Thursday, November 13, 2014

manifest this

Except for people who read this blog, very few know the true extent of how trying this particular year has been for me and mine. It started off like any other year except during late January BG moved away for a spell and Shannah and Boogs moved in. Thank God for her Subaru during the twin ice storms because I wouldn't have been able to get out if not for that vehicle. The first one in February was navigable but that freak one in March just about did us all in. That's when I fell for the 2nd time trying to thaw out my ice caked car by hauling buckets of water out in the dark. Risky business but ya' gotta work and I tried my best to get there but umm...I made it the next day. Over the coming months BG came back and the others flew all while I was walking around like superwoman with a torn subscapularis tendon. The surgery was done in August and we all know that it "gets better" but you're never the same again after that type of injury. About two weeks into recovery, mama broke her leg real bad and has been in transition ever since. I spent this morning filling out an application for state aid to help pay for her current home.

During the time I was recovering from surgery I was introduced to a class that would give me some guidance in defining my goals other than work 'til you drop. I'll still do that, mind you, but I need the distraction that comes with having a goal. I have abandoned so many over the years and said coulda'shoulda'woulda' when I might be in a different place had I gotten out of my comfort zone. Instead I have sat here on the hill looking out over acres of cropland and trees and learned to let go a little memory at a time. Last year's sale of the family heirlooms was fun but just the beginning of the sorting that was to come my way soon. There is organized chaos now rather than the hoarder look that was 2013. Cleaning out cabinets has been big and whenever the food shows up here again, it will be kept neatly and taken care of. We have this new "chef" at the sawmill who reminds me of the soup Nazi in how he controls the serving line. We're used to scooping up our own and he's all about portion size on what is much better but much more expensive. Breakfast is the only bargain there and we're grateful to have it back.

The ancient windows that face northwest are not in good shape and will soon be covered in something as I retreat to my space heater area which includes my room and the bathroom. The aging Dell will soon follow because my fingers went numb this morning while I was checking in with Facebookland. There was snow south of us and of course that really made for a mess on I40. One more reason I don't live in Memphis, y'all. There is this one particular troll (you know who you are) who baits my cousin on a regular basis because he is a liberal conservative and not Tea Party nuts like her. This gal is so black and white you can read her rants like a newspaper and with lots of ~~ in between. I learned early on to ignore that kind of shit and have a conversation with somebody who is open minded. Everything that I post is not pro-Dem. The things that I write about and talk about are what is important to me as my beliefs dictate. I have never pretended to have the right answers, just mine.

Expect nothing. Each person on this earth is given talent and a brain to use that talent to prosper. If you choose to waste it or claim that "it's somebody else's fault" then you are doing exactly what Big Ernie asks us not to do. I look at people who have been through generations of abuse both physical and mental and our government is supporting them when a good number could make it on their own if they had decent paying jobs. Granted, there is an entire generation on the tit of entitlements but they'll just have to man up.

Seek help. The pain and anger that you feel now and then are symptoms that you are human with emotions that should be dealt with one on one in a safe setting preferably by a trained counselor. PTSD is real and not just soldiers suffer from it. Most mental health clinics are so understaffed and overserved that folks get lost in the shuffle. Early intervention is the only way to really make a difference in the cycle of abuse and poverty that is rampant in our country. Oh, and to all those who support the NRA? That includes filthy rich kids who steal guns from their parents and kill school kids and movie goers.

Be kind. You never know what kind of burdens others are carrying and pretty much what Jesus said to do was to help a brother out in His name. Not for glory or attention or a front page article about paying it forward but by walking into places that are less than desirable according to society and being peers with those less fortunate. Everybody's gotta eat and have clothes or it's not humane. Miracles are what happens when you least expect them. Everywhere I turn there is somebody suffering and it's hard to set boundaries when you're as CoD as I am. However, I'm learning really quick because I'm all I've got except for Big E and the angels.

Become faithful. Whatever it is that you believe in, live your life according to those particular standards. If something feels wrong, it probably is and usually turns out badly. Often it seems that hardship multiplies when you are at your weakest which is what's happening with me right now. I still believe that there's a plan and I will carry on to the best of my ability while remembering numbers 1-3 every day. It's my only sanity in a world that looks pretty bleak at the moment.

Express gratitude. Did you go hungry today? Did somebody you love suffer and die? Are you able to see and walk and experience life? Those things are taken for granted way too often and watching my mother's decline in health has really brought that point home. I'm grateful for so many things I can't begin to make a list but I never was good at memes anyway. Whatever your crisis du jour is, this too shall pass if you only leave room for the Spirit to work.

Do no harm. If you can't help someone out, at least don't do anything that is hurtful or demeaning. One of the things I detest about FB is the way folks use it as a whipping post to try and control the net. Healthcare is all about the $$ and our priorities are totally backward with big pharm and diagnostic services raking in the cash. Preventive care including pap smears and mammograms should be free. It saves money for the company in the long run, if you know what I mean. Farming and consuming organically are the only healthy way to live in this age of Monsanto Madness. Cut it out with the big ass luxury vehicles when a Prius would do just as well. I mean's like more than I paid for my first house to buy an SUV. Infiniti is three times that amount.

Believe in karma . For every kind and true thing that I've done for another traveler, I've been repaid in some form or fashion on my own journey. Much of my misery is of my own making because I'm a lazy sort who tends to procrastinate. In spite of that, I've been blessed in a lot of ways with talent that I feel compelled to use in a positive way as soon as my fingers thaw out.

Grace is everywhere. You just have to let it happen ^j^

No comments:

Post a Comment