Thursday, April 30, 2015

white flag time

As in, I come in peace and give it up. The past ten years with my parents has been a roller coaster of emotions for all of us. The angst of the dark times has been about too much to handle on occasion which is when I step back, take a deep breath and separate from the situation one.more.time. in order to preserve what sanity I have left. I've come to realize that I can't fix, change or otherwise manipulate their living arrangement. As hard as I try to keep them satisfied and cared for, the more they resent me. They are scared of losing control and independence and in my heart I know all that. It's the constant changing of dynamics that gets to me, and the past two weeks have been tough. Daddy has always been physically able to care for Mom with her disabilities. Now, he is not. Multiple falls have just about gotten the best of him and the cane may help but....

Corporate is here and has made the rounds with our community. We visited out under the granny smith trees for a bit while Sally the ever patient border collie sat silently in the truck bed with her nose in the wind. It's like heaven here, and my heart is full of gratitude for having lived the majority of my life with roots that I know about. His visits give us all a chance to revisit our memories. As the story goes, Forrest bought the place and moved here from St. Louis. The Catholic church bought part of it later, and the original family ended up buying it back! Lots of history up in here.

There are lots of things I "should" be doing but as usual I'm putting them off because I just don't have it in me today. Self care is what I need so if y'all need me I'll be in hibernation for the day. Leave a message at the *beep*

No comments:

Post a Comment