Sunday, April 1, 2012

once an adult, twice a child

The book that BG and I enjoyed most when she was little was the one with "I love you forever, like you for always. As long as you're living my baby you'll be." That's pretty much where we're at right now with mom. I am still her baby even though she's lying in a hospital bed hooked up to IVs and whatnot and she still tells me with every other breath to go home and get some rest. She was even telling us that in the ER both times, like we're gonna dump her off and catch back up later. Puleez. Her short little stay at the nursing home and the subsequent readmission to the hospital for cardiac symptoms convinced me that we will have to figure out a way to do this at home, in her own house...the one that we were all raised in. Daddy said he misses her most at bedtime because he always tucks her in and gives her a kiss. She will probably be discharged tomorrow and home health will take over. BG and I will learn to administer antibiotics daily for a month via PIC line. We will be responsible for driving to a Newbern pharmacy to pick up said medicine because that's how it rolls these days. The social worker and PT will be back on board and there's where the plan becomes easier for all of us. If all goes well, it will be a textbook case of home care delivery. As a social worker herself, BG has been invaluable as a part of the family team. We can do this because it's what they need and to hell with the rest of it.

The past 9 days have been many things to me including a new understanding of how people must be totally screwed as patients when there's no family member actively involved. I learned again what VQ scans are and how a PIC line is inserted and used. It is indeed a blessing that I work there, but she is well known to the staff because of her years of volunteer work which began with my grandmother. We are all exhausted with the decisions and drama. I haven't operated in this little sleep since my days on call when I was a whole hell of a lot younger. Two nights in one week with two hours is not exactly what's best for me. Mom stayed awake 'til 2AM this morning and I suspect that sometimes she's just afraid to drift off because she won't wake up. And that? I totally understand. She has always been the one to serve others with her food, her thoughtfulness and love. It's absolutely killing her soul to be taken care of.

There is a beautiful snowball bush across the highway from our road and I stopped today to pluck one before they're history. Azaleas are full bloom and the puppies feed and water under one of the bushes. It is Palm Sunday, and I always think back during Holy week about one of mom's wrecks when she was taken to ER on Easter Sunday. The preacher stopped by to see her and pointed out that her situation was kind of like when the tomb was opened. "Surprise!!" The man she hit was dying of cancer yet his daughter promptly lawyered up and sued her for a million bucks. Needless to say, that didn't happen. The insurance company settled and she continued to drive until she got hammered on the busy highway crossover. The very same place where Daddy's last drive happened. My you know what draws up every time I cross the thing myself!

The herbs and flowers are planted and that will be it until things calm down a little. All of the fields have been sprayed and are ready for planting. The early heat has got the bugs and snakes going strong even for Tennessee following a very mild winter. Don't worry propane guy...we're gonna get you paid!

Peace out ya'll...and remember who you are.

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