no words

That's a pretty unusual way to find me but that's about the size of it right now. I'm totally disgusted with politics in general and the way government keeps heaping things on top of the middle class to carry the bulk of the load. In 1973, I began college and looked forward to the American dream. Healthcare was considered a promising field at the time, long before the baby boomers started into their golden years. My last raise was more than the 1% that preceded it and was helpful until health insurance premiums went up and the payroll tax cut expired. Now I'm right back where I was this time last year, limping along trying to survive on what should be a fat salary. Some of that is my fault, because I didn't save in the 80's when the money was good. I spent like a crazy woman during that time and never thought twice about an IRA or TSA. When I finally did put my toe in the water of the stock market and gained a little interest, I got divorced and used it to live on. 30% interest? Yes, ya'll I know. But the bottom line is, you do what must be done to survive. I watched The Hunger Games over the weekend and was just mesmerized at how the human comes out in people when it's do or die time.

A longer than usual day included transfer of barn wood to my co-worker's car and a staff meeting plus a few tears with BG over the state of our finances. She begins a new job soon and will be in real life for the first time with her new attitude. It makes a world of difference, and I am so proud of how far she has come as a friend and mentor to others through her own healing. Group therapy is something that I never did choosing instead to pay some poor unsuspecting adviser to listen to my drivel. In a way, though, we practice this at home now which is good. Nothing is not fair game on the table for discussion. We've never fought much anyway. She would just slam the door in my face and hibernate!!

Daddy (finally) is going to see the heart doctor tomorrow so he'll probably start calling me about 8 to make sure it's on. I told him the doc would probably want to do a stress test like mama had and it wasn't bad, right Mom? No big deal, she said. We have already avoided by the skin of our teeth two cardiac events with her involving CHF but she gently avoided the subject of a cath. At that age, any type of co-morbidity can take you down when the blood thinners are flowing. When she asked me yes or no, I had to be honest and say no based on the do no harm principles that are dear to me. You gotta die somehow, I just prefer for it not to be at the hands of an overpaid specialist. This is how old I am...I remember when there was a pathologist in the house doing autopsies and bone marrows. There were no "megagroups" nor with radiology and the patient got one bill from the facility itself. Now when you go to a hospital you get a bill from every single provider that you might not even know served you. It's the American way, right Frist?

That just reminded me of my old crush Spike..the one who was all that in high school but I liked him just because he was kind. We have remained friends through the years and he married late in life, waiting for just the right one. His father is my co-worker and his mom still picks MINE up for bridge. Do I hear an amen? I know all the rest of the fam too in the way that I can pick up the phone to call. Bless his heart, I thought he was gonna have the big one when I defaulted on my TSA loan. That one caught up with me, by the way. Took a year to pay it off.

Mama told me yesterday that I do everything in a hurry. That got me to thinking about the difference in our paces because we are reversing roles..slowing down for her. I'm just steady looking at what's in front of me as the next task or chore looms. and you know what? I wish it were different.

^j^

snowdrops and crocus

I'm a big pussy when it comes to the summer heat and every year I try to remind myself that warmer times will come...too much so, with humidity. It's just a reality of southern living that necessitates lots of allergy meds and central air if you can afford it. Otherwise, you're shit out of luck. We are in a temperate growth zone where the planting season starts in late Aprilish and doesn't end until November. Sometime in the next few weeks I expect to see the early bloomers, bulbs carefully planted years ago with faith that they come back. And they do! They are planted next to a flowering quince that starts up in February. A quick walk of the yard today was brisk and enough to know that it's not showtime yet.

Eggs and whatnot was a lovely affair as usual. It took them a while to figure out booth or table so we ended up crammed into a booth with her fussing because she needs to be on the outside. And that would be why? We freaked some poor gal out at the Dairy Queen trying to figure out what the flavors of Dilly Bars are. FYI..it's all vanilla just with different coatings. As we drove away she declared that she wants heath coating next time. Oh.My.God. Somebody shoot me now. Daddy has a cardio appointment this week which will most certainly include a stress test to see how much damage was done to his heart when he had the big fall. Not too sure that will happen, but you can only do so much when someone is competent to make their own decisions. My daughter knows without a doubt what kind of odds I consider to be reasonable and would act accordingly as my advocate. That's pretty huge. My parents are DPAs for each other with myself as secondary to both. That means that they've got to make up their own minds what's up.

I just got a pop update about protecting an Android device which I don't even have, but thank you anyway Avast. I've still got an old school slider that has tiny letters to punch manually. Hey it was a freebie two years ago. I'm seriously considering not to get a free IPhone upgrade just because it's more than what I need. Reckon that's why there's chocolate and vanilla. I haven't "looked" at the news today because it's all bad. Many years ago my brother and his wife were beat reporters for local news channels and they have spent their recent lives telling happy and inspiring stories. "If it bleeds it leads" doesn't happen in their little valley. I'm in the framing biz here for three prints of an old house that will probably be moved one more time for posterity. And for me? That would be a miracle.

^j^

worship and war

I haven't attended a church service in years unless you count funerals, and if so I'm about 80% "compliant". My oldest childhood friend is an undertaker so we learned early on that Big Ernie can be anywhere two or more are gathered. She has braved years of tromping around in black pantyhose sweating her cute little butt off going from one cemetery or in the July heat. My point is simply this..that I am a believer in a loving god who doesn't punish and always forgives. I found myself in tears earlier as I listened to my favorite version of Hallelujah and thanking BE for the healing that has taken place in our lives over the past few months. With both of us "talking to somebody" as my mama would say, we are learning to truly listen and not react so quickly to our respective issues. She was talking about how old she is the other day and I told her I'm proud that she did the work earlier in life than I did. Lord, ya'll. I thought I was freaking nuts!!

I just read a rebuttal to Michael Moore's piece about supporting the troops and I must say the author totally didn't get it. I have as much respect for our service people as anybody you'll ever see, which is why I hate to see them slaughtered over oil. We love ya'll and appreciate all that you do. That's why we want you here in America keeping US safe rather than guarding access to petroleum. Many lives have been changed by your compassion and skills and it's time to share that with your homies. Hey..if ya'll don't do it, who will? I can grow food but can't defend myself. If I had a gun, I'd shoot myself in the eye like Ralphie.

As for the media, shame on ALL of ya'll for sensationalizing the political polarization that is gripping this country. Paul Krugman? You are my hero. Reading your words and those of other sensible writers gives me inspiration to keep going when every idiot right winger that I know is ready to step on my last nerve. As for you Mr. Evil, Big Ernie knows your heart and everybody else's up in DC so ya'll best think about the sheep and goats thing now and then.

I watched a particularly violent movie the other day and my thoughts wandered to what effect that type of programming has on folks who have mental disorders where they can't tell what's real and what's not. Many a shooter has spent hours on end playing life like video games where killing is a sport. Strictly my amateur psychological opinion. As for the guns, I still believe that if you own you must register. No automatic weapons for sport or personal use. Keep it reasonable and your rights won't be "stomped" on. The hysteria that surrounds the entire issue right now is driven by media and politics.

Brother just delivered some hay for the horse so he won't starve after all. It's a good smell to open the basement door and have that scent hit you in the face! He is happily chomping on it as I type. There's also a bag of sweet feed...two cups a day plus a square of hay and he's good to go. Gotta earn my rental assistance, ya know.

Peace ^j^

epiphany

I distinctly remember the first time a minister managed to help me understand that it's not over after December 25th. Hearing that the wise guys took the long way to visit and arrived late, I could totally relate because that's how I live life. I can make lists all day long and bullet point the hell out of details but I'm not much on following through. I suppose it's the idealist in me. Life is so much hustle and bustle and noise that sometimes it's hard to find just a quiet moment to reflect on blessings. There's so much background noise at the sawmill I'd love to have some nice headphones. That way I couldn't hear the phone ring. I can see us now, me and all the lab peeps, doing a flash mob and totally getting away with it. Sometimes, that's what it takes to shake things up.

The thermostat has crept up to 60 and there's warmer weather coming so that's all good. We honestly tripped a breaker last night using an electric skillet to grill turkey sammiches with the heaters running. You can't make this shit up, ya'll. BG does have a paying gig now with money going straight into our mutual pool so that's a HUGE blessing. There's still the three people two car thing but I'm thinking it'll all work out. I mean, what choice do we have??? The grands are hanging in with Ms. Faye the angel and the rest of our village as couriers. James Frank lives right across the road from them and gets to take daddy to the dollar store and or pharmacy on a whim. Yep..he's the one that took him by boat for a doctor's appointment during the big one.

It's been too cold to break down barnwood but I see that changing which will give me an opportunity to broaden the asparagus bed a bit while I'm out. Poor crowns are all scrunched up in a ten foot space and not thriving. Kinda like myself. Happy weekend! Time to call my mama..no wait, the news is on. Maybe later ^j^

flying high

The hunt is on for somebody with a square baler willing to work with me on this straw thing. So far I've got two names from the hay guy who only does round ones. I stood in my kitchen one day and watched that sucker jump and roll when his tractor went up in flames over by the golf course. My back view is like rural Americana and city government all rolled into one with the airport and golf course hiding right across the wheat field. Needless to say when the military choppers land over there it's loud as heck. One of my favorite pastimes is watching the personal planes with student or recreational pilots glide right down to the runway. The sky is clear and open on that side of the house, not obstructed by the trees of Pecan Lane.

Many of the ancient trees that line our lane are around a hundred years old, no doubt planted when the farm and orchard were established. Breeding stock were sold out of the giant haunted barn that now houses tractors. My house was built around 1918 as a residence for the foreman and his family. That's why there's a tiny little porch off the dining room...so you can just step right out and holla! Right now said door is blocked with a mattress to keep the wind out. I'm beginning to understand cabin fever a bit better being confined to two rooms by the weather. I'm thinking that this spring will be the one where I get off my happy ass and accomplish something for myself, even if it's just growing my own food. It's just stupid not to.

Work is work and I'm just staying in the zone where I usually reside, wandering around to see what needs doing. I read today about "cross training" of techs being a big deal in some places which is something I've never considered as a generalist. We barely had phlebotomists when I started, and they also did EKGs. We heated the tests in tubes with chemicals in boiling water and read the colors on a spectrophotometer. Yeah...that's how old I am. It's mostly automated now and thank the lort for that. This old gal is wayyyyy past taking call and cooking creatinines. I remember my supervisor at my first (and only) job trying to get me to insert an NG tube for a gastric acid test. That, my friend, wasn't covered in my class and I said hell to the no.

One of my friends that I smooth did not include in the end of my year rambling is Phyllis or, as I like to call her, you "harpie." We met and bonded immediately when Dubya was all that and dogged him until he left. Her blog was a rowdy satirical look at Washington politics at that time, and the wives of some of these great and wonderful players in the GOP, she called harpies. Her husband died a few years after that and she's now happily remarried and still a smartass. As a writer, a woman and a friend...she has taught me a lot.

So, if any of ya'll got a square baler hook me up, umkay?

Peace out ^j^

survey says!

I tend to be on the liberal side (shut UP) but I do read moderate pieces of journalism and even some mildly conservative stuff just to get a feel for what's out there. Though I like HuffPost, I get information from other sources just to make sure they're telling it straight. And usually? They are. Every headline and piece that I read today from every outlet talked about how pissy this whole fiscal cliff deal is and how we are especially mad because the evil one didn't allow a vote on aid for Sandy victims. Said they could wait a month now that they had "caved" to the Dems. That made him unpopular with his own people who are from states that were ravaged by that storm and with pretty much everybody else in America. I mean, puleeeez. For a minute there I thought I was seeing Dubya getting off the plane in New Orleans to survey Katrina two days after it happened. Last I saw, and this was early in the day, his orneriness was about 80% down in polls. Time to look for a second career dude. Maybe Mittens can hook you up with a holding company CEO position.

One of the upside treats of no cable is that when we watch something there is an actual ceasing of activity because it's a movie and there's a plot. BG found a copy of the Expendables in her dusty corner and we watched it in awe at all the bad boys together in one single adventure story. There was a lot of violence, but in that vocation it's a way of life. You can only watch so many chick flicks, even if you're a girl. There are several that we know by heart like Bridesmaids and Sunshine Cleaning, Fried Green Tomatoes and Steel Magnolias. And then there's that trusty season 7 of Weeds. A contractor came by today to replace the missing window in our bathroom because it's DAMN cold in there with only one pane. I tend to get up to pee several times during the night like old ladies do, and that seat is like ice when my butt hits it. One of my favorite quotes from mama is "One day you'll look back at this and laugh." Perhaps.

Ya'll all know what malaria is right? I learned today that the drug resistant strain of that parasite is running rampant in Asia. The doctor who set up practice in that area of the world back during the eighties saw the disease go from one that was easily treated to one that has mutated to where current pharm therapy is beginning to fail. His biggest fear is that this resistant sucker might reach Africa where healthcare is so minimal that it would be a major WHO event. Sometimes I wish I didn't know what I know about science.

Is it Friday yet? Keep the faith ^j^



^j^

baby new year

My KY cousin and I were so into drama that one year we dressed my baby brother of about 2, in a diaper for the New Year's celebration. Her younger sister was the same age, and normally ended up with dixie cups on her little head. They are seven years younger than me but that bond will always be. Same thing with KY cousin and WA cousin. There are only so many that lived it with you and ya'll better hang on for dear life. Same thing goes for friends. I gave up the notion of "bestie" a long time ago when I realized that true friends come in and out of your life for intense periods, but they are always there if you need 'em. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've shown up at the graveyard just because I had a history with somebody.

Work was busy today because well, you know. It's a "holiday". Instead of black eyed peas and hog jowl, we had pizza thanks to Marmie. It's been one of those days that looks like 6AM from dawn til dark with a thick layer of fog to boot. I'm just thankful not to be driving somewhere else in the trusty old Camry with collision wrap and one hubcap. I guess it would be less obvious if I'd just pull that last one off! BG has a career opportunity that's gonna require some real scheduling of one vehicle for two jobs. I was fretting over how that would all play out and she told me quite plainly that if Big Ernie didn't intend for it to happen, in spite of the obstacles, he would not have put it out there. Okay, then.

My organic farming friend came by yesterday and we plotted ways to salvage and garden with the wheat straw that will be left here. Gotta find a square baler and somebody willing to work with me on the timing. It could be a major thing, ya know. We shall see. I do know that hell will freeze over before I pay 4.50 a bale "wholesale" from the guy at the feed store. Dude got himself mentioned in Southern Living and has been all about the money since then.

All's well with the dogs I suppose. Ryder is looking out the window while Sam and Oscar do variations of that pose with feet straight up in the air. I looked back through this year's pictures today and ran across one of Faith when she first got sick. Even then, she looked sad. She had some good days after that..and got to spend them with her posse and get lots of loving. Sam is still a bit depressed because even though he's gay, she was his road dog.

I woke up to three texts this morning from folks who thought about me at midnight but knew better than to call. Bless all ya'lls hearts for knowing that I go to bed before dark.

This year?