acting as if

When recovering from most any sort of drama or trauma one of the key factors in a successful path is the ability to "act as if" everything were okay when really it all seems to be going to hell in a hand basket. It's called gratitude. Now, not to the point where you ignore obvious problem spots in relationships and personal growth, but a more positive orientation toward change. For the past ten years, money has been just one of the many problems I've wrestled with as a single woman with an adult child COLLEGE EDUCATED child in today's economy. Now, two years after her graduation, the lender who put her 25K in debt is hounding not only her, but me. Because I have a job and she doesn't. Because I was a REFERENCE, not a co-signer...mind you, they call me five times a day and sent me letters in both my married and maiden names telling me what's up. Their way of getting to her is by hounding me. All I can say is good luck peeps...unless the sky opens up and rains down on her with a job, we're ALL out of luck. That's how I have to look at it to stay sane.

Some of you may remember when DirecTV ran my debit card to the tune of 500 bucks for early termination fees when I had not signed a contract with them. The bank made them give it back (three months later) and they've been on my ass ever since. That has been on my credit report for six years now and I don't care, because sometimes you just have to stand up and say hell to the no! Other companies do it too, but now they are required to explain a little more clearly that signing a carbon copy when the installer drops by is a "contract." Plus, consumers have become much wiser following years of terror led by big finance. Several of my older co-workers are staying on because the economy is so bad that what they had left after the crash isn't enough to live on. Millions and millions of hard earned dollars frittered away by company CEOs and fund managers living the high life. It has happened before, and more than likely will happen again before the end of time. Greed isn't something easily controlled.

The owners of the place where I live are very wealthy people and much of it comes from the finance industry. Over the years I've wrestled with the right and wrongness of me paying out the ass to live in this old house just because I like the view while they're off sailing somewhere. The heir apparent one who got stuck with the whole deal when daddy retired is somewhat more interested in the history and land conservation than his father ever was. When I first moved here the fences were falling down and it was no big thing to be out chasing cattle in the cornfield. After daddy retired and my brother took over, he slowly but surely began the process of crafting the place into a masterpiece of well drained and soon to be irrigated cropland. He grew up learning the lessons that taught him how to take over when it got to be too much for daddy. And boy was THAT a tough transition! Remind me to tell ya'll how many boxes and garbage bags I hauled out of his office that day...and spiders too.

The rent went up and I get a small break for taking care of Pride which also involves a lot of fences that don't work. He had a live wire around him for a few years but he knows it's dead now and just steps right over it to plod down our driveway toward the lane. We don't even notice anymore, rounding him up with treats as we head in. The wind is howling now and fortunately the expected flood won't happen. I mean, when I heard that there were flood warnings again, I was like "Really?" The end of the lane is covered but that's normal for a heavy rainfall. The poor old Camry with one hubcap has some mighty rusty rims ya'll.

I've been listening to music and decorating my little smartass off for Christmas. As if by ESP, Pride just stepped into my point of view through the living room window, bending his head toward the northwest wind and grazing like there's no tomorrow. He's been alive for about 30 years and it's worked for him so I should probably act like him.

^j^