  

I slept long and hard last night and got up feeling sort of wonky so I checked my BP and it was 120/60.  I know that's "wonderful" to doctors but it makes me feel like crap.  Such is life.  At least I won't have a stroke, hopefully.

My 50th class reunion is just three months away!  We have all worked hard to make it happen.  It's so odd because so many people are just not interested or don't want to be found.  They don't know what they're missing.  Every month or so we lose another classmate because we are "of that age."  

Y'all don't ever forget that God loves everybody and you're next ^j^

 

a capitol fourth

My parents LOVED Independence Day.  So do I in some form or fashion.  I'm proud we got cut loose from England but I'm not really proud of who we are as a country today.  Y'all know the details so I wwill not rant on.  One of the best movies I've ever enjoyed was Born on the 4th of July with Tom Cruise.  It is an accurate picture of what those veterans faced when they returned.  

Every time there is a war, people suffer and that really isn't what God intends for us.  It literally makes me sick to watch the evangelical right judge and become involved in politics.  I have many dear friends in that community but, I digress.  I learned in Civics class how it all works and usually it rings true.  Life isn't fair, at all.  Thank goodness we have friends and family to help us through the dark times.  It looks like I'll be changing career directions once again so I'll keep ya' posted.  Who would have ever thought I would be 67 and still on the job. I'm not real good at the sammich shop side but I'm a whiz with old folks.  Because I am one!  

Gettin' old ain't so bad.  You get away with a lot of stuff because people understand that the mind goes and you hurt.  I was invited to a rib party tonight but el baggo acted up and I decided to stay here.  That bitch don't play.  I had to turn the oven on to bake my friends some corn so we are currently cooling the house down.  Today was much nicer!  Maybe only 6.50 ^j^

judge not

I learned the proper way to say Philistines today while MB preached about David and Goliath.  That story came to life in front of me today along with some hard talk about how we are willing to go in faith to help God's purpose.  The shepherd king was busy working two jobs but was called into action by Big Ernie.  Now I don't know about y'all but I think that takes a lot of guts.  He TOLD him plainly he was gonna' cut his head off.  Which was probably a big one.

Sojourners was good too.  We got repurposed Father's day talk and what struck  me the most was what he said about how people can change.  We all know that change is hard, especially the kind that makes you go "why me?"  Gratitude and humility have come slowly in my life but in the end, it's all that keeps my boat floating.  We are all different and sinful in our own ways.  And we are not the ones to hold them accountable That's all on us to be accountable.  Just doing something kind like opening a door or saying "have a great day" can keep somebody from jumping off the bridge.  Trust me, I've been there.  As a young twenty something with a broken heart my friend and I sat on the bridge across the Big Muddy and just talked.  Obviously I didn't jump because I'm still here writing therapy notes everyday.  If you read about yourself, just know that I love you like chicken ^j^

empathy

I pulled in behind a lady at the ATM to check my balance which I have to do pretty often because my online banking has been suspended after the great hack.  At first I was told I would get that back in six months, which is August.  Now they are saying I won't get that back until I have a receipt where my laptop AND phone have been scanned at a shop.  All I want is read only, but no.  Anywho, this lady took forever and had that desperate look in her face where there was no cash forthcoming so she started digging in her car for another card to try and that one worked finally.  Normally I would have normally been aggravated at having to wait but I felt for this woman because I've been there many times.   People who have not, can't relate.

It has been thundering all day but no rain as of yet except for Joey's irrigation system.  I like listening to it when it's in close range.  One can always imagine that it's REALLY raining.  One time when Patsye was here she tried to call her brother to tell him to "turn the rain on!"  It is pretty fascinating how far agriculture has come since my Daddy's sharecropping days.