from the heart

I got a phone call last week from a friend of some friends who need help with their living situation.  I promised to meet with them and see what was up but said up front that I am already committed.  This was just kind of a pro-bono social work call with old friends.  We talked and wandered and looked and visited.  At one point all three of us worked together in healthcare.  Many memories there.  Too many to count.

After that I went to the crack store Pennington's for dirt and a few flowers.  I have an abundance of compost out here so I think I'm set except for the two 'mater plants.  Not until May though.  Oh.  And a fern.  Gotta' have a Boston even though they die out easily.  

The ATT guy is here checking out my line so if I turn up missing call 911.  I'm still hot spotting for about 5 days now.  We shall see.  I picked up dinner to go from Dave's on the square which consists of a big fat burger and onion rings.  Nom nom.  

The poison whatever is still itching so I picked up another product at the Finley 'gentral to try and help with it.  I hate taking Benadryl because it gives me a hangover.  This is a cream that contains all three.  Wish me luck.

Happy Monday.  If you can remember what day of the week it is, consider yourself blessed beyond measure ^j^

peace and quiet

I'm listening to Delta Rae and running through the day's blessings.  I started with a double dose of Charles Stanley and Steve Gaines plus reading the scriptures from the FUMC newsletter.  Hey....church is where you find it.

My friends and neighbors double teamed it today to salvage some furniture for me from down the road.  It's on the porch but I can drag it in if need be.  One piece is in excellent condition complete with beveled mirror.  Great big shout out to Keith and Patrick for making it happen.  There's a long story there but I think y'all know the loose history.

The three of us visited in the front yard listening to the quiet and marveling at what a bit of paradise is like to call home.  My birds are happy now that the rain has stopped.  And as fate would have it, there comes "that" song that always reminds me of a particularly painful night.  Before my mother died.  I knew it was coming and my brother stayed with her.  

Y'all be safe out there ^j^

inner child

I have always been headstrong.  Over the years I have developed boundaries and learned to identify many personality types and act accordingly.  My self confidence has never been higher due to the fact that I'm a grown woman who understands that everyone has an opinion and we are each entitled to that.  To claim that there is one truth is ridiculous in my eyes but every day's business for many.  

That being said, there is a little girl inside me who can still be shamed on certain occasions.  There are triggers, which I usually identify and work through.  But at times, I feel that I am never enough.  When that happens I put myself in time out and cry until I'm past it and can find the grace to embrace ME again.  Fortunately I have a tribe that lifts me up when I least expect it yet need it the most.  

For many years I was everybody's darling at work because I was an overachiever.  The last few years there were literal hell because I was burned out from all that striving for perfection.  I am generally reliable, dependable and do what is expected of me in any particular situation.  But, everybody falls short.  And we are forgiven because of the Cross.  

I used to play the victim pretty regularly rather than owning up to my part .  I'm way past that to the point where I prefer to address the elephant in the room and move on.  If I am wrong I admit it and ask for forgiveness.  What hurts is waiting for that forgiveness until it's freely given.  

I forgive most things easily but there are some things that I will never forget, mostly involving people who put their own self interests above those of others.   I could tell you stories by chapter and verse where I have witnessed this, some including my own family.  But the re-telling of the story does nothing but keep the memory alive of something that was painful.  

Forgive others, but mostly just forgive yourself.  Shame is a soul killer ^j^

here we go again!

Mowing season on the lane officially began today with none other than one of the ones I raised at the wheel.  My one special request was for them to weed eat the monkey grass.  It's a sprawling hot mess.  I have two azalea bushes that may or may may not make it this year.  If not, they're history.  I went out to my friend Bill's nursery today and he gave me some free big pots to put my 'maters in.  I spotted this totally cool hummingbird feeder that's like a tube so I scooped that up but haven't figured out how to put it together.  I'ts a hanging bar with multiple feeding ports.  The crowd is growing outside my bathroom window.

Today has been productive in an odd sort of way.  There were loose plans to meet up with the girls but that didn't work out so I've been doing laundry and otherwise spreading joy.  I needed to get a bit more organized.  I pray that you and yours are well. 

^j^  

scratching the itch

Well, today's adventure was a visit to urgent care to find my systolic BP is , as usual, out the roof.  O2 was great and weight stable.  Normal temp.  My reason for being there was an outbreak of poison ivy from digging in the dirt too early.  Or maybe the dogs wallered in it got it on me.  Whatever.  She gave me a half dose of Decadron due to the high BP and recommended a product called tecnu which I had never heard of.  It removes the oil from the blisters.  Go figure that one.  I woke up with a new patch this morning so I knew I needed some relief.  I headed to Walgreens during school traffic and picked some up along with a bit of supper from their frozen section.  Hey....I could live in their stores for a year and never go out.  You can also use this stuff to remove skunk smell from your dogs.  I have a feeling it will come in handy around here.  Oddly enough, this is the first time I've had the evil skin rash in years but you can't see the leaves yet dammit!  

The continuing saga of ATT and me includes a scheduled Monday visit from a field tech.  I won't go into the long story but I asked old girl if she had the notes from the last six months in front of her.  Yes. I work from home.  And yes, I'm at the end of the line.  "has it been raining and stormy there?" she asked.  Honey please. We'll see if he shows up on the right day.  Meanwhile, the line hangs above the exposed septic tank with a nifty protective cover thanks to the last field tech's visit.  I know they don't hate me, really.  It's just frustrating.  

I have to admit that I'm an NBC morning junkie.  I love all hours of it and this week has been pretty sad for all involved what with the departure of the great KLG.  I actually cried today as she talked about her late parents and what they taught her.   Jenna has big shoes to fill but you know what?  I think they fit her.  

I will try one more time with the BP med that I was prescribed and see if it does the trick.  If not, I'll have to get back to the doctor for something different.  It's called isolated systolic hypertension.   Exercise will help a lot now that it's "pretty" outside.  

Live, Laugh, Love.

a guy, a girl and a dog get on a plane

One of the many things I've never done is fly in a small plane.  I flew one time commercial and once in a helicopter.  The chopper was most def not for me.  No!Doors!  My friend Chuck flies all the time and we had discussed him taking me up with Griz for a bucket list item.   He called this morning and we met at the airport after the Lenten church service which is a whole 'nother story.

We saw all the flood waters in northwest Tennessee and he showed me where each river enters into the other.  He was a true professional and went through the checklist with me before and after we took off.  Since Griz didn't get the front seat he just slept in the cabin.  I watch planes take off and land from that airport daily.  Today was a lesson in how it works here and what it looks like from up there.  

I have a friend with a very complicated life at this point.  I've invited him to join me for the Wednesday services and he's like...ummm.  When I arrived today I noticed a nice looking black gentleman with papers hurrying into the side entrance by where the kids were playing.  Later on, I discovered that he is the one and only James Luvene.  Now that's too much of a coincidence considering his relationship with my friend.  He spoke of being integrated as a fifth grader who could not read or write in Hattiesburg, MS.  The principal's wife was his teacher and on day one NOBODY spoke to him or acknowledged his presence.  There were hate signs outside the school, parents angry over integration.  The teacher took all this in and quietly took James aside on day 2 to show him the library and pick out some books.  Thus, their relationship began.  We all thanked God for that lady and her acts of nobility in the face of right and wrong.  He worked through four grades in one year with her help.

Honestly?  That's what Jesus would do ^j^

i'm pregnant and it's yours

That was my lame attempt at an April Fools joke.  If it happened it would be like a biblical scenario.  Immaculate conception and what not.  But hey, remember how old Sarah was when she gave birth!!

Lorna and I met up at Dave's to solve discuss the problems and blessings of the world.  We laughed like hyenas because we have the same sense of humor which is sometimes pretty twisted.  We are both old enough to be over the bullshit and enjoying life because hey...it's short and then you die.

The birds outside the throne are sparking much joy in my little world.  I read that a famous rapper got gunned down in front of his own clothing store.  I'm not familiar but it does sound gang related since he was a longtime member of Crips maybe? 

According to everyone interviewed he was a social activist and did a lot to improve communities.  Solid family man.  

By the way my score on name that tune yesterday was about 10% on the way there but a solid 90 on the way home.  Not bad for an old hippie.

Keep the faith ^j^