confessions of a good girl

Somewhere along the way from childhood to becoming an adult, I dropped the attitude that life is all about pleasing others. It was probably during that time when my personal masochistic therapist Beverly kicked my ass from Dyer to Shelby county and back a few times. On my dime, no less. The sawmill covered a lot but the co-pays came out of my underpaid pocket. I knew that I was sick and that I needed help. The diagnosis turned out to be codependency, something that Melody Beattie made famous with her books and that I hold onto for dear life. In a nutshell, codependency is a state where you live your life for others and what they think or feel about you as a person. There's a lot of shame based behavior in this world of ours simply because the "client" doesn't feel like doing the work to find that inner child dancing baby. You know...the one that has a rosy future where anything is possible. Old Poops read a lot of John Bradshaw and such back in the day. Help us to help ourselves, and amen!

What I learned is that I am who I am and you can love me or leave me. Mostly they leave because folks don't appreciate a strong willed opinionated person with passion for a cause. Or maybe they're just all caught up in their own agendas. Who the hell knows. At my age, the bucket list is becoming more of an addiction than people pleasing ever was, so I'm making notes and adopting the attitude that when opportunity knocks, I'm ready to answer.

My parents are elderly and homebound and I'm sworn to taking care of them 'til death do us part. The homestead situation is complicated what with the owners living up north and our lives in the balance. Mostly, they've lived their lives on faith that next year the crops and the cattle will do better and that their kids will kick in when times get hard. We're doing our best.

We're giving dyersburg electric a break with windows thrown wide open and curtains flying in the breeze. That should help on October's budget. Maybe I can pay the propane guy something. And the doctors. Got a big fat honkin' collection service call from the neurologist who proved without a doubt, for $535 dollars, US, that I had carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands. Sent a couple of letters to he and his business office that times were hard and the bill would be paid but he was impatient to get back to his yacht in Destin so there ya go. Fuck me running.

BG is doing much better with her ex-teeth. The chipmunk cheeks are gone and so is the penicillin, bless her heart. Today is my nephew Adam's first birthday...haven't seen him since February except online and in print. He talks to us on speakerphone when T calls for a chat now and then. Such is life in the fastlane.

Pecans are not falling here on the lane. Considering last year's bumper crop, I'm not surprised at all because mother nature seems to work that way. Maybe next year.

^j^

go figure

Me and the grands stopped by the store on the way home from breakfast this morning so that Daddy could pick up a few things. There was this guy zooming back and forth on the parking lot on a motorized bicycle...probably weighed 300 pounds at least. While Daddy was shopping, I stepped outside to smoke and we struck up a conversation about his bike. Dude knows exactly how much battery power it takes to get to the electric company and water plant to pay his bills. Said he had to walk it up hills because the motor tends to burn out. Of course, I didn't get a picture. What a slacker I can be.

My great escape was wonderful and loads of fun, thanks to Sue Kathryn, George and Bubba. Ain't nothing like 24 hours in a casino to convince a girl that there's no place like home on Pecan Lane. A great big shout out to Bluesville for hosting two of the most kick ass blues guitarists I've ever been honored to hear. I could be wrong, but I think I saw Eric Clapton at the snack bar while we were eatin' bacon cheeseburgers.

Bandit is alive and well and riding in Bubba's truck again thanks be to Big Ernie. BG is now 25 and recovered from that horrendous tooth extraction drama. The house is semi-clean and the dogs are asleep. Just another day in paradise, ya know?

^j^

the birthday girl

I first posted this video on another one of BG's birthdays, probably her 21st and TO THIS DAY I still cry when I watch it. I thought I'd share it again so that you can cry with me!!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

missing dog

Bubba called me a couple of hours ago to tell me that Bandit had jumped out of the back of his truck somewhere along the highway. His collar broke loose and there he went! Some lady pulled him over to tell him the dog had taken a flying leap into the middle of the hood that is southwestern D'burg. My brother has trouble bonding so it was a giant leap of faith for him to drive down to Lauderdale county and pick this pretty red border collie pup out of the muddy pit where he lived with his siblings. He's 8 months old so I reckon it was January when we drove down there and scooped him up to take him to his new home at the junction. He came and picked me up this afternoon and we went cruising around all the nooks and crannies in that area but...no Bandit.

While we were driving and lookin', I told him about all the many times I had given up on finding my pretty girl Faith, only to have some angel give me a call and tell me that she was safe and sound. I asked him not to give up, and I meant that in more ways than one. He is my partner in caring for my parents and that has drawn us closer together in so many ways. If I had to go it without him, I'm not sure I could maintain what little sanity I've got left.

Anyhoo...if ya'll see this beautiful boy roaming around the neighborhood, please call one of us. There just might be a reward.

what goes around comes around

This week has been, for me personally, one of those hectic puttin' out fires sort of marathon. Flu season plus all the other drama makes it hard to unwind completely. That is what today is about. I see a camera and beer in my future as soon as I deep clean de-clutter this old house. Maybe even a little early fall gardening. Leave a message at the beep, ya'll.

I ran into an old friend at the gas station/chicken and beer store and we hugged and chatted while the petrol flowed. Her husband has had a stroke and is unable to work but has been denied disability many times. That's the sort of thing that makes me really REALLY mad at the ones who abuse it and work the system to their advantage. Dollar General was next and lo and behold the church next door was having a party on the parking lot making disciples of children with inflatable jumpy things. A young man came over to offer me a sack lunch, and added two more when I told him I was going to see my parents. I just love it when Big Ernie pulls one like that.

BG's jaws are still lookin' a little like a chipmunk but the pain is better and that's what counts. There was a cyst wrapped around the nerve under one of the teeth so she's still got some numbness in her jaw from all the manipulation. Yikes! I've gotta hand it to her....she's been a trooper. Unlike her mother, she knows her limits. She laughingly called me the "non-compliant" patient during my recovery from hand surgery. Poor thing has always believed I have ADD.

It's football time in Tennessee and for the first fall in years, I can't tell you who's playing, much less what the score is. And I'm okay with that. Really.

Ya'll be careful out there. And keep the faith ^j^

almost a nurse

Old time readers know that it's a joke on me that my friends' kids described me that way when I attempted to explain to them what being a med tech is about. I have the medical background and the friends who care enough to nurse a patient at home. Take BG for instance. Poor thing had two wisdom teeth, one with a cyst under it, cut out and well...she just doesn't do pain. Most 25 year olds don't. I told her when I was fixing the soup that there was no way she could ever consider not having me in the delivery room because she'd never make it without my coaching ;) You know like, hypothetically speaking when she's older. And has a babydaddy.

I was in labor with her for two days, off and on, during September of '84. We timed contractions at home and put it off as long as we could but I was hell bent on gettin' the show on the road. I had worked up until three days before, running the halls of the hospital with a phlebotomy tray and swollen ankles. Even after a pit drip, it took twelve hours to deliver that child. She was born at 10PM and the feeling didn't come back in my legs until the next day. Hard dang work, ya'll. But you know what? She was worth it.

Next Tuesday whe will turn 25, a social work graduate who did it the hard way...because it was either that or give up on her dream. I am proud of who she has become as a woman, a professional, a family member and friend. She has the most beautiful smile and that means a lot because she didn't smile much during the pre-teen years and braces. She loves all animals,babies and old people. That smartass brat who was disrespectful to the teacher back in middle school has turned into a brilliant loving young woman whose heart is easily broken and usually mended. Just like her mama.

Don't tell her, but my present is for her to get her hair did.

^j^