one day at a time

I have failed in so many ways during my life.  Most of it was financial...I didn't save and put money away for the future when I was working full time as a medical professional.  I began my career earning less than five bucks an hour following graduation from UTCHS in 1977. After graduation I was hired as a microbiologist at the old Gaston by my instructor Barbara Shaw.  I found an apartment, loaded up the U-Haul and changed my mind at the last minute.  The reason for that?  I was in love with somebody who didn't love me back and that was my main reason for wanting to live there.  What a silly girl I was.  

'

Working at Parkview Hospital during that time was very intensive and we saw a lot of changes.  When I began, RT was part of the lab so our folks did EKG, blood gases and all that fun stuff.  It was all on paper then, no LIS or anything.  We were all on a mission then to help patients and do no harm.  I became supervisor of the transfusion service early on.  We transitioned from weekly blood delivery of whole blood from Memphis ( by bus ) to West Tennessee Regional Blood Center.  Jack Smythe was the CEO at that time and we made a push to get the program going locally.  One of the best sermons I ever heard was Willis Gilliland urging our congregation to donate.  A monthly drive was established along with a local board.  We were on a mission!  WTRBC is now Lifeline Blood Service in Jackson.  There is a satellite center here in the burg where folks can donate platelets and whatnot.  These components are essential for saving lives of the critically ill.  You can also give whole blood there, but it will be divided into all three components to serve patients more effectively.  

At the same time I was a bench tech doing CBCs and chem panels, such as they were back then.  Again, it was all on paper.  No portals or nothing like that.  But at that time, insurance paid for overnight stays to get your diagnostics done.  This is when the shit hit the fan.  Parkview sold to Methodist Health Systems in the early 80s because our county commissioners took the highest bid against the wishes of most everybody in the county.  Baptist was the loser in this bidding war because they recognized that they could not beat Mauice Elliotts 10M bid.  We had courthouse meetings and all that jazz.  They were in a strategic  negotiation for feeder hospitals to their Memphis facilities. MHS bought seven of us in West Tennessee.  I was a delegate at UMC annual conference one year and Gary  Shorb was actually there  with a powerpoint touting the hospital system to Methodists.  Right then and there, I lost faith in corporate healthcare/religion.  So did my mother, a lifelong UMC member.  She and Daddy were on the local board of the volunteer blood program.  They supported me and what I stood for as a healthcare provider.  I will always hold that dear to my heart.  

Meanwhile, the tractors are rolling out here planting corn.  By July, it will be a box again.  I can still see the sunset though even over the corn.  I saw the first hummer of 2025 the other day so there is that.  Plus a seriously nice potted flower from Lauren's boss for Professionals day.  That comes the week after National Medical Laboratory week.  Yes....we get a whole week!  My boss always made sure that the vendors brought food every day of that week.  And it was good.

I got my feelings hurt this morning but I am over it.  Sometimes people who you think are friends just have their own issues that snarl things up.   When a friend will not talk to you honestly without shaming, that is not a friend.  There are boundaries to my loyalties.  My mother fussed at me during her last six months about "treating her like a child."  I understand that now more than ever.  I am so sorry Mama.  I tried my best.  I learned so much from you and Daddy.  I pray that my advocacy at the end gave you peace.  

Y'all keep the faith ^j^

the white horse

I was susceptible, like many girls, to the idea of a Prince Charming riding in to save the day.  Since I retired this myth has come back to bite me in the ass.  I rob Peter to pay Paul around here and the truth is that at almost 70 years old, I cannot afford to live here on the farm.  It has been a slow process realizing that from the house on the hill to the homeplace.  The houses are old...some of them around 100 or so.  I love all of them but I realize that it was all just loaned to me by the legacy of my parents tenure here.  It began in 1956 when I was a year old and my grandfather hooked my daddy up with an offer to manage a property.  At the time, it was much smaller than it is now.  

There were cattle then and they went away when the fences fell and it was not possible to keep them cows in.  One of my most vivid memories is of Daddy chasing the cattle in a field right across from Charlie's house hollering like a mofo and driving his truck like crazy.  He worked those cattle for years and the herd got wiped out by brucellosis and other diseases.  Yet he kept on trying.  In the end they were sold, all 60 something of them, to someone else who also sold them.  Being a cattle farmer is tough business.  And so is being any kind of farmer.  That is why organic farming is tough as well.  I remember when crop rotation became a thing.  It was beautiful, as some say.  Save the soil and whatnot.  

My daughter and I are in the valley these days, trusting in God together for a clear path forward.  She has a part- time job and I have none.  We have been blessed with a lot of help from a lot of people but things, at this point, do not look sustainable financially.  I have not seen Reaves in six months.  

The lady from the state blind service sent me a very cool toy that I used at church yesterday to read the bulletin.  It's a battery powered magnifying glass.  Last time she came, we tried out all kinds of different strengths and found the one that worked.  She was supposed to deliver it and train me the week that the flood was going on so I warned her not to try it and she mailed it.  It took two weeks to get from Paris to here.  

Keeping enough ostomy supplies is a real challenge but I have learned to economize and make them last.  However, my last shipment did not include the seals that I ordered.  At least not enough of them.  Normally my supplier is not really good with customer service but I lucked out this time and got enough to tide me over until the end of May.  Two boxes fo' free with 2 day delivery by FedEx.  I recognized the driver, also named Janie, when she brought them up to the porch.  We used to work together in the hospital lab.  She has definitely upped her game!

From what I hear, all shipments from China will cease as of tomorrow.  It will take a long time to fix that broken supply chain so get ready for empty shelves.  LP said that the 'gentral still has stock, but none of that overstock up high.  Meanwhile, Trump is mad because he is polling so badly.  "They should be investigated" he said.  And one of them is Fox.  Alrighty then.  All attention is on immigration and arrests plus deportations.  With this big beautiful bill coming up for a vote, I hope that expense is penciled in somewhere.  

Arkansas got nada from the feds for disaster relief.  I expect that to happen everywhere.  The proposed budget will raise the federal deficit by several trillion if it even passes.  And Europe is having a major power outage.  One of my most faithful reads is Sean Dietrich.  He and his wife are posting their travels as pilgrims on the Camino.  I hope when they get done there is electricity and a plane home.  

Church was really bittersweet yesterday.  We are counting down the days until Mary Beth and Jay leave for Franklin but her work continued with six new members joining our congregation and a meeting about our potential future partnership with the YMCA.  Four confirmands who have been studying with her planned the service. Kellan's parents Marsh and Prakash joined him in baptism.  It was very moving and a tribute to God's work there.  The schedule for our new pastor's arrival and her departure was announced by the SPRC.  

Y'all keep on resisting.  And pray without ceasing ^j^

hostages and the blame game

I continue to watch Congressional hearings on a number of issues and occasionally listen to Trump's team live.  What I see is a lot of blame being placed on the Biden administration for where we are now.  Sure, he didn't need to be there any longer.  Biden's party failed those who believed in their principles and I fully embrace that.  At some point though, you cannot blame the past for the present.  Which is becoming more and more frightening.

China has the upper hand in this trade war, no doubt.  A true leader will accept what is handed to him and try to work with Congress to "fix" things.  Like the price of goods and a continuing war between Russia and Ukraine, which is, again, being blamed on Biden.  Trump promised a lot of things on day 1 and ending that war was one of them.  If that happens it will not be because of Trump but because of a not very probable honest discussion between the two countries.  We are not, and have never been, in charge of the global political climate.  To claim otherwise is stupid and delusional.  

I have been a vocal critic during these first 100 days on a lot of different issues.  One of my Trumpster "friends" always asks me "Are you better off than you were four years ago?" Before the election I said no every time.  Now? It is a hard yes.  The administration is full of people who don't have a clue about how the average American lives.  Four years ago citizens were not being rounded up and sent to horrific prisons.  These people with jobs and families believed that they would be safe and prosper in the land of the free.  Many of them pay taxes.  That money will go away when they are deported.  So will cheap labor that most Americans won't do.  I live in a big farm belt and know for a fact that migrant labor is reliable and inexpensive.  Most of them take pride in their work.  And they don't all have tattoos.  

Wow!  I'm on a roll today because I feel free to speak on this particular little corner of my world.  My friend is going to yet another march tomorrow and has asked me to come up with a slogan to put on her sign.  I know her heart so that will be easy.  What is really sad to me, is that I could not name her for "personal safety reasons."  The free press is being threatened at every turn in this administration.  It's all "fake" news if it doesn't fit the narrative in power.  I am sick of it and never thought I would see this day.  I was not alive during the McCarthy era but this sounds familiar in an old school sort of way.  I was a teenager when the first war that I knew about started.  I watched the Vietnam war on an old black and white TV along with my parents.  They didn't have much to say in the way of explaining the logistics of war.  It was brutal, and so were all the others that followed.  I admire the people who fought and served.  Yet I understand the price they paid with their sanity.  Killing is hard on a soul, even if it is the enemy.  

My Daddy is a Korean war veteran.  That was before I was ever thought of.  He was an Air Force supply guy who did time in the Azores of all places.  One of his friends was on the front lines and died having nightmares about the fear and carnage.  His wife shared that she could not "surprise " him or he would come up freaking out.  This is what war does.  Another friend and his wife were in the Army during Iraq.  She was a gunner, and he was not.  Guess what happened when it was all over?  Yeah.  

I interviewed both an Iraq and Vietnam vet when I was doing profiles for the local paper.  That was probably the happiest time of my life, ya know?  Real people and real stories.  Everybody has one and you are next.  This blog is the place for my cognitive therapy.  I learn new things about myself everytime I write.  And as they say "That's a good thing!"  Peace ^j^
  

save the puppies

Every pet that we have ever had as a family member was adopted just because that's how we roll.  Why go looking for a designer dog or cat when so many need help?  Same goes for goats and sheep and deer.  And us humans who have no rights.  Y'all don't start trolling yet.  Actually, I don't think those people bother to read my personal thoughts.  They just want to pick a fight over some random post that is against their beliefs.  Like the one about Jesus being woke.  Come on people!  Jesus was not some white blue eyed version of their beliefs.  He was a man of color because....desert.  Brown eyes and skin.  Just like so many others in this world.  To try to define He and His work as what Christianity is today is a blasphemy to me personally.

My friends from the Jehovah's Witness church came to visit again this week.  The two women invited me to their bible study group while the guy sat in the car.  She showed me a nice video about what the kingdom looks like.  As before, I was still in my robe and not feeling well.  I think the other lady got it.  She said she prayed for me to feel better.  And I did! Yesterday was a very good day with much more energy than usual.  Note to self: You can't fix it girl.  Roll with it ^j^

birth control

It was bound to happen considering the current evangelical Christian movement.  Not only is Roe v Wade history striking a blow for women's rights.  But now?  Our POTUS wants to give people money to have more babies.  "Have five or six!"  We will teach you in school about menstrual cycles and how to get pregnant at just the right time in your cycle.  More or less.  So, umm.  Considering the current economic climate who can afford to raise that many kids?  My husband and I could barely afford to raise one on our very hefty salaries back in the 80s and 90s.  We didn't think that I could get pregnant, but I did and she is a joy.  She also gave birth to one daughter and that was plenty.  More and more often I see The Handmaid's Tale becoming reality.  Only now Canada won't let us in because of you know who.  As we say in the south, "How niiiice."

I will cease and desist with arguing on the internet with trolls who have nothing to say but insults.  Y'all go ahead and help to form Gilead into a solid state.  See where that gets you, umkay?  Empty store shelves and people hanging on the wall.  If you have not read this book or seen the series, it is a serious mind blowing experience.  I have no idea where they are now because I no longer can afford Hulu.  Or Netflix.  That kind of stuff adds up!

I distinctly remember Lauren's first grade teacher telling me that she said that the comma "looked like a sperm."  That was because I began educating her early on about how babies are born.  The school didn't do that for me.  It was mom on daughter talk at an appropriate age.  Which, IMHO, should be sooner rather than later.  

The tractors and mowers have been running full steam ahead the past couple of days.  My hottie yard mowing guy showed up yesterday for the first cut of my weedy yard.  As much rain as we have had, with more coming, he will have to visit again before corporate arrives.    Such is life.  He loves me like his Mama.  

Y'all keep it in the middle of the road.  And always, keep the faith ^j^

amber

It is a beautiful spring day here on the farm.  The practitioners with the State of Tennessee blind services have hooked me up with several little tools that help.  One of those things is some amber plastic glasses that cut the glare when I am outside porch sitting and bird listening.  My back deck is the perfect spot for those things.  As I was sitting there today watching jet trails make crosses, I considered how I would be able to blog as a blind person.  There will have to be voice to text something for that to happen.  I uninstalled my phone voice recorder when I stopped writing for the State Gazette but I realized today that I will need that.  So I did another download and don't know how to make it work until Lauren gets here to fix it.  Such is life..lol.

I honestly think that since the doctor told me how bad it is, I have been grieving for what I will lose, just like my mother did.  One of my very best friends has been legally blind for many many years and has learned to adapt and thrive.  I will be asking him for more advice on the technology available.  Or anybody else who is willing and able.  Writing is my passion and always has been.  Where there is a will there is a way ^j^

the road to emmaus

The Easter celebration is over and now is the time when we must walk the walk if we believe in the risen Christ.  Like Cleopus and them, we will find Jesus talking with us along the roads in our everyday lives.  If you can show the love to the least of these and stand up for justice then you are on the right track.  So many choose to ignore these things and choose instead to chase the money and political power.  And then there is the retribution thing.  Jesus never blamed others except when there was injustice involved like with the tax collectors.  That was one of the few times he got pissed off enough to throw a tantrum.  I love me some angry Jesus!

I posted something yesterday that got me a hard line conservative Christian remark about the Bible.  Umm.  Excuse me?  I got my Daddy's right here beside me.  I read it when eyes allow but have turned instead to audio versions.  I will so miss Mary Beth's sermons but thanks be to God there is connectivity.  I can listen remotely to Franklin and enjoy the new pastor here at home.  Our little church, which used to be HUGE has been through a lot.  But you know what?  I see God at work there through the missions and ministry of the congregation.  Soon our food assistance program will move from a second floor closet to the Rhea house next door.  Much easier access for clients.  Those stairs up front are formidable.  Our leadership is also in conversation with the YMCA to offer Silver and Fit classes.  Our family life center recently housed several flood victims through the Red Cross.  We must put hands and feet on what we we believe.  You can't just visit the Pope on his last day alive and expect to gain favor.  I hope the Pope had some pain meds in his system.  Just saying.  Another person, after I posted that, said that I should not judge.  I'm sorry dear, but at some point you just have to call bullshit and do better. 

Nothing enrages me more than folks throwing the Christian name around and doing evil.  Trump's Easter message yesterday consisted of a long list of grievances and people he hates.  Again, Jesus don't like that.  Not in His name.  As a child of God, I will normally choose to just walk away and do better.  At some point though, we have to stand up and hit the road.  I'm ready ^j^

the waiting game

That space between Good Friday and Easter is a really good time to reflect on what the sacrifice was.  Your sins are forgiven.  All of 'em.  All the good Lord asks is that you do the next right thing.  Tp know that the crowd wanted to see him suffer is surreal.  What if some random Roman soldier showed him mercy?  I choose to believe that.  My home church did an annual living last supper for as long as we could manage.  I was around 40 when I watched Eddie and Dent whip one of the Jesi down to their next location.  It was a tremendous event that I shared with my daddy and a lot of friends.  That is when I became a true believer.

My friend Diane was a Baptist and when we were talking about being saved she asked "Is it like a big thing on the football field where you get chosen?"  No girl, it is in your heart. I can't wait to get to heaven and eat some of your famous sausage rotel dip ^j^

come together

As mentioned many times before, I am a centrist politically.  I have voted both parties and independently.  I am not a socialist or a left wing lunatic.  I read carefully and form my own opinions.  I wasn't really wild about Kamala running for POTUS but the alternative was what we have now.  On the road to a dictatorship.  It pains me to watch all those bitches in Trump's cabinet giving blind allegiance to a guy who wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire.  The Trump rule is this:  If you make me look good, you stay.  If not, YOU"RE FIRED!  What is happening at the Pentagon is exactly that and nobody seems to understand the fact that they are our first line of defense.  Not Elon and SpaceX.  Not ICE or the FBI.  It's the freaking Pentagon y'all..I suspect that the heads that rolled there were somehow being punished by taking licks for Vance et al on that shared chat.  It's not a big splashy headline like it would have been had Hegseth or those others been held accountable.  

And then there is that guy being held after a kidnap by ICE in our new BFF's prison.  According to all the powers that be, including both presidents, he will never be returned.  If you believe that it can't happen to you personally?  I have some great property to sell.  Maybe the Elvis mansion.  It was a mistake, just like the group chat.  It's sloppy government on a mission.  Some bad ass somewhere was so ready to lock 'em up that they didn't check the paperwork.  This is how the Trump administration works.  From out of nowhere they get us scared and then blame it on the main stream media.  I don't watch any of it anymore because it's too much for my soul.  There are recaps the next day on YouTube.  And yes, I watch congressional hearings.  MTG and her bad self continue to rant on making baseless claims and feeding the frenzy.  

Watching House of Cards helped me to realize how dangerous politics can be.   Frank was a Dem from SC and the most heartless mofo you could ever imagine.  But the moral remains.  People in power who are narcissitic are dangerous no matter what their political affiliation.  All of those people that Frank killed were just following his lead until they failed to serve his purpose.  Then....boom  You're gone.  And you think it can't happen to you.  I won't be happy when it does because that is democracy dying.  If ICE rounds me up for prison because of my beliefs well, I'd rather not be supposedly "free."  I will always believe in the constituion of this country and our capability to be a strong nation.  

Maybe when I go to jail, y'all can send me letters.  Keep the faith for Good Friday.  Sunday is coming ^j^

oscar and libby _

We lived in Charlie's house for over 30 years and many of our beloved pets are buried in that yard.  Once upon a time my daddy rented Virginia's house to some folks that were uh...kind of not right.  They lived down the road for seven years and were frankly, quite strange.  I would hear head banging music blaring even inside our house.  Like shaking the windows.  The family would occasionally walk by pushing mom in a wheelchair to God knows where.  One time mama took off walking to somewhere after surgery and they thought she was at my house.  She had indeed come to my house a few times before just to get away from the madness down there.  This particular day they brought her some meds and a drink and I don't know what, and left it all on my porch swing. There was never a dull moment with the law and whatnot.  And I did not feel safe.  At all.

Oscar was being abused down there and came up to my house for rescue with a huge chunk out of his back.  We doctored it and he healed, but they did it again.  That was when I called the shelter to report abuse.  Dude said "She can have him.  I can't even afford to feed my family."  And so, he was adopted forever by me and LP.  A small black and white terrier mix with scars came to us for refuge.  And he found it.  

Many years later when the crazy people were gone and I had good neighbors Oscar met their dog Libby.  Oscar loved nothing more than trotting down the lane to visit his girlfriend from outside.  Libby would jump up by the window just to have Oscar time, though remotely.  They often played outside together with the ducks and the geese and the giant bunny.  Never a dull moment there, either.  The couple has one daughter who was 7 at the time and I spent plenty of time in their garden with all the kids.  We all became friends and still are to this day.  

Oscar died last year in my arms with the help of a caring vet who does housecalls.  I sobbed on the bathroom floor as he gave him the shot that ended his pain.  He gently carried him out to his truck and took him to the office for cremation.  I could not bear to bury another one.  Libby died yesterday at home with her humans.which is the way they wanted it.  Sammy D passed away one night in the other room to spare me from the event.  They know you like a book.  Gerald buried him for me, in the cold and rain, because I was about one month post-op from the huge belly surgery.  That's what friends do, ya' know?

Of course there was Faith who fell dead off the futon one night from pyometra.  And Butterbean who got paralyzed because Faith pushed her bitty rat terrier ass off the front steps.  That was where I found a yard guy spraying the puppies in the flower bed.  I could go on and on but I won't.  Because this is a love story about Oscar and Libby.  As it should be ^j^

and so it goes

I feel betrayed, and I know I am not alone.  After reading a chilling article outlining what Project 2025 is all about, I regret that I didn't pay attention last year.  Not that it would have mattered because it is what it is.  Voters decided that in November.   PS.  Let's just say it involves Musk and Russia.  It was a breakdown, per se, about what is in our future and how to best prepare.  Having a techno billionaire on your side never hurts.  The plan is already unfolding with thousands of federal employees being laid off or resigning because they can't stomach  what is happening.  And who betrayed me?  Both the Democratic and Republican parties, in different ways.  I won't go into that because I have talked about it until it's a moot issue.  Oddly enough, I do not feel betrayed by anybody who is an active part of my life.  I just finished a job that lasted about 3 weeks and ended because my help was no longer needed due to a positive turn in the client's health.  That makes me happy, believe it or not.  It is the nature of that vocational choice.

I think that home caregivers are a special breed and so are the clients.  Imagine losing your independence to the point that there are people in your house all the time.  No alone time.  No driving.  One of the things that limits me now is that I have vision problems to the extent that I was told NOT to drive.  And I damn sure obeyed.  It's not fair to others to keep on and on when it's not safe for yourself or others.  I have bonded with so many families over the years that I feel my time has been well spent.  Everybody loves their mama'n'them!  My parents detested having Ms. Faye here for 2 hours a day....that is, until lunch time.  Then she was daddy's BFF.

Anywho, back to Holy Week.  day 4.  Judas betrays Jesus by tipping off the religious leaders.  That was essentially the beginning of the end in this drama.  To think that Jesus knew this was all coming and went to Jerusalem anyway is the gift.  He knew he was going to die.  In his thirties.  For his belief in God.  Let that sink in.  This is what I personally believe but my psyche is not so fragile that I don't leave room for the beliefs of others.  

I will not be one to say "I told you so" when all these authoritarian acts affect YOU.  It won't bring me great joy at all.  It's just that I see it coming and you don't.  I pray that I am wrong.  Keep the faith ^j^

triumphal entry

It is Holy Week and I am traveling with Jesus and his followers toward the cross.  I had some surprise visitors this morning who just pulled in the driveway and knocked on the door.  Guess who?  Nobody but Jehovah's witnesses does that.  I had a nice conversation with this elderly couple on my porch, even though it was freezing and I had on a robe and shorts!  The guy was ready with his phone with scripture in case I didn't have a Bible.  When I fetched the one that was Daddy's the lady proceeded to read the sciptures from there.  They want to come back.  I know the car,

I admittedly know very little about this Christian denomination so I googled it and found that there are several things different.  First of all, no Holy Spirit.  There's just God up there running the show without spiritual intervention.  And no to all worldy things like alcohol, drugs, nicotine etc.  Modest dress so as not to entice others to sin.  

I am a Methodist so the trinity is something near and dear to me.  I have felt the spirit move in so many ways..Daddy and Billy Yates always said "Leave room for the spirit to work."   I tend to be an impatient person so that one is often tough for me personally.  However, when I think back over the times that God has spoken to me by delaying gratification, I am humble.  Whatever he has planned for me is better than I want right damn now.  It is often in hindsight that we see how things were really meant to unfold.

My daughter has been looking for a full time job for months now in the worst economy ever.  She has two interviews scheduled and a part time job that she loves.  We have bonded and talked about God much more during this time together without a clue what we would do.  And we still don't know what to do, but trust in divine guidance to get us there.  Prayer is essential.  I think my visitor's were surprised that I knew the Lord's Prayer.  She talked meet  through it and highlighted the "kingdom of heaven" here on earth.  And also that the end is near.  That was in response to her direct question "Do you feel comfortable with the way the world is today?"  I struggled for a few minutes and admitted that I am not.  So much is going on right now and so few people are standing up for the injustice.  There are true battles raging on every front. 

My friend Chuck said to his daughter "Sometimes Lent has teeth!
And this year, it has for sure.  Two weeks of heavy storms and flooding have worn us out.  Yet, we are alive and well for another round of gratitude and mercy.  Hosanna Lord ^j^

I can only imagine

I had never heard that song from Mercy Me until my co-worker Jason propped himself up on the bench at work with his guitar.  It became one of my favorite videos of all time.  Michael W Smith became another favorite.  I was raised in a church where we only sang the usual Old Rugged Cross sort of stuff.  As I have aged, I embrace contemporary Christian music thanks to Jason Denman.  He was a medical technologist who figured out early on that there is no money in doing hospital work because the pay is pitiful for MTs.  We earned Bachelor Degrees the hard way at allied health facilities and well...nursing got all the big bucks.  I have no ill will about that because they are at the center of the universe when it comes to caring for patients.  

Nurses do not only work in the hospital or office setting.  Many of them do home health or hospice care.  A good home health team includes a nurse, a PT and lots of others.  Bath folks.  Sitters.  OT and PT and many others.  Mobile x-ray techs.  DME suppliers.  Spiritual advisers and neighbors.  When push comes to shove, we believe in making life easier for those who are in need.   This week of being homebound has been a challenge.  We all get impatient when we can't just get up and go.  But, it has been a healing time for me.  I have had everything I need thanks to friends and family.  

Anyway, it's just a thought as Belle would say,  Y'all don't stop believing ^j^

the methodist way

We are based on the legacy of pastors being moved often and that is the reality of being UMC.  It is the way we work according to the Wesleyan tradition.  In the early days circuit riders went from church to church spreading the gospel.  Now they go by car but the message is still the same.  My pastor at DFUMC is moving on to do good things at another church and I am pretty sad about that.  However, I know that she and her husband will always be my friends wherever they are.  She has guided out local congregation through some very tough times including COVID and a disaffiliation vote that failed.  During the pandemic we had parking lot church with she and the worship team delivering the message from a trailer.  That took a lot of effort and faith on their part.  Her leadership and commitment to our church has been strong as she urged our congregation to think outside of the box and listen to what Jesus would do.  Her take on the parables are my favorite thing about her sermons.  Mary Beth and her husband Jay came here six years ago and we have weathered a lot of storms since then.  

When I had the big ass surgery in 2020 that resulted in my colostomy she talked me off the ledge more than once.  As I woke up in ICU at Baptist East, I was surrounded by she and Dell King and a whole lot of friends in a prayer circle around me.  After I went to rehab in Dyersburg, she had to come check on me because I was wanting to leave AMA.  You don't forget things like that.

Y'all go check your retirement savings and keep the faith ^j^

let's make a deal

I don't have any money in the stock market and what is happening right now is the very reason that I don't.  Well, besides the fact that I don't have the extra income to buy in.  However, I feel the pain of so many Americans who are looking to retire and can't because of the turmoil caused by Trump's tariffs. From what I have seen at congressional hearings, everybody is upset.  There is a way for this to be normalized if Congress steps in and takes away his total power over trade decisions.  Will that happen?  I don't have a clue but I hope so.  Trump tells us all to "stay cool."  Those were his exact words.  Right, dude.  On top of ripping up the constitution in a matter of two months, he has managed to screw up the global economy.  Even Jamie Dimon says that a recession will happen.  The losers in all of this are the American consumers who are already beginning go pay more for goods and services.  Small businesses are about to go under.  Farmers will have no where to sell their crops.  Tourism will tank.  And we the little people will not be able to afford Trump's favorite word "groceries."  I already can't afford much because I am living on Social Security.  I am also not able to work my part time job because I am flooded in here on Samaria Bend Rd.  Time will tell when the rivers allow us here to get out and on with day to day business.  

The one upside to being trapped is that I have slept very well.  When you can't plan or go anywhere there is nothing much to do but rest and "go with the flow" literally.  The Forked Deer hit crest yesterday and is very slowly dropping but not enough for safe passage.  The rest depends on what the rivers upstream do, like the Ohio and Mississippi.  Around 40 people have been evacuated from this flood and some of them are staying at the Family Life Center at Dyersburg FUMC hosted by the Red Cross.  Bogota is under mandatory evacuation.  In past years I had friends that I could stay with when this happened.  Things have changed since then to where I don't feel comfortable imposing on them.

I am not a trade expert by any means but I feel that what is happening now is going to lead to disaster.  Trump sees it as a game like The Apprentice where he can control things. In addition to "You're fired!"  it is "I know what the hell I'm doing." Which is pretty questionable at this point.  Slowly but surely folks in Congress are seeing this and many are worried about mid terms.  What do they say to their constituents when it all goes to hell in a handbasket?  While it would be nice if they did the next right thing for moral reasons, I will embrace their fears of being primaried.  

Lauren has been sharing soothing music with me from her home base in Jackson to get me through the flood.  And she reassures me daily that we will be okay, in spite of it.  Keep the faith friends ^j^

come together

We are here on day 3 of the biggest flood since 2010 and the water won't be going anywhere soon.  The Forked Deer is at flood stage, expected to crest during tonight BUT the Mississippi is not cresting until the weekend so our water here can't go anywhere.  Same for the Obion.  This is a massive flood event and not just here, but also in other southern states.  I sincerely hope that FEMA still has some money.

Our stupid state legislature passed something that will urge kids to "get married and have kids."  OMG.  You cannot legislate that...it is a personal choice.  But they are trying here in good old red Tennessee.  

My neighbors have been great about helping out.  There is one guy who can get in and out.  He made a run for me yesterday.  Clara has a house down the road where here chickens are and she brought me some eggs.  We rally around each other and talk about past floods.  This is a big one for the record books.

I had to call in for work on Monday night and will probably not make it for my Thursday shift.  That ain't good for the bank account, ya' know?  As my brother says "It is what it is."  In the grand scheme of what's going on, it's not major.   Our economy is tanking and our freedoms are vanishing.  According to the powers that be we should just hang tight for six months to a year for the magic to happen.  Meanwhile, Trump is planning a multimillion dollar military parade for his birthday.  SMH and cry emogi.

Lauren is staying in Jackson until she can get back here.  We talked this morning about positivity and whatnot.  We are great cheerleaders for each other when times are hard.  And when things are good?  We are grateful.  Y'all do the same ^j^

 

the water is wide

Well, hell.  As I expected the Forked Deer has cross my road on the by-pass end.  Yesterday it was passable by truck but not today.  I watched as my neighbor went by with a boat to take his kids to school.  His father in law is bringing a tractor so that we can get out in an emergency.  I cannot tell you how many times we have lived this scenario.  The north fork of the Forked Deer river surrounds this farm and actually, the entire southern part of Dyersburg.  Hwy 51 business through South Dyersburg is underwater as well.  So is Hwy 210 from Fowlkes to 412.  From my house I can see the water glistening in the sun!  Deja vu.

This is my first flood at this house.  I lived about a mile away when the big one came in 2010 and that was a humdinger.  Water was halfway up the hill on the road to my house and stayed there for days.  I remember Lauren and I walking down to the dairy barn for a good look and it was massive.  The water eventually got so high that even a tractor could not get through.  We are used to it just like the residents of Southtown.  One of the problems is that the Forked Deer feeds into the Mississippi and it is rising as well.  We shall see.  

I have watched a lot of the protest videos and it gave me a little happy moment to see all those folks standing up.  Of course there were counter protestors saying ""Long live the king!" but that's part of it.  It was all peaceful from what I have heard and seen.  There is power in numbers and now is the time to stand up or go down with the ship.  Hopefully Congress will step up and do damage control.  You know, mid terms and getting primaried and all that good stuff.  

My trolls don't read this blog obviously or they would be all over it.  Most of them cut and past their own narrative or share memes rather than reading anything that resembles critical thinking.  They follow whatever he does and say hell to the yeah.  I am not a follower in that respect.  I read news from both sides of the aisle and it appears to me that Republicans are kind of worried about our state of affairs.  Yet not many of them have the balls to stand up.

So, here we are on a Marvelous Monday.  Y'all be safe and do the next right thing ^j^

  

a wee little man

Mary Beth's sermon today was about the little tax collector who climbed a tree in Jericho to see Jesus.  After that meeting he changed his ways.  I wonder how many folks in this day and time would do the same.  Certainly not the current administration.  As Belle would say, "It's just a thought."  She is strictly a news reporter on the state of our union.  Which ain't looking good, by the way.  As a chief tax collector the wee little man was not very popular. But he eventually got the meassage.

The storms are over for now and it has been a rough 5 days for the South.  Now we look at river levels to see where the floods are.  Hwy 210 from Fowlkes to  412 is closed from what I read.  That's because of that low spot down by the Forked Deer.  Get on 412 in town!  Next will be Southtown and the Mississippi bottoms.  That is more bad news for local farmers in addition to the tariff thing.  wWe shall see how many honest folks are in Congress.  Mr. Smith, where are you when we need ya'.

My faith tells me that all will be okay.  It's a day by day thing and I should probably watch less YouTube and get ready for spring planting.  Hostas are already up in addition to all the other transplants.  The expensive hydrangea didn't make it because I didn't dig a deep enough hole.  Note to self:  Dig deeper!I think we will see the sun tomorrow.  Maybe.  Hopefully.  I like the sound of thunder but really?  This has been a bit much.  

So.  What do we do if we think that our country is going in the wrong direction?  I say we stand back up and hit the streets.  Protest peacefully about what is happening.  Unless you are a gazillionaire life is about to go down the toilet here.  I was actually surprised to get my SS payment this month.  And blessed.  

Take off all your hats and speak proudly and loudly about unethical behavior.  Feed the poor.  Tax the rich.  Do the next right thing ^j^

hands off

Today is the appointed time to voice your umm....unhappiness over what this federal administration is doing to us.  Of course POTUS is playing golf again so he won't have to be bothered with it.  The closest rally to me was in Jackson and the weather is kinda' dicey so I am doing my part at home.  I've been trying to find a live feed of the Jackson march but it must have been censored.  Good news travels slowly ya' know.  In the middle of a 5 day long monsoon, I am sitting here in my Bernie Sanders hoodie protesting virtually.  That way I don't get sent to El Salavador.  I hope.  I would kill myself before being treated like that.  

The tariffs have rocked our world in so many ways and Trump says his actions are final.  We shall see.  With all the lost money for people who are looking forward to retirement, he may have to reconsider.  Even Repulicans say that it should go before Congress.  I have never been a big fan of Rand Paul, but he is standing up and being bi-partisan.  So is Mitch.  Slowly but surely, for whatever reason, representatives are attempting to work across the aisle to get us out of this mess.  Our democracy is not a game show except for the "You're fired!" part.  What really blows my mind is the way that so many folks still drink the koolaid.  Do they now know that this will affect them too? No.  because they think his highness will deliver them from the Democrats.  Pretty sad, in my opinion.  

There have been times in history.....many of them, where Dems and the GOP worked together for our country.  Now is not that time.  The Democratic party is at fault as well for not standing up and insisting that Biden be taken out of office sooner than six months before a major election. They threw Kamala under the train just like Frank Underwood did to his victims.  It happens on both sides.

I feel pretty grateful not to be involved with all of that.  I don't expect to live that much longer so I would love to be able to eat fresh food and enjoy life here on the farm in my golden years.  I am about 10 years younger than our POTUS and idk how many years older than his imported wife.  One of my trolls accused us dems of being sore "losers" . Honey please.  You are preaching at the wrong person.  He also accused me of being a part of everybody not getting along.  He mentioned something like hatred and whatnot.  Dude please!

It's all out of my control but I will stand back up when it counts.  You can be assured of that ^j^
looser 

there goes the 'gentral

Welp corporate America.  Y'all are officially screwed as of "Liberation Day."  These tariffs will cut short your profits on foreign goods made with slave labor.  We have not been raped and taken advantage of by these countries of which you speak, Donald.  Your cabinet is crumbling under your feet while you play Big Ike with the world.  I saw it coming, but I didn't know it would be this scary.  

I live in Nortwest Tennessee which is currently under a severe weather watch for the next three days.  Round two is about to cross the Big Muddy and on and on until who knows when.  Then it stalls and we get bigly rain that will produce flooding.  It is planting season for all areas affected so that will be a challenge to get the crop in.  Around here we get backwater from the tributaries of the Mighty Mississippi including the Forked Deer.  It has only been a month since South Dyersburg was flooded.  Oretty soon, goodbye Dodges.  

In 2010 we had the big one that trapped us on Council Road.  Bubba called me and said that the headwater was coming and to go get supplies.  Twenty minutes later we had to catch a ride in the back of Clara's work truck to get up the hill.  After that, nothing could pass through, even a tractor.  The water finally went away and we got back to real life.  That was a pretty magical time for me and LP.  All we had was each other and the neighbors.  James took Daddy up to the by-pass in a boat so he could go see the doctor that he later left because Mama got in a mood over a Medicare statement.  She was like that about things that mattered.

RFK is gonna let it "run the course" through the Avian flu deal so, umm.  That ain't good since he's all anti-vax.  I do believe that the Covid shots kept me from dying, but they also took a physical toll on my kidneys.   I figure that  plus Prolia did me in on that deal.  Sometimes you need to just stop treating and start living.  

Since I began this post two days ago, the stock market has crashed and Trump is gone for a long weekend of golf.  Also, the South has been hit with multiple waves of tornadic weather that is far from over.  The biggest threat when it's over is flooding of local rivers.  This farm is totally surrounded by the north fork of the Forked Deer which means we may get trapped again.  

All of this is in God's hands, so keep the faith ^j^

stand (back) up

I was raised in a Repulican family and voted that way many times in my life.  I can guarantee you my parents are rolling over in their graves concerning what is happening right now.  The shift to downsizing began when my father was still a USDA employee.  They closed the Dyersburg office and he was required to travel for several years before he could retire.  He went to inspect the Cuban boat people coming over to make sure there were no plants riding over with them. That was the year Lauren was born and he was in Florida on Thanksgiving.  We took a family pic of the three month old first grandchild posed with the rest of us.  There was California sometime during those days and other inconvenient places for a guy who just wanted to be at home with his cows.  He retired as early as he could at the age of 55  to much hoorah.  I don't remember when the dinner was, but I was there.  His years in the Air Force gave him enough time to be able to do that. He was still manager of the farm for many years.  Tim Bruce took his job and ended up doing airport duty in Memphis.

Daddy loved his job and his country.  Raised as a depression era kid, son of a tenant farmer, he survived growing up with three sisters out toward Roellen.  When he fell out of the barn loft and broke his arms, the sisters had to wipe his butt.  True story!  He was somewhere in the middle, age wise.  My favorite picture of his family is all of them gathered as young people.  Sister died first from colon cancer and was followed by Ginner and then Daddy.  Katherine Rose is the only surviving child of that brood.  And she is 90. We talk occasionally.  I will spare y'all the details of all the other deaths in the family.  They were numerous, just like with all families.

There are not many of us Staffords left.  Me, Bubba, Tommy, Susan and Pepper.  Plus LP and Reaves and Adam and Peyton.  Mama and Daddy were gifted with three grandchildren but never got to see Elizabeth Reaves.  They had been gone for several years when she was born.  Dat baby seriously loves being here on the farm.  I have moved since she was born from "the old house" to the "new old house."  We lived in Charlie's house for 34 years before it was remodel time.  Then I came back home to the cabin.  There is a spot over on the ancient handmade stairs where LP once sat with Bubba waiting for Thanksgiving dinner.  Precious stuff.  

I assume I will die while I am living here because where am I gonna go?  I cannot see to drive so my daughter takes me to where I need to go.  I still have to work because um...well you know.  My side job since retirement has been reporter/sitter/errand runner/you name it.  During the 80s I became very interested in palliative end of life care.  It's all about comfort and reviewing the life that is about to be gone.  My clients and I have talked a lot over the years about their memories.  During my three years of Joy I learned all about her life from East TN over here to West TN where she was a social worker at the local hospital.  That is actually how we met.  I was an employee there and both of my parents were volunteers.  Gaga helped to establish the gift shop that is no longer in operation.  

Sometimes I worry about what we are leaving for future generations.  But then, I know that God is in control and it will all be okay if I do the next right thing.  That is faith in action ^j^