The highway was busy today probably with folks enjoying the cooler weather and headed to celebrations for dear old Dad. My mission was to spend quality time with my Babygirl and we did just that following a meeting and greeting. Sharing stories is one of the most powerful ways in the world to let the bad things go. Anger, shame regret and remorse are nothing but soul killers. It's important to verbalize it in a non-judging group and move forward. I am amazed at the staff with Aspell Recovery and the transformation I've seen in lives....not just Lauren's. We hit up Aldi and time was up because jeez you can't find anything up in there. What I would give for a Publix. Anyway, I quoted the late great Billy Yates on "leave room for the spirit to work" because it seemed timely.
The guy running the meeting along with Corky pointed out that the hardest work of the 12 steps is 1-3. Unmanageable takes a long time to get to when you're co-dependent. My faith in God made believing in a higher power pretty easy. It was the letting go part I had trouble with. There is nothing but peace in that state of mind yet we insist on taking back the drama of others to fix. One of my favorite stories from Melody Beattie is about she and her son losing some kind of critter up in the house and them chasing it for days. ferret maybe? She was livid and finally just said fuck it. And you know what? The ferret came out eventually when they backed off.
I don't know about ya'll but I love being happy and I'm that way more and more every day. It's like all of those angst filled moments of gloom and doom are fading in the rearview and I can focus on me. That is not a selfish thing at all. It's called setting boundaries. The time that I spend with my daughter now is quality. Before, we were just partners in the same old same old. Her soul is growing and so is her mind. That's all I've ever wanted for her. Well, except to be a basketball star. I took her a picture of Noler and she gave me my mother's day presents. It's hit and miss with us due to our work schedules and residence rules. We hug deeply and cry often. It's a good thing.
As I was leaving I had to turn around and backed the only untouched part of the Camry into a telephone pole outside the house. I didn't even stop to look because it was hot and the car was running fine. The car is worth maybe 1500 bucks and it's in a BK. Anybody who has any advice on my car situation, please feel free to call or text. But text messaging fees may apply. I know! What a smartass. Being cocky is much different because that attitude shows that you think you've got the world by the tail. Nobody does, y'all.
When we were cruising back toward her home, I noticed my former therapist's office and remembered him fondly. That would be Rod of "here's the thing" fame. He took one look and me and the kid and said...oh you don't enable right? I made it all about work which was pretty much true. EAP is an important benefit in times of family crisis. Cindy still practices there I believe.
It is well....
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