butt monkeys

That's a term that Mahala coined over in the holler to describe folks who want to meddle, moan and otherwise rain on  somebody's parade instead of focusing on their own business and ugly issues.  It's kind of like the proverb of throwing stones when living in a glass house.  Or walk a mile in another person's shoes, so to speak.  I googled the word micromanager today and found, as I suspected, that it's a management style in business that has a rather negative connotation, and rightfully so.  This style of manager focuses on minute details of a task at the front line level and fails to properly delegate unless things are constantly supervised.  This not only inhibits creativity and growth among team members but actually fosters resentment in both a horizontal and vertical fashion on the power grid.  Wiki said that this style of management is often the by-product of a toxic parent/child relationship that involves conditional love.  When you meet somebody whom you think you can never please?  Run the other way because you will not win.  They are normally very upwardly managing to support corporate goals.  They TRULY believe that if you do a good job and go above and beyond there will be a reward.

News flash kids!   Those days of employee appreciation with perks like raises and recognition banquets are in the rearview.  Now you buy the shirt from them that you are required to wear.  I've had a lot of fun this week being in the patient centered environment but it's pretty physically demanding.  I think I'll buy some new tennis shoes since these are almost a year old.  It looks like the freakin' zombie moors outside the big ass window and it's pretty much the same thing all over.  Sounds like Trumps rednecks are about to get their asses kicked by #liberalrednecks everywhere so that's amusing plus Trae is hot to trot.  Southern Mom is also a sure lmfao in dark times.  If you're gonna rant it might as well be funny and topical.

BG is good and serene and in a safe healthy environment.  So am I as long as I don't have to get out in the mess that is this afternoon.  My body is tired, but more than that I am soul sick.  Someone told me today that I make myself a victim by saying folks pick on me.  There's a difference between taking ownership of a situation and doing better and just saying it's somebody else's fault.  My fatal flaw has been to overextend ME to the point that I'm a hot mess.  Which is, as well all know is #1.

idol worship

I'm in a dark mood so bear with me for a few.  I have several favorite Jesus tales and one of the top three is that little fit in the temple with the evil moneychangers.  In many ways our society is that way still as in "always thus and so."  But here's the thing about that......Jesus got mad and demanded some justice.  In the end, that was the last thing he got but that's another chapter and verse.  His social activism shines through miracle after kindness and the occasional "don't piss me off" rant.  God will smite thee, you know.  A capitalistic society like ours is a hotbed for privitization of every little thing which increases the corporate budget and cuts payroll locally.  In the last ten years I've seen EVS, Food service and other things handed over to another company to do something we could pay someone well to do and cut out the middle man. That being said, most of them seem much happier than me at this point.

I am a fairly intelligent person so it sort of bothers me when someone fails to take the time to listen to my ideas.  To be summarily dismissed after offering up a valuable opinion is something that took me off guard today.  I'm used to respect for my years of experience not being told to shhhh.  It's just another one of those ways that the Universe sends cosmic vibes at just the right time to spur action.

I'm paying for garbage service and haven't had the energy to even haul the can out to the road in two weeks but now it's there waiting for Friday.  Carrying the can was the last of Daddy's chores to go by the wayside and James Frank did it for him the last months.  I talked with a friend this morning whose parents have long term care insurance running around 6K per year.  The company's payout in contingent on an 18 buck an hour wage for CNAs who make nowhere near that because they're contracted by the insurance company.  They charge you out the ass for the premium and then out the ass for using the service.  Win.win for them.  That type coverage is out of reach for most folks and can bankrupt even a wealthy family over a period of years.  My experience has been that finding someone recommended by a person you trust for a lower rate saves you the hassle.  Hey...it worked for my parents however I still owe the local rehab about 600 bucks for my dead mother's care.  That will come out of the sale money.

Really?  I'm trying to hard to stay positive but I'm worn ass out.  At this point, anything is possible if we just keep the faith.

^j^

terrific tuesday

I'm on a different shift this week because a co-worker had surgery yesterday while I was in Jackson.  She is a younger version of me, hippie and all.  What started out as a quiet morning turned into umm, shall we say "one helluva' day" for the old Poopster.  I won't elaborate because HIPPA and all but dayum...give a girl a break.  Everywhere I turned there was a problem and at quitting time I was pulled into an audit type deal when I was absolutely at my worst due to all the drama.  I suppose life had another smack in the head for me to look for greener pastures or just stay the course for a better day.

When I finally rolled into home base I noticed that Ryan had done his magic on the grass and there was a crop duster doing circles over the wheat.  Now I can go outside without fear of Mr. Snake crawling up my pants but there's still the tick thing.  Especially when you sleep with multiple dogs...just saying.  I horrified the audit group by pulling one off the back of my neck and flinging him mercilessly into a cardboard box full of records.  UCMTSU.

Annie and several other folks called while I was busy and I just got off the phone with her.  Our system goes like this:  If she needs to write a note to someone in particular she leaves me a message and then I call her back and let it hit voicemail and spell out the words so that "her help" can do the addressing.  She lives in Austin and they're expecting what the weather channels call a "significant tornadic outbreak" tonight.  Tell me global warming ain't real.

I still have no plan for the critters while I'm on vacay but feel certain I have enough folks to help out.  Since I started this post I've rinsed lathered and repeated and only THOUGHT yesterday was bad until I met today's asshole du jour.  Once again, in the name of privacy, I will only spell out the basics of the situation which involved someone telling me I'm not worth a shit at my job not once but twice.  I've had patients and family members lash out at me before but it never ceases to sting when a random insult smacks me in the face.  This jerk didn't get enough satisfaction from telling me off to my face back so he proceeded to fill the next client in on what a worthless piece of shit I am.  I could tell that the hearee was pretty embarrassed for dude and he told me he was sorry that I got treated like that.  My response was : "I'm sorry you had to see it."  Some people.

The monsoons have begun again and I was dripping wet when I ran in to make a payment on the dryer at GAFCO.  One of the few remaining small town businesses, they offer interest free financing for three months which will usually be doable for an appliance.  Plus, they deliver and haul off fo' free.  Just about every piece of furniture I've bought over the years came from there.  One time I spent 5K in a chunk when we moved to the country.  Guess I should have saved that money for hard times.

  You know when you find yourself in a situation where it's best to just walk away?  Yeah.  Today was one of those for me.  If that mofo only knew how tired and broken I am he would be afraid of a Towanda style PoopieJane fit which is pretty close to a running Stafford one.

Peace be still ~

on the road again

I missed the usual group family time yesterday in Jackson so I headed out today to see my BG for the first time in over a week.  The young lady I found basking in the warm spring morning is pretty much the one I left there but calmer and more centered.  She chose this path herself after hitting multiple walls meaning it just wasn't time for recovery.  It has suddenly become summer like it does in Tennessee after a brief mild spell so she needed cooler clothes and her coloring books.  While I was putting that stuff together I found the last of our Team Janice bracelets from when Mom was in the hospital so I scooped 'em up and each of the housemates is wearing one.  Even from the grave, MeMaw is there with her grandgirl in spirit. We swapped stories with her counselor about how she came to be where she is and as it turns out she's been there since it started 10 years ago.   We pray for serenity and we move forward.

The allergens are brutal right now and I haven't taken any  meds until today except for an occasional bedtime benadryl.  It's Zyrtec time in my neck of the woods.  Claritin does nothing for me nor do any of the others.  I'm also back on occasional dosing of a blood pressure med as needed.  My numbers are almost normal but the top one tends to creep up without a pill now and then.  According to the scales at Dr. J's I've lost five more pounds and that's not surprising in spite of all the funeral food lately.

All you registered voters who are lining up to vote for Hillary or Trump support Bernie no matter what are making my heart sing!  A lot of people have started revolutions, but not many with the ideals that he espouses.  A living wage. Affordable healthcare.  Equal rights.  I'm just saying....when a  Koch bro comes out of the woodwork with an endorsement, think twice because he has something to gain.

Prince is still dead.  It sounds a whole lot like he died of sheer exhaustion since he went for like 160 hours straight before collapsing.  That is not rumor but straight from the mouth of his family.  I respect the way that entire thing was handled with dignity and privacy for those who knew him well.  Fame is one of those things that can fracture a soul because everybody wants a piece of you...no, even claims it!  I knew you when, they say.  I appreciate you more, say the ones who jump on the bandwagon for the ride.  At the end, you best know who's got your back.

I'm not the least bit worried about NOK and the nukes because it has always been thus and so as with ISIS and all them.  Nothing gets solved by invade and conquer...it only makes more messes.  If I had to choose a way to go, I'd say *nukler would be least of evils if you're right at the center and don't have to freakin' die of radiation poisoning.  Now THAT is some bad shit.  Which brings me around to Zika.

Worldwide we are facing more numerous outbreaks of communicable diseases ranging from Ebola and whatnot to the currently trending mosquito borne virus.  It makes the person sick but the real danger is for pregnant women who are giving birth to babies with severe birth defects.  It took the global health experts a few months to figure out the pattern of what was up and now it's out there for the whole world to catch.  Spray thyself with something organic and non-toxic to fight off all diseases carried by vectors.  That includes ticks which are probably the reason my joints hurt.  Well, that and arthritis.

Peace ~

flashback

It's a part of my daily routine at work to go out on the patient units periodically and that includes the one where both of my parents spent their last months.  It was painful at first so I avoided it.  Now, it just seems like any other spot where people are sick and getting care.  Until today, that is.  I watched as one lady was tended to and how she was struggling and considered why we were there doing what we do, taking into account what I know as the daughter of two who have gone on over.  I felt her daughter's pain as she watched carefully to make sure her mother was gaining comfort with each moment.  I remembered being there with my own parents and wondering when, and how, it would end.  Eventually it did over the span of five months.  I saw my younger brother twice in one year which is a record.  It was cathartic and painful all rolled up into one.  The three of us grew up together on this farm and only the neighbors know what a wonderful little community we had.

There was one little family of sharecroppers who lived just a few yards down from us and I played with the little girls named Georgie and Rosie.  They had an outdoor toilet and such so it was kind of my view into the other side of civilization.  Born in '55, I never had to do that except in an emergency at some great aunt's family reunion dinner.  It stunk to high heaven, especially in the summer.

Our life was pleasantly predictable as my parents were well known and respected by community leaders.  They gave of themselves heartily to the least of these.  When Daddy was still driving he would circle the hood in the dead of summer to take kids out to the New Life Mission Camp so they could fish and do "normal" stuff.  He fried taters and onions at many  charity BBQ benefits, hauling the equipment and veggies around in the back of somebody's truck.  That task has now been taken over by others including our road commissioner.

Mama was a real servant of the church in that social organizing kind of way that was her pride and joy. Every holiday and birthday was an occasion to be celebrated around her table, even if there was always a ketchup bottle in the picture.  Everybody had a cake, and sometimes more than one.  She was just that way and I adored it.  I remember crying as I told her how much I appreciated it and wanted my own daughter to enjoy that sort of thing because hey...I'm definitely not Martha Stewart.  I haven't even sent my BG a card in about five years!  She has, however, gotten other traits from me that will serve her well.  Her MeMaw instilled gracious southern ways into both of our souls.  That includes but is not limited to a Steel Magnolias kind of love.   Mom and Daddy were both supporters of the local volunteer blood program not just because it was my job, but because it's what good people do when they are blessed.  She was instrumental in establishing our home bound communion team.

No news is good news from ISIS.  Just saying.  And as far as I know Prince is still dead  but Elvis is in the building

Soul ~

all in a day's work

You just never know what skills will be required to get through a day at the sawmill and this was no exception.  There is a pneumatic tube system that serves as transport for blood to be tested and it was squealing when I got there this morning at the asscrack of dawn.  It's something I've never worked on because there's always somebody else to do it but this morning it was on me.  After an hour and a half on the phone with help desk people and screwdrivers to no avail, I finally hooked up with the field service guy who told me how to fix the problem, god love him.  Everyone involved was thrilled, especially the ones who were having to walk the stuff over and the FS tech who was on vacay.   Win-win and I learned something new.

There was a thunderstorm during the night that barely woke me enough to see some lightning and hear the downpour.  I was asleep in BG's room because it's darker and cozier there in the back.  Since I was off yesterday I had time to make my brother a batch of deviled eggs which are one of his guilty pleasures.  He bought a couple of pastel plastic egg plates on sale just so I can keep him supplied.  Gotta' stay in good graces, you know.

So, um.  Prince died, evidently quite suddenly on the elevator at his place.  The news for days and weeks will be about his music, his life and how exactly he died including a tox report some weeks down the road. Our fascination as a society with how folks bite the dust is something that gets on my nerves.  Poor Michael, Whitney and all the rest of 'em.  They were great talents who will endure as long as there is music being made.  That being said, they were just people like us who jumped on the merry-go-round trying to grab the brass ring and got lucky financially.  Sometimes that is NOT a good thing.  Fame can be hard on a soul.  Please revisit The Truman Show in that respect.

Hillary slammed Bernie in NY which is no surprise and I'm not sure what the Republicans are up to other than trying to figure out where they went wrong.  Actually they probably did the smart thing by fronting a candidate who has never been a politician except in the game show host genre which is sort of similar.  At least Reagan was an actual actor!

Just talked to BG for the first time in a week and she sounds peaceful and upbeat....sort of like "at home".  Today is payday so I've got to get offa' here and pay some bills before something or another gets shut off.  My single utility bill post windows and doors was a pleasant change and I'm hoping for more of the same.  We shall see.

God grant me the serenity ~

necessary evils

Getting a Pap smear is right up on the top of my list along with going to WalMart ( which I do not ) or out once I get home from work.  Since I was off today I slept in, took off for the exam and visited with a dear friend afterwards.  She knows me well enough to know that I just needed a head and soul check because, hey...everybody's got some kind of trauma to deal with.  There was a fatal wreck locally last night on a major artery from the burbs to town.  It is a narrow two lane surrounded by hills and extremely curvy in spots.  A real bitch when it rains and is heavily traveled most days.  In the blink of an eye.

In some public service news, I'd like to share risk factors for cervical cancer.   Once a smear is read as abnormal it is tested for HPV and typed by strain.  I found 10 years ago that I was HPV positive from lord knows who but that's beside the point.  If often lies dormant for years and just comes out of nowhere to cause dysplasia.  When that happens smears are repeated to confirm abnormality ( every three months ) and a procedure known as LEAP can be performed to treat the lining of the cervix.  HPV is THE leading cause of cervical cancer and becoming much more aggressive, thus an attempt by big Pharm to vax an entire generation of girls to see if it works.  "It could eliminate cervical cancer" exclaimed my trusty GYN.  Yeah, he's the one who loves Trump and finally gave me nod on Bernie over Hills.  I'm down to once a year, praise the Lord and Dr. J.

Here's another random thing you might want to dwell on to keep your mind off politics and zombies:  5% of the US population donates all the blood products that supply the other 95%. It's kind of like our current economy only it involves something that has never been reproduced successfully by any company.  There were oxygen carrying alternatives to red cells that served well in trauma situations but for the most part it's dependent on who is willing to give their time and blood.  Pheresis donors contribute multiple products at once and receive their red cells back.  The technology is amazing and I started my career before we ever knew HIV or HCV was in the blood supply.  Now, it most definitely is not.  That was the 2nd most chaotic career event when the Lookback started following new test methods.  All on paper y'all.  A whole little village of drug users died here for years after that discover.

The governor of the great state of Tennessee is battling his own over the Bible and bathrooms and I have to give him credit for hanging in there. What a bunch of conservative nit-pickers!  Meanwhile, we could be utilizing the amazing agricultural potential of our state for things like legal marijuana that could boost our economy straight out of poor white Southern with I-40 in the middle.  K'ville is big, Nashvegas and Memphis.  It costs more to live in those places though and the crime is pretty bad.  Around here we have a random shooting when some ex-gang members feels like starting something but that's it.  Well, except for the meth and pill heads who steal everything that isn't put up at night.

I was asked this morning what I'm doing for me...like to better myself.  My replies were simple and quick.  Being still. Meditation.Affirmation.  All of the above.  I got preached at pretty loud yesterday afternoon by Sista' Ro about choosing to be happy today.  She should seriously get up in the pulpit because I'm a believer!  She reminded me that a loss  is something to be grieved and let go of when you remember what the other person would want for YOU.  That helps tremendously.

I stood on the steps of my home church, in the rain across from the hospital where I was born looking for a rainbow.  Across the street sits the former location of my grandfather's service station the 555.  Up the hill on College I passed Mom's home and what used to be the schools.  Somebody had a Ted Cruz sign in their front yard but I let it slide.  I've been told that the people who live in Mama's homeplace aren't very friendly about discussing the history.  That's a shame because I have a handpainted picture of the house by local Artist Floyd Speck that they might like.  In fact I have 2.

I'm slowly hanging art on the Easter egg walls making it "pritty" and stuff.  I walked through the cabin today silently looking at what soon will be gone. It doesn't make me sad anymore.  Neither does hearing that Prince died but that's a whole 'nother story.

Agape ~