peaks and valleys

Today is Monday, the day after the Oscars got awarded and Charlie Sheen proved without a doubt that he is the poster boy for narcissism. If anybody from CBS licks his feet I'll never watch their stuff again. I can't WAIT to see what Chelsea has to say about the whole deal. That'll be tomorrow afternoon when I get the chance to sit and enjoy the high priced DVR service. The biggest fight of my life came out when a "certain company" debited 500 bucks to cover some unwritten unsigned contract that I got put into when I complained about over billing. They were so nice, they upgraded me to DVR and everything. When I decided to change providers, they whipped out the invisible contract and took my money without asking. Subsequently they were in deep shit with the attorneys general of several states and said a great big "We're sorry" to all the folks they harassed like me. Here's the kicker...the other day was when I read on the web about the whole story, and a couple of days later I got a paper bill from collection company number 27 telling me that I should call and work out terms. You people are ridiculous. I pick my battles ya'll, and this is one I won't give on.

The much touted dangerous weather situation turned into heavy early morning rain with a little thunder and lightning. The dogs woke me up barking like hell and I got up to see a figure in the driveway lit by headlights. It was the neighbor lady and she was headed back to her car through the mud. Never heard from her after that. It happens now and then down there on the bluff by the slough. At one time, there were grand plans for a clubhouse to accompany the city golf course perched up on that bluff. The view is beautiful, if I say so myself. So is the one from behind the dairy barn. Wide open spaces! If anyone ever turns this place into something other than a tribute to what it really is, I hope I'm dead and cremated.

For two weeks, I have had the luxury of not having to freak out watch every penny that I spend. It was fun while it lasted, ya know? Everybody around here either has the flu or is recovering from it because, hey. It's flu season. Evidently the vaccine manufacturers miscalculated the strains for this year and it's something there's no cure for other than laying your smart ass down for a week and being miserable. Been there and got a t-shirt. I bet somebody in your family has too. That shit spreads like wildfire!

Anywho....my friend the Little General is the one who talks of the peaks and valleys. Her Quaker mom always talked about that aspect of life. We have worked together for 30+ years now just like many of the others at the sawmill. I'm just waiting for somebody to offer me a gold watch and a retirement dinner. Well, as soon as I find SD, that is.

Carry on young people!~ Mrs. Frances Yarbro at UMYF

all my rowdy friends

Any of you who have known me for very long know that I used to be a regular at that bar up in the kudzu. That went by the wayside when money got tight and I began having my dollar beer at home. I could write an entire book about what good times we've had there....a few scary ones and several sad ones. Always memorable, though even if in the same old faces every day sort of way. There have been live bands and way too much bad karaoke to even think about...grilled food, football games and pool tournaments. I was there the night that Becky and John got married and had their wedding reception in the kudzu. I didn't know them then, but shortly after Becky started workin' there and they became good friends of mine. We may not see each other that often, but it's always there just the same. I always felt safe going into that bar because there were tough guys around who knew exactly how to handle shit BEFORE it hits the fan. I made a blog/website for the place and it was wildly popular until somebody who was marrying somebody didn't want his picture on there with the ex..heh. All it took was one click to erase that entire period of history. Dont'cha just love technology?

The kudzu bar has always been a favorite birthday celebrating place for everybody who calls it home. Once my friend Yaya fell OFF the stage on her birthday while posing on the dance floor against a pole. Thankfully there was a big biker dude sitting there to break her fall a little. She wasn't right for a week or so after that. When they finally added the patio out back, we all showed up to set up the tables and chairs and enjoy the spring sunshine. Every time I went, I'd pick some kind of flower from my yard and give it to Becky to have behind the bar while she worked. This girl has the patience of Job to put up with that bunch of afternoon guys, in addition to all the other assorted folks who find their way in. Yesterday was her birthday and I picked some buttercups and a couple of budding stems to take to her. The guy who lives upstairs was working for her so she could play some more for her birthday. "It's my BIRTHDAY!" was the mantra. John kept throwing it back at her while she tried to recover from the night before. I can only assume they moved onto bigger and better times after that.

As for us here on the lane, the air is warm, heavy and soggy....prime tornado conditions. We are right smack in the middle of the midsouthern part of tornado alley and it can get pretty scary up here on the hill when the wind gets to howling. Since I've been here there has been only one really close call where a twister tore through the golf course and across the highway knocking out our power for a week. It didn't matter though, because the culvert in front of the dairy barn collapsed from three days of heavy rain so we couldn't get in or out anyway. Sound familiar? See....great Forked Deer flood of '10. Rains began April 30th, Southtown flooded May 4th. My friend Gigi is a real estate appraiser and she knows those dates by heart. We went to Mexico for lunch yesterday and even had a giant margarita before noon. Gotta live it up when you can, ya know?

BG was born with dark hair which promptly all fell out and came back white blonde...taking forever to grow past wispy. All these years she's been various highlighted shades of her natural blonde until yesterday and she decided to do "something different". Like red! It looks great on her too. I do good just to run a brush through mine and get Miss Rhonda to trim it every couple of months. Miss Clairol is my weapon when the grays get to be too many. I rarely wear makeup, and only minimal jewelry. Vain, I'm not. Probably why I was single for so long :)

I'll give ya'll a tornado update later. Keep the faith ^j^

world government 101

It seems that we have run out of things to declare war on, so the countries that make up oil rich, dirt poor areas of the earth have decided to raise hell and take back some of the riches from the ones who live in palaces and keep them in their places by force. Right on ya'll. Your region has us by the balls because of dependence on foreign oil imports to keep OUR economy going, yet the citizens of those countries rarely see any of the wealth...only the powers that be get to savor the golden touch. Basic infrastructure in these countries is usually held in place only by military that is backing whoever is in power. If it's the people themselves, then so be it. Most of them have spent their forty years in the desert with some oversexed greedy dictator running their daily lives. I know...it's biblical and all that. What is happening in Libya is atrocious and beyond any sort of humane attempt to keep order. I give applause to the leaders of those nations where peaceful protest was met with civil obedience. There is really big change in the air, and it would behoove everybody to just get their finger off the hot button and listen to the other side. Otherwise, we're all screwed.

Speaking of the devil, he hounded me and the BG all afternoon yesterday. Here's the short version of a very long day: She's got the flu, missed work, went to urgent care, got turned away because she owes money, went back to a car with a dead battery....and called me in tears. We got her hooked up with a new provider and our dear friend bought and installed a new battery in the old Neon. While they were gone a constable stopped by to serve a civil warrant on a matter that's already been resolved and I thanked him kindly for not shooting me and doing his job nicely. I've dealt with so many freakin' a**holes over the phone during my extended poverty struggle to repay old debt that I appreciate somebody who doesn't threaten me. I mean, come on. If the person says I ain't got the bucks, give 'em a break before you haul them into court. All that does is make money for lawyer mills and force the poor dude who's trying to hold down a job and stay sane to do something stupid. Like borrowing more. At a higher interest rate.

I have learned the hard way that accounts with variable interest are terribly expensive for the consumer. Fortunately I live in small town southern USA where folks will still do business on the honor system and let you pay 'em by the month. Otherwise, I'd have already been in jail or something. That type of kindness is one of the greatest joys in life to me. A break that somebody who CAN gives you, just because it's the right thing and they know you're struggling. Doctors generally do not extend this type of courtesy, even the ones that I work with....with the exception of one dear man who has the seniority and the good heart to make a bill from his group disappear in a flash. When a co-worker will do that, he or she is a good friend as well. I mean, they get the insurance money, gah.

The two boys are presently scruffling all over the floor seeing who's the baddest in a fight to the death. I love to watch them play like that....it reminds me of being a kid. Faith just lays on the couch and watches them with one eye cocked appreciating that Sam has somebody to bother besides her. She is slimming down (on a diet) and getting around better thanks to pain pills. Labs and their hips are notorious for gettin' into middle aged trouble. When the weather breaks and I get some new shoes, we will walk the lane until it gets too hot and then we'll ride. At one point I walked 2.5 miles a day to the golf course and back. That was a looooong time ago, back in the aerobics days. Now, I just prefer to stroll and enjoy the sights, letting the dogs do their criss cross the road thing.

Peace and love. And, of course, rock'n'roll.

^j^

i've got people

One of the coolest things about living in a small town is that everybody knows everybody else usually through either work or relatives or social events. What's not so cool is how the gossip mill gets to churning when people are bored or something and have time to speculate on the actions of others in a somewhat *cough* negative fashion that gets carried straight to the church prayer list, complete with altar call. Because, hey. We all know that Big Ernie doesn't listen if you're not sittin' in a pew, right? The small midsouthern county that I call home was established on the banks of the Forked Deer, Obion and Mississippi rivers. Hale's Point and Little Chicago and all that. And then there's always our neighbor to the north, Lake county. They've got the big lake that was formed by an earthquake and is now being drawn down so that the wildlife can die. It's gonna take a whole helluva lot of pea gravel to fill in between those cypress stumps, I'm just saying.

Humility is still my middle name considering how pitiful I was just twelve short days ago. I try to stay that way, ya know? I certainly don't have all the answers and don't want to. That's what bosses are for. And ya'll all know that bossy, I'm not. What? Well, perhaps just a little. And only when asked to.

Time to order pizza for me and the pitifully ill BG. Misery loves company I reckon.

Remember who you are ^j^

flumageddon and mammography

I was officially "diagnosed" with pneumonia on Saturday Feb 12th and today was the very FIRST day since then that I've woken up and thought to myself "Self, you're gonna make it." I have never had it before and don't even want it again. Ever ever. There are about three days that I don't remember except for chills and aches. The ten buck per pill antibiotic was strong enough to take the rest of the sap out of me so there ya go. Big Ernie was watching out for me in that I had only a few days to work during that long stretch. Ya'll, I was pitiful. BG has never seen me like that of course and she was worried to death I was gonna croak on her or something and she'd have to pay the propane guy. Everybody at work just looked at me (from a distance) and thought bless her heart. I therefore have one official afternoon left to enjoy feeling good before I go back in the am.

I've caught up with Mom and Daddy over the past few days, and run a lot of errands. One of today's to do things was to go to none other than the sawmill and get a mammogram done. They have really outdone themselves to make it a more pleasant experience and I was impressed. I saw a bunch of my co-workers, but from a different perspective....as a patient. They were attentive, friendly and efficient and not just because they knew me. Many of us pass each other 10 times a day in the halls and don't know what the other one does exactly. It is a real learning experience to jump through the hoops. Their bosses will get a big fat thank you note from me. That always makes everybody happy :)

It's chilly, but the dang sun is shining and that's all that matters. If I never see another gray day it won't hurt my feelings. Okay with old man winter. I can see things greening up around here with fields of winter wheat growing well. The rest have been fertilized, and the plowing is partially done. For the second year in a row I'll have soybeans up close and personal to the asparagus bed. No problem last year, though I thought the pesticides might get it. Lots of green blades are spread around, with an occasional flower. Typical early spring in the South. The kudzu is sittin' there waiting for a chance to cross the road by the dairy barn.
Did ya'll know that stuff blooms????

When things are this peaceful I will often worry myself to death over what crisis is gonna hit next. But then, I think back to all the supposed "crises" in my life, and laugh at the shallow nature of some of them. That is how we learn, I suppose. One step...one chapter at a time. That is how we roll here on the lane. BG and I were talking yesterday about my buddy Drew's book that has a poem about Butterbean in it. I thought she was going to cry right there! We talked about self-publishing and editors and such and I saw it as maybe just a little more possible than before. One of my oldest and most theatric of friends wrote a book once about Rahab and got into a tiff with the publishing company. I have a signed copy of that book and will treasure it until I die. Same with the Clyde Edgertons.

I'm outta here to enjoy 1/2 day off. Ya'll play nice and call your mother.

And keep the faith ^j^

just like towanda

During out years together as roommates, BG and I have made a whole helluva' lot of Thelma and Louise type moves just to keep the boat floating. Living together as adults has been an entire new set of challenges, but also a unique opportunity to blend our character strengths and bring out the best in each other. She is loyal to a fault, and so am I. Our little family on the hill has changed members over the years, but we're still here together after 22. We've survived tornadoes and floods and snowstorms. We have buried cats and run over deer and lost beloved dogs to the wild. There were two horses for a long time....one of them died several years ago leaving things wide open for Pride to be the lucky one. Nobody ever rides him....he just adds to the scenery and enjoys his treats. He does get exercise though because the dogs will chase him from one end of the lot to the other just to see him kick. Things have been particularly rocky and broke-like for the past year around here financially. A new job for BG meant waiting a month for a paycheck. The folks with the note on her car were getting a little antsy about their money. She got a call yesterday that somebody would be here today to pick it up. We passed briefly in the doorway yesterday afternoon, and then went on our separate ways.

It took until this morning for it to dawn on us that her IRS refund had landed in my account yesterday. There was just enough to cover what she owed, but she had only 25 minutes today to get the money, wire it to them and get a clear account so the repo dude didn't sneak in during the night and rob her of that valuable Dodge Neon with 150K plus miles. I got stuck in line at the bank behind some dimwit chatty guy visiting with the teller. What the hell! Did these people not know I was on a deadline?? We met up at the wire office, me with a big wad of cash and she with her contact info. Uh, well almost all of it. She had forgotten to write down the account number so that resulted in MORE phone calls to said company to retrieve that info. By then she was afraid to go back home anyways, because the guy was already on the way with a tow truck. Lovely. It all ended well, of course....because they do not WANT your old ratty vehicle. They just want your money, and will get it by judgement following repo and auction. Been there, done that, got lucky.

In case you were driving down highway 51 south yesterday and saw some crazy broad wandering around the carwash on a cellphone, that was me. The sonofabitch took my eight bucks after I sat in line for 30 minutes so I proceeded to pitch a hissy fit with the attendant who was 60 miles away in Martin. Yeah, go figure. He asked me if I would put the traffic cone up and gave me a free super deluxe wash so I was happy, all in all. I don't fuss about much but when it comes to taking my hard earned money...I draw the line. If you want me to be a repeat customer, treat me with respect and cut me some slack now and then.

this one's for you

I'm not dying anymore, but got mighty close and decided when I finally got up from the fog that life is way too short for worrying about anything other than doing the right thing and enjoying what you love. So many times we put off what makes us happy and fail to really experience the joy because there's : no time, no money, too much to do, the dog has fleas, etc. ad infinitum. I'm not in charge anyway, and my virtual effect on the twirl of the globe outside of trusting Big Ernie is next to nothing. Oh sure....there's that free will thing where you have to choose A or B but I've always been a "none of the above" type gal expecting a chance to say my piece about how things could be.

I worked for one day post-crud and have two more off to recover before the weekend with no computer system at the sawmill. As my mama would say, "How niiice." It makes me want to do a George Carlin standup routine about how the whole deal works when that happens. Can you say clusterf**k? If everybody did upgrades and backups like these folks, nothing would EVER get done in a workplace. The bright spot of my visit to the urgent care was watching Sesame Street with the two year old whose parents were visibly worn by the wait. Wanda Sykes was on there! Caught my attention because she could be funny reading the phone book. Thus far we have been through only one box of Girl Scout cookies but more are on the way at 3.50 a pop. Back in the day when we were cookie chairpeople, there was always a contest at the mall to see who could eat the most of them in a given period. My boss at the time actually WON, but he was a big guy so the others had a handicap going in.

One of our local social service agencies used to host an adult spelling bee every year to raise money for groceries. I entered that sucker probably five years in a row and never came in closer than 2nd. Since the newspaper hyped it really big, their editor and several other employees were always there to kick my ass. Come to think of it, I only made runner up in the county bee back when I was a sixth grader. The winner and her loving husband remain my friends to this day and we all share this unspoken bond that is an old friendship sprinkled with hippie karma and expensive shampoo. They are one of the few couples my age who are still married to the original spouse! That's amazing in itself.

Spring has sprung as evidenced by the annual spreading of the fertilizer yesterday. It will be asparagus season soon and I've yet to clean off last year's stubs from the bed. The dogs are loving it, spending every minute outside roaming and chasing squirrels in a pack. This has been a long hard winter in more ways than one and I'm glad to see it go. Once again, please remind me in July that I said that.

Peace and love ^j^