gratitude

Day by day is a mantra for me.  Things get tough but I am forever humbled by the life I have been given, imperfect and all.  I'm retired and living in the homeplace thanks to my heritage.  It's kind of junky right now but I'm working on it. Along with gratitude comes humility.  Jesus met the sick where they were and healed them on the spot.  His miracles and parables are what keep me from giving up.  I can be kind of stupid on occasion.  My therapist tells me not to be so hard on myself.  Everybody messes up at one time or another.  What counts is when somebody reaches out and takes your hand.  No preaching or judgement, just worship and prayer.

Been talking to my buddy Jimmy about life and such.  He actually suggested a story about an old Dyersburg band in the 'burg.  He knows it by heart because he was a drummer first and then a lead vocalist.  There were all kinds of famous people up in there like uh...y'all can name them.  I believe that Larry Mack, Butch Pritchett and Tommy Cathey were involved.  Jimi Jamison and Gary Hager.  I guess you had to be there!  

I would be remiss to omit Tommy Criswell my dear friend.  He's dead also.  But you know what?  Those were the days when we looked forward to dancing at the American Legion or wherever.  There was a venue right down the highway from me and I went down once or twice but it burned.  Help a girl out and give me the name. We are a southern tradition of rivers and bridges and tacky trailers on the side of the road.  We went to Halls on 210 today and marveled at the old two lane that is shut off when the water's up.  We got all the business done and were in and out in 10 minutes.  After that we went to the sheriff's office to pick up a short version of what happened yesterday as reported by me to a very nice officer.  All day long I was asking for an investigator because it was kind of complicated what with the cyber criminals.  I heard there was a lot of drama out on the streets.

I saw two TBI agents in the Chick yesterday while picking up lunch.  There was this huge guy with an Air Doc shirt on.  He didn't look like much of a flight guy and as it turned out, he was HVAC. Alrighty then!   That place is busy busy.  I hear they're adding another drive through lane but uh...where?  That one is backed up in a circle around the building.  I just park in the lot and go in and see Debra and Christine and that cute little guy who serves the tables.  I've watched him from day one and he can carry two trays now.  I didn't notice until yesterday that there's a play space.  Handy!

This old girl is grateful for a lot things like Faith, Joy, Peace and Love.  Let us all reflect during the Lenten season about those 40 days in the desert and wilderness ^j^

the internet hates me

I woke up this morning all ready for my AM time on the laptop and found that suddenly all my passwords were gone and I was "paused" on Google.  I am un-paused but still can't get into Facebook on the laptop or email on my phone.  Modern dilemmas! I suspect malware and Meta getting ready to charge us for what has been free.  Just my opinion though.

At church last night there was a huge crowd of folks ready to cast ballots.  I saw folks that I haven't seen in years and some that I see every Sunday.  In the end, the vote reflected that a 2/3 majority did not pass the disaffiliation proposal.  It was kinda' sad knowing that I will never worship with some of them again. But you know what?  We're still friends on the journey of life.

I haven't given anything up for Lent except for mean people.  Ain't got time for that.  There's lots of them out there.  I have watched a bit of Alex Murdaugh's testimony and seriously?  What does he hope to gain from that.  Even if he is found not guilty of murdering his family, the other crimes are enough to put him away for life.  Fraud.  Money laundering.  Stealing the housekeeper's settlement.  And on and on.  

Fast forward to today.  Lauren came yesterday evening and we sorted through her clothes and stuff.  There appears to be things missing like a jewelry box with family heirlooms.  Me and Lorna got there at the last minute to scoop it all up but I don't remember seeing that particular item.  Perhaps some kind soul saved it for her.  We went to different churches today and hers sounded pretty cool.  She got to hold a chocolate lab puppy like Faith once was during the whole service.  As for me, our congregation seemed to be happy and hopeful that the worst is over.  It was the usual faithful crowd minus the ones who left.  I actually got goose bumps when the choir performed their anthem.  

I am focusing more now on writing and such....maybe a side gig besides that.  It's just me so I have to figure it out, Lord willing.  I do know that my mental health is first and foremost.  And that's what counts ^j^

connectional

My family, on the Reaves and Hamilton sides, have been members of the Dyersburg Methodist Church for about 150 years, give or take a decade.  The current property is in limbo over a vote that happens on Thursday evening.  The process that brought us to this point has been prayerful and a lot of work for those who were on the discernment team and we as the congregation.  Other Methodist churches are dealing with the same scenario.  

IMHO this is much ado about nothing.  The UMC book of discipline has been changed several times over this century to allow women pastors and such.  This particular item regarding homosexuality has been defeated twice at the global conference level.  About half of the UMC members are African and Filipino and they do not like gay anything.   The vote has failed twice at the global level and the anti-gay members are growing in number.  

My friends and I have talked about this at length.  How do you know for sure that someone is gay?  How do you know how many there have committed adultery?  Both are supposedly forbidden in the Holy Bible, yet we pick and choose which commandments to follow.  We choose who to judge according to our own biases and beliefs.  I don't know about y'all but I believe that Big Ernie is the judge and I'll wait my turn at the pearly gates.  

Those who honestly seek the will of God will study and be informed and create their own theology, but they don't try to cram it down somebody's throat.  I have attended several non-denominational churches and I have to admit that when they started kicking over tables with homosexuality and abortion rights, I vowed never to go back.  It was charismatic and dramatic to the hilt.  I felt literally sick at my stomach.

There will be an official vote tomorrow evening and I will be there to cast my ballot.  And I will leave and wait to be notified of the results.  I trust the people who are handling the whole thing and it is being done appropriately.  We have 600ish members by profession of faith or transfer.  It will require a 2/3 vote to leave the UMC.  I have to give credit to Will Bird for educating all of us with his SS lesson last week.  Others have done their best to share their emotions about this event.  But ya' know what?  The damage has been done and Jesus wept.

I need some sage to burn and ash myself but I'm smooth out.  Y'all be faithful and always remember who you are ^j^

 

when the heart waits

All credits belong to Sue Monk Kidd whose book by that title I am currently reading.  I ordered it because I loved The Secret Life of Bees.  When the heart waits addresses mid-life crisis or ANY crisis for that matter as an opportunity to sit back, let go and let God.  And wait.  Because waiting is the hardest part.  We don't know how to be still and listen for the still small voices of the universe because we're all so "busy."  Being retired is a blessing in that respect but I am still one to be up and moving until bedtime.  My only escape is writing and that's killing my shoulders.  Perhaps I should paint with broad strokes and get unwound. 

I am watching the last of today's sunset and it's a sight for sore eyes following two very rainy days.  It's still cold though.  I'm hoping that tonight's 26 will be the last for awhile.  When I got home I hauled the garbage can up to the house.  I mean it had only been sitting there for two days.  I am only one person!  I remember the kind physical therapist who hauled it back and forth for me after my surgery.  That was way beyond his job description, ya know?  At the hospital they always told us to ask what a patient needs and if we can't do it, get somebody else.  Tell the nurse.  This type of front line pro-active care is what should be happening everywhere.  I have been lost as a goose in more than one facility and was fortunate to find folks who would walk me to where I needed to be.  Hats off to the north hospital in Jackson.  

LP will be here tomorrow to dig through all the stuff me and Lorna hauled.  Most of it is clothes which she will need because she's going back to work next week.  It's been an amazing recovery once she got past the first week of pain.  She and Reaves are seeing each other regularly and everybody's getting along.  I love it when that happens.  

My next submission is about my dear friend Mary Gwyn Bowen who is a retired nurse and botanical art teacher.  I called her last night to nail down some details and ended up having a long talk about her history.  We met in junior high and our mothers worked together at The Dyersburg Mirror.  Mary Lee was managing editor and Mom was the society editor.  That was back in the day when people put their wedding pictures and a complete write up in the paper.  She had a Volkswagen van that was perfect for our hippie selves.  Daddy adopted a dog that got run over at their house named Hannibal.  That poor thing suffered with seizures until he died but we loved him.  There is a picture somewhere of a young Tommy sitting on the ground next to Daddy with Hannibal in the front.

I am grateful for the technology that allows us to communicate quickly but I also realize that elderly folks who don't have "help", as Ms. Annie called it, are lost in the shuffle of modern life.  My parents couldn't have figured out a healthcare portal if somebody held a gun to their heads.  I was their advocate and was blessed to be in the loop.  So many don't have a clue.

I missed church last Sunday and I'm looking forward to being there this weekend.  I have a lot of questions that need to be answered before I vote.  To be realistic, this thing could go either way.  I'm just waiting like Sue Monk Kidd and being still.  In the Bible there was a whole lot of patience by people who didn't think they had a chance until they acknowledged that Higher Power.  And God always sent signs.  Still does ^j^    

 

 

fooled around and fell in love

My first kiss came around the time of my first real date.  Jack Mallard kissed me in the bushes and Steve Sembler took me to homecoming as a teenager.  Of course his parents drove because we were only 14.  There was a mum and everything!  I didn't kiss many boys after that.

In high school I was everybody's buddy, hands down.  I had a couple of crushes there but they are both in heaven.  As a senior I was seeing a very sweet guy who sent me roses and wrote letters.  When I went in to have my belly cut open for gallbladder surgery this other guy showed up with poetry.  Things that he had written just for me.  I fell hard and fast.  Butch came to D'burg straight from Chicago and I was really intrigued.  He got the prize that I had been saving for true love.  We were so totally alike in the ways that count.  

When I went to college in Memphis for two years he was there and we carried on until it was over and I graduated.  My plans were to work at Gaston but I knew that was a foolish decision because it was based on being close to him.  Besides, I hate Micro!  Barbara Shaw hired me at the big hospital to plate in cultures and I even put down a deposit on an apartment in what is now a shady area of Memphis.  Daddy rented the truck and we piled it all in there.  You should have seen his face when I told him I wasn't leaving.  Talk about mad!

Parkview Hospital hired me in 1977 as a Medical Technologist at $4.92 an hour.  I fell in love a shit ton of times there but I digress.  There is something about working together and the way you know like they know.  I retired from there five years ago and several sales later.  My main area of responsibility was the transfusion service, as in....keep a good stock and have a way to get it to where it needs to be.  Surgeons are the worst about getting in trouble and being ugly with the blood bank.  There is a lot of paperwork involved to CYA.  Once upon a time this lady just a bit older than me went to the OR and died in recovery.  That root cause meeting was the worst experience of my life because it was us against them trying to justify her death and there was no excuse.  The hospital settled with her family and the whole thing went away.  There was one nurse who stayed with her when she crashed and she was traumatized being alone as this woman went to Jesus.   She did what she could but.....

Healthcare is broken y'all.  Most of the dedicated practitioners are either retiring or making a plan to.  I had a nice visit with a social worker today through my kidney doctor.  She promised to try to help me with the co-pay on Prolia and checked my BP.  137/73.  You go girl.

I am seriously trying to crack on judging people because I ain't God.  I may think that I know their motives but that is not for me to say.  I figure karma will sort it all out in the end.

Keeping the faith ^j^

and i'm sad

I missed church on Sunday and was able to watch the service this evening.  There is a lot of drama going on there right now what with the name calling and threatening over a vote to disaffiliate or not.  I do not get it y'all.  It's not a football game where somebody wins the Superbowl.  This is about community and the Kingdom of God.  Lest ye forgot, Jesus turned over a few tables in anger once upon a time.  

More dead school kids, 3 to be exact.  5 others are injured in critical condition because some spaced out mental health case gone wrong got his hands on guns and ammo.  We are responsible for that as a nation.  The NRS rules the roost.  The other side preaches about how guns don't kill people.  Considering the number of whackjobs out there with legally purchased automatic weapons, I disagree.

It is my parents' anniversary in heaven.  They planned it to get married at the church when Daddy was on leave from the Air Force in Korea.  Mama convinced him to go to the Methodist church when I was about two years old.  He was raised up Southern Baptist, ya' know.  For all the years after that he and Mama had us there in the row with them every week.  Daddy was in the choir so he came to sit with us after the anthem. Both of the boys slept through it.  

One of my most vivid memories is of the pulpit exchange with Reg Mallet from England.  I was still young and that was an exciting thing.  Wesleyans always appreciate the British.  Mama sold her wedding china to go on a trip there with her girlfriends.  She had a ball!

For a lot of reasons I'm sad.  I think that's pretty normal if you're a realistic type person who acknowledges loss and grieves appropriately.  I've found that when I don't?  It all comes out sideways as anger or depression.  

Spring is coming kids.  Maybe one more week of cold and we can cross the finish line.  Several years ago me and Lorna did an asparagus bed in the back yard all layered up with cardboard and dirt.  That was the very same year I had a farmhand to turn over my huge asparagus bed and kill it.  I ain't lying. That really made me sad!  Me and my husband planted it 30 years ago.  

On my walks down and up Pecan Lane I have seen wild asparagus growing from the days when there was a whole field of it across from mine and Charlie's old house.  That was where I watched my dementia headed daddy trying to round the cattle up slapping on the truck door and driving like a maniac.  They got sold shortly after.  Charlie's house also has lots of peonies from back in the day when they shipped them all over the country.  There was a chute to the basement where the flowers were packed for transport.  And a pond out back with swans.  I can thank Ms. Mary Crawford for that memory.

I hope somebody gave you a Valentine's happy....a smile or hug or candy.  My buddy Joy ate all of her little box for breakfast.  And you know what?  That's what it's all about ^j^

cotton candy sunset

I went to Jackson to see my girls today.  Thanks to constructive co-parenting and BFFs we managed a lunch date at Rock'n'dough where Reaves ate nothing and climbed under the table in our booth because she wanted to sit by all of us.  I tipped the waitress good because we took up space for a LONG time and she was super sweet.    After that, things went downhill. You have a five year old kid who has two mommies and doesn't know which one is real.  They both are Elizabeth.  One gave birth to you and I was there when it happened.  Me and the CRNA had mama held down on both shoulders during the section.  They knocked her out then and handed you to me.

There were a lot of complications following your birth so I was there quite often.  Daddy stopped by every day to say hi to his punkin.  You were an inquisitive baby who loved everybody and you're next.  On the rocks outside of Talbot I watched you learn to walk and then run.  I could barely keep up!  You are my one and only grandchild and that is important to remember.  What you do with your life is up to you.  You can make a change or act out like an idiot.  You are more than that, ya' know?  You are loved and cherished by your families.  That is enough.  

You have a lot of mothers in this world.  I'm the grand one and there are the others who dedicate their lives to raising you up right.  You get to go see Mickey and Minnie on spring break and I know you will be over the moon!  I have never been there but your mama called me one time from a church trip on a giant phone.  She and Kimo got in a little trouble but not bad.  Hey....they were 13.

Someday YOU will be 13 and making decisions about your life along with your parents.  I'm not one but I'm Gaga so here you go:

always tell the truth

be kind

accept others where they are

know your boundaries

prepare for the worst with faith

love one another

be humble

enjoy nature

grow things

keep the faith ^j^

jesus saves

There's an old joke about Jesus and the devil being in a typing contest and Jesus wins because "he saves."  I thought of that just now when I lost an almost complete article on blood donation by hitting the wrong key.  I seriously hate it when that happens.  Thank goodness I still have five more days.  

It has been a long two weeks here what with the icy weather and Lauren's surgery.  She is currently recovering from a complicated ACL repair at a friend's house in Jackson and is receiving excellent care from her tribe.  Not one to suffer alone, she has ventured out to attend meetings with her peeps to stay focused.  She sees Reaves often and is very fortunate to have angels around  that love her.

I finished The Secret Life of Bees today and received another Sue Monk Kidd book in the mail along with five pair of 3.0 readers.  I can see again!  I've had the company of Joy for the past two days at Casa Poops and she loves the peace and quiet and all the critters.   Oscar adores her and it lifts both of our spirits to pass by the green wheat fields here at Samaria Bend.  

It's Friday and you know you're old when you are parked in the house with the animals and loving every minute of it.  I watched You People on Netflix and loved it.  You should go see!  It has many of my favorite entertainers like Eddie Murphy and Seth Rogan.  It gave me faith that all of us can get along.  It's a learning curve, ya' know?

Have a great weekend kiddos.  Love ya....mean it ^j^

salt and light

I am feeling a whole lot of different things right now.  Today was communion Sunday at FUMC and the sermon was a reminder that  we are a community there, as in all of us.  We worship together often and do good things for the community through ministries like the food pantry, Upward Bound sports and many other areas of outreach.  There was an exceptionally large crowd today and following Mary Beth's sermon I remembered what she said about this being the last time we would take communion together prior to the big vote on disaffiliation.  Except for Ash Wednesday, of course.  Which is the day before the vote.  The future of our church will be different.  Some will leave and others will stay according to which way it goes.  It has been a long period of soul searching for we as a congregation and I agree with the way the process has been handled.  There was no knee jerk reaction to leave the conference as with other UMC congregations.  The discernment team has met often and decided that the time to vote is now after surveying the members and praying over the whole thing for many months.  A lot of members left because they were antsy for a yay or nay vote.  Others will leave afterwards.  A church split, no matter what the denomination, is always hard.  The main thing, in my opinion, is to keep God at the center of it.  It's a hard WWJD moment for all of us.

Jesus met people where they were, warts and all.  He did not judge them and performed a lot of miracles when all hope was lost.  And that, my friends, is what it's all about.  Unconditional love ^j^

the baby, the soup and the tree

There is a huge hackberry tree out by the front porch where our cottonwood once stood. It grew up around the old tree and when the cottonwood went down, she took over.  It is covered in ivy and Reaves has an imaginary baby out there that she takes soup to.  It is usually dirt and water with a little something mixed in but the baby likes it.  It's kind of a ritual now.  Their cat is parked on my bed and prolly will not move so let's all pray Henry doesn't scratch me up.  I figure that as long as I don't move, he's cool.

Today was Kroger pickup and a few errands finding me back at home where I've been all week.  There are still patches of ice here and there but it's slowly melting.  Another one of my stories was in the Gazette today and I'm hoping to ramp that up in the near future as life allows.  I'm telling y'all, this getting old is not for sissies.  If it ain't one thing it's five all at once.  I bought some curcumin today to help with inflammation and whatnot so we shall see.  

I miss my girls which is an understatement.  Not seeing Reaves is affecting both Lauren and me but it is what it is.  Today is Lauren's second day post-op so of course she's feeling "not too great."  I plan on visiting her tomorrow if fate allows.  The biggest thing I've learned in life is to go with the flow and take care of myself so that I can be there for others.  

Have a great weekend y'all.  Love you like chicken ^j^

you lift me up

You know how it is when you know you have to get there but it looks like against all odds?  Today was one of those for me.  I hate to drive period and especially in the dark.  Heading out at around seven I arrived at the hospital just in time to miss my babygirl in pre-op.  Those folks at North are punctual!  It was an ACL reconstruction and took about three hours from start to finish.  Her friend Michelle and I staked out the room where she arrived safe and sound.  The snacks were to die for!  After eating, taking a pee and walking she was released to Michelle's care.  I had to get back to the 'burg to see my own doctor for strep.  I knew it when I saw my tongue in the mirror today.  Such is life.  I got a shot and some cheap antibiotics.  

Beginning last night I asked for prayers over all of it and they were answered.  I have asked God mightily to help me let go of things and allow Him do the work.  I can't fix it at all unless it's in the big plan.  So often people refuse to let go and just let things happen.  Sometimes karma bites you in the butt.  Often it is in a kind way.  I'd say about fifty fifty.

It looks like this big freeze is over and there will be mud to follow.  More later. ^j^

risky business

I'll be headed out early tomorrow morning to Tennova Jackson for Lauren's surgery, Lord willing and the ice don't come.  I ventured out this morning to go the chicken and dolla' stores and did fine.  She said Jackson didn't get it as bad as us so I'm banking on that.  I for sure won't be leaving before daylight whenever that is.  She is scheduled for 8:15 so if all goes well I'll be there when she goes in and comes out.  Fingers crossed and big prayers for all of us.

We got some serious cabin fever going on around here which is to be expected.  I really didn't think it would be as bad as it was but our whole town was paralyzed yesterday by a few inches of frozen precipitation.  The sun came out this morning and there was some thaw on my steps, enough to where I could skate over to the car  and drive out.  When I got home I parked right next to the steps so I don't have to walk over the concrete slab coated with icy demons.  I will say a big fat thank you baby jeebus and my parents for the carport which kept my vehicle relatively ice free. 

"The animules", as Mayme calls them, are just chilling and staying warm like me.  I haven't checked the propane in a few days but it was at 70% last time I looked and I'm being frugal.  I owe this guy a bunch of money but he's always taken care of me during winters here on the farm.  He knows I'm good for it just like Mayberry does.  I may see if the neighbor will mow my yard too!  I doubt it.  

It's odd to be thinking about grass cutting right now but it will be here before you know it.  Usually the end of March is our first mow.  I foresee zero time to do a garden this year so I'll have to settle for some flowers in pots.  Hey...I know my limits.  

Y'all stay warm and keep those prayers coming ^j^