one for the team

I am really pretty much a tough broad most of the time  I roll with the punches and smile through tears when times are hard.  Right now is not one of those times.  Over the past year there have been many losses in our lives.  I am grateful for all that I have, really.  These things too shall pass.  Lauren ard I are two strong women trying to survive in a world which ain't very kind.  We have adapted to the changes that have come our way and kept the faith.  And me?  I'm about to lose that faith.  Survival is a very strong instinct and that is what's happening right now.

It's not all financial, mind you.  I have lost several dear friends in the past year and the hits just keep on coming.  I never really cried over any of them bnt now the tears are about to bust out.  I think that it is only trusting in God that makes thing bearable.  He knows the plan and I'm just a player if I let go and allow the spirit to work  Sometimes I think the hard times are meant to humble us so that we get to that point.  

I'm not a glass half full or half empty kind of thinker  I see life as a series of challenges, some good and some bad.  But often we wonder "Am I not a good person?"  As we know bad things happen to good people.  That is a fact in everyone's life.  I do not see God as vengeful or "making" bad things happen.  I'm too much of a New Testament sort of gal.  I know that I'm a big fat sinner but that Jesus died on that cross so that I would be forgiven.  The God of the Old Testament was sending messages hot and heavy to all those folks to listen to Him.  And I do believe that is what is happening now.  

Climate change is real y'all  And yes, it was caused by our greed during the industrial age and beyond.  Consume more, be bigger and make money off of the common man.  I have never been considered wealthy.  Always lower middle class.  The one year that my husband and I brought in 80K is was because he worked his ass off at the rubber plant doing doubles and weekends when they were available.  Late 70s and 80s for sure.  Until the bottom fell out in '88.  That is when we sold our small house in town and started the adventure on Pecan Lane.   Our daughter was 4 years old and we thought it best to raise her in the country with her grandparents nearby.

Daddy and I worked on that old house for six months to make it liveable.  The rent was maybe 300?    It took 10 years to clean out the attic and basement from Mr. Council's 50 year tenure as the horse guy.And evidently rabbit guy too because there were empty feed bags everywhere!  The concrete basement had an old stove that didn't work so it was pretty cold down there.  Plus it leaked and flooded so there was a bit of mold.  Animals were born and died down there, most of them our pets.  When the cat population got too big, Gumbler took care of that with a "dairy barn" destination.  

Many of them are buried in that yard.  Pet cemetery, if you will.  We now have one forever *spayed* cat and a dog that wants to be ours but it's taking awhile.  We will more than likely get him vetted if possible, and let him live here, outside.  He was so skinny when he first showed up it was pitiful.  And now he's not.  He loves rubs and kisses and sits on command.  Bandit is still working on the 44 lb bag of high protein food that Cathy brought some weeks ago.  I refuse to let any animal or person suffer if I can help it.  Don't be surprised if you see a fundraiser for this dog....lol

I wandered outside to see the sunset and it did not disappoint.  That gave me a bit of faith.  And hope.  And love ^j^